


Unhealthy Love

by Miraal



Series: the one that got away [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Don't read, Drama, Drugging, Dysfunctional Family, Friendship, Heartbreak, I Love You, Love Triangle, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Recreational Drug Use, Tears, Tragic Love, Underage - Freeform, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Love, Unrequited Love, You've been warned, a lot of explicit sex, bad boy! zayn, codependent relationships, if you're innocent, inappropiate for readers under 17, innocent! niall, it'll destroy you, no fairy tale ending with 2.5 kids and a white picket-fence house, shout-out to the readers who helped me finish this story, unexpected ending, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:56:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 134,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraal/pseuds/Miraal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Niall has gone to school together for three years without sparing the other a second glance. A crazy senior party and a random night's hook-up changes all of that. </p><p>Or the one where his friends warn him, but Niall can't stay away, Zayn is like a drug; addicting and all-destroying. (and then there's Harry...)</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Originally posted on the 20th January 2013 - Completed the 20th August 2013.</b></p><p> </p><p>  <i>To all my readers who rode the rollercoaster with me in this fic, read my sappy end notes in the epilogue- I'll always love you x</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>And to new readers, I hope you'll enjoy. c:</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Unhealthy Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1857651) by [niallees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallees/pseuds/niallees)



> So many people are searching for this story, here it is! :) 
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> **WARNING:: THIS IS A SERIOUSLY ANGSTY AND MESSED UP FIC. I WANT TO SAY THAT I DO NOT CONDONE RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THESE AND THEY SHOULD BE AVOIDED BY ALL COST. DON'T READ IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH EXPLICIT SEX, UNREQUITED LOVE AND UNDERAGE DRUGGING (AND A LOT MORE MESSED UP STUFF). YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.**
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> **DOUBLE-WARNING: DEAR, IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND HATE UNHAPPY ENDINGS, THEN PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T BEGIN TO READ THIS FANFIC. AS YOU CAN SEE IT'S A LONG ASS-CHAPTER. PLEASE, DONT WASTE YOUR TIME IF YOU'RE IMAGINING ZAYN AND NIALL HOPPING ON A UNICORN AND FLYING INTO THE SUNSET WITH THEIR 1000 ADOPTED KIDS. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT. SOMETIMES LIFE GIVES YOU SHIT AND FUCKS YOU OVER ALL THE TIME. LIFE ISN'T A FAIRY TALE. AND FICTION DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THE IDEAL LIFE. A GREAT ARTIST ONCE SAID: "“Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.” (Kurt Cobain). ANYWAY. I'VE DONE WHAT I CAN TO DISCOURAGE YOU. READ IT, GET PULLED INTO IT AT YOUR OWN RISK. COME WITH CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, BUT DON'T COME MOURNING.**

  
[ ](http://imgur.com/k0N4O)   


I seriously don't remember who made me that banner. If you're out there, then come forth and I shall give you a visual hug.

Chapter One:

The senior party kind of lived up to its rumors. It was one hell of a party Niall must admit, and he was more than pleased that Louis finally became a senior, so he could invite him, Liam and Harry along.

The party was in full-swing; the music was blasting from the stereos, drinks were being refilled, people were laughing and dancing, having a great time overall. 

Niall was kind of talking to this really pretty girl; she has long blonde hair and pretty chestnut brown eyes. She had this really nice voice, which doesn’t have the usual pitch that makes Niall cringe. He liked her, he concluded as he was listening to her talking. 

“You’re such a cutie-pie, Niall,” She said and Niall’s face fell a little. Of course, he had never been anything more than the cute Irish kid with the funny accent and dyed blond hair. The girls liked him, but not in the way he wanted them to. For them, he’s no more than friend material, and it kind of sucked; really badly.

When the girl – Camilla – ruffled up in his hair, pinched his cheeks and cooed at him, he knew he had no chances with her whatsoever. He really just wanted to cry a little, because he was a junior in high school, and he had still not lost his virginity. It might not be that big of a deal, but Niall liked to think it was. Especially when Harry, who was younger than him had and even Liam, the sensible one had as well. Of course Louis had, and he kind of felt left out. Besides, he was a teenage boy and his hormones was talking to him.

He sighed as he excused himself from the girl and wandered off so he could cry over Liam’s shoulder, or maybe find Harry so he could keep him company. He pushed his way through the crowd, trying not to spill his drink over people, and he found Liam in a corner. However, he wasn’t alone. He was standing with his girlfriend, Danielle. 

Niall didn’t want to intrude so he trudged away to find his curly-haired younger companion. He had no luck whatsoever, and he guessed he was somewhere snogging a girl, since he had much more luck with girls than Niall would ever dream of. He found Louis though, but he was in the kitchen in the middle of a heated beer pong with his senior mates. Niall felt a little irrelevant and lonely, not to mention, the music was suddenly too loud and the place too cramped for his taste.

A few minutes later, he found himself in the front of the house, and he relished in the cool breeze. He closed his eyes as he sighed softly, but the sound of snickering grabbed his attention. His cerulean eyes snapped in the general direction of the sound. 

Two guys were pressed up against each other at the far end of the house, up against the wall. It was dark, and Niall was a little far away, but he still managed to recognize one of them. The one pressing the other boy against the wall could be none other than the dark-haired, tattoo-wearing Zayn Malik; the so called ‘bad boy’ of the school. He was also a junior, but Niall didn’t have any classes with him really. All he knew about this guy was the rumors that circled around the school on a daily basis. Apparently, he was the kind of guy you didn’t want to get involved with or mess with. His bad reputation didn’t stop girl as well guys from drooling at his feet; his mysterious aura attracting them.

Currently, he was making out with this guy and Niall eyes widened a little when his hand disappeared down the guy’s trousers. He was about to look away when Zayn suddenly released the boy’s mouth and turned his eyes on him. Their eyes met and Niall flushed a deep crimson at being caught staring. He wished he’d looked away sooner, and then he wouldn’t have seen the smirk on Zayn’s lips and the wink he sent him.

….

Niall had finally found Harry, and the two of them were now downing drink after drink and generally just trying to outdo each other. Maybe it wasn’t fair play to begin with since Niall was Irish after all, and it just ran in his blood.

After a small while, they were both drunk, Harry much more than Niall. “I luuuuv you, NiNi,” He slurred as he placed sloppy kisses all over Niall’s face, and the blonde had to tilt his face a little so the younger boy’s lips didn’t end on his. “I love you too, Harry” Niall chuckled, his words more coherent than Harry’s. “But stop trying to grab my dick,” He said and swatted Harry’s hand away. This was just Harry being drunk, because when the boy was drunk he didn’t know any personal boundaries. 

“Hey Nialler, Hazza,” Liam popped up next to them with Danielle on his side. He took one look at his two younger friends and immediately knew they had, had enough for tonight. “I am leaving now, and I think it’s best if I drive you guys home,” He suggested.

“What about Boo-bear?” Harry slurred, and Niall knew if Louis heard him call him that nickname in public, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.

“I assume he’s going to stay behind with his senior-buds,” Liam said and grabbed Harry by the arm, lifting him up and steading him on his feet. “Are you coming, Niall?”

Niall shook his head. “Nah,” He shrugged. “I think I’ll stay behind a bit, don’t worry about me. I’ll catch a ride with Louis or someone.” Liam frowned a little and opened his mouth to maybe object, but he closed it again. “Fine, but be careful.”

“Noooo! I don’t wanna leave without NiNi!” Harry exclaimed and clung to Niall, burying his face in the blonde’s neck. Niall rolled his eyes as he untangled himself from the younger boy and it took a lot of effort and persuasion to finally drag the younger boy out without Niall.

Once they were gone, Niall wondered why he had stayed behind. He sighed as he aimlessly sipped to another drink. The alcohol had long ago taken its effect and Niall felt lightheaded and a little giddy, but more than anything, he needed to use the bathroom.

He pushed his way through the crowd a little unsteady on his feet as he tried to make his way upstairs, where he assumed the bathroom was. It didn’t occur to him in his drunken mind that he’d walked past a bathroom downstairs more than once.

It proved to be a really task to get upstairs, and Niall was afraid he might fall down and crack his head an die; he wasn’t really fond of the idea, he’d barely seen the world. He did make it up the stairs without a cracked head, but in turn he had a stinging red cheek. He’d received a burning slap when he’d ended up knocking into a girl, his face somehow ending in her breasts that were falling out of her low-cut blouse.

He muttered profanities under his breath as he stumbled his way down the hallway. He finally found the bathroom, and with a relieved sigh, his hand closed around the doorknob. He was about to open the door, but then something caught his eye out of his peripheral vision.

His gaze snapped to the side, and he stiffened a little. There, leaning up against the wall and smoking a cigarette – was he even allowed to do that inside? – was no other than Zayn Malik. What worse was, he was looking straight at him. His dark eyes boring into Niall’s blue ones.

Niall didn’t fully comprehend why they entered a staring competition other than he felt like he shouldn’t look away. Zayn was the first one to break contact as his eyes bluntly raked over Niall’s small frame. As Zayn studied him from his head to his toe, Niall very much felt like a piece of meat on display. The way Zayn’s eyes were calculating and scrutinizing, it made Niall feel like the raven was trying to put a prize on him or something; tell how much he was worth. It made the sweat break on Niall’s forehead and his hands felt strangely clammy; he was growing very nervous, and he really just wanted to ask Zayn what the fuck he was staring at. He was very close to doing just that, but then Zayn smirked knowingly as he looked away, taking a suck of the cigarette. He puffed out the smoke, and Niall watched it a little as it swirled up and hung in the air under the ceiling. He finally snapped his gaze to him and stumbled into the bathroom.

Once Niall came out of the bathroom, Zayn was still standing in the same position minus the cigarette. Niall was a little surprised, because Niall had used a little too much time in there, and because he thought Zayn should have something better to do other than hanging alone in the hallway. He shrugged it off and turned to walk away, he’d took a step when he heard steps behind him. He stopped up and turned around, only to find Zayn a couple of meters from him.

Another staring competition ensured, and Niall was beginning to think this was a bit too ridiculous. It only turned more ridiculous when Zayn was suddenly in his personal space. “Hi,” His voice was deep and his breath was hot as it hit Niall’s face; yes, he was that close. After that short greeting, everything just happened a little too fast for Niall’s brain to follow.

He didn’t know how he ended up shoved up against the wall, his hands pinned above his head. He certainly didn’t know what the fuck Zayn’s lips was doing pressing so demandingly against his. 

When Niall look back at that moment, he wished he’d pulled away. He wished he’d pulled away and given Zayn a good punch to his face, a bit of yelling and then stomped off to find Louis and demand he took him home. It would have saved him so much trouble.

But he didn’t.

Niall could blame it on the alcohol, he could blame it on the way Zayn’s lips felt so warm and perfect and _nice_ against his own, he could blame it on the way Zayn’s scent of smoke and cologne drugged his senses. Really, he could blame it on so many things, but when it came down to it, there was no one to blame but himself. 

What happened and the events that followed was his sole responsibility.

Zayn just kept kissing and kissing him without words until Niall’s lips felt senseless and sore. The raven didn’t stop there, because the next second his hot mouth was against the sensitive skin of Niall’s neck. He was sucking and nibbling and doing things no one had done to him before, and Niall didn’t know what to do. He just took everything Zayn gave him and rewarded him with moans and whimpers, and Niall was ashamed when his jeans became a little too tight for his liking.

He knew very well Zayn was leaving marks, but he still didn’t stop him. He just gasped when Zayn’s teeth sunk down his skin almost enough to break it, and he just writhed a little when he licked the sore spot and gave it one last kiss before moving on.

Zayn released his wrists, because there was no reason holding them now. Niall’s hands entangled in his raven locks, and the blonde loved the silky feeling between his fingers. He ran his fingers through it, tugged in it and twisted his hands in it, and Zayn just let him do it. He pressed closer to Niall, letting the blonde feel the evidence of his arousal against his thigh. A strangled moan escaped Niall at that, and it did get no better when Zayn slipped a thigh between his legs, rutting it against Niall’s crotch, working him rock hard.

Zayn’s hands were a little cold and elicited a gasp when they slipped under Niall’s shirt. They felt Niall’s soft skin up from his flat stomach up to his chest. They brushed against Niall’s rock-hard nipples, making the small blonde shudder. They travelled to his back, his fingers sliding down the small of Niall’s back. Then they were on his butt and they were squeezing and fondling, and Niall’s moan hit the back of Zayn’s throat.

Niall didn’t stop him when he lifted him up, a firm grip on his thighs. If anything, he encouraged him by wrapping his legs tightly around his waist. He didn’t protest when Zayn began to move. He was too busy exchanging saliva with Zayn to notice they were in an empty room now. He realized when he was dumped on a bed. 

Niall looked up at Zayn’s face; he couldn’t make out much. The only source of light was a lamppost outside seeping through the window. Niall’s eyes were drunk and glassy with lust, alcohol and arousal. He adjusted to the dark, and he could see Zayn staring down at him. He’d never known the exact color of his eyes, all he knew was they were very dark at the moment. 

At that small moment of no physical contact, Niall thought Zayn was really pretty, maybe even beautiful. Scratch that, Niall thought Zayn was indeed really beautiful. The way his dark hair was messed up because of Niall’s fingers tugging and twisting in it, his high cheekbones, his full pink lips and his perfectly angled jawline.

All thoughts left his mind when Zayn’s lips back on his reduced it to a fuzzy and muddled mess. Niall could have stopped him when his finger slid under his shirt bringing it up, but he didn’t. He worked himself up to a half-sitting position, raising his arms to help Zayn get rid of the shirt. He vaguely rememberedZayn mutter “Good boy”

When Zayn was all over his chest, nibbling his collarbone, licking his nipples, feeling up his stomach, the pleasure only lapsed Niall’s already fuzzy judgment more. He was panting, and Zayn’s wet tongue felt wonderful on his skin; so skillful. Nobody had ever touched Niall like this, and it was no surprise he was so sensitive to Zayn’s touch.

Niall was too long gone to do anything when Zayn’s fingers fumbled with his belt, zipping down his trousers. Niall shivered, because Zayn’s fingers were touching his thigh, prodding the soft skin. The dark-haired boy moved down from Niall’s face, and Niall was still drunk and couldn’t feel his lips from the wet and hot kisses. 

“Ahhhhh!” somewhere in the back of his mind, he was ashamed and embarrassed at that loud moan, but he couldn’t really think of anything but Zayn’s lips against the inside of his thigh. He switched between his thighs scattering fierce red marks on the soft pale skin. 

Niall’s cock was throbbing painfully in his trousers, and he’d never been so hard in his whole entire life. He wanted Zayn to touch him where he burned for the most, but he couldn’t find the voice to say it. He ended up whining impatiently and tugging lightly in Zayn’s hair when the throbbing became too much.  
He could feel Zayn smirk against his thigh, before he lifted his face. Without warning, he crooked his fingers under the hem of his boxers, tugging them down. Niall’s painfully hard cock sprung free and slapped against his naked abdomen. Niall groaned deeply in his throat, and he vaguely heard Zayn growl.

Niall’s eyes popped wide open and a gasp escaped his lips when Zayn’s long fingers wrapped around the shaft. He was a breath away from coming just at the contact, but Zayn suddenly removed his hand. Niall’s protests were muffled by Zayn’s mouth. Zayn’s tongue dived into Niall’s mouth, turning the small boy into mush.

First when Zayn pulled away so Niall could satisfy his burning lungs with greedy intakes of air, did something hit him hard. 

He was fully naked. He flushed a deep scarlet.

It was like Zayn shared his thoughts, because he’d stopped up his actions entirely to stare at Niall. Never in his life had Niall felt more embarrassed than that long painful moment when Zayn’s dark eyes raked over his naked form, and the blonde could see how he was drinking it in. He could see the large bulge in Zayn’s pants; it looked quite painful.

“Beautiful.”

That one word did something to Niall, it shouldn’t. Everything became a little too unbearable, a little too overwhelming, and a little over the top. The alcohol, the kisses and touches burnt into his body, the way Zayn was looking at him, his nude state, Zayn’s scent. The reality of where this was heading seeped up in him.

He could still have stopped it.

He didn’t.

The only form for struggle Niall showed that night was when Zayn’s finger was poking in between his butt cheeks; a place Niall never thought he would let anyone touch. He gasped and squirmed uncomfortably at the intrusion when the tip of Zayn’s finger pushed through the tight ring of muscles. He tried to move away from the unfamiliar feeling, but Zayn cupped his cheek and gave him one long, deep kiss.

Niall melted in Zayn’s arms; turning to a puddle more or less. Zayn’s finger pushed further in, but Niall was oh so tight, it was almost impossible. Niall was beginning to feel more uncomfortable, and he was relieved when Zayn removed it. He received a chaste kiss from Zayn, before the boy disappeared from his line of vision.

Niall immediately missed the contact. He heard Zayn fumble with something nearby. He was back, hovering over Niall the next second.

A moment after his finger was back at Niall’s entrance, but this time it was slick and wet with something; lube, Niall thought subconsciously. It wasn’t as uncomfortable, but the unfamiliar feeling remained. Zayn kissed him and the finger slipped all the way in. Niall moaned when he began moving it.

The uncomfortable feeling turned into pleasure, and before Niall could enjoy it, another one was added. Niall’s fingers dug into Zayn’s shoulder and bit down his lip.

Zayn groaned deeply.

“So tight. You’re so tight.”

It didn’t take long before Niall was a stammering, flushed and moaning mess. He tried to move down on the now three fingers inside of him. Zayn angled his fingers a little and curled them, hitting a spot that sent jolts of pleasure through Niall’s small body and making him yelp a little. 

“There… ahh… don’t stop.”

And Zayn didn’t stop. He continued pleasuring Niall with his fingers for a while, before they retreated, leaving Niall with a pop. 

Niall whined, but Zayn was kissing his temple and whispering dirtily in his ear.

Zayn shed his clothes, and Niall was left to gawp at his perfectly sculptured body. Somewhere in between the drooling and gawping, Niall thought it couldn’t be fair for Zayn to look that great. Niall’s eyes swept over every little detail from the tattooed collarbone to the toned chest down to his stomach. They continued all the way down to Zayn’s hard cock, and Niall felt a sliver of fear.

It was too big; way too big to fit in Niall’s small body.

Zayn read Niall’s expression.

“I’ll make it fit.”

It still hurt though. Tears were trickling down Niall’s pale cheeks, his nails were digging into Zayn’s back deep enough to draw blood, and he was biting the inside of his cheeks when Zayn buried himself deep inside his small body.

Zayn waited for him to adjust. He kissed the tears away and tried to distract him by kissing him deeply on the lips.

It didn’t help much.

At some point, Zayn had begun moving. Slowly at first, and the pain ever so slowly faded away. In its place was pleasure, and soon enough, Niall’s moans were urging Zayn on. He thrust in and out of Niall’s tight heat, spreading his thigh wider for better access and hitting his prostrate dead on.

Niall was long gone then, and he learned one embarrassing fact about himself;

He was a screamer.

His screams were a mixture of incoherent words and Zayn’s name. What embarrassed him the most was probably when he began screaming how good it felt.

Zayn was grunting above him, moaning and kissing Niall roughly. He was whispering words in Niall’s ear that would later make Niall blush to the tip of his hair roots once he was sober. How good Niall felt, and how amazingly tight he was around Zayn was one of the more innocent phrases exchanged as skin slapped against skin.

It was no surprise that Niall didn’t last for long. The tension coiled up in his lower abdomen mounted before it finally snapped, and once he came, he came hard. He screamed Zayn’s name as he came all over his own and Zayn’s chest in hot spurts. His head fell back on the pillow, his mind dazed with the best orgasm he’d had in his short life. 

Zayn’s thrusts were becoming sloppier and sloppier by the second, and when Niall’s nails scratched a long line from his shoulder blades down to the small of his back, he came. He buried his nose in Niall’s neck as he rode out his orgasm, groaning and coating Niall’s insides with his seeds. 

He finally collapsed on top of Niall with heavy pants nearly crushing the smaller boy. Niall was panting as well as he tried to come back from his heights and all he could smell, taste and hear was Zayn. Once he was back down to earth, a heavy wave of fatigue crashed down on him.

The last thing he registered was Zayn whispering something to him and kissing his sweaty forehead, before he went out like a light.

He never got to know for how long Zayn stayed behind with him. Whether he actually climbed under the blanket Niall would find himself enveloped in the next morning or not remained a mystery. But that would be the last of Niall worries;

…Because that was the begging his life spiraling downwards.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2’

Niall woke up feeling too hot for his liking, and the sharp sunlight cut into his sensitive eyes, making him groan lightly. He blinked rapidly with his eyes, trying to adjust them to the too light room. Once black spots weren’t disturbing his sight, he ever so slowly looked around. His first observation was that, he wasn’t in his own bed. The next was that the reason he was so hot was because he was enveloped in a blanket. 

He groaned as he brought a hand up and scratched the crone of his head, trying to recall his memories. The last thing he remembered was Liam picking him up to this senior party, Louis had invited them too. A light bulb went off in his head; that is where he must be now, the house were the party was held. But why the fuck hadn’t he left last night?

He stared blankly up at the unfamiliar ceiling as his brain tried to make sense of his muddled memories. He must’ve gotten drunk and passed out; now that he thought about it, he remembered a lot of alcohol and a lot of curls were involved last night. But what happened after that?

Ever so slowly did pieces and bits of last night return to him; the light breeze outside, two guys against the wall, a smirk, dark eyes, a wink. Niall’s eyes widened as single name entered his mind;

 _Zayn_.

The name of the dark-haired, mysterious guy from school triggered a lot of images that flashed in Niall’s mind in record speed; lips against lips, tangled tongues, soft hair, skin, hands, touches.

Niall bolted upright in the bed so fast that he grew all dizzy, and his vision got blurred. “Ugh!” He cursed under his breath as he clutched his head, waiting for the dizziness to disappear. Once it did, he ever so slowly lifted the blanket, peeking under it with an unnaturally fast heartbeat. He blanched at what met him his eyes growing huge and his breath catching in his throat for a moment.

He was _naked_.

“Nononono!” He ranted as he fisted his hair, his eyes darting wildly around. There was no other than him in the room, and his heart sank when he saw his clothes scattered randomly around the room. 

This was no good; he’d woken up in a random room, under a blanket and naked. What worse was; all he could remember was Zayn’s fucking Malik’s face.

Fuck.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened and the more he thought about it, the more it returned at him. When the image of Zayn pressed up against him, the memory of his body heat lingering in his mind, did he freak out.

He screamed.

This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t believe it; wouldn’t. He couldn’t possibly have slept with a guy he only knew by face. He couldn’t possibly have lost his virginity to Zayn fucking Malik.

However, everything pointed in that direction, and it didn’t take long before Niall remembered everything clearly; or as clearly as you can remember something from when you were drunk. He remembered Zayn shoving him up against a wall, and fuck, he remembered doing nothing but returning his kisses.

Niall was begin to hyperventilate, because _fuck_ , he’d slept with one of the most popular guys from school; and _fuck_ , he’d lost his virginity in a fucking party while he was fucking _drunk_ ; he’d slept with a _GUY_.

He’d slept with _Zayn_.

Niall thought he might just faint right there. There was so many things wrong with this picture. For once, here he’d thought he was better than hooking up with strangers – Zayn was literally a stranger – in stupid high school parties. Secondly, he didn’t want to think about it, but he had a nagging suspicion that he’d – dare he say it - _enjoyed_ it. The mere thought made Niall shudder. 

And worst of all; since when did he sleep with guys when he was fucking _straight_!? what if people found out? What wouldn’t they say? 

_shitshitshit_ Niall had to literally slap himself to calm down. This happened all the time, right? people hooked up, and it was no big deal. He shouldn’t think about it, and if he pretended it never happened for long enough, he might just believe it himself.

“I want to die…” He whimpered as he fell back on the bed. He flushed a bright crimson when a not so innocent picture of Zayn entered his mind. “Fuck!” He cursed loudly as he buried his face in the pillow and tried very hard not to sob loudly. “It’s no big deal, Niall… it’s no big deal,” He reminded himself.

….

A little while later, Niall was ever so stealthily sneaking out of the house, trying very hard not to step on someone’s face. People were literally littered all over the floor downstairs, so it was not easy to get out unnoticed; or maybe it was, since they were all so fucked up. 

“Niall?” A groggy voice called as he tiptoed past the living room. He stiffened, his heartbeat increasing as he ever so slowly turned around. It was Louis, who was half-hanging, half-lying on the couch. He was looking at Niall with a pretty messed up face. His hair was all over the place, his eyes bloodshot, and Niall snorted at the mustache someone kindly had drawn over his lip with a marker.

“I thought you went home last night,” He yawned as he scratched his chin and looked curiously at Niall. The blonde blushed a deep crimson, before he could stop himself and began stammering miserably. “U-Uh..y-yeah… I-I… uh stayed?” Niall would’ve slapped himself if it wouldn’t have made him look more of a retard. As Louis stared at him, he felt like the older boy was staring right into his soul, seeing his very regretful hook-up with none other than Zayn-with-the-fucked-up-reputation-Malik. He was blushing harder as he tried to keep some very graphic pictures at bay.

His heart threatened to explode and he could feel himself sweating like crazy when Louis sent him a knowing, lazy smirk. “Ahh… I see you had some fun,” He grinned as he indicated a spot on his own neck. “My little Irish boy has finally become a man.”

“What!?” Niall’s eyes snapped towards a mirror that conveniently enough hang on the wall. His jaw hit the ground and his eyes popped out of his skull when he got a closer look at his neck. Dark marks were scattered over his pale skin, all the way from his jaw down to his collarbone. He blushed madly, and he could almost still feel Zayn’s lips against his skin. That fucking bastard marked him!

“You went all the way?” Louis pestered from the couch, the wide grin only growing by the second. “Who is she? Come on, tell me all the dirty details!”

Niall knew that if Louis wasn’t probably tired and hung-over, he would’ve him tied to a chair and not released him before he squeezed every little detail out of Niall.

This was another problem; how the fuck would he ever tell his friends he’d lost his virginity to a guy and Zayn nevertheless?!

He couldn’t tell them. Well, at least not before he’d calmed down first, which wouldn’t be in another decade or so.

“Uh… no one… a girl,” Niall knew he sounded cryptic and suspicious, so he decided to escape before he blurted it out. So he turned on his heels and bolted out of the house with Louis’ calls in his wake.

Knowing Louis, he wouldn’t give up and he was probably texting Harry and Liam as well. Niall could already feel his life becoming a little more miserable.

* * *

Monday morning, Niall was walking across the filled compound with his head hung low, trying his best to be invisible. He’d always resented school, and he had plenty of reasons. The number one factor was probably all the plastic fake people, and Niall was sure he’d never encounter as many fake people the rest of his life as he would in his high school years.

One group was worse than the other; the bullies, the jocks, the potheads, the gossip girls. Niall was just happy he had found some trustable friends.

Now, he had only had one more reason to resent school; he’d slept with a popular guy. Rumors travelled fast in high school and from what Niall gathered the first few minutes of that morning was that no one seemingly knew of his little hook-up. 

So far, so good.

However, it didn’t stop him from being extremely paranoid. Whenever he heard some girls nearby giggle, he jumped a little and his heartbeat increased, getting sweaty palms. Right now, he was staring wide-eyed at a group of dolled up girl who were giggling at something, and even though he knew it wasn’t him, he couldn’t calm down.

He shook his head and sped up. 

“Hey Niaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!”

Niall jumped high in the air and spun on his heels, his eyes even wider than before making him look like a deer caught in headlights. He took a shuddering breath of relief when he saw it was Harry and Hannah. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but he seriously needed to calm the fuck down before he got a heart attack.

“’Sup…” He nodded towards his two friends with a nervous smile, and Harry grinned and pulled him into a quick hug. After Harry released him, Niall turned to Hannah and gave her a quick hug as well. As usually, the girl stuttered and flushed scarlet at the contact. Niall couldn’t help but smile. Hannah was the most shy person he’d ever encountered.

“G-good morning, Niall,” She greeted timidly and played with a lock of her dark hair, averting her dark eyes to the ground. “Good morning, Hannah.”

Niall felt a little more comfortable as he walked between his two friends towards the entrance of North Delevan. Of course Harry had to bring up the fact that Niall had ignored all his calls this weekend, stating that he would have come over if he hadn’t a big ass history assignment to work on. “So, why didn’t you take your phone?” 

Niall swallowed a little. After the revelation that he’d slept with Zayn, he’d used the majority of his weekend freaking out and punching walls. He’d been so scared that he had ignored all calls in fear he would blurt everything out. “Uh… my phone wasn’t working,” He lied through his teeth and Harry cocked a brow but didn’t say anything.

“So, did anything happen when you stayed back at the party?” Harry asked nonchalantly as he shoved some books into his locker, and Niall’s eyes widened a little. Even though Harry was acting like he didn’t know anything, he probably knew. What with how close he was to Louis and everything; that idiot had probably told him already.

“Uh n-nothing,” Niall mumbled and shrugged his shoulder, trying to mimic Harry’s nonchalant tone. “Drank too much and passed out.”

“Niall, y-you shouldn’t drink s-so much,” Hannah said and even though she was kind of scolding him, her voice was as always soft and gentle. Niall wondered when she would get over her stuttering, because seriously? She’d been stuttering since 6th grade. He smiled at her and nodded. He couldn’t agree more; alcohol had gotten him into this mess.

Harry slammed the locker closed and turned to look at him. “Oh, really?” He did nothing to hide his skeptical tone and it didn’t go unnoticed how his eyes studied his neck. At that moment, Niall praised every deity he could think of for the internet. The first thing he’d done after coming home from the party was to search Google for methods to get rid of hickeys the fastest way possible. He’d ended up with a few useful tips and all his hickeys were gone by Sunday evening.

“Hmm… my sources have told me otherwise,” He grinned as they made their way to Niall’s locker. Niall rolled his eyes and gave Harry a _”really?”_ look. To his utter relief, he hadn’t to deal with any more question as Liam and Danielle joined them at his locker. 

Niall was almost at ease, but then his eyes caught dreadful auburn hair and glinting sea blue eyes coming down the hall; _Louis_. Their eyes met and a mischievous smile spread across the boy’s features, and Niall could already feel the 100 interrogating and pestering questions at the tip of his tongue.

“Hannah! We’re late for class!” He exclaimed startling said girl as he grabbed her wrist and sprinted down the hallway, ignoring her bewilderment and Louis’ shouts for him to come back.

This wasn’t going to end well.

* * *

The first half of the day went good; great, actually. Niall didn’t have to deal with pestering questions from neither Louis nor Harry since they weren’t in the same grade. Liam was kind enough not to ask him anything, and Hannah’s shyness was a blessing, really. What better was; he hadn’t laid his eyes on Zayn all day, and a part of him wished he’d left the country all together, or at least the school.

But everything comes to an end, and at some point, you have to stop running and face your devils; in this case Louis. When it reached lunch time, Niall was tempted to eat his lunch in the restrooms. He might have done just that, if Louis hadn’t found him before he could and dragged him off to their usual spot in the noisy cafeteria.

He had forced him down on the uncomfortable bench next to Danielle, before he took a seat next to him. “You can’t run anymore, Niall!” He said with an evil smile as he looked at Niall and frowned when he couldn’t find any hickeys. “Tell us who you shagged Friday night!”

As everyone’s eyes turned on him, Niall blushed an impressing shade of red that challenged even Hannah’s blush when she was embarrassed.

“What are you talking about, Lou?” Liam glanced confused between Louis and Niall, his eyes a little wide with surprise.

“Our little leprechaun lost his V-card at the party last night,” Louis informed with a wide smirk, and Niall felt like he might just faint. 

“I did not!” He spluttered.

“Yes, you did!” Louis shot back. “Will you deny the fact that I caught you sneaking out with wild sex hair and bruises all over!?”

Niall wanted to hide in a hole and die when the other’s looked even more interested. Danielle nudged him in the side. “Come on, you can tell us,” She said sweetly.

“He d-doesn’t have t-to, if he d-doesn’t want to,” Hannah defended him, nevermind her almost scared voice, and Niall sent her a thankful look.

“Yes, he does! I want to know!” Harry exclaimed, his green eyes boring into Niall’s curiously. “Seriously, we tell each other everything! Come on! Tell me!”

“There’s nothing to tell!” Niall more or less shouted, and shrank when the kids at a table nearby turned to stare at him.

Louis slung an arm around Niall’s shoulder and pulled him close. “Oh come on, Nialler,” He whispered in his ear. “You can tell me everything and I can help you out get some more.”

Niall flushed a deeper red than he already was and pushed Louis away. “Guys! Leave him be, I am sure you misunderstood something, Lou,” Liam came to his rescue, but Niall couldn’t help but notice the uncertainty in his voice. He groaned, even Liam was suspicious.

The others seemed to listen a little to Liam, after all Louis tended to exaggerate a lot, so it wouldn’t come as a surprise if this was an exaggeration. Harry seemed to have something to say, but to Niall’s relief their attention was claimed by a shriek coming from the doors leading into the cafeteria.

The relief was short-lived, and Niall choked on his juice when he saw who was the center of the commotion. At the doors stood none other than Zayn with two other kids, Niall recognized as his friends. He was standing and looking quite indifferently at a girl – possibly the source of the shriek – she had her back to Niall, but from what he could make out from her shaking shoulders, she was most possibly in tears.

The whole cafeteria froze in shock and some even gasped when the girl slapped Zayn, before storming off. Niall’s eyes went if possible wider, because that slap must have hurt like a bitch, if the way it resounded through the cafeteria was any indication. 

Zayn, however, didn’t look impressed or affected at all. His friends had even a worse reaction and barked out a laugh.

“What was that all about?” Harry whispered with a huff of annoyance as they followed Zayn with their eyes as he sauntered through the cafeteria like he owned the place. 

“Oh, that’s Cassie,” Louis informed, and in Niall’s honest opinion, he was worse than any gossip girl out there. “She slept with Zayn and apparently she thought they were exclusive until he slept with someone else at the party this Friday.”

Niall literally choked on his own breath, and everyone turned to give him a concerned glance. “You okay there?” Danielle patted him gently on the back. Niall nodded even though he was trying to breathe regularly. “Are you sure? You’ve turned all pale,” Harry said with a frown.

“I-I am f-fine,” He muttered in a small voice and bowed his head, avoiding anyone’s eyes. The other’s shrugged it off, but to Niall’s horror, they continued to talk about Zayn.

“What? Who did he sleep with now?” Harry asked in a disgusted voice, and Niall could feel his skin crawl, his chest tightening. His hands were positively shaking, and he just wanted to hide already. He waited with baited breath for Louis’ reply.

“Nobody really knows,” Loui shrugged, looking uniterested as he took a big bite of his sandwich; Niall visibly relaxed. “It’s been circling around school the whole day.”

“He shouldn’t treat ladies like that,” Liam commented in a disapproving frown, and Niall swallowed. Danielle gave her boyfriend a fond smile and reached over, interlacing their fingers. “I am so glad I have you.” Liam smiled brightly and lovingly at her. Niall felt sick.

“It’s their own fault,” Louis replied. “I mean, who in their right mind would sleep with him, knowing how he is?” Niall was shifting uncomfortably in his chair, and he could actually _feel_ the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Louis’ words might as well had been a stab to his heart.

“Agree,” Harry hummed, and Niall wished they would change subject already. “I feel bad for all these people he lures into bed with him, though.”

Niall might just throw up.

“Only those slutty girls would sleep with him, I guess,” Harry continued, not noticing how the blonde across from him was turning greener and greener by the second.

Hannah noticed though.

“N-Niall, a-are you alright?” She asked concerned, and everybody turned to look at the Irish boy. Niall didn’t reply, he simply stumbled to his feet and ignoring the other’s concerned calls, he raced out of the cafeteria.

A minute later, he had his head in the toilet, throwing up his lunch, or attempting to. He could feel the tears pressing and he did nothing to stop them from trailing down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he’d just ruined his life with that stupid hook-up. It was quite obvious what his friends thought about him, and any thought of telling them disappeared.

They had already judged him without even realizing. _Slutty girls_ , was what Harry had said, and Louis had said that it was _their own fault_.

“Fuck…” He croaked. “What have I gotten myself into?”

* * *

Niall wasn’t in a good mood for obvious reasons the rest of the day. He really just wanted to vanish from the earth’s surface, but then he told himself; if nobody had figured it out yet then maybe nobody would ever find out? But didn’t things surface sooner or later?

Later the same day, Niall was in the library trying to drown out his miserable thoughts by scribbling down notes for his English class. It was his second to last period and he had a free hour. He felt a little better about everything when the others had apologized for ever believing in Louis, and he thought that maybe everything would be alright.

That thought was cruelly destroyed when he caught sight of the source to his misery; _Zayn_. Now, Niall was more than sure, he wasn’t the type that came to the library, and it was just his luck that Zayn decided to do the opposite when Niall was there.

Niall did everything to make himself invisible as he buried his head in his book. He hoped that Zayn had long forgotten about him, but luck was never on his side. A couple of minutes later, someone dumped in the chair next to Niall’s, the heavy smell of cigarettes and cologne wafting under his nose. 

Niall didn’t have to look up to know who it was. In fact, he didn’t look up and kept his eyes intently on the book. _Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll go away_ , he thought to himself. It never happened though, and the burning feel of the guy’s eyes boring into Niall’s temple was quickly unnerving him. At this point, Niall was writing bullshit down on his notebook and he couldn’t make sense of the words in his textbook. His heart was going at a pace that was anything, but healthy. His hand around his pen was beginning to shake, and he was about to lose it.

“ _What!?_ ” He snapped as his pen clattered to the ground, and he turned to glare at Zayn. His breath caught a little in his breath, because _fuck_ Zayn was a little more than attractive so near. Those perfectly plump lips that curved into a smirk flooded Niall’s mind with memories he’d do anything to erase, and those eyelashes, did the guy use fucking _mascara_? as a guy, it should be illegal to have that long eyelashes. 

“Hey,” He said simply in a hushed and quiet voice, and Niall wasn’t sure if he was talking like that because they were in the library. To his horror, Zayn leaned a little closer and brought a hand up to the nape of his neck; his fingers played with the hair there. “Just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed our night together.”

Niall stiffened, his eyes flew around and his heart stopped beating for a second when he saw a couple of girls nearby. They were busy quietly arguing about one thing or another. Niall grabbed Zayn’s wrist and jerked his hand out of his hair, before standing up and tugging Zayn along. He led them around a bookcase where there was no one.

Niall released Zayn and after he was sure there really was no one to create a rumor for the sake of gossip, he turned to glare at the dark-haired lad. Zayn was staring at him curiously, and Niall was about to give him a piece of his mind, but he beat him to it.

“If you wanted me alone, then all you needed was to ask,” Zayn smirked smugly, and Niall really hated the fact that he blushed. When Zayn took a step closer, Niall took a simultaneously step backwards. 

“Listen,” Niall hissed. “Let’s just forget about what happened; nobody needs to know.” He might be talking like this right now, but he was convinced he’d beg if Zayn refused to. Because the last thing he needed was for the whole school to know about his unfortunate hook-up; he’d probably lose his friends.

Zayn quirked a dark brow as he regarded Niall with something akin to amusement. He sighed a little too dramatically. “The thing is,” He began as he inched closer to Niall. “I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to.” He was practically up in his face by now. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” 

Niall blushed, seemingly he was turning into Hannah. He stared into Zayn’s glowing amber eyes that were too close for any comfort, and he really just wanted to hit him. “All I am asking,” He said. “Is for you not to tell anybody.”

“I see,” Zayn had him cornered against a bookshelf now, and Niall was beginning to panic. “You know _Niall_ ,” He whispered and the way his name came out in that husky voice, made goose bumps appear on Niall’s arms. “For your first, you were quiet good in bed; a _natural_.” Niall could feel himself grow lightheaded; how the _fuck_ had Zayn known it was his first?!

“You’re so underrated,” Zayn continued, and what were his fingers doing in Niall’s hair again? “I don’t understand why people aren’t pouncing on you already,” He smirked at Niall’s obvious discomfort, and he was obviously getting a kick out of it. “But I am happy, because then I have you all to myself. “ His breath was hot as it fanned over Niall’s already burning face. “Your accent is cute, really, anything about you is cute, especially when you scream my name, all sweaty and writhing underneath me.”

That was the last straw and Niall punched him so hard, he stumbled backwards. Niall was a little shocked as he’d done it on impulse; he wasn’t the kind that hit people. But as Zayn slowly lifted his face, his hand cradling his sore chin, he looked even more amused and entertained.

“Ouch, that hurt, Niall.”

“Fuck off,” Niall spluttered as he fisted his hands by his side. “Why can’t you just forget about it and leave it be!? Don’t you have some other chick to screw than wasting my time?!”

Zayn actually chuckled at him, and it only pissed Niall more off.

“So you want me to keep my mouth shut about our _amazing_ night?” 

Niall tried to fight off the blush as he nodded energetically.

“ _Fine_.”

Niall let out a sigh of relief, but it didn’t last long, because Zayn was suddenly back in his personal bubble again. Niall felt trapped when Zayn placed his hands on the shelf on either side of his head, trapping him between his arms.

“Malik,” Niall hissed. “Personal space.”

Zayn ignored him as he studied him with an amused glint in his amber eyes. Niall felt increasingly nervous, because Zayn so close up was awaking his memories. He tried very hard not to think about a sweaty and panting, _naked_ Zayn hovering over him. 

“You know, I would want something in return,” Zayn said with an evil smile, and Niall swallowed. “If you want money, I don’t have any,” He growled, increasingly irritated. He glanced around; it would just be his luck for someone to see them in this very misleading position. Why was Zayn being so freaking close? He could feel his fucking _body heat_.

His heart jumped in his chest when Zayn’s thumb suddenly was playing with his bottom-lip. Niall forgot how breathing works when Zayn’s amber eyes focused on his lips. “You’re funny, I don’t need your money,” Zayn chuckled a little. “I could think of so many other things you could offer, Niall.”

The blonde didn’t like where this was heading in the least. He felt like he was making a deal with the devil, and he felt like he would be desperate enough to go along with anything. He hoped Zayn didn’t want him to do his homework or something like that, because Niall wasn’t the brightest pear in the basket. 

He hadn’t expected Zayn’s next words. The raven lifted his gaze from his lips and looked into his eyes, and Niall would never admit that Zayn’s intense gaze took his breath away for a moment.

“Be my dirty little secret.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life_  
>  Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time  
> Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends  
> A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again
> 
>  
> 
> _Clarity - Zed (ft Foxes)_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Niall didn’t know how he ended up in the backseat of a car snogging endlessly with Zayn.

Or maybe he did.

After Zayn had more or less indicated that he would tell the whole school about their hook-up if he didn’t become his _”dirty little secret”_ , Niall had been at a loss of what to do. He obviously didn’t want the whole school to know, neither did he want to be Zayn’s personal whore. 

It was a choice between two evils.

He’d weighed his options; what was the worse that could happen? For one; that girl Zayn had ‘cheated’ on would probably try to slaughter him, he would be counted into ‘Zayn Malik’s whores’ by the whole school, his friends would be disgusted by him. The latter was the one that scared him the most, he couldn’t shake of the disgust in Harry’s eyes when he’d talked about those people who slept with Zayn, and he could just imagine Liam’s very disappointed face. 

He wasn’t ready to be all alone when he still had one and a half year to survive this hell they called high school. If he said yes to Zayn, what was the worst that could happen? Zayn was kind of , okay he was ridiculously good-looking, and Niall was obviously confused about his sexuality; why not take advantage of the situation to figure out if he actually was into dudes?

Niall had been at that point of his internal monologue when Zayn had pressed his lips against his, and he’d turned into mush. Before he knew of it, he was in the back of Zayn’s car, his school work forgotten in the library.

Zayn must have felt his attention had drifted, because he fisted the hair at the back of his head and tugged. Niall groaned into the kiss, and Zayn’s tongue slipped into his mouth, stroking Niall’s tongue with his own. They had kissed for a long time now, to the point where Niall’s lips were beginning to feel sore.

Zayn pulled away when their lungs protested at the lack of air. Niall panted lightly as he looked into Zayn’s intense eyes that were a beautifully darker shade. “I don’t know about you,” Zayn breathed and licked his lip. “But I could do this forever.”

Niall blushed, but suddenly remembered he had a class. He pushed Zayn a little away and wrenched his phone out of his pocket only to discover there was less than 5 minutes to class. The class was located in the science building which was a fucking 10 minutes’ walk away; seemed he had to run.

Zayn leaned in again, but Niall shoved him away. “What is it?” Zayn frowned as he stared at Niall, or more like his swollen lips. “I have a class,” Niall replied curtly and attempted to climb out of the car. Before he even got the chance to move, Zayn had pulled him against his body, his lips firmly pressing against his lips. Niall’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest, and he sighed contently into Zayn’s lips. Zayn pulled away after a good one minute of ravishing Niall’s mouth and nuzzled his neck. Niall didn’t like how his heart was behaving. 

“See you around then, “ He whispered into his ear, and Niall shivered lightly. Avoiding Zayn’s eyes and a little overwhelmed for a reason he didn’t understand, he climbed out of the car with Zayn’s gaze burning into his back.

He got to his biology classes literally seconds before his teacher. He dumped down on his usual seat next to Liam, panting heavily from the running. “Hey,” He greeted Liam curtly, avoiding his gaze. 

“Are you okay, Niall?” Liam whispered as to not disturb the teacher. Niall sent him a quick assuring glance. “Yeah, why?”¨

Liam smiled and shrugged, turning his attention back on the teacher. He didn’t comment on Niall’s swollen lips or his slightly mused up hair.

* * *

“Niall! Will you stop spacing out?” Harry’s voice snapped Niall out his thoughts, and he blinked bewildered with his eyes, before turning to look at a frowning Harry.

Harry raised a brow and gave the untouched homework in front of Niall a pointy look. The blonde followed his gaze, and he groaned when he discovered he was still stuck at the same question he’d been on for the last twenty minutes.

“You keep spacing out, what are you thinking about?” Harry gazed at him curiously, and Niall looked down to hide the faint dust of pink creeping onto his cheeks.

“Nothing,” He mumbled and stared at the equation in his math book trying to comprehend the question. “Hannah, can you help me out with this one?” He asked as he turned his eyes on the girl sitting adjacent to him. He inwardly sighed in relief when Harry returned to his own work, giving up on pestering an answer out of him.

He, Harry and Hannah were currently at his place doing some homework together. It was a thing they did now and then when studying alone felt too boring. They never studied with Louis though, because he was just too much of a distraction.

Hannah looked up from whatever she’d been reading, and smiled softly as she scooted closer to Niall. “Which o-one is it?” She asked in that usual gentle and stuttering voice of hers. Niall pointed at the troublesome question and tried really hard to focus on the girl’s explanation; he really did.

However, it didn’t take long for his thoughts to drift of. Hannah was sitting close enough for Niall to pick up the sweet scent of lavender and something else he couldn’t put a finger on; she smelled nice, he thought subconsciously. But it was so different from Zayn’s rough sense of smoke and cologne, and when the smoke wasn’t hanging on him , he smelled like something that reminded Niall of apples and soap; how weird that might sound.

He didn’t even realize he was thinking about Zayn once again, like he’d used the past couple of days on. After their little snogging in the backseat of Zayn’s car, Niall hadn’t seen him other than the few glimpses in the hallways. He hadn’t been bothered by him for a whole two days, and he wondered if he’d dropped the whole thing and left Niall be. It was defiantly what Niall wanted, but he would never admit – not even to himself – he felt the tiniest bit of disappointment. He absentmindedly played with his lip, reminiscing the feeling of Zayn’s lips against his own without even realizing

“N-Niall?” Hannah’s soft voice snapped him back to reality, and as he looked into her big dark eyes, it hit him what he’d been thinking about. He flushed a deep red, and he seemingly rubbed his embarrassment off on Hannah, because she blushed as well. It was a more than a little awkward as the two of them stared at each other with pink cheeks, wondering what the fuck the other was embarrassed about.

Harry’s loud snort snapped them out of their little staring competition. The youngest looked amused at them. “Really? What are you two doing?” He suddenly got a cheeky glint in his eyes, and Niall groaned, knowing what was coming. “Did something happen, I should know about?”

Niall was positive that Hannah was about to faint, and he shot Harry a scowl. “No, I am just a little distracted,” He sighed as he clapped the girl on the back, trying to prevent her from actually fainting. “I don’t think I can do math. I am going to get my “Kite Runner,” Niall said as he got to his feet to get the book they were reading in English; it was a good book, and he was sure it could take his mind off a certain someone.

He trudged up the stairs to his room. “Hi mom,” He greeted his mother as she passed him in the hallways. “Hey sweetheart, I made you kids some cookies, why don’t you get them from the kitchen?” She asked, and he nodded. “Thanks mum, just going to get my book from my room.”

He entered his room, turned the lights on, and walked over to his desk to get his book. His hand had just closed around the book when a sound came from his walk-in closet. He turned around and stared at the half-open closet, wondering if the sound had just been a fragment of his imagination, or if they had gotten rats in the house. Deciding to check on it, he sauntered over and opened the door fully. 

He gasped loudly when a hand shot out and fisted the front of his shirt. Before he had a chance to react, he was pulled into the closet, the book falling from his hand and dropping to the floor. He attempted to scream when the door was closed behind him, and he was shoved up against it. He never got the chance, because a hand was pressing against his mouth, muffling his scream.

“Shhhh… it’s me,” A hushed, too familiar voice whispered, and Niall’s already wide eyes threatened to pop out his skull when he recognized the voice; _Zayn_. He stared one long moment at Zayn, or what he could make out of him in the pitch-black closet. Once he came over the shock, he shoved Zayn’s hand off his mouth.

“ _Zayn_ ,” He hissed annoyed and attempted to turn the light on, but Zayn was in the way. “What the fuck are you doing in my closet? Better yet; how the fuck did you get in?” Niall yelled in a low whisper and glared at Zayn, or he attempted to since he couldn’t see his face.

He gasped when he felt Zayn press up against him, and his hot breath fan over his face. “Missed me?” He whispered in that damn sex-voice of his, and his mouth was nibbling his ear softly; Niall shivered. “No,” He replied coldly and ignored that tiny, annoying voice in the back of his head reminding him, he’d used the last couple of days thinking about Zayn. “Aww…” Zayn mocked a disappointed voice, and Niall was almost certain he was pouting. “Well… _I_ missed you, a lot.” Niall took a sharp intake of air when Zayn’s mouth was kissing his neck, his hair was tickling Niall’s chin; the faint smell of shampoo wafted under his nose.

Niall’s fisted Zayn’s hair and roughly jerked his head up from his neck. “I never thought you liked it rough, Niall,” He said, and Niall could just make out the smug smirk on his lips; he really wanted to bitch-slap him. “You can’t just break into my house, sneak into my closet and assault me!” Niall whispered, afraid someone might hear him; never mind there was no one in the room.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Zayn replied simply and then his mouth was pressed onto his, and Niall’s eyes fluttered close as he forgot about everything around him. The next second Zayn’s tongue was licking a long swipe across his bottom lip, before his teeth sunk into the delicate skin, making Niall gasp in surprise. Zayn took advantage of his open mouth and thrust his tongue into his mouth, and as their tongue met, brushing and stroking against each other, Niall moaned into his mouth. Zayn’s hands snaked around to his back and rested at the small of his back for a few seconds before wandering down and boldly taking a handful of Niall’s firm ass in his hands. Niall gasped at the unexpected contact, quickly followed by another suppressed moan as Zayn squeezed and pressed him flush against his chest.

Niall’s hands which were still fisted in Zayn’s hair tightened as the blonde kissed back with at least as much passion as Zayn. He whimpered when the dark-haired boy sucked hard on his tongue, and he was quite embarrassed to feel the familiar twitch in his pants.

The fact that they were kissing secretly in a dark closet with the possibility of being caughtany second only made the whole thing so much hotter and exciting for both of them.

He was actually kissing a guy in a closet when he thought he was straight.

The irony wasn’t lost on Niall.

Niall’s excitement was quickly evident when Zayn’s thigh slipped between his legs and rutted against the growing bulge in his pants. “You’re hard? How cute,” Zayn breathed against his lips, and Niall was very happy it was dark so Zayn couldn’t see his flaming red cheeks. “S-shut up,” He stuttered. “As you wish,” Zayn complied and pressed his lips back against Niall’s.

Niall had to throw his head back and let out a rather embarrassingly loud moan when Zayn increased the pressure against his crotch. 

“Cute,” Zayn hummed, “and hot.” 

Niall’s breath quickened and his heart raced as Zayn left his lips to scatter soft kisses along his jawline. Everything just felt a little too hot like the temperature suddenly had jumped; Zayn’s body heat was dizzying, and the heart pooling in his groin was even worse. He was almost fully hard, and Zayn hadn’t done anything but grind against him and kiss him.

“No marks,” Niall said in a voice more breathless than he’d intended. He could feel Zayn’s smirk against his skin. 

“Of course not.”

Niall couldn’t take the loss of Zayn’s hot lips against his own, so he once again tugged in Zayn’s hair not so gently. Zayn got the hint and lifted his face, pressing his lips deeply against Niall’s. Niall sighed in pure bliss and opened his mouth, inviting Zayn’s tongue in. Their tongue caught in a tangle as the kiss grew more wet and sloppy. Niall’s lower regions were burning, and needing some kind of friction, he rocked his hips against Zayn’s.

The fierce growl Zayn let out at the delicious friction made Niall’s cock grow to its fullest. He gasped when Zayn slammed him roughly up against the opposite wall and moaned deeply when he felt the evidence of Zayn’s arousal rutting against his thigh.

“ _Fuck_ … Zayn!” Niall groaned as Zayn’s fingers dug into his hips as he rubbed sensually up against him, resulting in their bulges colliding. “Oh!” He exclaimed when Zayn’s hand suddenly disappeared under the waistband of his pants, and Niall let out a whimper when he grabbed his throbbing cock.

“Like that?” Zayn whispered hotly in his ear as he fondled with his cock through the thin article of his boxers. Niall slung his arms around Zayn’s neck and pulled him closer. “Fuck… _yes_ …aah,” Niall bit down Zayn’s earlobe, and said boy groaned; such an erotic voice that made the tip of his cock leak with pre-cum.

“Niall!”

Zayn and Niall stiffened when the sound of someone entering the room reached their ear. “Harry…” Niall whispered in utter shock, his eyes wide with horror. _Fuck_ , Harry couldn’t see him like this; in a closet with the bad boy of the school – whom Harry resented – with his hands deep in Niall’s trousers. Fucking _no_.

Niall pressed his palm against Zayn’s moist mouth and shushed him quietly as he perked his ear. “Niall, aren’t you there?” Judging from Harry’s voice, the boy was somewhere in the middle of the room. Niall’s could feel his heart trash violently against his chest, and the sweat form on his forehead. If he had any luck whatsoever, then Harry would just leave quietly; he wouldn’t check the closet just for the heck of it, right?

Niall could feel the relief seep up in him when he heard Harry’s footsteps retreat, but then Zayn decided to bring his mouth to his neck and lick the sensitive skin there. Before Niall could stop himself, he’d let out a mixture of a moan and whimper.

“Niall?”

_Fuck_

Niall pushed Zayn away, and the boy stumbled back as Niall spun around. He cracked the closet open and slipped out of it, making sure to close it behind him. He stared at Harry who was a few meters away, also staring at him.

“Niall? What were you doing in the closet?” Harry asked with a frown as he eyed Niall.

“Uh n-nothing, just searching for something?” It came out more of a question, and Niall swallowed when Harry cocked a brow.

“Why are you so flushed and…” Harry’s eyes travelled bluntly down to his crotch. “… why the fuck are you hard? Were you masturbating in there?!” Harry exclaimed with an amused expression as he lifted his face to stare curiously at Niall.

Niall blushed several impressing shades of red as he tried to stutter out a plausible reason why he’d come out of a closet with a raging hard-on without mentioning the dark-haired boy currently in the there. “Uh! I-I… ugh… what do you want!?” Niall snapped as he tried to hide his ‘little’ problem with his hands and glared weakly at Harry.

Harry lifted his hands in defeat and rolled his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your…” He trailed off and gestured to Niall’s crotch. “… I just wanted to borrow a marker.”

“I don’t have one! Go ask Hannah!” Niall exclaimed and ignoring the younger boy’s protests, he shoved him out of the room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He leaned against the door weakly as he let out a shuddering breath. This was going to end _really_ badly, he knew.

 _That bastard_ , Niall stomped back to the closet with a dangerous glare. He flung it open and was about to demand Zayn to get the hell out, but he was once again pulled into it. He was pulled flush against Zayn chest, his arms locked firmly around Niall’s waist. 

“That was close,” Zayn chuckled as he nuzzled his neck. Niall ignored his rapidly increasing heartbeat as he struggled out of Zayn’s grip and flickered the light on. 

He kind of regretted doing so. 

Zayn seemed to get even more attractive by every day and today was no exception. He was looking at him with that stupid smirk on his shiny, red lips and his eyes were glowing dark with arousal. His hair – _fuck_ \- Niall had done a decent job of fucking it up, and it looked so sexy the way it was all messy. He was wearing a simple black tee under a denim varsity jacket and a pair of ripped jeans.

_Hot, sexy, dangerous, fuck_

“Like what you see?”

“Yes,” Niall breathed before his brain could catch up with him, and he blushed while Zayn’s smirk grew smugger. Zayn had a very good ability of suddenly being in Niall’s space, before the blonde realized it.

Niall completely forgot about kicking Zayn out when he hungrily attacked his lips. They parted for air, a thin trail of saliva still connecting them. Zayn’s eyes were beautiful, Niall concluded subconsciously as he stared into the dark depths framed by thick long eyelashes. Zayn gave him a devious smirk, before he suddenly dropped to his knees. Niall had no chance of comprehending what was happening, before he suddenly found his zipper open and his hard cock out in the open.

He let out a strangled yelp of embarrassment as he attempted to put it back in its confines. Zayn wouldn’t let him and slapped his hand away, and Niall let out a strangled moan when Zayn’s hand closed around his shaft. “Let me take care of this, yea?” Zayn peered up at him, and Niall’s vocal chords were paralyzed in shock.

Zayn apparently took his silence for a go and confidently gave his cock two hard strokes, making Niall make all kind of embarrassing noises. 

“Niall,” Zayn breathed as he looked up at him. “I’ve been wanting to taste you ever since that night.”

A shiver travelled down Niall’s spine at Zayn’s words, and his cock twitched in Zayn’s hand. Another pleasurable shiver overtook Niall’s body as Zayn’s hot breath fanned over his throbbing member. 

“Can I?”

“ _Yes_ … fuck yes, Zayn,” Niall croaked, too far gone to even be a little rational; who in their right mind could be rational in such a situation, anyway? No one.

“Ahh!” Niall breathed harshly as Zayn kissed his cock ever so softly, but it didn’t get long before he was kissing sloppily up the length of his cock. 

And then he did the most wonderful thing Niall had yet to experience; he wrapped his hot mouth around his cock.

“ _Fuckfucfuck_ ,” Niall let out a string of curses as Zayn’s tongue licked his leaking slit, down to his base and back again. Zayn hallowed his lips around his cock and began sucking as he bobbed his mouth, and Niall was thrown into ecstasy.

He twisted his fingers in Zayn’s hair as a jumble of words and curses spilled out of his mouth. “Oh god, Zayn!” He exclaimed when the dark-haired boy took him deeper into his mouth. Niall saw _stars_ when Zayn deep-throated him without troubles, and it was so obvious he was experienced with this. 

Niall couldn’t keep still any longer, and his hips moved at their own record as he arched his back, thrusting into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn’s fingers dug into his hips to keep him from choking him completely as he increased speed and force of his sucks, and Niall could feel his cock thickening, the tension in his lower abdomen growing unbearable.

“Zayn… ahh… soo good… ugh,” Niall whimpered as his grip in Zayn’s hair tightened. “I-I… ahhh…” Niall tried to warn Zayn about his impending orgasm, but his tongue was unable to form words. He looked down the same time Zayn looked up, and he could’ve sworn his heart stopped for a split-second.

Zayn’s eyes were pitch black and clouded with lust and as he peered up at Niall under his long eyelashes in such a sexy way it threw Niall over the edge.

“ _Zayn_ ,” with a broken cry of the boy’s name, he came into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn continued to suck him, working him through the orgasm and eagerly swallowing every little drop Niall gave him. Niall’s body finally stopped trembling and shuddering as he ever so slowly came down from his heights. 

His head weakly fell back against the wall as Zayn let his limp cock slip out of his mouth with an arousing wet pop. Zayn got to his feet and tucked Niall back in, before kissing him hotly on the lips, letting Niall taste the bitter-salty taste of his own seeds; and quite frankly it was gross.

“You taste great,” Zayn hummed once he finally pulled away, and Niall blushed even though he didn’t agree at all. Then he noticed that Zayn was still hard as a rock, and he thought the least he could do was reciprocate the gesture. He wasn’t comfortable sucking Zayn off, so he promptly slipped his hand into Zayn’s trousers. 

Zayn growled in surprise when Niall’s slightly cold hand closed around his cock. “Fuck, Niall,” He hissed against his neck as Niall began to stroke him, a little hesitantly. But when Zayn’s breath came out in harsh puffs, he knew he was doing something right.

Their tongue mingled in a mess of saliva as Niall worked Zayn to the edge, increasing the pace of his hand. A few minutes later when Niall bit down Zayn’s neck, did he come with a throaty groan, coating Niall’s hand white.

They slumped against each other, panting heavily as they tried to cool down and catch their breath. “This…” Niall breathed as he pulled his dripping hand out of Zayn’s jeans. “… can’t become a regular thing.”

“… Hmmm,” Zayn hummed without any reply.

They ended up making out for another ‘few’ minutes and would probably haven’t stopped if Harry hadn’t pounded on the door. Niall ushered Zayn out and then discovered that Zayn had come in through the balcony.

“I’m locking it the next time,” Niall hissed as he shoved Zayn out. Zayn merely smirked as he stole a last kiss from Niall, before disappearing into the night.

Niall stared after him, still a little dazed from their activities, Harry’s yelling for him to open the door a distinct background sound for the pounding of his heart. He told himself, he was still worked up from what had happened, and he actually convinced himself.

“This won’t end well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
> Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
> 
> Zedd - Clarity (ft Foxes)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Niall really needed to get a grip of himself if he didn’t want to be discovered before it really began. Ever since Zayn had given him his first blow-job, the dark-haired boy had dominated his thoughts 24/7. It was frustrating, really, and it was no good that he would blush while he was with his friends.

Harry hadn’t stopped teasing him with stupid in-the-closet jokes, and he had very cheekily informed Niall that if he was ever in doubt, then Harry gladly volunteered to experiment with him.

Currently, they were sitting in the cafeteria just having their usual lunch in between classes. Louis was telling or more like complaining about some other girl and nobody was really listening. Niall let his eyes wander about the cafeteria until it ended on a table at the far end.

Zayn and his friends’ table.

Even the way Zayn ate did Niall find weirdly attractive. He must have felt Niall’s eyes on him, because suddenly, he was looking directly at him. He smirked at him, and then he did this thing with his eyes; he fluttered them half-mast and sent Niall a sexy look. Niall could feel himself blush to the tip of his hair roots, but it did get no better when Zayn suddenly had a carrot in his hand. He slowly put it in his mouth, keeping eye-contact with Niall all the while before he hallowed his cheeks and bobbed his head once. Niall choked on the sandwich he’d been eating as his body-temperature jumped, and he gained everyone’s attention as he coughed violently.

Harry clapped him worriedly on the back and asked if he was alright. Of course he was alright, if you didn’t count the rising problem in his jeans and the not so innocent thoughts triggered by Zayn’s little show.

When Niall looked back, Zayn wasn’t looking at him and was talking to one of his friends.

* * *

Friday night arrived and it was boy’s night at Harry’s home. Harry’s parents were out, so they had the place all to themselves

They were in the middle of Iron man 2, which they were watching for nth time thanks to Louis. Every time it was the oldest boy’s turn to pick the movie, he would always pick Iron man, because ““Robert Downey Jr, guys.” It was quite obvious he had a man crush on the celebrity.

Liam and Louis was sitting on one of the couches and Harry and Niall were cuddled up on another. Niall had been a little more than surprised when Harry had beat Liam to his usual spot next to the blonde and promptly cuddled up to him. Usually Harry and Louis would cuddle since they were the closest between them, and Louis had certainly not covered his disappointment when Harry had went in for a cuddle with Niall. “You don’t love me anymore, Haz!” He’d cried and dramatically placed a hand over his “wounded” heart. Harry had just laughed and ignored him.

Under the movie, Niall didn’t know if it was just him, but Harry was _very_ touchy-feely. He would play with Niall’s hair, run a thumb down his arm and now and then bury his nose in Niall’s hair. Niall wasn’t sure but he felt that this was a little over the line of their boundaries, but he couldn’t deny it all felt nice. Harry was warm and smelled fresh and of new-washed clothes, so Niall didn’t protest and just took it, letting Harry cuddle close up to him.

Half-way through the movie, Niall’s thought drifted off to Zayn, and he wondered what he was up to. Was he also spending time with his weird-looking friends? Or was he trudging around doing whatever bad boys did nowadays. Now that Niall thought about it, he still didn’t know a thing about Zayn, and he’d done more with him than he’d ever done with anyone. Their little closet experience still lingered in Niall’s mind and was enough to make him blush like Hannah.

Like he was doing right now.

He glanced around at his friends who were deeply engrossed in the movie, and he knew he couldn’t afford to lose them. The thought alone made his heart ache a little. He’d known them since middle-school, and they were all great lads. The girls also; Hannah and Danielle were an exception in a sea of dolled up, bitchy and plastic fake gossip-girls. He loved them all dearly and losing them over whatever he and Zayn had going on would be foolish.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry’s hot minty breath fanned over his face, and he turned to look at him only to find Harry’s green eyes close, _very_ close. Harry had always been so damn curious, almost as bad as Louis who always wanted to know _everything_. 

“Hmm… nothing really… you guys,” Niall whispered as to not get yelled at by Louis and smiled softly, glad that at least that wasn’t a lie. “Aww, how sweet,” Harry cooed a little teasingly and planted a quick kiss on Niall’s cheek. Niall blinked in surprise, but Harry just cuddled back up against him. Niall shrugged it off and turned his attention back on the screen where Iron man was kicking some other villain’s ass.

* * *

Niall never really dreamt that much, and if he did, he forgot it the second he woke up. However, Sunday night’s dream was _really_ realistic, because something really nice was pressing against his lips; _warm_ and _soft_. 

“Mmm…” He hummed appreciatively, and breathed in deeply when soft touches trailed up his stomach to his chest. It took a long moment for him to realize that this was a little too realistic to be a dream.

_What the actual **fuck**_

Niall’s crystal blue eyes spilled wide open only look directly into a pair of amber orbs. “Ah, finally awake,” Zayn smirked down at him, his handsome features being illuminated by the soft glow of the moonlight seeping through the window. 

It took a good 5 seconds for Niall to comprehend what was going on. The minute he realized that Zayn fucking Malik was hovering over his half-naked body in god knows what hour of the night did he freak out. 

“What the fuck!” He exclaimed as he bolted upright and narrowly avoided knocking noses with Zayn. Niall stared speechlessly and utterly flabbergasted at the boy who was _sitting on top of him_ , trying to come up with a reason why he was there. Zayn was just smirking at him like it was the most normal thing ever. Niall’s eyes fled to the alarm clock resting on the nightstand, and he felt a little dizzy when he saw the big red numbers.

It was _3:20_ in the freaking morningon a fucking school night.

“Zayn! You can’t just sneak into my room in the middle of the fucking night on a school-mmm” Niall’s words were muffled by Zayn’s lips against his. Niall really, really hated the effect Zayn’s lips had on him, and he was sure they could convince him to do about anything; such as allowing Zayn to remain in his lap and devour his lips.

Zayn’s tongue re-explored Niall’s mouth, before coming back and pulling his lower lip between his teeth before letting it snap back to place. Niall was a little more than breathless, and his heart was maybe speeding up a little.

“…or maybe you can,” He breathed as he grabbed the back of Zayn’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. This time it was Niall’s tongue that licked Zayn’s lip tentatively and questioningly, and the blonde could’ve sworn he felt Zayn smirk a little before he granted him entrance. Niall’s tongue disappeared in Zayn’s hot mouth and dodging his tongue, he licked every little crevice trying to make a mental map. Zayn tasted of… well _Zayn_ and maybe the tiniest hint of cinnamon – Niall briefly wondered what he’d eaten before he came.

Niall whined in protest when Zayn pulled away from the kiss that was getting sloppier by the second. “As much as I would love kissing you senseless and doing all kind of things to your little body,” Zayn suppressed a laugh when Niall reddened; he was too cute for his own good. “We have somewhere to be.”

Niall frowned.

“We do?” He asked surprised as he shot another glance at the clock. “It’s too freaking early to go anywhere!” Niall wasn’t really willing to leave his warm bed, and he definitely wasn’t willing to let Zayn go just yet. He pulled him closer and licked his lower lip. “Stay here, yea?” He whispered in what he hoped was his persuasive voice. Zayn actually looked like he would comply for a second, but then he climbed off Niall.

“Nope, get up!” He ordered and to Niall’s horror he flung the blanket off of him. Niall blushed even though he was wearing boxers, and he thanked every deity that he could think of, he hadn’t slept naked as he would do from time to time.

“Aw, I hoped that you weren’t wearing anything,” Zayn revealed cheekily with something that actually looked like a genuinely disappointed face. “Pervert!” Niall spluttered embarrassed and flung a pillow at Zayn and was satisfied when he hit him square in the face.

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, Niall,” Zayn smirked. “It’s my new favorite hobby to embarrass you.”

“Fuck you,” Niall mumbled as he got to his feet and tugged on random pants that were lying on the floor. He found a hoodie and tugging it on, he turned to face Zayn. “We can’t go out through the front. What if my parents wake up?” The thought scared the shit out of Niall.

In reply, Zayn sauntered over to the balcony, and Niall realized he’d forgotten to lock it again. “Let’s get out through here,” Zayn said, and Niall walked up to him skeptically. “How’d you get up here anyway?”

“Really, Horan?” Zayn said as he gestured to the big tree next to the balcony. “Don’t tell me you’ve never taken advantage of this?”

Niall didn’t reply, because no, he wasn’t Zayn who sneaked into people’s house at ungodly hours of the morning.

Niall didn’t know how, but somehow he managed to follow Zayn’s instruction and climb down the tree without cracking a head or breaking a leg. Niall would grudgingly admit that he found this whole sneaking out in the middle of the night a little more exciting than he should.

Zayn was indeed unpredictable and full of surprises.

Talking about surprises, Niall stared at the motorbike holding on the sidewalk. “I am not getting up on that thing,” He stated quickly as he gestured to the bike like it was a monster. Zayn mocked a gasp of horror. 

“Don’t call her that! She’s my baby!”

Niall snorted loudly and found this thing a little more hilarious than he should. “Really? Are you one those guys who have unhealthy obsession with their vehicles?” He said teasingly and smirked at Zayn.

“Whatever float your boat, Horan,” Zayn replied coolly as he climbed onto the bike and turned to look at Niall. “Be a good boy and don’t waste our time.”

Now Niall would never admit this out loud, but there was something about Zayn on a bike that screamed _sexy!_ and _hot!_ The way he was slung over the bike wearing a black leather jacket, tight dark jeans and boots just lived up to his bad boy image in every single way, and Niall realized he might be a little more fond of this whole thing than he would admit.

Somehow Zayn persuaded him, and he found himself pressed up against Zayn’s back as his arms had a death grip around the boy’s middle. He’d never ridden a bike, but fuck was it _exciting_. The way the streets and houses blended together as they sped by, the way the wind nipped at his skin and messed up his hair sent a rush of adrenaline through Niall’s small body.

“You okay back there?” Zayn shouted over the obnoxious noise of the bike, and Niall nodded. “Yeah!” he was better than okay, because this was actually _fun_.

Before long the smell of salt and ocean wafted under Niall’s nose, and he noticed they were on their way on the beach. He didn’t question Zayn, before he stopped the bike. He climbed off of it and helped Niall down even though he really didn’t need his help; but oh well, sweet gesture nonetheless.

“The beach, really?” Niall asked confused as he looked towards the water that was licking up the sand before retreating again. Niall wasn’t sure he liked the smirk on Zayn’s lips as he walked up to him.

“Ever tried skinny-dipping?”

Yup, he defiantly didn’t like the sound of that. “Are you fucking serious?” Niall stared disbelievingly at Zayn. “It’s fucking _cold_!” Okay, maybe it wasn’t _that_ cold since they were in mid-spring and here in Delevan, the temperature reached decent levels in the spring. However, Niall was still convinced it was too cold to do what Zayn had in mind. The thought of both of them stripping down made him blush.

“Come on, don’t be boring,” Zayn kissed his earlobe, and Niall shivered lightly at the contact. “It’ll be fun,” and with that Zayn didn’t waste any time stripping down like the clothes had been a bother all along. 

Niall was about to scream for him to stop, but then another part of him was screaming for him to go on. The latter seemingly won, because Niall found himself _staring_ at Zayn, his heartbeat increasing for every piece of article discarded. There went his jacket and – holy fucking shit – he was _shirtless_ now, and Niall could see all the tattoos in all their glory. Niall bit down his lip as his eyes raked over Zayn’s well-toned chest. He gulped when Zayn began working on his belt and of course he had to look directly at Niall as he did so. Down went the zipper and the pants followed. Zayn kicked off his shoes and socks, and Niall wanted to _scream_ for a reason he wasn’t sure of when Zayn was left in his boxer briefs. He smirked at Niall as his fingers curled under the waistband, and Niall wanted to look away; he really did, but found it physically impossible. Down went the boxers – _fuckingshitshitshit_ \- there was Zayn in all his naked glory.

Niall thought he might faint.

Zayn was fucking _gorgeous_ ; every little detail of his body was pure perfection. His cheekbones, his jaw, his collarbone, his chest, stomach, Niall could go on and on, and he really just wanted a picture. 

“Niall, they way you look at me make me feel all _hot_ and _bothered_ ,” Zayn said in a hushed voice as he began to walk up to him. Niall wanted to turn around and run, because he wasn’t sure his mind would remain in control for much longer. He was like frozen as he stared at Zayn approaching him, and if Zayn didn’t find his staring creepy then fuck he wasn’t going to stop.

Zayn was in front of him now, and Niall had to remember how to breathe. “Zayn… gorgeous,” the words had been on the tip of his tongue and slipped out of his mouth without his consent. Zayn gave him a lopsided grin. “Flattering,” He breathed the words, and Niall was sure he could _die_ ; because here was Zayn-fucking-Malik naked in front of him and if this wasn’t heaven, then he didn’t know what was. 

“I think you need help to get out of these clothes, yea?” Zayn said, and Niall wasn’t really in control of his body anymore so he nodded mutely. Zayn smirked and slipped his semi-cold hand under Niall shirt; the blonde shivered at the contact. As Zayn’s hands travelled up his stomach and as he brought the shirt with him up, did panic seep in Niall. 

He’d never been very confident in himself, and he sure as hell wasn’t confident in his body in front of this piece of art that was Zayn’s body. “W-wait…” He stuttered and Zayn stopped his movements and looked questioningly at Niall. The blonde was unable to meet his gaze and looked away. His mouth felt a little dry, and he didn’t know what to say. Well, if this wasn’t embarrassing and awkward.

Then Zayn said this one phrase that made Niall’s heart go _crazy_.

He’d brought his mouth up to Niall’s ear and breathed in hot air, eliciting another shiver from the smaller boy. “You’re beautiful; I’ve already seen.”

A warm feeling seeped up in Niall and warmed his body, settling in his cheek as he embarrassed hid his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck.

“T-Thanks…” He whispered weakly.

After that, he pretty much allowed Zayn to do whatever he wanted. He lifted his arms to help Zayn get rid of the hoodie, and as the raven worked on his pants, they kissed passionately. Niall shivered when his pants quickly followed by his boxers dropped to the ground and the wind nipped his naked skin.

He was naked.

Fuck.

Zayn was looking at him.

Double fuck.

“Just as I said; beautiful,” Zayn chuckled, before he waved Niall along. “Come on!” Niall hesitated, but then realized that as soon as he was in the water, he’d at least be somewhat covered; so would Zayn, and Niall wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

Niall shuddered when the water licked up his leg; it wasn’t terrible cold, but neither was it warm. The shudder only increased when he padded all the way in until the water was at his middle. “Zayn?” His gaze flew bewildered around the moonlit dark sea, but he couldn’t see any hint of the raven. 

Niall panicked a little, because Zayn couldn’t have left him. That was impossible since Niall would’ve heard him leave, and the bike was still standing there in the deserted beach. Niall yelped loudly when something grabbed his hips and he was pulled down in the water. 

He held his breath as the salty water rolled over him and looked directly into Zayn’s laughing dark eyes. Well, if Zayn didn’t look sexy underwater as well; how did he do it? Zayn moved forward and to Niall’s surprise kissed him fully on the lips.

It was different, but defiantly not in a bad way. Since they couldn’t do much underwater, they just weaved their lips in and out sweetly. Zayn licked his bottom lip, but Niall was already short of breath. He pulled away and surfaced, gasping in air. Zayn followed him, and Niall turned to look at him. He was grinning a little, his hair sticking to his forehead and framing his handsome face. His smoldering eyes were looking back at him under his matted eyelashes and the droplets of water scattered on his neck and chest seemed to shine under the moonlight.

He was beautiful; so fucking beautiful.

Niall smashed their lips together, fisting his hair and holding him in place. Zayn let out a breathless chuckle as he returned Niall’s fervent kiss, his hand snaking behind his back and pressing their naked bodies together. Niall groaned deeply at the contact between their crotches, and he could feel the blood pooling in his cock.

Zayn’s hand trailed down his body heating up his body in the cool water. “Oh, Zayn!” Niall croaked against his lips when he squeezed his butt and massaged the soft skin. “Ohh…mmm,” Niall breathed when Zayn pulled his lower lips into his mouth and sucked hard on it. The kiss quickly grew wetter when tongues were involved.

Both young boys were quickly getting hard and they could feel each other as they were pressed together. Niall suddenly felt a boost of courage as he slipped a hand between their bodies and took Zayn’s cock in his hand. Zayn breathed harshly into his mouth. 

“Fuck, Niall.”

Niall began pumping his hand up and down without further hesitation, stroking Zayn’s cock harder. He moved his hand from the tip to the base, gradually increasing his speed. The throaty groan Zayn let out when he rubbed his slit made Niall question how he was still alive. 

“Niall…” Zayn panted and pulled out of the kiss to trail kisses along his jawline, down his neck. Niall tilted his head back a little to give him better access and shuddered a little when Zayn’s hot tongue licked his skin. 

This was incredibly hot, and Niall thought his brain might overload; his hand around Zayn’s shaft, Zayn’s fingers digging into his ass, Zayn’s mouth against his neck and Zayn’s wet body pressed against his own. Niall’s mind and judgment was quickly blurred by pure lust as his cock slowly grew harder and harder. 

After a moment, Zayn removed Niall’s hand from his cock, and Niall was about to protest but then Zayn did something that made Niall’s mouth fall open. He grabbed both their cocks in one hand and rubbed them together. “AHH!” Niall’s eyes widened at the unbearable friction that created and pleasure coursed through his every vein. “God… _Zayn_ ,” He whimpered as he buried his face in Zayn’s wet neck.

“Feels good, yea?” Zayn breathed hotly in his ear, and Niall licked the water droplet off his skin in reply. Even though Niall was in the water, he was _burning_ , and his body _craved_ Zayn in that one heated moment. 

He lifted his head and brought their lips together; he quietly admitted to himself that he loved Zayn’s lips, they felt so wonderful.

Zayn’s hand left their cocks, but that didn’t stop Niall from rubbing himself against the older boy; rubbing his hips in desperate need of some kind of friction. Niall gasped when Zayn’s fingers slipped between his butt cheeks, and his whole body shuddered when he graced his entrance.

“ _Zayn!_ ,” Niall exclaimed, because that was just pure torture. “Hmm?” Zayn hummed teasingly against his lips, and Niall wanted to hit him. “Ugh… just… uh,” Niall blushed and buried his face in Zayn’s neck.

Zayn seemed to have mercy on him when a couple of fingers rubbed over the puckered ring of muscles. Niall gasped and moaned loudly, clinging tightly to Zayn.His finger dipped inside of him a few inches and then retreated back to rubbing over him. He jerked his hips, and keened loudly.

“Z-Zayn… d-don’t tease me…” Niall whimpered and rolled his hips down,trying to get Zayn’s finger to slip back in. Zayn suppressed a snicker into his neck. “M’ sorry… you’re just too fucking cute.”Zayn plunged his middle finger into him up to the first knuckle, feeling the muscles clinch tightly and Niall groaned as he wrapped his legs tightly around Zayn’s waist. “Fuck, Niall,” Zayn said in surprise and started thrusting his finger into the smooth, tight ring of muscles. “Still so fucking tight, shit,” Zayn groaned and nipped Niall’s earlobe.

"Mmm," Niall hummed, starting to roll his hips down as Zayn’s finger crooked inside of him and brushed his prostate. He gasped as a ripple of pleasure coursed through him like a shockwave. God, he didn’t remember it feeling this good; maybe because he’d been drunk. "More," he whispered faintly, letting his hips jerk sporadically as Zayn’s finger paused and pressed hard against his prostate. “Don’t be greedy, Niall,” Zayn chuckled into his ear, but Niall was too far gone to reply. "Fuck, fuck," he clutched Zayn’s shoulder so he could fuck himself on Zayn’s finger. “So eager, Niall… so fucking hot,” Zayn kissed him passionately on the lips.  
Another finger joined the first, and Niall groaned, rocking his hips down to meet Zayn’s thrusting fingers.

"Yes," he breathed, one of his hands letting go of Zayn’sshoulders to twist in his wet hair instead and moved down counter to fuck himself down onto Zayn’s fingers. "Harder."

Zayn added a third finger, and Niall didn’t know what was left or right anymore. “Oh Zayn…” He gasped into Zayn’s mouth, and the older boy hummed in reply. His ass was burning from the way Zayn’s long fingers were stretching him, but it was most exquisite pain he'd ever felt. 

Zayn continued to thrust his fingers in an out of Niall’s tight heat, opening him wider. Niall whined when they left him. “Fuck Niall…” Zayn breathed. “I want you so badly, right now.” Niall moaned in reply.

“..I am all yours, Zayn… all yours,” Niall declared too far gone to be even a little embarrassed at his own words.

Zayn thought that Niall had no freaking idea how desirable he was; so cute the way he was rubbing desperately against him, and how his voice had gone all raspy and hoarse. He couldn’t wait to feel that tight little ass around him, but he would make Niall say it first; _ask_ for it. 

“What is it, Niall? What do you want?” He breathed into his ear, and Niall couldn’t believe he actually wanted him to say it.

“Ugh… Zayn please just… do it…” Niall trailed off lamely, but he knew it wasn’t what Zayn wanted. “Say it and I’ll give it to you,” Niall yelped when Zayn spread his cheeks apart and his cock was nudging his entrance. 

He was about to have sex for the second time with Zayn fucking Malik. 

Shit.

Niall swallowed his pride and lifted his eyes to meet Zayn’s; he had to catch his breath for a second, because Zayn’s eyes just did something to him. He couldn’t believe what he was about to say;

“I want you Zayn. I need you to fuck me,” Niall was surprised that came out so smoothly, but it didn’t stop him from blushing madly. “Oh god…” He nearly sobbed in embarrassment as he hid his face in Zayn’s shoulder.

“Niall… you have no idea what you just did to me,” Zayn’s voice was heavy and thick with something Niall couldn’t place, but he didn’t think further of it, because Zayn was pushing into him. 

It was painful; so fucking painful. Niall would’ve thought the water would have acted like some kind of lubricant, but it didn’t. His fingernails dug into Zayn’s shoulders and he bit down harshly on Zayn’s delicate neck. Zayn hissed. The searing pain of Zayn’s cock stretching him, opening him up wide open shot through Niall’s entire body and he whimpered pitifully.

He didn’t remember it to be this painful.

Finally Zayn was sheathed inside of him completely, filling him up. Zayn stopped his movements to let Niall adjust, but it was driving him crazy to stay still. Niall was clamping around his so perfectly, and he was ohsodeliciously tight and hot.

After a moment’s time went by with Zayn whispering soothingly in Niall’s ear and his hand rubbing soothingly up his spine, Niall blinked the tears away and gave Zayn the go ahead.

“Move,” He whispered, and Zayn didn’t have to hear that twice.

He groaned as he pulled out of the tight heat only leaving the tip in, before thrusting back in. A gasp was knocked out of Niall as Zayn buried himself deep into his small body.

Gasps turned into moans and moans into cries and cries into screams of pure passion when Zayn picked up pace and slammed all the way into Niall. “Oh god, Zayn!Zayn!” Niall cried as he moved down to meet Zayn’s thrust midway, and Zayn groaned as he dug his fingers into the soft skin of Niall’s ass and tugging his ass cheeks apart.

Niall dropped his head on Zayn’s shoulder and whimpered, knowing that he’d have bruises on his ass, but right then, he couldn’t care less. All he cared about was the pleasurable burn when Zayn slammed into him and stretched him; he’d never felt so full in his life.

“You feel so fucking good Niall,” Zayn moaned. “So fucking tight, babe.” Niall’s hands tangled in Zayn’s hair and he arched his back which resulted Zayn into hitting his prostrate dead-on. “Zayn!” Niall’s scream filled the quiet night air as he clutched to Zayn. The water bounced around them, splashing up against their bodies for every thrust.

Zayn was fucking him roughly now, pounding into him like he’d done it all his life as he tugged in Niall’s hair and attacked his neck. Niall was too far gone to demand no marking. 

Niall’s vocabulary narrowed down to Zayn’s name, his cries stretching over the dark sea. He spread his legs a little wider, inviting Zayn in closer and felt Zayn slam into him, his ball sack knocking against Niall’s. He whimpered as Zayn grinded against his ass while still buried deeply inside of him. Niall just wanted to sob at how incredible it was.

“God, Niall… you were made to be fucked, I swear,” Zayn growled into his ear, snapping his hips harder. Niall wasn’t sure if he should take that as a compliment. “The sounds you make are better than any overrated porn star.”

“Oh for god’s s-sake, shut up,” Niall whined in embarrassment. “Oh god…fuck..oh fuck…zaynzaynzayn,” Niall ranted as he climbed higher and higher and higher, and he was flying, he was seeing _stars_. He could feel himself closing in on his orgasm, and Zayn’s thrust were becoming short and quicker as his hips spasmed, snapping forward off- tempo and wildly.

“Yes,” Niall moaned as he threw his head back. “Zayn… you’re so good, love… fuck… ugh….”

Zayn positively _whimpered_ against Niall’s neck. “Shit… Niall..”

Another hit to his prostrate, and Niall cried out Zayn’s name as he came hard. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed down on him until he was so dizzy the edges of his vision turned white. His cock jerked between the tight space of their bodies and sent hot, white spurts all over his own chest and Zayn’s; the water did a decent job of washing it away.

Zayn’s thrust were sloppy and out of rhythm, and he growled when Niall’s walls tightened around him. “Ugh… come already,” Niall croaked weakly, and after a few other thrust, Zayn bit down Niall’s neck and came. Niall whimpered as he felt the thick fluid fill his inside, and it was such a wonderful sensation.

The two boys heaved heavily after air, the only thing keeping them above the water was Zayn’s willpower to stay upright. Niall could as well be dead weight against his body.

“This…” Zayn panted. “… should become a regular thing,” mimicking Niall’s words from the other night, and Niall weakly slapped him across the back, too worn out to come with a reply. 

At some point they untangled their bodies and padded back up on the shore. Niall didn’t know why he suddenly felt all shy, but he hurriedly threw on his clothes. To his surprise, Zayn dumped down on the sand after tugging on his own clothes and lit a cigarette. Niall was about to tell him that they should probably head back; if he was lucky then he could maybe catch a couple of hours before he had to go to school.

However, he ended up dumping down next to Zayn and endearingly resting his head on his shoulder. None of them said anything as they stared into the horizon; no words were needed really. Niall just listened to Zayn’s breathing out a cloud of smoke and watched it as it lazily danced in the air.

He would never really know why he was a little disappointed they left after Zayn finished his cigarette. It defiantly had nothing to do with the fact that Niall had anticipated to watch the sunrise – screw school – or had it?

Niall’s ass felt sore as fuck, but he didn’t complain. They kissed each other on top of Zayn’s back for a while, before Niall ripped himself off of Zayn and sneaked back into his room. He might have watched Zayn jet off into the night.

He didn’t get back to sleep that night. His thoughts circled around a pair of amber eyes and plump red lips, and Niall didn’t take off his hoodie; the faint smell of smoke lingered on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends  
>  It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense_
> 
> _Zedd - Clarity (ft Foxes)_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Niall really, really disliked his math teacher. You know that one teacher who seemingly had made it his goal in life to make your high school experience a hell? Well, Mr. Powell was Niall’s personal torturer. 

Maybe Niall had been a little late, but was that really enough reason to scream at him out in the hallways? Niall just stared at the man before him; everything about him was long and thin, his face, his nose, his thin lips and his squinty light blue eyes. He always wore the same seat of clothes to school; a dull brown pullover sweater and black dress pants.

Niall got lost in his rant and his eyes swept around the empty hallway. His eyes widened a little when they fell on Zayn who was walking down the adjacent hall. The dark-haired boy stopped up momentarily, his eyes flickering between the still ranting teacher and Niall. Niall looked away; how embarrassing. When he chanced another look; Zayn was gone.

Finally his teacher let him join the rest of the class and he heavily dumped down between Liam and Hannah. He nodded quietly to both of them in reply. He didn’t dare talk in fear his teacher would skin him alive.

Only when they were told to do some exercises did Niall breathe freely. “What’s up, Nialler,” Liam said as he gazed a little worried at him. “Ugh… hate this class,” Niall mumbled. “… you’ve been really distracted lately,” Liam said with a frown and Niall tensed a little. “I have?” He asked nervously and Liam nodded. “Yeah, that book you’re flipping through is you Economic book.”

Niall blushed deeply when he noticed Liam was right, and he groaned deeply. “I am just… stressed, I guess,” He mumbled and asked Hannah if he could look with her.

“If there’s something wrong, you know you can always talk to me, yea?” Liam reminded with a soft smile, and Niall felt guilty. He turned to him and squeezed his shoulder. “I know, Li and thanks.”

Maybe he could talk to Liam about anything, but he could certainly not talk about Zayn.

…

Finally the class was over, and Niall couldn’t get out the class fast enough. However, his teacher had of course to hold him back.

“Detention tomorrow, Mr. Horan.”

Niall had to bit his tongue from insulting the man and grudgingly stomped out of the class. Hannah’s and Liam’s comforting pats on his shoulders didn’t do much to comfort him.

Life just sucked sometimes.

* * *

Niall didn’t see Zayn for another couple of nights, and he would never admit that he got anxious. He didn’t know why he didn’t have the boy’s number or anything like that. The third night when Zayn dropped by at midnight, Niall had been wide awake.

Maybe Niall greeted him a little too enthusiastically – he hadn’t even scolded him for sneaking in through the window again – when he’d grabbed Zayn and pulled him down for a heated kiss. After a few minutes of kissing and touching, Zayn pulled away with a small chuckle.

“Someone missed me,” He teased, and Niall just smirked back. “Bet you missed me more.” He shot back and gave Zayn a cheeky grin. “You might just be right,” Zayn confessed and dived down, claiming Niall’s lips in another kiss.

“Come on, we have somewhere to go,” Zayn said as he ignored Niall’s protest and climbed off of him. “Really? What now?” Niall groaned even though he was already climbing out of the bed as well. He might not even realize it yet, but at this point, he was willing to do about anything Zayn told him to.

“It’s a surprise,” Zayn said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Ah, I like surprises,” Niall replied halfheartedly as he followed Zayn out of the balcony after throwing on some clothes. This time Zayn had brought his car, and Niall was a little disappointed that he couldn’t cling to Zayn on his bike.

“Come on! Tell me where we are going?” Niall pestered as soon as they pulled out on the road. However, he got nothing out of Zayn and ended up pouting in the front seat with his arms crossed. Zayn just sent him an amused smile. 

“Cute.”

“Shut it,” Niall tilted his face away so Zayn couldn’t see his pink cheeks, but judging from the small chuckle, he knew what effect he had on him. The blonde gazed out of the windows, and he was surprised when he noticed they were downtown. Niall was about to ask what they were doing here, but decided against it, knowing Zayn wouldn’t tell him anyway.

….

 

Niall didn’t know how he’d ended up in a _strip club. When Zayn had dragged him along to stand in a long line, Niall had naively thought it was a _normal__ club. He should have taken a closer look at the sign that red with flashing lights “World Class Topless Girls”, and he should’ve noticed that the line only consisted of males; older males that is. He first became suspicious when Zayn had stuck him a fake ID, but then it had already been too late.

Niall looked like a little lost child as his wide blue eyes swept around the club in pure terror. The lights flashing were dizzying him, the music was deafening, and the topless girls were a little too overwhelming. He clung tightly to Zayn when a middle-aged man shouldered past him. Niall was sure his heart would stop beating, and he dug his fingers into Zayn’s arm.

“ _Zayn_ ,” He hissed desperately, his voice thick with discomfort. “What are we doing here? Let’s _leave_ ,” He begged. He’d never felt so out of place in his entire life, but the way Zayn maneuvered past nervous young men and seducing women, one would think he’d been here before; Niall had a strong suspicion he might have, and for some reason he _really_ disliked the thought.

“I want to show you something,” Zayn told him with a mysterious smirk, and to Niall’s horror he took a seat on a barstool at the bar. “ _Zayn_ ,” Niall growled as he glanced at a pair of men hooting and throwing money at a woman bouncing up and down a pool. “Relax, Niall,” Zayn said and shoved a drink in his hand. Niall wanted to scream in frustration; he was in a strip club with perverted old men and naked women, how was he supposed to relax? What wouldn’t his parents say if they knew where their only son was?

Niall really just wanted to turn on his heels and run. It was beyond him how Zayn could so calmly sip to his drink and look so comfortable in a place like this.

“Can I help with anything, boys?”

Niall’s eyes snapped up to see one of the strippers standing close to Zayn. She was almost naked – which really shouldn’t be a surprise – the pink thong she was wearing looked more like synthetic leather than actual fabric and the bra was more than a little too small; at least she was wearing one. She had long flowing brow hair, and she actually had a pretty face; what a shame, Niall thought. He opened his mouth to say no, but Zayn beat him to it.

He gave her a seducing smirk. “Well, that depends…” He drawled nonchalantly, and Niall’s mouth dropped when he actually placed a hand on her hip. “… what you can help us with.” Niall’s eyes burned into Zayn’s temple, wide with disbelief; either Zayn ignored it or didn’t feel it at all. Niall’s jaw clenched tightly as he stared at the hand on the girl’s hip.

She laughed a bit fake as she flipped her hair over one shoulder and slipped into the chair next to Zayn. “Well pretty boy, what do you need?” She asked seductively placing a hand on Zayn’s thigh. Niall didn’t even realize he was having a death grip around his glass. A burning feeling planted itself in the pit of Niall’s stomach, and all he really wanted was to rip her hand off of Zayn. 

“He doesn’t need anything,” Niall snapped, before Zayn had a chance to talk up. Her brown eyes shifted from Zayn to him, and she looked at him a little sourly. Zayn laughed heartily as he brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “You’re pretty hot,” He breathed, and Niall’s chest suddenly felt a little heavier. “… but what Niall said; I don’t need anything right now.”

“Okay,” The girl said and looked reluctant to leave, and Niall had to use some serious self-control when she leaned closer to Zayn. “I’ll be right over there if you need anything.” And with that she strutted away.

“What the fuck was that?” Niall snarled as soon as she was gone, and Zayn turned to him with a genuinely confused look. “What do you mean?” He asked and as he asked that question, Niall didn’t really know _what_ he meant. All he knew was that he hadn’t been very comfortable with that stripper hanging all over Zayn and had felt even worse with Zayn touching her so intimately.

A thought hit him like a light bolt, and his eyes widened; he couldn’t possibly have been _jealous_ of that random stripper? It wasn’t like Zayn and he were together, so he had no right whatsoever to feel that way.

Niall shook his head a little to get rid of the confusing thoughts and took a small sip of his drink. He grimaced at the taste and was about to ask what the hell it was, but stopped up when he saw Zayn gazing at random girl with an appreciative gaze.

Niall bit down his lip, because there it was again; that burning feeling. _We aren’t together, I don’t care_ , He reminded himself, but that tiny voice in the back of his head was telling him otherwise.

Feeling a little down for reasons he wasn’t sure of, he promptly downed his drink like it would make him feel better. He blinked surprised with his eyes when he immediately felt the effect of the drink. There was no way in hell he was getting drunk in a strip club to the sight of Zayn ogling topless girls.

“I am leaving,” He announced sourly as he stood up, but Zayn stopped him by grabbing his hand and pulling him down on his lap. 

“Look over there, 9’o’clock.”

Niall’s gaze followed Zayn’s instructions, and his eyes widened in shock at the sight that met him. He blinked rapidly with his eyes, unable to believe the sigh that met him.

In the corner, on a couch, was none other than Mr. Powell with a topless girl giving him a lap dance. The man seemed to enjoy it if the very evident bulge in his pants were any indication, and Niall never thought he’d see the uptight teacher look so delighted. That was something about seeing your teacher turned on that was just plain _wrong_.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Niall gasped out incredulously, unable to take his eyes off. Zayn’s breath tickled his ear as he laughed. “What a dirty secret your teacher has, huh Niall?”Niall turned his face to look at Zayn. “How on earth did you….?” He said and trailed off and looked a little more amazed at the raven than he should. Zayn shrugged nonchalantly, “I have my sources,” He said cryptically and to Niall’s horror pulled out a camera from his pocket.

“Zayn,” Niall whispered in fear. “What are you doing?!”

Zayn held the camera out for him with a smirk. “He was bothering you this morning wasn’t he?” He said and gestured for Niall to take the camera. “Now you can take revenge on him.”

Niall felt dizzy as he realized that Zayn was fucking _crazy_. “No!” He exclaimed loudly and shoved the camera away. “We can’t do that, Zayn!” Said boy looked confused at Niall with a frown. “Why not?” He actually sounded like he didn’t understand why they shouldn’t do this. Niall had to take a few calming breaths. “Look,” He said in a controlled voice. “It’s _wrong_.Just because he bothered me doesn’t mean I have to pay back!”

Zayn’s expression told him that was exactly what he should do. “If you don’t stand up for yourself, then people will trample all over you,” He stated as he lifted the camera. “If you won’t do it, then I will; no way am I letting this go to waste.” Before Niall could stop him, he snapped several pictures, and Niall felt like fainting. This was going to end really badly.

“ _Zayn_ ,” He begged. Zayn looked up and right past him, his eyes widening a little. Niall didn’t even dare look behind him in fear of what else he would see. “Fuck, we have to get out,” Zayn mumbled as he got to his feet and grabbed Niall’s wrist, tugging him in the opposite direction than the entrance. Niall bewildered threw a glance over his shoulder and was terrified to see a pair of large security guards in black charging towards them.

Niall’s heart trashed against his chest as his small body was filled to the brink with fear. He could just imagine where this would end if they were caught. “Fuck, _Zayn_ ,” He cried as he tried to keep up with Zayn and not knock into half-naked girls or grey-haired business men. 

Somehow they found the back entrance, and Niall gasped in the air like he’d starved off of it in days. They didn’t stop running, before they were a good distance away from the strip-club. They stopped up on the side-walk panting madly after air, and Niall was trying to comprehend what just happened.

Zayn broke the silence as he broke out in laughter, and even though Niall didn’t find this whole thing funny at all there was just something contagious about Zayn’s laughter that made him join in. they were soon laughing like idiots in the middle of a deserted street past midnight.

Niall leaned closer to Zayn and wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck. He relished in the vibration of Zayn’s chest as his laughter died down.

“Fuck,” Niall breathed. “I am never coming with you again.”

Zayn smirked at him.

“Don’t be so sure.”

Niall agreed; he wasn’t so sure.

“Aren’t you a bad boy,” He teased and smiled as he leaned even closer to Zayn, enough so he could feel his breath on his lips. “Not really,” Zayn replied, resting his hands on Niall’s hip. “I am just misunderstood; I am harmless, really.”

Niall stared at Zayn for a second, before he burst out laughing. Zayn and harmless didn’t belong in the same sentence, because the raven was anything but. He’d just dragged him to a freaking strip club – where he got the fake IDs were lost on Niall – to get revenge on his math teacher, just because he was an ass to Niall. It was then he realized that Zayn did this for him, and a warm feeling bubbled up inside of him; never mind how wrong and fucked up the act had been.

“Yea, you’re a harmless puppy,” Niall chuckled as he teasingly brushed their lips together lightly. He smirked at the low growl Zayn made and continued to barely touching their lips together as hebreated hot air across Zayn’s lips. He gasped when Zayn shoved him up against a wall and aggressively attacked his lips. Niall moaned loudly as his hands flew up and tugged roughly in Zayn’s hair. 

They somehow made it back to the car where Zayn pushed Niall into the backseat and climbed in after him. He spread his legs and slid in between them, before re-connecting their lips as they kissed like their lives depended on it.

Things quickly got hotter, and Niall desperately wrenched Zayn’s jacket off and tugged impatiently on his shirt. Zayn leaned a little back and took it off; Niall watched amazed as the muscles under Zayn’s smooth skin flexed when he stretched. He didn’t get much time to appreciate Zayn’s naked chest, before the boy was back at his lips, pulling, sucking and licking.

Niall soon felt a little too hot for his liking, and Zayn seemed so sense it as he helped him out of his shirt. Zayn pressed their naked chest together, and Niall groaned in delight at the feeling of skin against skin as he pulled the older boy even closer, almost like he was trying to blend their bodies. Niall shoved Zayn’s hot tongue out of his mouth and pushed his own as deep as he could into Zayn’s mouth. The raven bit down his tongue, and Niall groaned at the pain it caused. In retaliation, he pulled back his tongue and bit down Zayn’s lip, receiving a warning growl from the older boy

Zayn grounded his hips roughly down on Niall’s, and they let out simultaneous moans at the friction it created. Niall rolled his hips against Zayn grounds to heighten the sensation, and they were both quickly getting harder. Their fingers roamed over each other’s bodies, grasping whatever they could reach like they had been familiar with each other’s bodies over a longer period. Their tongues danced together and Zayn went deeper, sucking Niall’s breath into his mouth. Niall was a little more than breathless when Zayn pulled away.

Niall stared up at Zayn and his cock grew larger at how sexy Zayn looked shirtless, with swollen lips and messy hair. 

Zayn left Niall’s lips to trail down his neck to his chest, scattering wet kisses on his soft pale skin. He reached a hard nipple and swirled his tongue around one while teasing the other between his fingers. The cute moans Niall made was like a drug and so was the way he writhed a little under him. After torturing the small boy’s nipples for a while, he moved on. He continued to kiss down and playfully dipped his tongue in Niall’s navel; the blonde took a sharp intake of air. Zayn continued on his way and hooked his fingers under Niall’s pants, pulling them a little down. He reached the soft brown hair that led to the blonde’s cock. Niall squirmed when he kissed it softly.

“Z-Zayn…” He whispered breathlessly, his hands reaching down and fisting his hair. Zayn couldn’t keep the slow pace and yanked down Niall’s pants and boxers. He smirked when the blonde’s rock hard cock sprung out of its confines and Niall let out a low whine. After pulling the clothes off of him, Zayn stared down at Niall’s naked body.

“O-oh god, please don’t look at me like that,” Niall whined embarrassed and hid his face behind his hand. Zayn found it endearingly cute how embarrassed Niall got, and he was suspecting the blonde did it to seduce him; that was the effect it had at least. He took a good moment to mentally save the image, before he shoved Niall’s hand off of his face and kissed him deeply on the lips.

“I can’t help it,” He admitted. “Now all I can think about is to do all kind of things and corrupt your little body even more than I already have.”

Niall flushed deeply and groaned.

“All the things I want to do,” Zayn continued, enjoying Niall’s obvious discomfort and embarrassment. “I want to play with your body until all you want is for me to touch you.”

“Ugh…” Niall hid his face again, and then gasped when Zayn’s fingers wrapped around his hard cock. Zayn stroked him a few times, before licking off the pre-cum, and Niall arched his back a little, panting.

“Oh yes… Zayn…” He moaned when Zayn closed his mouth around the tip and sucked hard; Niall cursed loudly. After using some time on licking, sucking and kissing Niall’s cock – and making Niall spill out moans and profanities – he let it go.

Niall whined loudly in protest, but he choked on his own breath when Zayn pulled apart his ass cheeks. 

Zayn stared lustfully at the tight little pink hole as it was exposed to him in all its glory and he could feel himself drooling. He situated his face between Niall’s legs and couldn’t help but chuckle quietly when Niall spluttered in embarrassment. 

“Z-Zayn, w-what are you-AH!” Niall gasped when Zayn puffed hot air against his entrance, and he positively quivered at the unfamiliar sensation. “Ohhhh…” he moaned when Zayn kissed his entrance, and his blue eyes spilled wide open when his tongue licked along it. “FUCK!” He cried and arched his back, gasping as pleasure rushed through him. Zayn _blew_ his mind when he poked the tip of his tongue past the tight ring of muscles. “ _Zayn!_ ” Niall keened loudly and pushed his hips closer to Zayn’s face, desperate to get the slick hot muscle deeper inside of him.

Zayn’s palm pressed against the inside of Niall’s thigh as he spread him wider to get better access. He pushed further in until his tongue was buried deep in Niall and his nose was pressing into the boy’s perineum. Niall’s fingers in his hair twisted as he heaved after air and arched his back with a loud gasp.

“Uhhh!Ahhhh!” Niall threw his head back, his eyes clenching tightly close as Zayn began thrusting his tongue in and out of his entrance. Niall cried out in pleasure as he moved down bringing Zayn’s face closer and his fingers massaged the back of the raven’s scalp. 

“Zayn… i-it feel so good… fuck… ugh”

He couldn’t believe Zayn’s tongue was inside of him, but it didn’t take longer before Niall craved something much bigger inside of him.

“Z-Zayn… ugh… please, I-I need you inside of me,” Niall croaked when he felt the familiar burning in his lower abdomen. He didn’t want to come without Zayn filling him up first.

“Of course,” Zayn lifted his face from Niall’s entrance and took a long moment to admire his work. Niall’s hole was twitching, wet and red; he couldn’t wait to enter. Niall’s whine told him he was getting carried away.

Niall looked up as Zayn returned to his previous position of hovering over him. When Zayn’s eyes were so intense and sexily dark with lust, Niall’s breath was always knocked out of him; knowing _he_ was the cause of it did something to him he couldn’t explain. Niall licked his lip and shivered when Zayn’s eyes followed the motion. As expected, Zayn dived down and bruised his lips in a hard kiss.

“I can barely wait to pound into that tight little ass of yours, Niall,” He growled against his lips and Niall’s cock twitched, his whole body filling with anticipation. “Fuck Zayn, what are you waiting for,” Niall moaned and lifted his hips a little.

He was about to have sex with Zayn for the third time in the backseat of his car, and _fuck_ , he didn’t regret it the in the least. He hungrily stared as Zayn quickly got out of his jeans, and he bit down his lip when Zayn’s fully hard cock appeared.

He whined in impatience when Zayn suddenly moved over and reached for something in the car pocket. He returned to his position with lube in his hands, and Niall had completely forgot about that; fuck, he might not even car because he _needed_ Zayn right now, right here. “Let me,” He said and Zayn looked surprised but handed him the lube nonetheless. Niall poured the cool lubricant in his hands, before wrapping his hand around Zayn’s cock. Zayn groaned as he coated his cock in the slick substance.

“There you go,” He smiled so innocently up at Zayn, that the boy almost felt a little guilty; _almost_.

The blonde took a deep breath when Zayn aligned his cock with his entrance, but the breath was quickly knocked out of him when Zayn slammed all the way inside of him in one go. Niall cried out when the pain shot through his spine and the tears welled up in his eyes. His fingers tangled in Zayn’s soft lock and he pulled him closer, resting his face in his shoulder. Zayn groaned. “Are you okay?” He asked hoarsely, and Niall nodded mutely.

“Fuck me Zayn,” He breathed hotly into his ear. “Fuck me so hard I won’t be able to sit down without thinking about you.”

Zayn completely lost it right there.

He pulled out and thrust roughly into Niall making the boy cry out his name. He fisted Niall’s hair as he pressed their lips together as he pounded into him relentlessly. He sheathed himself deep in Niall’s lithe body, relishing in the heat and the way he clenched around him. The younger boy was ohsotight; it was like Zayn was fucking him for the first time and boy did Zayn _worship_ it. His hips snapped back and forth, his thrust quick and deep. He drank in the cries, screams and moans spilling over Niall’s pale pink lips; absorbing the image of Niall’s flushed face and his pretty eyes clouded with pleasure and lust. 

Niall loved it; he loved the feeling of Zayn’s cock stretching him and filling him. He loved the mixture of pain and pleasure coursing through his body; he loved Zayn’s heavy pants and his sweat slicked chest and his dark smoky eyes. 

He _loved_ sex with Zayn.

Zayn grabbed his leg and threw it over his shoulder so he could go even deeper. He shifted angles and slammed right into Niall’s prostrate. Niall let out a strangled scream; music in Zayn’s ear. He continued to drive into Niall’s spot, rubbing the tip roughly against the sensitive bundle of muscles. Niall was tugging in his hair so roughly, he might as well be trying to bald him.“Zayn! Please don’t stop! Fuck!” He cried, and Zayn granted his wish more than willingly. 

The tensions mounted as the boys rocked back and forth together, the car moving along with their erratic movements. Zayn’s hand slid between their bodies and closed around Niall’s length, pumping it in synch with his thrusts. Niall didn’t last much longer after that. His small body shook and trembled as he came hard, spurting all over his own and Zayn’s chest. He went boneless as his head fell back as he took wheezy intakes of air, trying to catch his breath.

Not long after Zayn reached his limit too and collapsed on top of Niall in a panting and sweaty heap. Niall raked his fingers through Zayn’s hair and kissed his temple weakly.

“That…” Zayn breathed against Niall’s neck. “…was heaven.”

Niall merely chuckled breathlessly.

* * *

Niall had to come up with a lot of excuses the next day when the others noticed how he winced when he sat down, and he had to fight down several blushes in the course of the day. This whole thing with Zayn was quickly turning him into a rather good liar; Niall wasn’t sure whether he should be proud or ashamed.

One of the worst moments that day was when Harry decided to surprise him at the lockers by sneaking behind him and giving him a not so gently slap to his butt. The younger boy hadn’t understood why Niall had yelped so loudly, and now Niall’s butt hurt even more.

The day did get no better, because at lunch the whole school was buzzing. It was obvious some really good gossip was going around, and when Niall got their usual table, his friends were staring at some papers. Niall frowned and looked over Louis shoulder; a gasp of horror escaped him.

It was a picture of Mr. Powell in the strip-club.

“Wow… who would’ve thought,” Louis whistled as he stared wide-eyed at the picture. “This is so inappropriate! I wonder who snapped the picture,” Liam tore his eyes from it. “Whoever it was, they certainly got what they wanted,” Danielle commented.

Niall found his voice and stared at the girl as dread filled his every pore.

“W-What do you mean?”

“Mr. Powell got fired,” Harry informed. “But maybe it’s for the best since he was so mean to you, Niall.”

Niall took in a shuddering breath, the color leaving his features.

“N-Niall?you alright?” Hannah asked worriedly, but he didn’t reply. His gaze sought Zayn, but he couldn’t find him anywhere. He sat down carefully, but his butt still ached a little. However, it was nothing compared to the guilt twisting inside of him. His throat felt dry.

He couldn’t believe Zayn had done this. He never really thought of what Zayn wanted the pictures for. How could he have been so stupid? How could Zayn _do_ this? No matter how mean Mr. Powell was, he didn’t deserve to lose his job.

“I even heard this got mailed to his wife,” Louis gossiped. “She kicked him out.”

Niall felt weak and supported himself against Harry. The younger boy wrapped an arm around him and studied him worriedly. 

“Niall, are you alright?”

He shook his head.

“No,” He croaked.

* * *

At the end of the day, Niall got to his detention class; just another thing to add to this fucked up day. He hadn’t been able to find Zayn anywhere and doubted the boy had come to school to begin with. 

Apparently he was the only one in class and the teacher left him to his own devices. He was just staring out of the window, his thoughts drifting around when the door creaked open. He looked up expecting the teacher, but was surprised when Zayn walked in.

Niall growled as he got to his feet and walked over, shoving Zayn up against the now closed door; his hand fisted in his collar. Zayn looked amused at him. 

“You fucking idiot!” Niall spluttered, feeling the anger boil in him. “Why’d you leak those pictures!?”

Zayn arched a brow.

“What did you think I was going to do with them?” He asked and Niall shook his head. “How do I know?! You just ruined someone’s life!”

Zayn sighed as he tugged Niall’s hand off his shirt.

“Who cares?” He shrugged carelessly, and Niall’s balled his hands.

“I care!” Niall was on the verge of yelling. “He doesn’t deserve it!”

Zayn’s eyes narrowed a little and he stepped closer to Niall. “It’s done, Niall,” He said quietly. “What can you do about it?” Niall stared flabbergasted at the slightly taller boy; was he challenging him?!

“Go away,” Niall hissed and pushed him away, but Zayn grabbed his wrist and pulled him into him. When he kissed him, Niall really tried to resist but he found himself responding after a small struggle. “Ugh.. I hate you,” Niall hissed against his lips, and Zayn smirked. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

They parted for air, and Zayn walked over sitting on top of the desk. Niall followed him curiously with his eyes. “What are you doing here anyway?” He asked.

“Well why, I came to keep your company of course,” Zayn said. “I am that nice of a guy.”

Niall snorted.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Niall retorted dryly, mimicking Zayn.

Zayn rolled his eyes a bit.

“Hey, let’s do something fun,” He said and gave Niall a suggesting look. “Let’s play teacher and student.”

Niall glared at him, but it didn’t deter Zayn.

“Fuck off, Zayn,” He growled still upset about what he did.

“You’re being a bad student,” Zayn tsk’ed at him and gave him a disapproving frown, but the evil smile that followed kind of scared Niall.

“Seems like I have to punish you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose  
>  If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you_
> 
> _Clarity - Zedd (ft Foxes)_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Zayn watched the sliver of fear in Niall’s eyes and it only turned him on even more; he was so cute. “Come over here, Niall,” he called the blonde. “Be a good boy.”

“Do you think this is a porn movie or something?” Niall snarled as he crossed his arms and glared at Zayn. If he only knew that his glare was harmless, because those big blue eyes couldn’t possibly be close to intimidating Zayn.

“Don’t make it worse for yourself,” Zayn mocked a stern voice and waved him over. “Come on.”

Niall sighed and seemed to crave in as he walked up to him ever so slowly. As soon as he was close enough Zayn grabbed his arm and pulled him close. 

“What can I help with, _Mr. Malik_ ,” Niall’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, and Zayn laughed. “You could start with calling me Zayn,” He smirked as Niall rolled his eyes. 

“Of course, Zayn.” He smiled sweetly and suddenly spilled his eyes wide open and pushed out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout giving him a full-blown puppy look. Zayn breathed in deeply; he could feel his cock twitch in his pants and his fingers itched. “Please don’t be too hard on me?” Niall pleaded.

Niall was playing with fire really and Zayn was ohsoclose to just slamming him down on the desk and pounding into him until he cried for mercy; he controlled himself, though. 

“I don’t have any other choice,” Zayn mocked a solemn voice as he brushed Niall’s bang out of his face. “You’ve been a bad boy.” He smirked when Niall gave him a _really?_ look.

“Get on your knees, Horan,” He commanded a little breathlessly, and Niall seemed to hesitate but in the end dropped down on his knees and looked up at him. “Good boy,” He complimented and stroked Niall’s hair, smirking when the smaller boy leaned closer to his touch. 

“Now, pull out my cock,” He ordered and Niall once again hesitated but ended up complying. His fingers were shaking a little as he loosened his belt and pulled down the zipper. Zayn could hear his breath quicken a little, and he stood up straight so Niall could pull down his pants and boxers. Zayn was already semi-hard and he hissed when the air hit his member.

“What do you want me to do?” Niall looked up at him with big eyes, and Zayn cursed under his breath. “Begin with stroking it,” He said, and Niall didn’t waste time wrapping his fingers around him. Zayn groaned as Niall gave quick and hard strokes. “Slow a bit down,” he instructed and Niall complied. “Good boy,” Zayn stroked his hair in reward. “Use your other hands on my balls,” He ordered, and Niall did so; his warm hand cupped his balls and massaged them between his fingers. “Ugh…” Zayn grew harder and bigger in Niall’s hand in a few minutes. “So good, babe.”

“Okay,” He breathed. “Now be a good little boy and wrap those lovely pink lips around my cock and suck it.” This time Niall hesitated for a longer time, and Zayn impatiently pushed his hard cock against the boy’s soft lips. Niall finally opened his mouth and slowly closed his mouth around the tip. Zayn growled and had to hold himself back from thrusting in.

Niall began to ever so slowly lick the tip, and Zayn groaned in pleasure. It seemed to give Niall more confidence and he ran his tongue along the base and sucked lightly. He peeked up at Zayn with big eyes like he was searching for some kind of approval. Now the way Niall’s eyes were all big, innocent and naïve turned Zayn even more on; he couldn’t help but feel like he was corrupting the boy.

“You’re good,” He approved and pushed a little further in, loving how hot and wet his mouth was around him. “Your mouth is so hot.” He hummed, and Niall bobbed his head as he switched between licking up his length and sucking him. “Watch your teeth, babes,” Zayn instructed.

Zayn fisted the hair at the back of Niall’s head and tilted his head up a little. “Let me see those pretty eyes of yours; look at me as you suck me off,” He demanded, and Niall complied; _fuck_ , Zayn loved how pliant and willing he was. It wasn’t the best blow job, there was some work to be done, but how innocent Niall managed to look while doing such a sinful act totally made up for it; besides, Zayn would made sure to train him until he was a pro at it. He brought his hips a little closer as he kept eye-contact with Niall and pressed a thumb to his cheek so he could feel himself inside of Niall’s mouth. “Such a good little boy.”

He momentarily lost control and roughly thrust into Niall’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat. Niall pulled back as he gagged, tears welling up in his pretty eyes; Zayn probably shouldn’t, but he found it incredibly hot. “Sorry,” He lied and massaged Niall’s head. “Take it back in.” Niall glared at him, but didn’t say anything as he took him back into his heated mouth. After enjoying Niall’s hot tongue for a while, he ordered Niall to pull out. 

“Get on your feet.” Niall shuffled to his feet, and Zayn admired how swollen and red his lips had become and how dazed his eyes were. “You’re such a good little boy,” He said and kissed him on the mouth slowly and hard. His hand travelled down and roughly grabbed the bulge in the boy’s pants. Niall’s moan hit the back of his throat. “I didn’t give you permission to get hard,” He teased, and Niall growled. “Are you fucking serious.”

“No cussing,” Zayn scolded, and Niall bit down his lip probably holding himself back from saying something he shouldn’t. “Now stand over there and strip for me.”

Niall opened his mouth to maybe protest but seemed to decide against it. He took a few steps back. Zayn watched him intently as he slowly took off his shirt, revealing the smooth pale skin of his chest and flat stomach. He then proceeded to unbuckle his belt, but when he came to the zipper he pulled it down so fucking slowly that Zayn growled. He then saw the playful glint in Niall’s eyes and realized he was teasing him.

“Don’t do that, Niall,” Zayn warned. “Or it might get worse for you.”

“M’sorry,” Niall pouted mockingly and pulled his zipper all the way down. He stepped out of his jeans and hooked his fingers under the waistband of his boxers and they followed his jeans to the floor. Zayn licked his lips, his eyes raking over Niall’s glorious naked frame. 

“Now what,” Niall said and squirmed uncomfortably under his burning eyes. Zayn smirked as an idea hit him. “Sit on top of that desk behind you.”

“Why?” Niall asked suspiciously, but Zayn sent him a “just do it” gaze, and he sighed as he did so. “Now spread your legs and show me that pretty little hole of yours.”

Niall flushed a deep crimson and he shook his head.

“Pervert,” He spat, and Zayn suppressed a laugh. “Do what I say; be a good boy.”

Niall shook his head again.

“Don’t make me do it.”

Niall’s eyes were a little wide as he pulled his legs apart, and Zayn’s eyes zoomed in on the boy’s entrance; he bit down his lips as reminisced the feeling of its walls tightening around him. He couldn’t wait to relive it.

“Touch yourself, Niall,” he ordered hoarsely, his eyes glowing dark with lust. He was surprised when Niall made a little sound close to a whimper. He was even more surprised when Niall stuck three fingers in his mouth and sucked lewdly, before pulling them out with an arousing wet sound. His pretty blue eyes were dark as he locked eyes with Zayn. His spit slicked fingers trailed down his body, and Zayn’s cock twitched when he twisted a nipple around his fingers and threw his head back with a small whimper. 

Zayn was transfixed as he stared at Niall’s finger as they continued on their path down his flat stomach. The blonde graced his hard cock and shuddered. Zayn breathed harshly in when Niall’s fingers reached his hole and the small boy moaned as he rubbed the sensitive area around his entrance. “Ahhh…” Niall panted as he experimentally poked his middle finger through the tight ring of muscles. 

“Oh fuck,” Zayn bit down his lips and had to grab the desk to keep himself from going over to Niall and replace his fingers with his own cock. Zayn’s cock twitched and leaked as Niall began fucking himself on his fingers with small moans and whimpers. 

“Add another finger,” Zayn’s voice was raspy. Niall did as he was told and pushed another finger inside of him. “That’s it now open yourself up, babe.” Niall moaned as he stretched himself, and Zayn’s eyes were frozen on the blonde’s fingers as they appeared and disappeared into the tight ring of muscles. “Another one,” Zayn commanded after a few moments and growled lowly when Niall buried a third finger inside of himself. “Good boy,” He croaked, feeling like he was losing his voice. “Fuck yourself now and prepare yourself for my cock.”

It was _mind-blowing_ to watch Niall’s fingers thrust in and out of his hole. The smaller boy was shaking, his mouth hanging open and his eyes fluttering. His cheeks were pink and his hole slowly reddened at the abuse. Zayn wished he’d brought his camera, because this was such a glorious sight. He had to keep himself from jerking off to the mouth-watering view.

Zayn would maybe have lasted a little longer if Niall hadn’t suddenly called out for him. “Oh Zayn… ugh,” his finger rapidly thrust in and out as he lifted his glazed eyes to him. “… I… ahh… please, fuck me. I need you… so badly,” He moaned, and Zayn’s control slipped.

“Fuck, Niall,” He hissed. “Come over here, babe,” He said, and Niall pulled his fingers out of his hole and got to his shaky feet. Zayn enjoyed watching him walk over to him unsteadily. He looked so freaking delicious it was unbelievable; his cock was painfully hard against his stomach, small beads of sweat was gluing his bangs to his forehead, his cheeks were flushed red, lips swollen and eyes dazed.

He almost collapsed against him when he reached him. His breath was scorching against his ear. “Please Zayn... I need you to pound into me.”Zayn groaned as he wondered when Niall had grown such a filthy mouth; he probably had something do with it. He kissed his neck softly. 

“Bend over the desk, babe,” Zayn ordered, and Niall eagerly replied. Zayn looked at him as he was bend over, his ass strutting in the air; so to tight and glorious and ready and just waiting for him to fill it. 

He moved over and bent over Niall’s lithe body, breathed down his neck and loving the shiver it caused. He nudged the head of his cock against Niall’s entrance and the blonde shuddered. “Z-Zayn…” he begged. “Tell me, Niall,” He whispered. “Isn’t your pretty little ass sore from yesterday?” Zayn couldn’t help but slap the boy’s ass gently was pleasantly surprised at the moan the blonde emitted. “…Y-yes it is,” Niall whimpered, “…please, I can take it.”

Zayn probably should have gone easy on him seeing that it was less than 24 hours ago he’d been pounding into him in the back of his car, and he didn’t have any lube on him. But how was he supposed to keep his sanity with Niall begging him like that? “You’ve been a good boy, Niall; here is your reward.” Before Niall could retort Zayn rammed into him, and Niall let out a strangled scream. Zayn briefly wondered if someone would hear them, but then decided he didn’t really care.

He began a fast pace as he pounded into Niall relentlessly, and Niall trembled underneath him. The desk shook for each thrust in and the class was filled with Niall’s cries, Zayn’s grunts, skin slapping against skin and the desk scraping against the ground

Zayn dug his finger into the soft skin of Niall’s ass and spread him wider. He drunk in the image of his cock disappearing into Niall’s hole, and it was the most glorious sight he’d ever seen. “Ohhhh, sooo good, Z-Zayn!Ahhh!” Zayn really liked the fact that Niall always was so loud; it was a major turn on.

Zayn continued to pound into him roughly until Niall came. He didn’t stop his thrusts as Niall’s body shook with the orgasms; another thing Zayn adored was the way Niall would always cry out his name when he fell apart underneath him. It was incredibly hot.

Niall clenched around him, squeezing him tightly and he managed a few more thrusts before he spilled inside of Niall. He gasped as he rested his face against Niall’s shoulder blade.

“Good boy,” He mumbled and kissed his skin. “I think this was better than any porn move,” He smirked.

Niall sighed and closed his eyes, trying to calm down his beating heart. He felt so complete with Zayn still sheathed inside of him and his come coating his insides. But the momentarily peace was quickly shattered as the door creaked open.

Niall stiffened, his breath halting in his throat, and his heart stopping beating for the moment. His eyes were wide with horror as he turned them towards the door.

“H-Hannah…”

The girl’s eyes looked like they might pop out of her eyes and were painted with pure shock. Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out. Her face drenched turning ash-grey, before she flushed a deep scarlet. She looked the way Niall felt; like she might get a heart attack any moment.

Niall felt like his world slipped under his feet and his chest had never felt tighter. No amount of shame could compare with the lot Niall felt at his friend finding him in such a compromising position.

“Hannah! Wait!” He cried as the girl turned on her heels and ran; she didn’t listen. Niall wanted to sob and jerked upright, resulting in Zayn slipping out of him. He didn’t look at Zayn as he shouldered past him and blindly tugged on his clothes.He winced slightly as he pulled his boxers on; his ass hurt like fuck.

“Niall-“

“Shut up,” Niall snapped as he zipped up his pants and grabbed his bag. 

“Wow, no need to bite off my head,” Zayn said and Niall sent him a glare through the tears in his eyes, before without another word storming off.

* * *

The same evening Niall was knocking on the Cromwell household with a knot of nervousness in his stomach. He looked nervously around at Hannah’s family’s house, or mansion was properly a more appropriate term. Hannah came from a wealthy family and it certainly showed.

He needed to talk to her or more specifically beg her not to tell anyone what she had witnessed. As soon as he got home, he’d sobbed into his pillow for a whole hour before getting hold of himself. He should have known that someone would find out eventually, but he never thought they’d actually be caught in the act – or in this case just after – he guessed that’s what he got for being such a whore. Why had he let Zayn fuck him in the freaking school again? Oh yeah, he’d begged for it;maybe he was a little more worthless and slutty than he’d thought.

His self-loathing thoughts were cut short by the door opening and he looked directly into a pair of stoic eyes and likewise features. He gulped inaudibly.

“H-hey Nate,” He stuttered as he looked up at the taller boy standing before him. Nate was Hannah’s older intimidating brother; he was tall, muscular and had long flowing brown hair tied back at the nape of his neck. He graduated last year and had been a genius, leaving with the highest marks and had been known as the school prodigy. He always wore an expression that clearly told you he had much more important stuff to do than talk with you; like right now.

“Niall,” He greeted dryly and looked him up and down like the blonde was dirt under his shoe. “Uh-I came to see Hannah?” Niall said in a small voice, squirming under Nate’s gaze.

“Obviously,” He retorted and Niall blushed a little. “I’ll call her,” He said and left the door open as he retreated into the mansion.

Niall tripped nervously as he waited for Hannah to come to the door. She appeared in the door and her eyes grew wide as she flushed fiercely. “N-N-Ni…” She trailed off, apparently unable to say his name. She fidgeted with her fingers, her eyes doing everything not to look into Niall’s and the blonde could literally see her sweat under his gaze.

“Hannah,” He said quietly; he should have expected such a reaction. “Please, calm down.”

It took a whole other minute with her spluttering and squirming, before she finally got the nerve to invite him inside. Niall bowed his head as he followed the girl into the house, up the stairs and to her room.

“D-do y-you w-want a-any-“

“No,” Niall cut her off and felt bad when she flinched a little. “Please, Hannah, let’s not tip-toe around the topic, please? I think we both know why I am here.”

She flushed even a deeper shade of red than she already was and nodded shakily. She looked horrified at Niall from where he was looking at her from the bed.

“Sit down?” Niall said awkwardly to her, and she complied, dumping down on a chair. She was rigid and tense, chewing on her lip and fiddling with her fingers.

Niall sighed.

“What you saw…” he began and she tensed even more. “…you can’t tell anyone.”

There was a long pregnant silence with Niall waiting for some kind of reply, and Hannah fidgeting in her seat.

“N-Niall,” She stuttered and got the courage to look him in the eye. “I-I d-don’t understand… w-why…I…” She trailed off, and Niall wasn’t sure what she was asking. “H-he’s…. he’s not…”

“…a good person?” Niall sighed even though he wasn’t sure that’s what she had been about to say. “Well, I guess I am neither.”

“Y-you’re,” Hannah disagreed quickly, and Niall smiled a little sadly towards her. Hannah really didn’t deserve to have this awkward conversation, and she certainly hadn’t deserved to witness what she did. He wondered what she thought of him. “Y-You not going t-to tell t-the others?” She asked with big eyes, and Niall groaned a little. “No, I can’t,” He mumbled and buried his face in his hands; he felt so lost and frustrated.

They sat like that in silence for a few minutes, before Hannah got to her feet and timidly sat down next to him. She shyly put an arm around his shoulder, and Niall surprised her when he turned and buried his face in her neck. “N-Niall!!” She spluttered. “I need a hug,” He whispered and even though Hannah’s hug couldn’t really be called a hug, he found some comfort nonetheless.

“Why did you come to the class anyway?” He mumbled into her shoulder. Apparently, she and her drama group (she was part of the drama club) had stayed back to rehearse on some plays. She told him she’d been walking down the hall when she’d heard noises and had decided to check on it. Niall groaned in embarrassment; he might as well bury himself.

* * *

Niall didn’t hear from Zayn the next couple of days, and it frustrated him. He hated how Zayn would fuck him and then cut contact for at least two days; a voice told him Zayn wasn’t obliged to call him or any other kind of contacts. _You aren’t together, remember?_ the voice reminded him.

Things were a bit awkward between him and Hannah the first day and of course the other picked up on it. It had gone so far that Louis had demanded they told him what they had done behind his back, and Hannah’s embarrassment could only be challenged by her embarrassment when she’d caught him and Zayn.

The next day he’d been walking home from school with Harry and had suddenly asked him out of the blue if he’d ever hate him if he did something he didn’t like; the fear Niall held had apparently transformed into words. Harry had given him a smile with dimples and everything. “I would never hate you, Niall,” He’d assured. “I might get mad at you – depending on what it is – but I wouldn’t be able to be mad at you for a longer time.”

Niall had believed him and hugged him tightly.

“Thanks, Harry,” He’d said and he wasn’t sure if it was just something he’d imagined, but he could have sworn he felt lips pressing into his head. When Harry had asked him why, he’d just shrugged. “Just curious,” he’d said, which really wasn’t that big of a lie.

* * *

Three nights passed since Niall and Zayn were caught, and the blonde had yet to hear from the raven. Since they didn’t have classes together in school, it was impossible to even catch a glimpse of him. Niall thought he saw him once in the hallway, but he wasn’t sure.

It was eating away on Niall. He admitted that to himself, and he hated it. He wondered if Zayn had broken their ‘agreement’ after they’d been caught, after all it was supposed to be a secret, right?a secret is between two people not three. Niall had to ask himself if he cared if that was the case, and that’s when he found himself in a dilemma.

He couldn’t have grown – dare he even think it – attached to the purely sexual relationship he and Zayn shared.

It was no surprise that Niall was in a bad mood when Zayn decided to show up at 8 pm; surprisingly early for his standards. The raven immediately noticed his bad mood. 

“Is this a bad time?” He asked and took a cautious step back when Niall looked visciously at him.

“Where’ve you been?!” He snapped, and Zayn raised a brow.

“What? Was I supposed to be here any specific time?” The question hit Niall hard like a tons of bricks, and he once again realized he had no right to ask that question. What was wrong with him?

He deflated a little and sighed.

“So…” Zayn trailed off and looked around. “What did that friend of yours say?”

Niall looked up at Zayn and wondered if it would make a difference to him what Hannah had said; he had a feeling it didn’t.

“She’d keep her mouth shut,” Niall shrugged and felt a little more than crestfallen.

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?” Zayn studied him, probably confused by Niall’s mood.

Niall didn’t know why, but he felt really, really sad. He just wanted to get his mind of all the confusing thoughts racing through it. And there was Zayn now close to him so he grabbed him and pulled him in for a kiss.

They ended up on the bed, and if Zayn noticed how desperate Niall’s kisses and touches were then he certainly didn’t comment on them and just took what he gave. 

Niall held Zayn a little tighter, kissed him a little longer, desperate to erase that bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He more or less ripped Zayn’s jacket and shirt of and kissed him deeply on the lips. _Please_ , was the word going through his mind, and Niall wasn’t even sure what he was pleading for.

Zayn fondled his growing erection through his pants and Niall’s hips bucked up into his hands. “Take them off,” Niall requested breathlessly, and Zayn sealed their lips as his fingers fumbled with his belt. Once his belt was loose, Zayn shoved his hands in Niall’s boxers and grabbed his cock. Niall threw his head back with a loud moan.

Exactly at the same time the door opened and everything came crashing down.

Niall’s eyes snapped up to look directly into a pair of shocked brown ones.

“L-Liam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
>  Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why_
> 
> _Zedd - Clarity (ft Foxes)_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Niall might as well shoot himself, because he couldn’t possibly have forgotten that Liam said earlier today he would come over. He wanted to borrow his Spanish book since he’d forgotten his in the school.

And there he was standing in the doorway gaping at them with pale features, wide eyes and open mouth. His eyes were painted with horror as they followed Zayn’s hand that disappeared in Niall’s pants, and a strangled sound escaped the back of his throat. His reaction could almost challenge Hannah’s.

For a very short second he looked like he might stalk over and kick Zayn off of him, but then he turned on his heels.

“Liam!!” Niall cried desperately as he shoved Zayn off of him and ran after his friend; never mind he was shirtless and his pants were open. He caught up to him at the door. Liam looked at him, his eyes still wide and even a little disbelieving. His eyes swept over Niall’s disheveled frame and the blonde could see his Adam apple bob as he swallowed heavily.

“We’ll talk,” He said quietly with a small frown and there it was – Niall felt his chest tighten – the disappointment in his eyes. Niall _hated_ that look, and as Liam walked away, he felt like _dying_ ; this couldn’t possibly be happening.

When he got back to his room there were no traces of Zayn whatsoever, and he collapsed on his bed, tears flowing down his cheeks.

* * *

It was only expected that Niall didn’t close an eye that night, and he cried more than once. He’d never felt worse, and he had a feeling things were only going to get even worse. He wished Zayn could’ve stayed and just held him; told him everything would be alright. A part of him wished Zayn would have told him that no matter what happened nothing would change between them.

But he never heard from the raven-haired lad, not even a text and it _killed_ Niall. He had to ask himself why it mattered to him so much, and how many of his tears were because of Zayn’s seemingly indifference.

Somewhere early in the morning he managed to drift off to sleep. He was awakened by his phone vibrating a little earlier than he used to get up. His eyes widened when he saw who the text was from.

**Liam: Hey Ni. I am in the car outside. I want to talk before school**

Niall swallowed. A tiny part of him had hoped Liam would ignore the whole thing and act like he hadn’t seen anything; a wishful thinking was all it was.

He used a whole 5 minutes staring at the screen, before replying.

**Niall: Be there in 5**

Niall fell back on his pillow with a heavy sigh. He didn’t know what he would say, and he could already feel all the questions Liam was burning with. He just had to get this over with.

…

A few minutes later, Niall was walking out of the house and his stomach twisted a little when he saw Liam’s familiar car holding at the sidewalk.

Niall walked over there as slow as he could, but he got there eventually. He opened the door and slid in next to Liam in the passenger seat. He was a bit relieved when Liam smiled.

“Good morning, Nialler,” He said softly.

“Good morning, Li,” Niall lied hoarsely; there was absolutely nothing good about this morning.

Then they were both silent for a moment, and Niall was squirming uncomfortably in his seat. Then Liam sighed, and Niall’s stomach dropped a little.

“Niall,” Liam was wearing that serious face of his, and Niall reluctantly met his gaze. “Care to explain?”

Niall wetted his lips as his brain turned the words in his head; what was there really to explain? How should he explain that he and Zayn fucked without it sounding like he was a fucking slut?

“We… me and Zayn,” Niall fiddled nervously with his fingers and felt like a little girl admitting her crush. “… We have sex.”

Liam’s head snapped towards him so fast, the blonde was afraid it might snap off his neck. He’d thought Liam had figured that much out, but judging from his wide shocked eyes, he’d been wrong; oh well.

Liam opened his mouth, but seemed to change his mind as his mouth clapped together again. He turned and stared straightforward, and Niall could see how his hands clenched slightly around the steering wheel.

“…Oh…” He mumbled finally, and Niall was frustrated; he had expected and would much rather a different reaction than a ‘stunned to silence’ one.

“Yeah,” He sighed tiredly.

“But for how long has it been going on?” Liam turned to look at him again, and Niall knew Liam never liked not knowing what was going on around him.

Niall shrugged.

“… a little over two weeks,” He replied and realized that it had been less time than he’d thought. He and Zayn were obviously no good at keeping secrets.

“Why didn’t you tell?” Liam sounded hurt, and Niall felt guilty. 

He shrugged again.

“I already knew what you would think,” He blurted out, before he could stop himself. He looked at Liam with wide eyes, and Liam looked back confused.

“What? How would you know?” Liam frowned.

Niall bit his lip slightly. He might as well tell him since the damage was done.

“I was the one who slept with him that Friday night,” He said in a rushed voice like he was expecting Liam to miss it. He saw how Liam stiffened and his eyes turned guilty.

“Niall, you know we didn’t mean you,” He said quickly and reached over to place a hand on Niall’s shoulder. The blonde shied away from his touch.

“You meant whoever slept with him,” Niall said quietly. “Which just happened to be me.”

“It’s different!” Liam exclaimed desperately.

“I don’t see the difference, Liam,” Niall looked down at his hand in his lap; his eyes hurt.

“There is a difference,” Liam insisted. “We don’t think about you like that.”

Niall didn’t say anything; not fully believing Liam’s words.

Liam sighed softly.

“Are you planning on continuing?”

Niall knew what Liam wanted to hear, he knew what he, himself wanted to say but what he wanted was an entirely different thing. First then did he fully realized to what extent he had grown attached to what he and Zayn shared. He couldn’t deny that sex with Zayn was great, amazing even. 

He shrugged in reply, and it was obvious what it meant.

He heard Liam swallow and the silence that followed was tense.

“Niall,” Liam broke it. “You know I care about you right?” Niall nodded. “I wouldn’t want to see you hurt.” He looked worriedly at Niall, and Niall hated when Liam was worried.

“It’s not going to happen,” Niall assured. “It’s just sex; that’s all.” He winced a little at his own words.

“For now,” Liam agreed quietly. “But you know, in those kind of relationship, at least one person begins to develop feelings for the other.”

Niall’s eyes widened a little as he tensed. 

“Do you like him, Niall?”

Niall would have given his fucking _soul_ to the devil in exchange of not hearing that question. Had it been a week ago, Niall would have laughed at that; him loving Zayn? A good one. But now, now he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

He thought about how his heart would go crazy when he looked into Zayn’s eyes. He thought about how disappointed he would be when Zayn never contacted him after they had sex. He thought about how afraid he’d been when he’d thought it was all over.

Yeah, he might like Zayn a tiny bit, but nothing he couldn’t manage.

He shook his head.

“No… I like the sex,” He confessed and blushed at his own words; god, he sounded like a slut. Liam squirmed uncomfortably next to him and his hands were clenching and unclenching around the wheel.

“He doesn’t have the best reputation as you know,” Liam’s worried eyes were back on him. “I don’t think he’s right for you. I just want to see you happy, Ni.”

Niall gave Liam a soft assuring smile.

“I got this, don’t worry, yea?”

Liam sighed and fell silent again. Niall could practically feel the thoughts turning in his head. When his hands dropped from the wheel and into his lap, Niall knew he had accepted Niall’s decision; though he clearly didn’t agree.

“You have to tell the others,” Liam stated and Niall’s breath caught in his throat. “You wouldn’t want them to hear from anyone else, right?”

“No,” Niall sighed deeply. He didn’t know what the worst thing that could happen at this point was. He really just wanted to get it over with.

“Does this mean you’re…” Liam gestured with his hand a little awkwardly. “…into guys?”

Niall flamed a bright red.

“Uh… I… I don’t know,” He stuttered.

“It’s okay,” Liam smiled and suddenly pulled him into a hug. “It wouldn’t change anything.” He pulled a little away and studied Niall. “But please, if he ever treats you badly then come to me, yea?”

“Yea, of course, Li.” Niall sighed as he leaned back in Liam’s arms and realized he’d missed Liam’s comfort. He hoped the others would be as understanding as Liam was.

…

Apparently none of the others were as calm as Liam. Niall would discover that a couple of nights later. They all had a movie night at Liam’s ‘new’ flat – two months old – and Niall had been the first one to arrive. Liam had then insisted that he should tell them and he would support him. Niall had been reluctant, but had agreed in the end; he might as well get it over with.

Harry arrived next and he immediately noticed how tense Niall was. He then proceeded to surprise the blonde by tickling him, finding all his weak spots, in an attempt to lighten him up. Niall must admit it worked, because before long he was laughing hysterically on the floor trying to fend off the curly-haired boy. A friendly tickle fight broke out with Liam as spectator and he stayed neutral, not cheering on any of them.

Before long Niall and Harry collapsed on each other, heaving for air and trying to calm down. “Damn it Harry, were you trying to kill me,” Niall huffed and playfully flickered Harry’s nose; he was literally sprawled on top of the blonde. The younger boy grinned as he moved up so his face rested against Niall’s neck. The blonde didn’t realize how intimate their position was.  
“If I killed you then I would have to kill myself too,” Harry said dramatically. “I wouldn’t be able to leave without you, NiNi.” Niall laughed. “Drama queen,” He teased. “You should stop hanging out with Louis. He’s rubbing off on you.” Niall ran his fingers through Harry’s soft curls and smiled when the boy leaned closer to the touch.

“You smell so nice, Nialler,” Harry hummed as he snuggled closer to him, his arm wrapping around the blonde’s waist. “Thanks, you too,” Niall said as the fresh scent of soap and newly washed clothes filled his nose. They laid in silence for a while as Liam shuffling around the kitchen filled the background.   
…  
He had prepared what he wanted to say, but when he had gained everyone’s attention, his brain went blank. Liam was looking encouraging at him and standing supportively next to him. Hannah must have guessed what it was about, because she sent him a small assuring smile; like she was trying to say it was going to be okay. 

Danielle, Louis and Harry were gazing at him curiously. They had obviously figured out something was up with him and now they couldn’t wait to hear what.

The words didn’t come out as he had planned them.

“Zayn and I are having sex.” Niall blushed so deeply, he thought he might just explode. That was defiantly not how he’d planned to tell them and judging from their expression, they were at least as shocked.

A deathly silence fell over them as Danielle, Louis and Harry stared shocked at him. 

Niall just really, really wanted to hide behind Liam.

Louis was the first one that snapped out of it.

“You _what_!!?” He shouted and Niall flinched. “No need to shout,” Liam scolded, but Louis barely heard him. He was already freaking out.

“Woah, woah!” He exclaimed and lifted his hands like he was overwhelmed by that piece of information. “Is this some kind of joke?! Because I don’t like it at _all_!”

Niall just sat there and stared at Louis with big eyes.

“So are you together or what?” Louis made a face like that would be horrifying, and Niall gave a small shake of his head. “Shit, _Niall_! You let that jerk fuck you without commitment!? Not like that dude would commit to anyone! And since when were you into dudes!?”

“ _Louis_ ,” Liam growled in warning, but once Louis begun it was very hard to stop him again; he also tended not to think over what he said, and he obviously wasn’t realizing he was hurting Niall.

“You knew about this?” Louis stared incredulously at Liam as he exaggeratedly waved in Niall’s general direction. “And you’re _okay_ with it!? It’s _Zayn_ for Christ sake! And _Niall_! He’s innocent, stupid and naïve! He’s _using_ him!”

“It’s his choice!” Liam snapped and glv 5 xcared angrily at Louis. He glanced at Niall who looked a little more than shaken by Louis angry outburst; couldn’t the idiot phrase his words better or better yet, shut the fuck up?

Louis’ words were like stabs to Niall’s heart and it ached terribly in his uncomfortably tight chest. He couldn’t bear looking into Louis’ eyes and as he looked away, he caught Harry’s eyes.

Niall didn’t know how it was possible, but he could have sworn his heart dropped from his ribcage to his feet at the look Harry was sending him. 

It was a look of unadulterated _hurt_. Just the look hurt Niall to his very _core_. Harry’s pretty green eyes were sending him a look that screamed ‘ _why_ ’ and _‘how could you’_.

Niall wanted to look away, but Harry wouldn’t let him and held his gaze. For some reason, Niall felt like he’d done something terribly wrong; worse than sleeping with Zayn. Louis and Liam were arguing in the background, Danielle was trying to break them up and Hannah just sat there with big scared eyes looking between him and Harry.

Things were falling apart, and Niall was dying inside.

Finally Harry looked pointedly away. Niall’s heart stung when the younger boy rushed to his feet and without looking back, stormed off.

“Harry!!” Niall’s desperate cry gained the other’s attention as everyone turned to look after Harry. Niall wanted to run after him, but he was nailed to the ground.

“What is he doing?” Louis said as he shot a quick glance outside. “It’s raining!”

That did it for Niall and he crumbled; the tears streamed down his eyes.

Everyone froze in shock when he began to sob.

They all reached out for him, but Liam got to him first. He dropped down next to him and hugged him. Niall fisted the back of the older boy’s shirt as he cried against his shoulder. 

“I think you should all leave,” Liam said coldly and sent the three remaining a disappointed frown; he’d obviously expected a better reaction from them.

Louis gut twisted with guilt.

“Niall, I didn’t mean-“

“Out,” Liam snapped, and Louis shoulder slumped in defeat. He mumbled an apology, before leaving. Liam’s gaze softened as he looked at the girls. They got the hint, and Danielle gave him a quick peck to the cheek, before walking out with Hannah.

Liam turned his attention to Niall when he heard the door close. “Shhh…” He shushed gently as he rubbed the boy’s back. “It’s going to be alright.”

“T-they hate me! They all hate me,” Niall hiccupped.

“No they don’t,” Liam assured. “They were just shocked, and Louis was just being Louis. They’ll come around.”

“Y-you didn’t see how H-Harry looked at me,” Niall sniveled as fresh tears gathered in his eyes.

“He’ll get used to it,” Liam comforted. “Don’t be worried. I promise, things will be alright.”

Liam didn’t stop holding him through his tears and whispering soothing words. At some point Niall’s eyes dried out, and Liam offered him to stay the night. Niall accepted the offer.

They shared Liam’s bed which wasn’t a new occurrence, really. Niall was more than thankful he hadn’t to sleep alone, even though he got very little sleep that night.

Harry’s hurt eyes were haunting him.

….

The first thing Niall did when the sun rose the next morning was to send a text to Harry.

**Do you hate me?”**

Usually Harry replied quickly to his texts even when it was the weirdest hour of the day. However, Niall didn’t receive a reply for this one, which really was a reply in itself.

Niall’s heart felt heavy when he followed Liam out of the house. They drove in silence, and when they reached school, Liam sent him a comforting smile.

“I’m not going to continue having sex with Zayn,” Niall blurted out with blank eyes.

“Really?” Liam said surprised and Niall could hear the relief there as well. Of course this is what Liam had wanted him to do.

“Yeah,” Niall whispered in a small voice and without waiting for Liam, he climbed out of the car.

Niall caught sight of Harry at the boy’s locker, and he immediately walked towards him. However as soon as the younger boy saw him, he turned on his heels and walked the opposite direction. That action really hurt him deeply.

I’ll break it up with Zayn and everything’s going to be fine, He told himself, but he couldn’t ignore how his heart’s stinging matched the one in his eyes.

…

He met Zayn in the library, and Niall wished Zayn wasn’t so attractive, then maybe it would have been easier. He looked curiously at him, wearing a flannel shirt with the top buttons undone, revealing a tan, tattooed collarbone. His jeans were really tight, almost to the point of Harry-tight; the name sent a dagger turning in his heart.

He cleared his throat.

“Zayn… we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose  
>  If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you_
> 
> _Zedd - Clarity (ft Foxes)_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Zayn took a seat on the arm lean of a couch and took out his earphones, before focusing fully on Niall.

“Sup?” He said nonchalantly, and Niall would wish he didn’t sound so indifferent; couldn’t he at least pretend like he cared? He obviously knew what this was about.

Niall looked at him for a moment; like _really_ looked at him. He didn’t know what he searched for, but all he got out of it was a heavier heart. He really wanted a hug from him as he realized Zayn had never held him; not even after sex. He mentally shook his head to get his sidetracked thoughts together; he had to do this. He might want it, but it certainly wasn’t healthy if he was losing his friends over this and it caused him head aching thoughts.

“I can’t do this anymore,” He blurted out; he didn’t want to beat around the bush, besides they were on time pressure. They had to get back to class in 10 minutes.

He studied Zayn’s reaction closely and was really disappointed when his facial expression didn’t change immediately. He just looked at him for a long moment, and Niall hated he couldn’t see what was going through his mind. 

“Do what?” He finally said, and Niall wished he wouldn’t play dumb. The blonde waved between them frantically as he realized he didn’t know what to describe their relationship as. “.. This…” He trailed off and thought they couldn’t even be called friends with benefit; they weren’t even friends. Fuck buddies? The term made Niall shudder. “…this between us can’t continue,” He finally said. “It’s over,” the words left his mouth heavily and tasted sourly on his tongue.

Zayn’s eyes were boring into his, and Niall squirmed a little. The raven then tilted his face a little to the side and quirked a brow at him.

“Is that what you really want, Niall?” He inquired, and Niall didn’t reply; of course it wasn’t what he wanted, but what he wanted wasn’t the best thing. “Or is it something your friends decided for you?” 

Niall wetted his dry lips, didn’t reply and just stared blankly at the boy sitting before him. He felt a little fidgety when Zayn gracefully climbed to his feet and stared at him, wanting a reply even though he clearly knew it.

“… it’s for the best,” Niall said hoarsely and awkwardly cleared his throat. He dropped his gaze from Zayn’s penetrating eyes and fiddled with the hem of his shirt just to get something to do.

“... you didn’t like it?” Zayn asked, and Niall’s eyes gaze snapped up. Zayn was looking at him with that blank expression and it was impossible to see what he was thinking. “I did,” Niall told honestly. 

Zayn had taken a few steps closer, enough to make Niall even more nervous. “You can’t let people tell you what to do, Niall,” His voice was quiet and Niall inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes, tilting his face to the floor. He was surprised when Zayn was standing up close to him, and he stumbled a few steps back, only to have a bookcase close in on him. He looked up at Zayn’s eyes that were a little too close; he could smell the faint smell of cigarette and aftershave. 

“Tell me,” Zayn breathed and intensely looked into Niall’s eyes. “Tell me it’s what _you_ want and you won’t see me again.” Niall’s eyes widened a little as he stared a little shocked into his big amber eyes. His heart beat so fast that it actually hurt, and his breath was a little labored. Zayn’s body heat and scent were dizzying him.

“Zayn… I…” His throat might as well have been rubbed with sandpaper; what with the way his voice had turned all hoarse. He knew what the answer was, and he didn’t want to lie. He didn’t want this to end, but neither did he want to lose his friends. He couldn’t possibly chose, which seemed ridiculous seeing as a week ago, he would have gone with his friends in a heartbeat. When had Zayn wormed into his life without him noticing? Why did he have such an addicting pull to him?

Niall softly traced Zayn’s chiseled jawline and it was smooth and soft under his fingers; he’d obviously shaved this morning. His hands dropped down and curled around his neck, his thumb softly caressing the spot where his jaw and neck met. He looked into Zayn’s eyes with a sad gaze.

He clenched his eyes tightly shut as he dropped his hands to his side.

“It is…” Niall had to take a deep inhale of air and he opened his eyes to gaze into Zayn’s. “It is what I want.” His heart twisted, because it was a _lie_ ; he wanted Zayn, he wanted him badly.

Zayn’s eyes didn’t give away his thoughts as they flickered over his face for a small moment, before he pulled away. Niall immediately missed his body heat and scent. He stared at the boy as Zayn shoved his hands into his pocket and nodded a little.

“As you wish.” Those words made Niall’s heart drop and his breath hitch in his throat. He didn’t know what he had expected from Zayn, but maybe he’d thought the raven would at least show that he’d at least tried to keep him. 

_He doesn’t even care_. 

As Zayn turned around to walk away Niall could feel him slip through his fingertips, and Niall knew Zayn meant it when he said he wouldn’t see him again. The thought killed Niall. He could feel the tears stinging in his eyes, and he tried to control his breathing.

“Wait.” It left his mouth without his permission, and Zayn stopped up. He tilted his head to the side ever so slowly and gazed questioningly at him. Niall opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. _Don’t leave_ , _Stay_ , those words seemed so clingy in Niall’s mind. A tear escaped the corner of his eyes, and Zayn’s eyes followed the tear as it trailed down, hot against Niall’s cheek.

Niall took a few steps forward and Zayn met him in the middle. Niall closed his eyes – a few more tears falling – as Zayn cradled the back of his neck and kissed him. As Zayn’s slightly chapped lips pressed against his, he knew he _liked_ Zayn; maybe more than he could handle. He brought his hands up and his fingers twisted in the back of Zayn’s shirt, holding him close.

Zayn released his mouth and locked his deep amber with Niall’s blue, and the blonde decided to follow his heart. “If I said that,” He whispered. “If I said I never wanted to see you again; that I wanted this to end, then I would be telling myself a lie.”

Zayn didn’t say anything; he simply kissed him again and Niall’s eyes fluttered close. As Zayn tilted his head back a little to deepen the kiss; Niall knew he couldn’t live without Zayn’s taste in his mouth. Niall was pushed back until his back hit the bookcase.

“Mm-Zayn,” Niall gasped a little when Zayn’s thigh slipped between his legs and rutted against his crotch. He sent a quick glance at the clock hanging on the opposite wall. “We have class. We can’t do this here,” Niall breathed heavily as Zayn placed wet kisses down his jawline. 

“Screw class,” Zayn replied as he licked up the length of his neck; his rough hands slipping behind his back and grabbing his butt. “Z-Zayn,” Niall protested and tried to push him away but he wouldn’t budge. “We can’t skip class,” Niall suppressed a moan when Zayn squeezed his butt cheeks tightly in his hands. “Relax, it’s just one class,” Zayn said. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to go to class with a hard-on, right?” Zayn was right, because embarrassing enough, Niall was quite hard already. “Plus, I’ve thought about doing it in the library,” He said with a mischievous smile, and Niall blushed deeply.

Before Niall knew of it, his pants were pooled around his legs and Zayn’s red lips were wrapped around his weeping dick. Thoughts about classes and school flew right out of Niall’s mind. He never realized that Zayn had him wrapped around his finger, before it was too late.

….

“Nghhh-uh,” Niall had bitten his lip to a bloody mess at this point in a desperate attempt to keep silent. He was pinned and hoisted up against the bookcase with Zayn buried deep inside of him; their clothes only adjusted enough to allow the delicious sinful act. 

Zayn rammed into his prostrate and a loud moan escaped his lips; it was muffled with Zayn’s mouth as the older boy continued to thrust into him, driving him closer to the edge. Niall whimpered as his head fell back against the books, and he couldn’t believe they were taking this big of a risk. This section of the library might more or less be abandoned but you never knew who could decide to pop up.

Pale fingers tightened in the ravenblack hair, pulling harshly and causing Zayn to bite his neck to muffle his moan, loving the pain mixed with the overwhelming pleasure. 

Blunt nails scored down Zayn’s forearms in Niall’s vain attempt to hold onto his sanity. The mewling boy in Zayn’s arms was reaching his limit as the sensitive gland was hit over again and again.

Finally Niall’s vision blurred at the edges as he bit harshly down his lip and he reached his high. He didn’t succeed in completely muffling his sound and with a low whimper; his head fell onto Zayn’s shoulder. As Niall’s walls squeezed around him, Zayn followed shortly after.

Niall weakly closed his arms around Zayn’s neck and clung tightly to him as they tried to catch their breath. Niall didn’t know what he was going to tell his friends, but at that very moment, nothing felt more right than being with Zayn.

* * *

Once it reached lunch, Niall had failed to notice the fiery red mark Zayn had given him, but his friends however didn’t. Liam was asking him why he hadn’t been there to their Economics class, but then trailed off mid-sentence; he had paled as his eyes grew wide, staring at Niall’s neck.

“You said you wouldn’t sleep with him anymore!” Liam cried loudly, and Niall flinched; he was so glad they were sitting outside today in a kind of secluded area. 

Niall swallowed around the lump in his throat as he chanced a glance around the table. Hannah was blushing and avoiding his gaze, Danielle was pretending she wasn’t shocked as she picked at her food, Louis looked like he was going to explode and had a hard time keeping himself calm, and _Harry_.

Harry looked like he might flip the table. Niall jumped startled when Harry was on his feet and glaring dangerously at him.

“What the fuck is _wrong_ with you!?” He snarled and gestured wildly with his hands. “You had sex with him instead of going to class, didn’t you!?” The facial expression of Harry was one of pure disgust, and Niall’s heart twisted.

“Harry,” Louis whispered urgently and grabbed the boy by the arm, clearly shocked at the sudden outburst. Harry never got angry, and if he got angry he was the kind to seethe in silence; he almost never raised his voice.

Harry sent Louis a glare that made him cower into Hannah’s side, before turning his blazing eyes on a shell-shocked blonde. “Look at you!” He cried. “He has _ruined_ you! He’s using you like you are one of his-“

“One of his what, Harry?Whores?” Niall cut off, his voice trembling and with tears stinging in his eyes as he stared up at Harry deeply hurt. He shook of the hand Liam placed on his shoulder. “Just say it,” Niall urged. “Say it out loud, because it can’t possibly hurt more when you say what you think about me out loud!”

Harry’s jaw clenched tightly as he stared at Niall, and his hands balled up into fists, shaking slightly.

“I am trying to protect you from that manwhore!” He tried to explain and just talking about Zayn seemed to leave a bitter taste in his mouth. It hurt; Harry saying that about Zayn, and he could feel the hurt being swept away by anger. 

“I can take care of myself!” He snapped and he was on his feet too.

“You obviously can’t!” Harry objected. “Or else you wouldn’t be shagging him!”

“It’s my life!” Niall was yelling now, and the tears were blurring his sight.

“You’re doing the wrong thing, Niall!” 

“Guys,” Liam cried desperately and got to his feet too, his eyes flickering frantically between Harry and Niall. He was afraid they would say things they didn’t mean to each other if they kept this up. “Haz, please,” Louis begged as he also stood up next to Harry. The girls just sat there, their eyes ping-ponging between Niall and Harry. Hannah looked like she might get sick, and Danielle placed a hand around her shoulder.

Niall and Harry took no notice of their friends as they stared each other down.

“Then it’s just going to be my mistake,” Niall hissed.

“You’re going to regret it,” Harry huffed annoyed.

“The only thing I am ever going to regret,” Niall said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “…is ever trusting you.”

Harry was taken aback by his words and looked guilty when a tear trailed down Niall’s eye.

“You said you wouldn’t hate me, Harry,” Niall’s voice cracked, and Harry’s gaze softened. “I don’t hate you, Niall,” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking away for a moment. “But I don’t think I can ever accept you with him.” Harry dropped his hand to his side and looked solemnly at Niall. “You deserve better; you can do better,” He whispered the last part, before throwing his untouched lunch in the trashcan and walking away.

Louis looked bewildered after Harry and at Niall, before he packed his stuff and sprinted after curly-haired boy. Niall weakly collapsed on the bench before letting the tears get free fall. Liam hugged him to his side, Hannah took his hand and Danielle handed him tissues.

* * *

Liam and Louis were walking down the hallways; their minds set on one thing. Louis high-fived a few of his class-mates he passed in the hall. They found the stairs to the roof of the cafeteria, and Liam had to slow Louis a little down; he was taking three steps at the time.

They reached the top and their eyes immediately fell on their intended target. Zayn Malik was leaned over the railing, lazily smoking a cigarette with two other, assumingly his friends. A shaggy brunette who was playing with a puppy – was he even allowed bringing that to school? Liam thought – and a girl with dyed bright red hair who was chewing obnoxiously on gum and swirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

Louis cleared his throat and they gained their attention. Zayn looked them up and down like they were a nuisance, before pointedly looking away. Liam could feel Louis narrow his eyes next to him.

“Hey losers,” the redheaded girl drawled in a bored tone. Louis recognized her from his calculus class and if he was right, her name was Cassandra. “What do you want?” 

Liam opened his mouth to speak, but then suddenly the puppy ran over, halting at his feet. Liam stared down at it, before looking towards its owner awkwardly. The brunette was smirking widely, and that’s when Liam felt something wet against his ankle. He looked down and his mouth fell open. The dog was _peeing_ on him. He jumped back, but his ankle was already drenched. 

“What the fuck!” Liam exclaimed and glared at the small puppy, and he could swear it sent him an evil look, before running back to its owner. The boy and girl laughed loudly at him. The boy even praised the dog, and Zayn had turned around to send him an amused look. Liam heard Louis muffle a snicker behind his hand and he turned to stare incredulously at him. Louis coughed in his hand and sent Liam a sheepish smile.

“We want to talk to Zayn,” Louis said, and Zayn quirked a curious brow. Cassandra and the dog boy gave him a suspicious look. “Then talk,” The boy deadpanned. “Alone,” Liam said stiffly as he tried not to concentrate on the fact that his pants were clinging to his leg and smelled. They were about to object, but Zayn cut them off.

“Leave,” He ordered simply and his friends shot him a glance, before leaving. The redheaded girl didn’t leave without whispering suggestively in Liam’s ear. The boy blushed deeply while Louis looked curious.

“I think you know what this is about,” Louis spoke once they were alone. Zayn threw his head back a little arrogantly as he finished his cigarette and stomped on it. “Yea?” He said and looked bored at them.

“It’s about Niall,” Liam took over and carefully studied his reaction. He didn’t get much, because Zayn just blinked with his eyes before leaning back on the railing and crossing his arms; the act could’ve been taken like hostility but Zayn looked down-right bored.

“Don’t you dare hurt him,” Louis warned, and Liam sighed; leave it to Louis to be so straightforward. Zayn didn’t say anything and just looked at them. “I don’t know what he sees in you,” Louis wrinkled his nose slightly, and this got a reaction out of Zayn; his amber eyes narrowed. “But he deserves a committed relationship. Just because his a little dumb and naïve doesn’t mean you can take advantage of him.”

“Excuse me if I don’t see this, but,” Zayn said as he gazed between Louis and Liam. “But how is this any of your fucking business?”

“We are his friends,” Liam reasoned. “And friends look out for each other. I don’t mean to be rude, but you have a reputation and Niall is not like all the other people you’ve slept with.”

Zayn sighed and looked like he was wasting his time. He shoved his hands into his pocket and walked up to them. He stopped a mere meter from them, and Liam probably shouldn’t, but he felt a little threatened by him. It was just this aura the boy exuded; it was dark and dangerous and nothing for their innocent Niall.

“Look,” Zayn’s voice was dangerously low. “It isn’t like I am fucking him against his will.“ Liam winced at his words; Niall shouldn’t be ‘fucked’, he should be made love to; what on earth did his blond friend see in this guy? “If he wants out, all he needs is to say it,” Zayn’s eyes were a little narrow. “I won’t stand in his way.”

“What if he wants more,” Liam voiced the question that had him stay a little later up at night worried. He knew Niall better than most people, and he knew the blonde got attached quickly. He wasn’t the type who could keep up a non-attached relationship; he might convince himself that, but he’d end up hurt. Liam didn’t want to see him hurt, and he would do anything to prevent it.

Zayn looked slightly surprised, but he covered it up quickly. He shrugged carelessly.

“I don’t have anything more to give him.”

“Bastard,” Louis snarled as he took a step closer to Zayn and was very annoyed that he was a little taller than him; damn his height. “Niall is not your plaything. I swear I’ll cut off your balls and force feed them to you if you hurt him.”

Zayn’s eyes flickered to Louis’ face and he stepped closer to the boy, and Liam could feel the tension sparking. He knew it would take nothing for Louis to snap, and he nervously placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“Look, Lewis,” Zayn said in a superior voice, and Louis gritted his teeth. “It’s _Louis_ ,” He snarled. Zayn shrugged. “Whatever,” He said. “You’re not Niall so keep to your own business and oh, you know that chick you’re talking to?” Louis stiffened a little and Zayn smirked as he brought his mouth to his ear. “I fucked her.”

_snap_

Louis would have punched Zayn if Liam had grabbed him by the middle and frantically held him back. “Let go, Liam! Let me punch that smug smirk off his face!” Louis yelled as he trashed in Liam’s arms; Liam had never been more thankful for all the time he spend in the gym than that moment. “He’s not worth it, Lou! Don’t sink to his level!” He cried desperately as he tried to hold down the flailing boy.

Zayn rolled his eyes and walked away.

“No way is Niall staying with him!” Louis yelled. “I’ll force him to see what a nasty guy he is, even if it’s the last thing I do!!”

Liam dreaded that deeply.

* * *

Niall was lying on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and wondering when his life got this messed up. He couldn’t shake off Harry’s disappointed gaze, and he wished the boy had never looked or talked to him the way he did. It hurt.

He was certainly not in the mood when his mother told him Louis and Liam was here to see him. He knew it wasn’t going to end well when Louis had his laptop and dumped down next to him.

“I have written down a bunch of reasons why you shouldn’t be with Zayn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
>  If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?_
> 
> _Zedd - Clarity (ft Foxes)_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

As predicted it went even worse than Niall had expected and defiantly not how Louis had planned for things to turn out. He had certainly not expected his laptop to end on the floor, the screen cracked. He had not expected for Niall to cry and yell that he hated them.

Liam kind of had. Of course it had been a bad idea to list down all the negative sides of Zayn – which he might say is a lot – and what probably tipped Niall over the edge was when Louis showed him all the girls he had slept with; Liam liked to point out it had been more than 20 slides.

Now here he was standing stiffly and guilty staring at Niall who was yelling at them to leave. Louis was standing next to him, cradling his destroyed laptop to his chest; his eyes wide with horror. 

“You’re supposed to support me!” Niall cried through the tears and Liam wanted to comfort him but was nailed to the ground. “I don’t want anything to do with you anymore! Get the fuck out!”

His yelling reached all the way down the kitchen where his mother was, because seconds later she barged through the door. She took one look between them, before her eyes hardened. Louis and Liam gulped; Niall was an only child so his mother was _very_ overprotective of him. She walked over, and Niall allowed her to draw him close.

“I think it’s best you leave,” She said and forced a stiff smile. Louis and Liam nodded, before scurrying out of the room. Their stomach twisted as they heard Niall tell his mother he hated them; well, it can be safely said they failed epically.

….  
The next morning, Niall kissed Zayn and held him tight, telling himself that this was right; this was what he wanted. If his friends didn’t accept his choice, then maybe they had never been friends to begin with. “You can eat lunch with me,” Zayn had breathed against his lips and Niall had taken him up for on the offer.

He had ignored Harry’s deeply hurt look when he’d pointedly ignored him in the hall, and he hadn’t taken his usual seat between Liam and Hannah in the classes. It was obvious things were serious. Louis had tried to talk to him, but he’d ignored any approach by the older boy. He would never forgive him for showing him all those girls Zayn had slept with, because it had hurt him deeper than he would admit.

Once it reached lunch, Zayn was waiting for him in front of the entrance to the cafeteria. Some other girl was hanging all over him and Niall’s jaw clenched tightly as he remembered all the girls Louis had ranted off. Zayn caught sight of him and pointedly ignoring the girl, he smirked at him. The girl followed his gaze and glared at Niall; the blonde was a little intimidated by her and tried to avoid her eyes. When he reached Zayn he realized it was the first time they were seen together.

“Come on,” Zayn said and waved him along. Niall stiffly ignored all the eyes on him and he knew they were probably wondering what he was doing with Zayn; he really hoped they didn’t find out. Niall’s chest tightened as his eyes automatically travelled to his usual table. All his friends were sitting there looking at him. Harry was staring at him with a deeply hurt look, and he hurried to look away.

They neared Zayn’s usual table, and the nervousness in Niall only increased; Zayn’s friends looked a little intimidating and weird. The only girl at the table had fiery red hair with side-swept bangs, a lip ring and violet contacts; she looked a little scary. Then there was a guy with a small white puppy in his lap; he was feeding him his lunch and Niall wondered how he’d sneaked it into school. He had shaggy brown hair, chestnut brown eyes and looked a little feral. The last guy sitting at the table had ash-toned brown hair with long bangs falling over his unsettling grey eyes.

Niall was anything but comfortable when Zayn pushed him next to the grey-eyed boy, and he wished he could be invisible at will when they all turned their curious eyes on him.

“Who’s that, Zayn?” The shaggy-haired brunette inquired with a grin and even the puppy was staring at Niall. “Your new boytoy?” Niall winced.

“He’s cute,” The boy next to him hummed, and Niall glanced nervously at him; he wished he hadn’t. The guy was looking him up and down while biting down his lip and his leery grey eyes made Niall feel naked. He had a lollipop between his long fingers and Niall looked away when he brought it to his mouth, sending a suggestive wink towards him.

“Yeah, he’s adorable,” The girl gushed and smiled sickly-sweetly at Niall before popping the gum she’d been chewing on. “What is he doing with the likes of you?”

Zayn didn’t say anything and just sent them a glare that quickly silenced them. “Hi kiddo, my name is Chad,” The brunette said and offered his hand to Niall. Niall glanced nervously at Zayn, before taking his hand. “Uh… I’m Niall,” He said feeling a little more than awkward. 

“Aw, he’s Irish,” The girl’s interest seemed to have perked as she introduced herself; “My name is Cassandra. You can call me Cass; call me Sandra and I’ll skin you alive.” Niall nodded mutely, his eyes a little wide. He jumped a little startled when the puppy suddenly jumped into his lap and was licking all over his face.

“He likes you,” Chad smiled widely. “He’s name is Cotton.” Niall managed to somehow fend off the dog and smiled weakly. “Uh… okay.” The puppy was actually cute and it gave him one last lick before jumping back into Chad’s lap.

“I’m Jerry, “As the guy next to him said that, he had brought his mouth close to Niall’s ear and the blonde shuddered. This guy was sending off bad vibes and making him incredibly uncomfortable. He scooted away, almost pressing into Zayn’s side.

“Niall will be eating lunch with us,” Zayn announced and the way he said it didn’t leave room for objections. The other’s didn’t seem to mindand shrugged as they resumed to eating their lunch., but Niall wasn’t so sure he really wanted to eat lunch with them anymore. Chad seemed nice – ignoring his comment about him being Zayn’s ‘boytoy’ – although a little weird and Cassandra was a little scary, but wasn’t all girls that? It was Jerry that was rubbing Niall the wrong way.

Speaking about rubbing him the wrong way, what was his hand doing on his thigh? Niall stiffened when he felt the weight on his thigh and his eyes snapped down to see a large hand. His gaze rose as he stared into Jerry’s smirking face. Niall didn’t know if Zayn’s friends just didn’t have any boundaries, but this was just too creepy. It didn’t get any better when his hand continued upwards. “ _Zayn_ ,” Niall whispered urgently in fear, but when Zayn turned to look questioningly at him, Jerry had removed his hand. 

Zayn was staring questioningly at him and Niall just shook his head. He couldn’t help himself when he interlaced his fingers with Zayn’s under the table and held on tightly. Zayn just gave him an amused smile, before continuing his lunch. He glanced at Jerry and the guy just sent him a small smirk.

Niall sent a longing look towards his friends’ table, and he felt a little irrelevantwhen he saw them carrying on without him.

His heart stung; had he really lost them forever?

* * *

Niall’s phone was exploding with text message and voice-mails. He admitted he was more than relieved that his friends hadn’t just moved on without him. Most of them was from Liam and Louis, but there were some from the girls as well and then a couple from Harry. Niall went straight to listen to the ones from Harry.

“Hey Niall… I just wanted to say… that erm… I am sorry? …. I never lied… when I said I didn’t hated you and… I didn’t mean to yell at you… at lunch… uhm… I am just… worried about you… I feel kind of awkward right now… I’d much rather talk to you… in person… call me back… maybe?”

Niall sighed as he listened to the rest of the voice-mails which mostly consisted of apologies from Louis, worried messages from Liam, encouraging words from Danielle and he only listened to half of Hannah’s stuttering one, but what he could make out from it was that she still supported his decision. He decided he would talk to them when he felt ready.

He was just happy that there was still hope. After all, he wasn’t expecting them to agree; all he wanted was for them to accept his decision.

….

Zayn showed up a little past ten and dragged Niall out to his car. They kissed for a while, before Zayn drew back and asked him if he’d ever tried to smoke. First Niall thought he was talking about cigarettes, but then he realized he wasn’t. He shook his head.

“Do you want to try?”

Niall knew it probably wasn’t a good idea – it wasn’t even legal – but Zayn was looking at him so expectantly, he feared he might disappoint him if he said no. He just hoped the others never found out. He nodded.

“Why not?”

And that’s how he ended in Cassandra’s apartment late evening on a school night. The girl’s apartment was small and some really weird-looking pictures were hanging around. When Niall saw a painting of skeletons playing instruments on a hill engulfed in flames, did he realize she was a little more than weird.

“Come on,” She waved them along, leading them to her living room. “Jerry got some really good stuff.” The name made Niall’s skin crawl and he once again questioned how good a choice he’d made by coming with Zayn. He glued himself to Zayn’s side as he followed the girl.

Surprisingly enough, Cassandra’s living room looked relatively normal. Well, if you didn’t count in the skull-lamp resting on the table.

The small table between the couches had been pushed aside to make room in the middle were Chad – with Cotton of course – and Jerry lounged. Niall did everything to avoid Jerry’s penetrating gaze, but he could feel it burning into him; it might be something his paranoid brain was telling him but he could feel the guy undressing him with his eyes. He didn’t notice how he grabbed Zayn’s arm tightly.

As Zayn pulled Niall down with him, the blonde was relieved it was Chad and not Jerry who was sitting to his other side. He smiled when Cotton jumped into his lap and he played a little with him. 

“Why’d you bring Bambi along, Zayn?” Jerry questioned, his eyes firmly set on Niall and it took the blonde a moment to realize he was talking about him; he cursed inwardly when he blushed in embarrassment and Jerry snickered.

Zayn sent him a glare.

“Mind your own business Jerry,” He snarled and the boy cowered a little away. Niall sighed in relief and turned to watch Cassandra pull out a large blue water-pipe from her backpack with a few small yellow packets, a packet of blunt paper and a few lighters.   
Niall watched fascinated as she placed a small amount of weed into the cone of the small brass pipe sticking out of the bong and packed it in with the corner of her lighter. Placing her mouth over the opening at the top, the redheaded girl angled the lighter to set the weed ablaze. As the weed started to burn, Chad placed his finger over the small carb in the side of the bong and started to inhale the white smoke that had accumulated in the clear pipe. The water bubbled as Chad inhaled as much of the smoke he could, and he pulled away from the bong with closed eyes as he held his breath, exhaling after a 7 second wait. He blew the smoke out of his mouth and into Jerry’s face who growled an insult, and Niall found himself smirking inwardly.

Niall watched as Chad with a content expression passed the pipe to Cassandra, who inhaled the smoke and waited a few seconds before blowing it out. Soon the pipe reached Zayn and Niall watched him a little more intently; he soon found out that Zayn smoking from a pipe was a sinfully hot sight.

Zayn smiled lazily at him as he offered him the pipe. Niall took it nervously, because he wasn’t exactly sure how to do it and he didn’t want to look like a fool. Zayn seemed to sense his insecurity, and he scooted closer to Niall until they were hip to hip. “Let me help,” He whispered, his breath hot against Niall’s face; the blonde ignored Jerry’s snort and nodded. Zayn instructed him through it and soon Niall’s lips were wrapped around the opening and he inhaled; the smoke filled his lungs and he held his breath for as long as he could before exhaling.

As he passed the pipe on to Cassandra, Zayn had his hand pressed against the small of his back. “Fuck, Niall,” He breathed. “You looked so hot doing that.” Niall didn’t even have time to react before Zayn was kissing him on the lips in front of his friends. 

“I knew he was fucking him,” He heard Chad mumble, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Zayn was so close and all Niall could feel were his presence and the weed slowly taking effect.

The pipes were passed around as Cassandra put on some music, and Niall felt like he was floating. Time seemed to slow down and everything felt so nice; especially Zayn’s not so discreet touches. Niall melted into the kiss when Zayn pressed their lips together and exhaled the smoke into his mouth. The other three in the room felt so, so far away, because Niall only saw Zayn in their own little bubble; his problems faded into the background and Niall never wanted this new sensation to end.

Niall’s senses were heightened; the world seemed so much brighter, the room more colorful and Zayn’s touches and kisses so, so scorching. He felt a burning in the pit of his stomach that reminded him of _hunger_ , but he wasn’t hungry for food, he was hungry for _Zayn_. All he could think about was Zayn and Zayn… and _Zayn_. He quickly forgot about the pipe as he turned his full attention on Zayn and pressed himself closer; the heat was unbearable and he whimpered when Zayn bit gently down the skin of his neck. He fisted Zayn’s hair as his body burned with want and desire for the dark-haired lad.

“Hey! Are you going to fuck in front of us?” Chad’s voice sounded slow and drawled and so unimportant in Niall’s ear; it was overpowered by Zayn’s breathing against his neck. Zayn closed an arm around his waist and drew him closer. “I wouldn’t mind watching,” Jerry sounded from somewhere to their left.

“Niall, come with me,” He whispered urgently, and Niall knew the burning want was mutual. He nodded and Zayn pulled them to their feet, leading them out of the living room. “Malik! Don’t you dare fuck on my bed!” Cassandra yelled after them, and Niall was really too far gone to be embarrassed. Everything seemed unimportant besides the feeling of Zayn’s fingers interlaced with his, and he couldn’t care less about the boy’s friends and what thoughts they might make about him.

They were inside what Niall assumed was Cassandra’s bedroom and the brightly colored walls dizzied him a little. Zayn was kissing him again and everything else disappeared into a blur. They got on the bed where Zayn crawled between his legs and felt him up. Everything felt a little slower than usual and Niall wasn’t sure if it was the drugs doing, but he liked it. Zayn peeled his clothes off, and Niall helped him out of his.

Niall threw his head back with a moan as Zayn’s hot mouth closed around his hard cock. He threaded his fingers through his hair and took in every burning sensation of Zayn’s mouth working up and down his length. He breathed heavily as Zayn deep-throated him and paid attention to his balls. He whimpered a little when Zayn licked sloppily up and down his throbbing cock before giving a few quick strokes.

Zayn’s mouth as back at his as his fingers pushed through the ring of muscles. Niall moaned as the older boy opened him up slowly adding another finger and then another. “Z-Zayn… I can take you,” He whispered and shivered when Zayn aligned his cock with his entrance. Of course it hurt without lube, but Niall had learnt to adapt and the pain soon turned into pleasure.

His fingernails dug into Zayn’s shoulders as the boy moved in an out of him in an even, steady pace. The raven wasn’t able to keep up the slow pace for long, and he was soon pounding into him fast and roughly; Niall gasped, cried and moaned as he took what Zayn gave.

“Oh fuck, Zayn!”

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew his sounds were loud enough to be heard everywhere in the small apartment, and that Zayn’s friends probably could hear him clearly; but right then, he couldn’t care less.

Niall was surprised when Zayn lifted him up so he was sitting on his lap, Zayn’s cock sheathed inside of him. When Zayn jerked his hips upward, Niall let out a strangled gasp, because this angle allowed Zayn to go much deeper than before. His fingers twisted in Zayn’s hair and he whimpered when the raven’s fingers curled roughly around his hips. Zayn wrapped his lips around his in a heated, passionate kiss and began to thrust up hard, the resounding slap of skin-to-skin contact echoing over the room. Niall wrapped his arms around Zayn’s neck and began bouncing up and down meeting Zayn’s thrust mid-way. They both moaned in ecstasy as Zayn’s cock pulsed as it delved deep in the tight warmth of Niall’s walls. 

Niall matched each one of Zayn’s thrusts up in his ass with his own bounce down on the boy’s cock. He would still for a split second and give a small roll of the hips while Zayn’s cock was lodged all the way in before bouncing back up and feeling fulfilled; all the while drinking in Zayn’s praise. Niall could see fireworks and vibrant colors dancing around them due to his inebriation, but his focus was all on Zayn and feeling him in every way possible.

Niall felt the familiar tension in his stomach and he knew he was close. Zayn pushed him even closer when he grabbed the neglected cock and stroked it. “Zayn...” He whimpered and the raven replied by kissing him. The feeling of Zayn thickening inside of him is what threw him the last bit over the edge and with their lips still pressed together in a desperate lip-lock, both boys moaned and groaned and exhaled as they exploded simultaneously.

Zayn fell back and Niall collapsed on top of him as they panted and shook slightly from their orgasms. “You don’t cease to amaze me, Niall,” Zayn panted and Niall smiled as he weakly lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss against Zayn lips, before resting his head against the boy’s chest.

Niall completely forgot about going back home that night as he drifted off to the sound of Zayn’s heartbeat. In the pocket of his pants which were on the floor vibrated his phone with calls from his worried mother and friends; he never noticed them before next morning.

All that mattered right then was Zayn’s warmth and scent around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It's the way I’m feeling I just can't deny  
>  But I've gotta let it go_
> 
> _Rihanna - We found love_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When Niall woke up the next morning he wasn’t sure where he was, what time it was or for that matter what day it was. The gentle sunrays danced over his naked chest and he glanced to his right only to be met with Zayn’s sleeping features. His eyes widened and he shot upright in the bed. The action caused a wave of dizziness and black spots before his eyes and he groaned.

He stared down at Zayn with wide eyes, because this was the first time he’d seen him asleep; and for the first time the raven looked innocent and vulnerable. It was kind of mind-blowing seeing this side of Zayn, and he was – as always – breathtakingly beautiful. His features were soft, his long eyelashes tickling his cheekbones and his red lips slightly parted, even breaths leaving them. Niall used a little more time than he should just staring at Zayn like he was in a trance, and first looked away when he realized he was being creepy. However, he couldn’t help but lift the blanket and peek under it; he blushed madly before dropping it and looked around to distract himself. 

After looking around the different colored walls that were covered with plasters of various bands, last night’s events slowly came back to him. His eyes drifted back to Zayn and he smiled fondly; he actually looked harmless and cute. He leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, before climbing to his feet. He tugged on his boxers and pants, before pulling out his phone. Upon unlocking it, his eyes widened.

 _Fuck_.

He’d forgotten that it was a school night and to go home, and judging from the 100 or so phone calls from his mother she had noticed his absence. “Shit…” he cursed as he sighed deeply as his gaze found the clock and his cursing increased; they were _late_ for school.

He looked towards Zayn who was still slumbering peacefully, and Niall decided to wake him up; after emptying his bladder. He walked out of the room and looked nervously around. The apartment was deadly quiet and it was a little scary. He tip-toed down the hall and his gaze surveyed the living room as he passed it. Cassandra, Chad and Jerry were all in there sprawled on the couches and floor, also deeply asleep; was no one in this place thinking about going to school? Niall shook his head and continued down until he found the bathroom.

After finishing his business in the bathroom and improvising a toothbrush with towel and toothpaste, he emerged. He had only taken one step down the hall when he stiffened. Jerry was standing in the doorway of the living room with bloodshot eyes and morning hair. Niall was about to return into the bathroom; he’d rather be in there until people woke up than having to walk past this guy.

Jerry caught sight of him and Niall shivered when his eyes raked over his body; he became very self-conscious. “Good morning, Bambi,” He drawled with a smirk, and Niall shot his gaze down. He told himself if he ignored him maybe he would leave him alone. He stiffly walked past Jerry, but froze when he suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him close.

“W-What are you doing,” Niall hissed and was a little more intimidated than he would admit. He tried to yank his wrist out, but Jerry was having a death grip on him; hard enough to bruise. Niall’s eyes widened when the boy pressed a hand against the small of his back and pulled him closer until Niall could feel his breath on his face. “ _Let.go_ ,” He glared into Jerry’s grey eyes as he pressed a hand against his chest to keep distance between them.

“Thought I’d just let you know that,” Jerry said quietly. “I jerked off to your cute little cries and moans last night.” Niall blushed in embarrassment as Jerry smirked at him, and he wrinkled his nose in horror and disgust; the mental image made him shudder.

Just as Niall contemplated to shout for help did Jerry let him go, and the blonde wasted no time scurrying back into Cassandra’s room where Zayn was still sleeping obliviously. Niall stalked over and shook him gently until he cracked a sleepy eye open.

“Niall?” He groaned and moved away from the blonde’s hands to bury his face in the pillow. “Zayn! Get up!” Niall huffed frustrated and was about to yank the blanket off of him, but stopped himself when he remembered that Zayn was nude underneath. 

“Don’t want to,” Zayn mumbled into the pillow and Niall was sure the boy didn’t realize how childish he sounded. “We have _school_! It’s already half-way through first module!” Niall cried. “I already have one class of absence! I can’t afford more this late into the semester!” He was about to drag Zayn out of bed when his phone vibrated in his pocket. “Great,” He mumbled sarcastically as he pulled the slim device out. He bit down his lip when he saw it was his mother calling.

“Zayn, please get up!” He begged the boy who just grunted in reply and Niall rolled his eyes, before walking a little away to talk with his mother. 

Niall had to hold the phone a little away when his mother’s worried rant rang through it. Apparently she’d gone to check on him last night only to find his bed empty and after he failed to take his phone, she’d called all his friends; great. “You’re in for some deep trouble, Niall James Horan! Where are you? Where did you spend the night? Who are you with? Is it a girl? Why didn’t you take your phone? Why’d I buy you one if you-“ Niall stopped listening after that, and he sighed; you know you’re in for some deep shit when your mother calls you by your full name. He apologized profusely and lied about being in school. “I was with a…” Niall glanced at Zayn’s dozing form. “… friend last night. It got late and I forgot to call you and uh… I am sorry?” Niall trailed off lamely and excused himself, telling his mother he had gone out of first period to talk to her; he pointedly ignored when she said she wanted to meet this new friend of his. No way in hell was he going to let Zayn and his mother meet.

When he finally hung up the phone, he felt a little more than guilty. In those short minutes he’d told his mother more lies than he’d done the last half year. He decided to ignore his friends’ calls and texts for now.

“Zayn!” He hissed annoyed as he leaned over the boy. “I am leaving alone if you aren’t coming.” The raven peeked up at him from under his dark bangs before suddenly closing an arm around his neck and hauling him down next to him. “Zayn!” Niall cried as the boy pulled his close and snuggled up to his side. “Let’s stay. One day off won’t hurt,” He persuaded. 

Zayn might have an effect on him, and Niall might find himself a little more than weak for Zayn, but no way was he skipping a whole day of school; he made that clear for Zayn. He nearly caved in when Zayn kissed him, and Niall realized Zayn was fully aware what effect he had on him. He stood his ground however, and it was only when Niall walked out, Zayn followed.

However, Niall found himself dragged to the bathroom by the wrist although his protests. When the door closed behind them and Zayn turned to look at him with a lewd smile, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he wanted. Niall’s eyes widened as he backed away.

“Zayn… _no_ ,” now Niall wasn’t even so sure how he even had the willpower to form that one-syllable word, the only explanation was that he was crazy, because no living creature could say no to the creature that stood before him.

Zayn’s hair was a tangled, twisted mess of raven strands, and _fuck_ it was no fair he was giving him those illegally sexy bedroom eyes that were still a little bleary from sleep. He was standing only clad in his boxers and that really didn’t leave much for the imagination; not that Niall had to use any since he’d seen it all. Niall’s eyes betrayed his words as they ogled Zayn’s tattooed collarbone down to his toned chest and flat, muscular stomach. 

“Your eyes are defiantly saying something else,” Zayn pointed out with a smirk, and Niall blushed. Then Jerry’s words hit him, and he didn’t fancy the possibility of that creep hearing him; it was already fucking disgusting and embarrassing as it was. Niall turned on his heels before his body took over his brain.

He didn’t make it far, because suddenly Zayn was pressing into his back. A treacherous groan escaped his lips as he felt every little inch of perfectly sculptured muscle against him. Zayn’s arms circled around his waist as he kissed up his neck, and Niall’s body shivered in delight.

“P-please, Zayn,” Niall suppressed a groan. “W-we are already late! And your friends can hear us!”

“I don’t care about either,” Zayn’s sultry voice whispered in his ear, and Niall could feel the twitching in his lower regions; this was no good. “All I care about right now is feeling every little inch of you.”

“Fuck, _Zayn_ ,” Niall hissed desperately and tried to wriggle out of Zayn’s hold, but it was impossible.

“Come on, Niall,” Zayn breathed seductively against his neck, and Niall could feel himself grow weak; damn Zayn’s effect on him. “Would you really leave me needy like this?”

Niall gasped loudly when Zayn grinded up against him letting Niall feel just to what extent he was needy; and the blonde couldn’t believe Zayn was that hard. He told himself he only caved in because he wasn’t cruel, but maybe it had a little to do with the pride that _he_ was the reason for the hardness pressing against his behind.

“ _Quick_ ,” Niall tried to snap to not sound too willing, but his breathlessness kind of ruined that. He was spun around to face smoky dark eyes, before lips wrapped around his. His ass was firmly grabbed making his moan hit the back of Zayn’s throat as the older boy lifted him up without any problems.

Before Niall knew it, hot steamy water was cascading over them from the shower as their naked bodies fitting together like it had meant to be all along. This whole thing proved to be hotter than Niall imagined, because _fuck_ he was having sex with Zayn in the shower; he had to remember to breathe. 

He whimpered as Zayn’s body sandwiched him between him and the tiled bathroom wall. As Niall felt every little sensation of pleasure as Zayn’s well-built body pressed against his, he had to make a mental note to go the gym more often. However all thoughts soon disappeared as his brain melted down with all the pleasure ripping through his body in waves.

Zayn’s body was slick and wet and felt so, so wonderful against his own, and once again Zayn managed to take his mind off everything else but _him_. Zayn had learned his body so well and knew just where and how to touch him to drive him crazy. 

And Zayn looked so hot with water streaming down his toned body, and his lips were such an arousing bright red.

Niall was spun around and his lithe body pressed against the tiled wall as Zayn pressed to his back. Niall moaned lustfully as he felt Zayn’s throbbing cock poking his butt, and he mewled as Zayn traced every little inch of his body with kisses. He heard Zayn drop down, and he took a shaky intake of air when he felt his butt cheeks being spread by Zayn’s big rough hands. 

“Z-Zayn…” His cock twitched and leaked pre-cum when something hot and slick pressed against his still sore entrance. “Ohhhh yes!” Niall arched his back as his mouth fell open with loud moans when he felt Zayn’s tongue licking a long line up his hole. “Shit! Zayn!” He gasped when the slick muscle thrust into him and licked inside of his wall. Niall’s knees buckled as he breathed harshly and groaned in ecstasy as Zayn’s tongue-fucked his entrance.

Zayn had barely begun his ministrations, before Niall was begging him to take him already; and Zayn really didn’t have the will-power to tease the blonde. he swiftly got to his feet and positioned himself before pressing into Niall’s heat, and he thought it was _ridiculous_ that Niall still was this tight even though they’d had sex less than 12 hours ago; but boy, did he love it.

“Ohhh…Zaaaaayn!” Niall gasped as his head fell back on Zayn’s shoulder when the boy’s cock was fully inside of him to the hilt. Zayn kissed and nibbled the offered neck as he slowly pulled out before thrusting back into the blonde. 

The sounds seemed to be ten times louder in the small bathroom, bouncing off the walls and filling the air. “Shit… Niall…” Zayn bit down his lip as his fingers dig deeper into the soft flesh of Niall’s hips. “You’re always feel so perfect around me; it’s like you were made for me.”

If only Zayn realized how those words affected Niall, because the blonde felt like he was being engulfed in _flames_ , burning him up from the inside out. The heat reached unbearable heights created both from their activities and the steamy shower, and Niall didn’t know how to think straight anymore with Zayn plunged deep into him, filling him to the brink with indescribable feelings. 

He didn’t last long and Zayn switched their position when he felt his walls tighten around him. He spun him around and was back inside him in record time, having his hand hooked under Niall’s leg, lifting it for better access. “I want to see your face when you come.”

That sentence did it for Niall and he came in hot spurts with Zayn’s name on his lip. Zayn managed a few sloppy and jerky thrusts before he followed Niall into the heights of orgasms.

“Fuck… we are defiantly doing this again,” Zayn panted after a moment of coming down from touching the clouds. 

Niall couldn’t disagree.  
…  
When Niall and Zayn left Cassandra and Chad had woken up, and the girl didn’t look amused by the fact that Zayn and Niall had, had sex both in her bathroom and bed. Niall blushed to his hairroots when she very loudly stated that they would be forced to clean any stains she found. Chad merely laughed loudly and Jerry… Niall contemplated to complain about the guy’s creepiness to Zayn, but then decided it was no big deal. He knew where to draw the line.

Niall suspected they had done something else than just pot when Zayn and he had left them; what else were the explanation of their bloodshot eyes and pale skin? He was beginning to fear that they were all a bunch of druggies. His suspicion didn’t decrease when Chad told Zayn he’d left before they brought ‘the really good stuff’ out. Niall wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know what that meant.

Apparently the three of them weren’t going to school, but Niall was more than willing to leave with Zayn alone. Luckily enough, most of the books Niall needed were in his locker and he could just look with someone for the ones he lacked; Zayn didn’t seem like he was bothered with books.

….  
“Zayn, _no_ ,” Niall hissed when Zayn suddenly was on top of him in the car and he pushed him away. “This is not time for that, what is wrong with you?”Zayn frowned disappointed, before suddenly got an evil glint in his eyes. “Fine then, but just let me do something fast.” Niall really didn’t have the option of objection, because Zayn was surprisingly fast; the blonde wasn’t sure when he’d pulled down his pants and boxers.

“Zayn!” Niall cried embarrassed and crossed his legs; or he tried to, but Zayn wouldn’t let him. His knees was pushed against his chest and he yelped when Zayn thrust a finger through his still sore entrance. “Zayn!” He whimpered uncomfortably and tried to wriggle away from the raven’s touch; god, this guy was unbelievable and Niall was so not going to let him take him when first period was nearly over.

“You’re still loose,” Zayn smirked, and Niall flamed a bright red."And my cum from earlier seems to be working fine, I guess I don't need the lube after all."  
“What are you doing?” Niall growled embarrassed and struggled to get free, but Zayn was clearly stronger than him and had the advantage. The glare did nothing to deter the older boy.

"You’ll have to find out by yourself,” Zayn teased, and Niall really wanted to punch him.

Something small and hard was pushed into the twitching entrance, the muscles eagerly closing around it, sucking it in. The object was positioned perfectly against the boys' prostate before Zayn’s fingers slid out, and Niall let out another shriek as a hand came down hard across his right butt cheek.

"There, perfect," Zayn grinned, wiping his hands off, pleased with his work. He tucked Niall back in, and Niall angrily slapped his hand away with pink cheeks, at a loss what was pressing against his walls.

“Go to class, I’ll see you later,” Zayn laughed when Niall turned away from his kiss and Niall hissed as he pushed him away, climbing out of the vehicle. He looked back at Zayn and narrowed his eyes when the boy blew him a kiss playfully, before sprinting down the compound. He made it inside just as the bell rang and first module ended.

Niall soon realized that he had the attention of a lot of people and he bewildered looked after the more than few that greeted him. Then it hit him; he’d been seen with the popular guy. This didn’t amuse him at all.

“Shit,” Niall mumbled as he made his way to his locker. The small object was still pressed against the boy’s prostrate, the small movements of him walking was already leaving him semi-hard in his jeans as the hard plastic rubbed him in all the right ways. He still didn't know what Zayn had positioned inside him, but he knew it couldn't be good, and that fact alone gave him cause to be nervous. 

Right then, he just hoped he wouldn’t run into his friends just yet. "

“Niall!”

Well, shit.

Niall pointedly turned his attention to his locker as Liam and Hannah appeared at his side. Liam’s eyes were boring into his temple and he sighed as he found the book he needed and turned to face the older boy. 

“Where were you last night? You mother was dead worried about you and so were we! You wouldn’t take the phone!” Liam studied him closely and after making sure there was no visible harm, he looked into Niall’s eyes expectantly.

Niall scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to say.

“Uh…” He trailed off. “I was...”

“You were with Zayn…” Liam finished with a deep intake of air and frowned at Niall, and the blonde looked away from his gaze. Liam sighed deeply. “You spent last night godknows where with Zayn and missed first period and…” Liam’s nose wrinkled. “Why do you smell of smoke?”

Niall’s eyes widened.

“It’s…uh… Zayn’s smoke,” Niall lied through his teeth, but his voice wasn’t very convincing. Liam stared at him, and he was getting unnerved. “Niall,” Liam was clearly trying to place his words carefully, and Niall hated how he was looking at him. “This is the second module you’ve missed in a week. There’s a little over two months to the finals. Do you think this any good for you?”

Liam sounded like a parent, and Niall felt he was judging him. He slammed the locker closed, a little guilty when both Hannah and Liam flinched.

“It happens, okay? It’s no big deal.” He growled before walking away, leaving behind a shocked Hannah and Liam.

“H-he’s… changing,” Hannah whispered and followed Niall with sorrowful eyes. “I cant believe it,” Liam huffed frustrated and ran a hand through his hair. “This isn’t going to end well; Zayn is a bad influence on him.”

“D-do you think… h-he s-smoked,” Hannah asked with wide dreadful eyes as she looked at Liam. Liam bit down his lip, the thought making his stomach turn; the mental image of Niall with a joint was a little too much to bear. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Zayn persuaded him into doing it,” He said quietly. “I just hope he’s wiser than that.”

…

Harry was getting his book from his locker for his second period when he got a text from Liam. He breathed in relief when he read the text that said that Niall was fine and had showed up for school. The curly-haired boy hadn’t been able to concentrate all first period, knowing that nobody apparently knew where the blonde-haired boy was. 

He texted Liam back, asking where Niall had been; he got a text back with a single word, _”Zayn_ , and his green eyes narrowed. He knew that jerk was no good for Niall, and he didn’t deserve Niall one bit. His eyes shot up and fell on the object of his resentment.

Zayn’s locker had always been just across his, and he glared daggers into the boy’s back. Zayn was seemingly unaware as he loaded off some books. Harry looked him up and down as he tried to see what was so special about this guy; why Niall even considered him worth his attention.

He found none.

Harry knew he probably shouldn’t do it; he probably should just turn around and walk away, but he didn’t. He closed his locker, before making his way towards the dark-haired boy. He stopped a little behind him and waited until he noticed him.

Zayn slowly turned around and looked him up and down, before meeting his gaze. “Need anything, curly?” He drawled arrogantly, and Harry had never wanted to punch a person; but here was Zayn practically asking to be beaten.

“I’m Niall’s friend,” Harry said slowly as to make a point, and Zayn raised a brow. “And I should care, because?” He inquired, but really didn’t look like he wanted to know. He had probably guessed it anyway.

“I don’t like you,” Harry spat.

“Thanks for letting me know. I won’t be able to sleep with that piece of information,” Zayn said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. The bell rung over them, indicating the start of second period. Zayn made a move to walk away, but Harry blocked his way. He could feel people were sending them curious glances, and he was glad that the hall was slowly emptying.

“You don’t deserve him,” Harry said, his slow voice laced with disgust. “He deserves someone that loves him, not someone who’s using him for sex.”

Zayn didn’t look deterred or intimidated by Harry’s glare as he studied him closely, before smirking widely. “Wait a sec,” He mumbled. “You are different from the two other losers; you actually _like_ him, don’t you?”

Harry was so shocked and taken aback that he actually stumbled a few steps back, like Zayn’s words had been a blow. His gaze darted around and he was thankful they were the only ones left in the hall. He stared wide-eyed at Zayn as the boy’s smirk grew into a wicked grin.

“ _Interesting_ ,” He chuckled a little as he stepped dangerously close to Harry, and even though he was a little shorter than him, the curly-haired felt uneasy. Zayn’s dark eyes bored into his. “You’re actually _cute_ , curly,” Zayn breathed and Harry’s eyes narrowed. “If you want, I could let you fuck him.”

Harry’s mouth dropped in shock at the boy’s words, before his eyes narrowed into slits. “You _asshole_ ,” He sneered, his voice dripping with venom; who did he think Niall was? Who did he think _he_ was?

“Niall is so pliant and obedient; always willing to learn,” Zayn knew his words were setting Harry off and he was getting a kick out of upsetting the younger boy. “He’s so innocent; or should I say _was_?” He smirked when Harry’s hands balled into tight fists. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a teacher heading towards them; probably to check why they weren’t in class.

“Fuck you,” He spat. In Harry’s mind, Niall would _always_ be innocent. However whenever he thought about how Zayn was tainting and corrupting him, his heart twisted.

“You should see him when he’s lying underneath me.” Harry’s eyes widened and his mouth went dry; that was an image he could’ve lived without; it _killed_ him inside to imagine Niall’s small form underneath this guy. “When he lets me take him however I want to, so cute-“

Harry snapped and Zayn was cut off by a punch to his chin. He stumbled a few steps back at the blow, and he suppressed a wince when he tasted his coppery blood in his mouth. He looked up to see Harry looked at him with fuming eyes.

“Harry Styles!Detention!” Harry whipped around to see the teacher only a mere meter from them and he shot Zayn a glance. The boy was sending him a smug smile.

* * *

Niall walked into his second period and was surprised to see other third year students in there that he didn’t have class with. Hannah and Liam came in right after him and he turned towards them with a confused frown.

“The o-other h-history class’ teacher is away f-for a few months,” Hannah explained. “T-they a-re going to b-be in our class.” Niall nodded slowly as he gazed around the propped class; there were at least around 30 students. He wondered if Zayn took history and as if on cue Zayn strolled in.

Niall noticed how all the girls and even some boys turned their gaze on him; the girls swooning. The blonde seriously thought it was a little ridiculous or maybe he just didn’t like Zayn having the attention of so many girls. Though, he might admit he was a little more than excited that Zayn now had at least one class with him. The boy caught his gaze and sent him a discreet wink. Niall’s cheeks colored as he turned away with a huff; he had still not forgiven him for this morning, and he still didn’t know what the guy had shoved up his ass.

The teacher was a little late, and Niall was just talking with Hannah and Liam; thankful that they didn’t bring Zayn or anything related to him up. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Zayn had taken seat in the far corner, gazing out of the window with a bored expression.

Just as he was listening to Liam talking about how he loved his new job – he worked at Starbucks - vibrations erupted in his backside, sending pleasure shooting up his spine. He gasped loudly, his eyes widening as his hand shot out, clutching Liam’s arm. 

“Niall?” His two friends gazed worried at him as his face flushed a deep red with embarrassment and pleasure as he realized what Zayn had put in him; the small object was a vibrator, no doubt, a very powerful one of that. Niall thought he might die. He sent a fleeting glance at Zayn and his suspicions were confirmed when the boy sent him a grin; his eyes dancing with laughter.

“What is wrong Niall? Your face is all red?” Liam gushed worriedly over the blonde as he felt up his forehead, worried he might be getting sick. He was blissfully unaware of the real cause to Niall’s flushed face.

“Ugh… nothing, I am alright,” Niall said quickly and straightened up and sent Zayn a withering glare; said raven just smirked towards him and Niall just managed to see the small remote in his hand. He didn’t get time to brace himself, before the vibrator hummed to life, sending the same feeling of pleasure shooting through him.

“Fuck,” Niall let out a suppressed groan as he leaned against a bewildered Liam. He didn’t see how Zayn’s eyes narrowed when Liam placed a hand around his shoulder and held him close. “Are you sure you are alright?” Liam asked beyond confused and Niall didn’t trust his voice and nodded. He couldn’t believe what was happening, and this was beyond embarrassing.

As the teacher entered and the students found their seats, Niall knew this wasn’t going to be the best class he’d had. He sat down as slowly as he could, but of course the vibrator shook inside of him and he stifled a moan burying his face in the desk. Liam and Hannah exchanged confused looks while Zayn watched Niall with a wide smirk.

The powers above seemed to have mercy on Niall as their teacher made them watch a documentary. Niall sighed in relief when he turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness only illuminated by the smartboard. At least now nobody would notice him writhing and blushing like crazy.

He sent Zayn a pleading look in the semi-dark room, but the boy just smiled innocently back at him. He took a sharp intake of air as the vibrator assaulted his prostrate and each vibration was stronger than the other, increasing the pleasurable sensation. 

By the time they were 15 minutes into the documentary, Niall was muffling whimpers and moans behind his hand; too far gone to care about The Cold War Superpower’s confrontation in Cuba. He was painfully hard against his tight jeans, and he had to use all will-power not to walk up to Zayn and beg him to take him.

Another 10 minutes went by with Zayn torturing him, and Niall couldn’t take it anymore; one more minute and he might just cry out loud, screw the fact that he was in middle of class. He discreetly asked the teacher for permission to use the restroom and scurried out of the classroom, a hand hiding the large bulge in his pants. 

Zayn watched Niall walk towards the door and frowned in discontent; he had been perfectly happy with watching Niall struggle to keep himself quite, yeah maybe he was a bit sadistic. He smirked as he turned the vibrator to its full potential and had to bite down his lip when Niall stumbled and grabbed the doorpost. Before the blond left the class, he sent him a fleeting glance and even though it was semi-dark, Zayn could still make out his pleasure-ridden blue eyes; and fuck did it turn him on. This was defiantly one of his best ideas.

…

When Harry had gone to the restroom, he hadn’t expected the sight that met him. He stopped up in the door and stared wide-eyed at Niall who was on his knees, clutching the edge of a sink with shaking fingers. Niall looked up at, and the breath was knocked out of Harry.

Niall’s eyes were clouded dark with one thing that made Harry forget to breathe; lust. His mouth hung a little open and his cheeks were flushed red. He’s back arched as he breathed in harshly and then he let out this low keening sound that went straight to Harry’s groin.

He swallowed heavily when he saw the large bulge in the boy’s tight jeans. “Fuck…” He mumbled under his breath, biting down his lip.

“N-Niall?” Harry stood there for a moment, not trusting himself enough to approach the blonde; he was at a complete loss at what made Niall look like this. 

Niall was at that point where he didn’t care that Harry was seeing him in such an embarrassing state; at least it wasn’t someone else. All he wanted was to pull out his painful hard-on and stroke himself to completion; the only thing stopping him was his confused audience.

He was about to crawl into a stall – screw pride – but of course Harry decided to come over. The younger boy kneeled down next to him, and he touched his shoulder lightly; Niall really wished he hadn’t, because right now he was extremely sensitive.

Harry’s eyes widened when the blonde let out a low moan at the contact, and he gulped. His fingers twitched a little, and he probably shouldn’t – no he really shouldn’t – but he couldn’t help it; he brought a shaking finger up and gently stroked Niall’s soft cheek. Niall took a sharp intake of air at the touch and subconsciously leaned closer; Harry’s breathed out heavily when Niall let out another arousing moan.

“H-Harry…”Niall’s breathless whimper of his name did something to Harry it shouldn’t, and before he could even comprehend what was happening to him, the door swung open. Both his and Niall’s gaze snapped up, and Harry’s jaw clenched tightly.

Zayn stood there and for a moment his eyes narrowed as they flickered between him and Niall, before he strolled over. Harry’s heart dropped when Niall more or less threw himself in Zayn’s arms. “Did I make you wait for too long, babes?” Zayn said but his gaze was on Harry, and he was smirking at him. His arms closed around Niall’s waist. Harry’s tried to remember to breathe.

“Z-Zayn… ah… I can’t… please,” Niall whimpered as he clung tightly to Zayn. “Of course,” Zayn assured, and Harry was stiff and frozen and his heart was breaking into pieces as Zayn sent him an evil smile, before half-carrying Niall into one of the stalls; he pushed it close behind them.

“Oh Zayn!”

Harry might just have died inside.

…

Louis was trying to keep his own tears at bay, because seeing Harry this broken _killed_ him. Harry’s sob were wracking both their bodies as he clung to him. 

“I can’t Lou,” Harry cried, the tears soaking Louis’ shirt. “H-he’s ..(sob)… with Zayn… i-in.. the r-restroom.” Louis jaw clenched as he held Harry close to his chest, protectively and he wanted to give Niall a piece of his mind for being so inconsiderate; for hurting Harry. He didn’t care if he knew or not; what he had going on with Zayn would never be worth Harry’s tears.

Harry sniveled as dried the tears away, only for fresh one to replace them. He looked up at Louis with bloodshot green eyes and somewhere inside of Louis broke.

“What does he have that I don’t?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment lyrics you think fit this chapter :) x


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Early the same evening, Niall got a surprise visit by all of his friends. They were all cramped inside of his room, and he was happy they weren’t there to talk about why he shouldn’t be with Zayn.

“We all talked,” Liam smiled and waved around them. “And we all just want you to know that from now on, whatever you decide on we’ll support you.”

“We can’t change your decision,” Danielle smiled at him. “We have no right to try either.”

“W-we a-are still y-your friends,” Hannah played with the hem of her shirt and managed a weak smile.

“I am sorry for behaving as I did,” Harry said quietly, and there was something different about him that Niall couldn’t point out immediately. “I should have behaved more like a friend.”

“Yeah, if you want to be Zayn’s plaything then go….” Louis trailed off, his eyes wide in shock at his own words – that had defiantly not been what he wanted to say – the smile that had been creeping onto Niall’s face fell. Everyone was staring at Louis incredulously.

Louis glanced guilty at Harry who was glaring daggers at him.

“I didn’t mean that, you know how I say things I don’t mean, and that was definitely one of those things I don’t mean. Did I mention-“

“Louis,” Liam hissed and cut his rant off. “Be quiet.” He turned to smile nervously at Niall who looked a little hurt. “He didn’t mean that,” He seconded, before moving forward and hugging the blonde. The others soon followed, Louis a little later than the others and before long they were all huddled up in a big group hug.

Niall could feel the tears of relief and happiness pressing as he tried to close his arms around all of his friends.

“Thanks… it means so much.”

….

After they all stayed at Niall’s place just talking, laughing and having a good time, they decided it was time to leave after a good 2 hours. The blonde was happy and would maybe have been ecstatic if it wasn’t for the sudden tension he felt between him and Louis and then there seemed to be something wrong with Harry; he was tempted to think it was something he was imagining, but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

He followed them out of the door and hugged them all goodbye; well, except Louis who didn’t even bother wait for a hug and had walked ahead to the cars. Harry stayed a little behind as the others walked away.

“Harry?” Niall looked curiously at him as the boy stood there and the light breeze ruffled up in his dark curls. “Ni…” Harry trailed off with an almost painful smile, and that’s when Niall realized what was different with Harry was his eye; they seemed dimmer, a little lifeless and why did he first now notice the faint dark rings under his eyes? Niall’s worry was sparked and he stepped closer to the boy. “Harry?” He said quietly and touched his arm. “Are you alright?”

Harry looked like he wanted to say something, but then decided against it. 

“I’ve missed you,” He whispered, and Niall’s heart melted. He moved closer and locked his arms around the taller boy in a tight hug. Harry immediately returned the hug as he closed his arms around Niall’s waist. “I’ve missed you too, Harry,” Niall breathed softly into his ear and giggled a little when Harry’s curls tickled his neck. He then got an idea.

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” He asked brightly. “Just the two of us?”

Harry pulled a little away and looked at him.

“Really?” His eyes were big and hopeful, and Niall didn’t understand the doubt; it wasn’t like the first time they hung out together. He nodded energetically. “Yeah!” He beamed. “We could go and watch a move, eh? I think there are some good ones running in the cinema.”

Harry smiled, his dimples denting his cheeks, and he looked so young.

“I’d love to.”

“Then it’s settled!” Niall smiled, and Harry nodded, before suddenly staring intently into his eyes. Niall didn’t know what, but there was something in Harry’s green eyes that held his eyes pinned. Niall stared into Harry’s eyes, trying to understand the emotions swirling in Harry’s eyes and more importantly;the feelings stirring inside ofhim. Harry’s lips were a little dry as he opened his mouth.

“Niall… I…” He started hoarsely in that slow voice of his, but he was interrupted by the honking of a car. 

“Haz! Come on!” Louis shouted from a distance, and Harry shot a glance behind him. Niall suddenly wanted to hold Harry back and demand he told him what Niall could practically _feel_ he was burning with. However, Harry slipped out of his arms and with a small smile, he walked away.

* * *

The next day when Niall walked down the hall, all he really wanted was to run back home and hide under his blanket. His heart raced away as he heard the gossip and laughter behind his back, and he immediately knew why everyone was looking at him, seemingly talking about him; they knew about him and Zayn. 

Of course; how could Niall have been so stupid? He should have expected that _someone_ had heard him and Zayn having sex in the restroom. He hadn’t particular succeeded in being quiet.

Now he was the topic of the whole school.

As he made his way to his locker, he thought he might stumble with the stares burning into the back of his head. He reached his locker with shaky feet and buried his face in his locker to somehow hide from the stares and whispers. His heart clenched in his chest, because from what he made out of the whispers he was apparently labeled as one of Zayn’s many whores. He felt like crying; where were the others when he needed them?

He heard someone step up next to him and he sighed in relief, but that sigh soon turned into a small gasp. There stood none other than Jerry with a smirk and a lollipop in his mouth. Niall swallowed heavily and attempted to walk away, but Jerry blocked his way. Niall studied him nervously, and Jerry was actually very handsome; such a shame his personality completely ruined that.

“What do you want,” Niall hissed in a whisper as his eyes flew around, and he knew all eyes were on them; he didn’t need a rumor right now. Jerry smirked as he moved closer and Niall had to use some serious will-power not to take a step back in fear.

“Good morning, Bambi,” He drawled as he took the lollipop out with a pop and he was close enough for Niall to smell the sweet cherry scent of the candy. “How does it feel to be the center of attention?”

Niall didn’t reply and did his best not to feel as frightened by Jerry as he was; he reminded himself they were in full public, he couldn’t possibly do anything creepy.

“Do you know what they’re saying about you?” Jerry asked, and it was clear in his grey eyes that he was enjoying every little moment of Niall’s discomfort. Niall didn’t bother to reply, hoping he would just leave him be. He glanced around again; where was Zayn? Harry? The others?

“They’re saying that you’re Zayn’s personal slut.” Niall’s heart twisted and his jaw clenched, his eyes turning blank. Jerry smiled sadistically. “They’re saying he’s going to get tired of you soon, and that you’re cheap.”

“Shut up,” Niall’s voice trembled and he could feel the tears forming in his eyes; Jerry’s words were getting to him, and he hated it.

“Do you know what I think?” Jerry said. “I think they’re right.”

Niall’s chest was heaving. One thing was hearing faceless people whispering that behind his back, another was hearing it to his face by Zayn’s friend.

“Don’t think you’re different from all the others Zayn has been with,” Jerry continued to harass him relentlessly. “You’re might be the one that lasted the longest. I’ll give you that, but I’ll give you max one week more before Zayn throws you out in the cold like garbage.”

Niall’s eyes were blank with tears as he struggled to hold them back. He hated he swallowed every word Jerry said and a part of him _believed_ in them.

“But don’t worry, Bambi,” Jerry whispered and his grey bored into Niall’s tear filled ones. “I’ll be there when Zayn gets bored of you, and then I can have my fun with you.”

“Go to hell,” Niall spat, and Jerry just grinned.

“Not before getting a taste of you,” He breathed and looked Niall up and down. “And I promise I will have my way with you. I have to know if you feel as good as you look.” Niall shuddered in disgust at the boy’s words and he didn’t know why this kind of person was friends with Zayn. Jerry seemed to want to say more, but then his eyes locked at something behind Niall.

“Niall? Are you alright?”

Niall almost sobbed in relief at the familiar voice and leaned closer to the touch when a hand closed around his shoulder. He looked behind him to see Harry narrowing his eyes at Jerry.

“Is he bothering you?” Harry asked as his hold on Niall tightened, and the blonde glanced at Jeremy who looked rather annoyed by Harry’s presence.

“See you around, Niall,” He smiled a misleading friendly smile, before turning around and walking away. Niall let out a deep breath and smiled weakly at Harry.

“I’m okay, now,” He said, because he didn’t want Harry to confront Jerry; the guy was dangerous and he didn’t want Harry to get hurt. “Thanks.”

Harry didn’t look convinced but smiled and nodded. Then Niall heard someone whispering his name behind his back and he stiffened as his eyes darted in the general direction; it was a group of girl and they hurried to look away when they saw him looking. 

Niall knew Harry knew people were talking about him, and the younger boy turned to send the girls a glare that made them scurry away. “Come on,” He mumbled and slung a protective arm around Niall’s shoulder, tugging the boy along.

They had barely taken two steps when Niall heard someone cough out a “slut” behind his back, and that’s really all it took for Niall to crumble.

“Harry…” He croaked as he bowed his head to hide the tears that escaped his eyes. He could feel Harry was tense and rigid next to him. “Don’t let what these losers says get to you, Niall,” Harry said loudly as he glared around. 

“You’ll never become what they say.” Harry’s voice was slightly shaking with the anger bubbling inside of him.

“People these days are such a disappointment,” Liam suddenly popped up next to them and he smiled comfortingly at Niall; the blonde however could see how upset he was behind his controlled gaze. He slipped an arm under Harry’s as he closed a hand around Niall’s older shoulder. 

Harry and Liam squeezed the smaller blonde between them like they were trying to physically protect him from all the thoughtless whispers and mean comments; their eyes burning through anyone who dared to look at Niall more than necessary. 

Harry really just wanted to give all these assholes a piece of his mind – they obviously needed to get a life – but he was afraid he might just snap completely and go ape-shit on them. How could anyone talk about Niall like that? How could anyone who had a heart hurt someone like Niall? Besides they weren’t making it easy for him personally by reminding him of the events of yesterday.

He pressed Niall closer to his side, because no matter how much Niall had hurt and was hurting him; the blonde didn’t deserve all this negative attention. Seeing Niall sad was just as hurtful as seeing him with somebody else.

Niall was more than a little touched by his friends’ protective gesture, and he actually felt loved and protected.

“Guys… thanks,” He whispered and Liam and Harry sent him meaningful smiles. 

…

Niall’s friends were glued to his side for the rest of the day, making sure he was alright, and they were the only reason Niall made it through the day. They did a great job of distracting him from the whispers and Jerry’s words turning in his head. 

Niall spent lunch with his friends and they warmly welcomed him back – never mind he’d only been away for one day – but the blonde still couldn’t shake off the feeling that Louis still had some issues with him, because it was always easy to notice when something was wrong with the oldest lad. Niall was sure something was wrong when Louis didn’t look his way once.

He must’ve done something wrong without even noticing.

Another thing that bothered him that school day was the absence of a certain dark-haired lad. Niall wasn’t sure how he felt about Zayn skipping school as much as he seemed to do; correction, he _hated_ it. They would be seniors soon, so shouldn’t Zayn be taking school more serious?

Also, he was curious what Zayn’s reaction to the whole school finding out about them would be.

* * *

“Did you bring the whole shop in your bag, Niall?” Harry laughed as peered into the bag Niall had brought for the movie they were going to watch. Niall grinned. “It’s not that much!” He protested and snapped the bag back from Harry and zipped it close. Harry rolled his eyes and affectionately ruffled up in Niall’s hair. “Only you would say that, Ni,” He said and grinned when Niall huffed at his disheveled hair and tried to straighten it out; he was so adorable.

“Which movie do you want to watch?” Niall’s big blue eyes peered up at the posters in the cinema, before looking towards Harry questioningly.

“You are letting me chose?” Harry asked surprised, because most of the time he and Niall went to the cinema together, they would chose two different movies and then argue which one to watch to the point where they chose a whole other third movie.

“Yeah, chose wisely, Styles,” Niall teased, and Harry smiled.

Then he realized he could use it to his advantage. He looked through the posters, before his eyes fell on a suitable one for the thoughts going through his mind.

“Paranormal activity 4!” He said as he pointed towards it. Niall eyes widened. “No way!” He protested, and Harry pouted. “Aw come on, Ni. I really, really want to see it.”

Niall looked suspiciously at him. “You don’t even like these movies! You still complain about how the first one was a waste of money!”

Harry smiled sweetly.

“Yes, but I’ve heard this one should be especially good,” He lied.

“But… I don’t like Horror movies,” Niall said, and if he only knew that was the exact reason Harry was choosing this movie. “Don’t worry, Nialler,” He said and used the opportunity to close an arm around him. “I’ll protect you.”

Niall blushed and pushed him away.

“I don’t need protection! Do we really have to watch it?”

Yes, yes they did.

Harry used his charm to persuade Niall, and the blonde finally caved in with a cute whine; gosh, he had no idea what effect he had on Harry. He stated that if he stayed up all night because of nightmares then Harry was staying up with him; if he only knew how willing Harry would be to that. They went up and bought the tickets and were happy they got some good seats plus they didn’t have to wait long before they opened the doors.

They found their seats in the third last row in the corner, and Harry was more than happy there wasn’t too many teenage girls; watching a horror movie with those were like suicide for your ears. They settled back in their seats, and Harry couldn’t help but smile when Niall immediately opened the bag with snacks even though they hadn’t even started the commercials. He caught the bag of crips Niall threw towards him and watched amused as the blonde began to dig in.

As the movie started and the creepiness began, the distance between Niall and Harry decreased. Soon enough the arm lean that were separating them was shot up and Niall was pressing into Harry’s side, his wide eyes glued on the screen. Every time a scary scene would come up the blonde would jump and snuggle closer to Harry; and said boy didn’t mind at all. He held Niall closer to him, closing a hand around his shoulder and pulling him closer.

At some point into the movie, Harry had given up watching the movie in favor of watching Niall instead. He probably shouldn’t find it as fascinating as he did, but he couldn’t help it; the way the emotions and expression flickered over Niall’s features, each appropriate for whatever scene that was on. His blue eyes were so beautiful as they glowed in the bright screen light, and his scent was dizzying Harry a little; he smelled so nice. 

Harry loved it the most when Niall would bury his face in his chest like a little child every time a specially creepy scene came up, and Harry would hold him close, never wanting to let go. Those moments were the one Harry cherished, because it reminded him of how sensitive and innocent Niall was; Zayn – the name left a bitter feeling in Harry’s gut – would never be able to take that away from the blonde. 

“Is it over?” Niall would ask after having his head buried in Harry’s chest for a moment, and Harry wondered if the blonde could hear his racing heart as loud as he could. That’s when Harry realized he wouldn’t be ready to let Niall go now or any time soon. He wanted to protect him in every possible way and definition of the word; protect him from the world’s cruelties, the heartless teens at school, from bad news as Zayn and maybe even from himself.

As they sat there in the dark cinema illuminated by the screen snuggled closely and intimately up to each other, Harry realized he didn’t want to let go of this moment. He wished he could freeze it in a frame and stay like this with Niall forever, or put this day back on reply and keep reliving it.

As he wrapped his arms around Niall and held tight, inhaling his scent; he knew he was worth fighting for. In Harry’s perfect world; he would realize he loved him more than Zayn.

Yes, he loved Niall.

More than Zayn would ever be able to.

* * *

Friday night arrived and Harry decided it had been too long since they’ve all hung out together so he dragged them all along to go clubbing; even Hannah who didn’t like clubbing.Lights were flashing, music vibrating the walls, and bodies moving in a tangle of arms and legs. The smell of alcohol was strong

“How on earth did Louis convince Hannah to dance?” Niall laughed in his ear, and Harry followed the blonde’s eyes and smirked. Louis and Hannah were on the dance floor with the older boy trying to guide Hannah through the simplest of dance moves and the sight was hilarious.

“He’s Louis,” Harry shook his head and laughed like that was enough of response and it seemed to be enough for Niall. The blonde sank deeper in the seat and took a swig of his drink with a relaxed expression. Harry watched him discreetly; his cheeks were colored and his eyes were bright. Harry wished they never dimmed.

Suddenly some other guy approached them, and Harry’s eyes narrowed when he saw how he was looking at Niall. “Hey beautiful,” He said, staring intently at Niall, and the blonde looked up at him in surprise. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Harry slid a hand around Niall’s shoulder and glared up at the guy. “No, he’s fine,” He growled and the guy seemed to get the hint and with a scowl he left.

Niall was suddenly giggling uncontrollably in his ear, and Harry’s heart did several jumps. “Harry,” The boy breathed hotly into his ear, and judging from the alcohol in his breath, he was a little tipsy. “If I didn’t know better, I would say you were jealous.” 

Harry’s eyes widened in shock, but he composed himself quickly. He smirked as he turned to face Niall’s eyes which were very close. “What if I said I was?” He gave Niall one of his dimply smiles. Niall returned it with a smirk. “Are you trying to seduce me, Styles?” Harry didn’t know if Niall using his last name should turn him on as much as it did. “Is it working?” He whispered as lowly as you can in a loud club; his heart beating away.

Niall’s bright blue eyes flickered over his face, and Harry’s breath didn’t get further than his throat. He could feel Niall’s body heat and combined with his own with the heat in the club on top, it was a little more than unbearable. The moment was shattered by Liam and Danielle sliding down in the seat in front of them, and Niall immediately leaned a little away.

“What are you two whispering about?” Danielle giggled.

“Nothing,” Niall smiled as he turned his attention back on his drink, and Harry had to control himself from glaring at the two interrupters.

He then saw Liam studying him intently, and he became _very_ nervous. He was afraid Liam knew about his feelings for Niall, because the boy had an uncanny ability to figure anything out. He was very relieved when Danielle took away his attention; never mind they began snogging in front of them.

“Ugh, really guys?” Niall said and wrinkled his nose slightly. He then turned to Harry. “Let’s dance, Harry!”

Harry probably shouldn’t agree, but there were many things he shouldn’t but did anyways.

Harry didn’t know how his and Niall’s kind of silly dancing turned into _this_ in a matter of minutes, but he wasn’t complaining.

He thanked any deity for the sudden crowded dance floor, because he found Niall pressed against him. He was sure his hands had a mind of their own, because he didn’t remember putting them on the blonde’s hips. Niall didn’t seem to mind and was grinning at him as he moved to the beat. Niall had always been one hell of a dancer and Harry didn’t know why he hadn’t taken advantage of that before.

“Fuck…” He mumbled when Niall’s hips were swaying from side to side, and a strangled gasp escaped his lips when the boy suddenly grounded his hips against his. _Fuck_ , he thought, because he could feel the life stirring in his pants. Niall might have had more to drink than he’d thought.

Harry threw all thoughts aside and countered Niall’s movements, and in seconds their dance turned a little too intimate for two guy friends. Niall’s hot breath was fanning over his face, and Harry felt dizzy. Their eyes locked, and for Harry it seemed the whole world blurred but those brilliant striking blue swirls. _Hypnotizing_.

The curly-haired boy could feel the sweat form on his forehead as his gaze flickering down to Niall’s shiny pink lips; did the boy use lip-gloss or something? 

“Harry?” Said boy was too far gone to notice Niall’s movements were slowing down, because all he could think about was tasting those soft-looking lips. All care in the world was thrown over his shoulder as he went for it.

He would have kissed him.

_Would._

If the blonde wasn’t suddenly ripped from his side the last second. Harry’s eyes shot up and a growl emitted from his throat when his green clashed with fuming brown. 

_Zayn_.

_Unbelievable_

Said boy had Niall’s back pressed against his chest, his arms tightly locked around the blonde’s waist possessively. Harry would never admit the glare he was sending him sent shivers down his spine; he looked furious. 

“Z-Zayn?” Niall blinked confused with his eyes as he craned his neck to look behind him. Zayn didn’t look at Niall, but glared intently at Harry like he was trying to murder him with his gaze alone. Harry didn’t budge and stood his ground, glaring right back at Zayn.

The sparks of tension could practically be felt between them, and Harry felt bad for Niall who looked confused and even a little frightened.

Zayn actually looked like he was seconds away from releasing Niall and strangling Harry. 

Louis popped up next to them. 

The older boy took one look at the scene, before his eyes narrowed at Zayn, his body subconsciously moving between the raven and Harry protectively. 

He grabbed Harry’s arm.

“It’s not worth it, come on, Haz.”

Harry found himself dragged away from Niall and Zayn against his will.

 

Niall was spun around to face Zayn’s dark eyes, and he gulped. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Zayn growled, and Niall might be a little more than frightened. He shrugged of Zayn’s hands on his shoulder. “What do you mean? And what are you doing here? Why weren’t you in school?” Niall asked confused. He grunted when someone behind him accidently pushed him flush against Zayn.

Zayn’s arm closed around Niall’s waist, and Niall looked up at him. He was frowning and didn’t reply to any of Niall’s questions.

“You can’t just pop up like this, Zayn,” Niall frowned. “I was with my friends and you know they don’t like you.”

“They’re just jealous,” Zayn stated and kissed him.

Of course Niall melted into the touch, his arms locking around the raven’s neck; he might have missed him a little. Before long they were full-out making out on the dance-floor, the bodies slightly moving to the beat and their hands roving over each other. 

“Don’t dance like this with others than me,” Zayn growled against his lips, and before Niall could comprehend his words fully, he attacked his neck. “Ah…” Niall breathed heavily as he threw his head back to give Zayn more access. “Let’s leave,” Zayn breathed against his neck, and Niall nodded weakly; completely forgotten was the fact that he came here to spend time with his friends.

“I just need to use the toilet. Wait here.”

After using the restroom, Niall washed his hand and headed out. However, he stiffened when Jerry entered just as he was about to exit. As their eyes clashed, Niall felt the shivers run down his spine. He shot his gaze down and tried to walk past Jerry; keyword, tried.

He yelped when the boy’s fingers curled roughly around his arm, and he was shoved into a stall. He stumbled and narrowly avoided to land on the filthy floor. He spun around with wide eyes.

Jerry stood there, blocking the door and smirking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg, i forgot what little shit jerry was.


	12. Chapter 12

Niall couldn’t believe this was happening. He wouldn’t have thought Jerry would take it this far. If he’d known they boy would molest him in a filthy stall in a club, he would’ve told Zayn about him long ago.

But now it seemed it was a little too late.

“I couldn’t help myself, Niall,” Jerry smirked and Niall gasped when his body was sandwiched between Jerry’s firm body and the wall. His eyes widened when the boy’s fingers were roaming and touching up his thigh. “Stop!” He exclaimed and swatted Jerry’s hand away. 

“Don’t make this difficult,” He hissed and Niall found his wrists pinned above his head by one of Jerry’s hands. He was about to knee him in the crotch, but Jerry read his mind and slid a thigh between his legs. “I have to see what Zayn sees in you.”

“Get off of me!” Niall spat and shuddered when Jerry’s breath ghosted over the skin of his neck. The slap across his cheek was as unexpected as this whole predicament, and the tears welled up in Niall’s eyes at the stinging pain. 

“Be quiet,” Jerry growled, and Niall gasped when he placed sloppy kisses down the length of his neck. He whimpered when Jerry’s thigh rutted against his crotch. Niall tried to struggle against his hold.

“Stop it!” He shouted loudly. “Help! Zayn!” The rest of his shouts were muffled by a mouth against his, and his eyes grew wide, the tears escaping; hot against his skin. Jerry’s mouth felt so wrong, cold and disgusting and _sonotZayn_. Niall clenched his eyes shut, wishing this was a nightmare as he felt Jerry’s fingers curl roughly around his hip.

“Why scream for someone who doesn't gives a rat's ass about you?” Jerry said against his lips, and Niall 's heart sank. “For him you're just a good fuck; a _very_ good fuck judging by how long he's kept your pretty little ass around.”

The tears were trickling down Niall's cheeks, and he couldn't believe how much Jerry's words were hurting him. He whimpered when Jerry pressed his mouth back against his roughly and shuddered when Jerry’s wet tongue pressed against his bottom lip, demanding entrance, but Niall kept his mouth firmly closed in a thin line. In his mind was the words; _onlyZayn_ replaying. But then there was that voice in his head telling him that _Zayn didn't care_. 

“You know, it would be so much better for yourself if you cooperated,” Jerry growled impatiently. “Why don't you live up to your slutty image and give me what I want?” Niall clenched his eyes tightly shut, trying to ignore his tight chest. Jerry didn't give up and kept kissing him.

Niall hadn't expected his hand to roughly grab his butt, and he gasped in surprise. Jerry relentlessly took advantage of his open mouth, and his tongue plunged into the depths of Niall's mouth. Niall felt sick to the core as Jerry's tongue ravished his mouth as it pleased him.

Niall's struggles decreased and his offensive crumbled to a pleading defense when Jerry's hand were fumbling with his belt, and he fully realized where this was heading.

“ _Please_ ,” Niall whimpered against the boy’s semi-cold lips, letting go of his pride. “ _Stop_ , I beg you.” Just the thought of where this might end sent Niall's heart hurtling down.

Jerry released his mouth and the cruel smile he sent him made Niall's blood ran cold, and he knew he wasn't going to stop. A shaky sob escaped his abused lips as Jerry nibbled his neck, and he gasped in pain when he bit down. His hand had by now unbuckled his belt and Niall heard the sound of the zipper being pulled down.

“ _No_.”

“Niall?”

Niall's diminishing hope sparked again as his ears perked at the familiar voice.

“Harry! Help!”

Jerry growled and Niall thought he was about to hit him, but then the door was kicked open. Niall's teary eyes didn't meet the familiar green, but rather the familiar amber. 

Zayn stood in the doorway as he froze for a moment at the scene before him, and then Niall noticed Harry who stood just behind, his eyes wide with shock and horror.

Zayn's eyes flickered down to where Niall's belt and zipper were undone up to Niall's face, before landing on Jerry's nervously smiling one.

“Uh... Hi, Zayn. We were just having some fun,” He sounded calm, but the underneath fear was clear. 

“ _Jerry_ ,” the look in Zayn's eyes made chills travel down Niall's spine, because he looked _murderous_. 

It was like time begun ticking again and everything happened pretty fast after that.

Zayn grabbed Jerry by the back of his collar and hurled Jerry out of the stall and right into the sinks. “Niall!” Harry cried and before Niall knew of it, Harry had pulled him into a tight embrace; almost to the point of suffocating. 

“Shhh... you're safe now, love,” Harry cooed as he held him tight, because Niall was shaking uncontrollably and breathing in small ragged gasps; the tear falling from his eyes seemed never ending. “I got you.”

Niall craned his neck to see what happened to Zayn and Jerry just in time to see Zayn grab Jerry and knee him in the stomach. Jerry gasped as the air left his lungs and bend over slightly. He barely got time to regain his lost breath, befoe Zayn's fist smashed into his face. He stumbled and would've crashed to the ground if Zayn didn't grab him and steady him till they were face to face.

“Of all people you should know better,” The venom was dripping from Zayn's voice, and Niall couldn't see his face, but judging by Jerry's frightened features, it couldn't be good. “C-come on, mate, you know-” Zayn didn't let him finish as he brought his fist down again, and Niall winced at the _crunch_ as Jerry's nose broke – the blood gushing – and with a shout of pain he collapsed to the ground. Zayn was on top of him the next second, and Niall realized he wouldn't stop.

“Z-Zayn...stop,” He croaked weakly and when he realized Zayn couldn't hear him, he turned big eyes on Harry. “H-Harry... he'll kill him... please, stop him.”

In truth, Harry _didn't_ want to stop him; hell, he was contemplating to _join_ Zayn in beating Jerry into the afterlife. How _dare_ he touch a single hair on Niall's head. But Niall was looking at him so scared and Jerry was letting out shouts of pain for every blow. Harry gritted his teeth; as much as he wanted Jerry to get what he deserved, he didn't want to be a witness for murder. 

He squeezed Niall once, before he moved forward. “Hey, that's enough,” He said, but Zayn kept hitting Jerry, and the guy's face was covered in blood by now. “I said stop!” Harry grabbed Zayn's swinging fist, but that seemed to be a mistake. Harry had definitely not expected for Zayn to turn flaming eyes on him as he got up and slammed him against the wall.

“You got nerves, curly,” He sneered into his face, and Harry would never admit the chills that travelled through his body at the killer-intent Zayn was exuding. He raised his fist, and Harry realized he was going to hit him.

“ _Zayn_!” Niall was suddenly next to them, his shaky hands closed around Zayn's raised wrist. Zayn turned to look at the smaller boy, and Niall sent him a pleading look.

“ _Please_ , stop,” He begged, and the broken look in his eyes tore at Harry. If Zayn even had half a heart, he wouldn't be able to ignore the blonde's plea and his wet eyes. Harry breathed a sigh of relief as Zayn released him reluctantly.

“Harry,” Niall touched his arm, looking at him worriedly. Harry sent him a shaky smile in assurance. 

Zayn's jaw clenched tightly, and he had to hold himself back from actually giving Harry the same treatment as Jerry. His hand reached out and curled around the crook of Niall's elbow, tugging him slightly away from Harry. “Come on, let's go,” He said and he really hated the tears in the blonde's eyes; it didn't suit him at all.

His eyes narrowed into slits when Harry grabbed Niall's other arm, and as Harry met his glare with one of his own, Zayn really thought he had guts; seriously, didn't he just see what he was capable of? “He's not safe with you,” Harry said, and Zayn really just wanted to shave those stupid curls off of him so people thought he was a cancer-kid, and then beat him into a bloody pulp; he might just do that when he found him alone. 

And what was that supposed to mean? He hadn't been the one forcing himself on Niall. If anything, Zayn thought, he was safer with him than anyone else; especially this annoying curly-haired kid.

”Stop, please,” Niall said weakly and tugged his arms out of the two boy's hold. He avoided both their eyes. ”Harry, I want to go home.”

Zayn let out an annoyed growl and was about to grab Niall, but Harry pulled him to his side, his hand closing protectively around the blonde's shoulder. Zayn felt a burning in the pit of his stomach, and he was _angry_ , and he wanted to beat Harry. 

”Niall,” He hissed, his eyes burning daggers into Harry's. ”Come here.” To his utter frustration Niall shook his head and glanced at him. ”Please, Zayn... I just want to go home.”

Zayn was about to say that he could take him home if that's what he wanted, but he bit it back; his pride stood in the way. His jaw clenched and unclenched, and he was holding himself back from planting a fist in Harry's face, because _why_ was Niall chosing him to take him home? And _why_ did he even _care_? He didn't.

He took a step back, his features perfectly smoothed out and sent Harry a cold stare. ”Hn,” He grunted. ”Whatever.” Niall looked at him for a moment, and _why_ was he looking at him like he had done something wrong? He _hated_ that look.

As Harry and Niall left a scoff grabbed his attention, and he turned to glare at Jerry who was laying on the ground; bloody and bruised all over. 

”Really, Zayn...” He spat out a little blood, before turning and looking at Zayn. ”When did you become so _pathetic_?”

Zayn sneered, and Jerry's eyes widened a little when he approached him. Outside the restroom could be heard a painful shout as Zayn knocked Jerry unconscious.

* * *

”W-when people keep telling you the same thing,” Niall sniveled and Harry stroked his hair comfortingly. ”... you begin to b-believe in them...”

”No,” Harry cradled Niall's chin and made him meet his eyes. ”They don't know you and especially not that creep, okay? You'll never be something just because people say them.”

Niall didn't look conviced and bowed his head, burying it in Harry's chest. They were currently on Niall's bed. After they had left the club with a text to their friends so they wouldn't be worried, Harry hadn't been comfortable leaving Niall alone home since his mother wasn't there. 

”H-he said that Zayn didn't care about me,” Niall's voice was slightly muffled and thick with tears, but Harry understood him. His jaw clenched. ”.... he said he would throw me out like gabbarge.... and...a-and the worst part is t-that..” Niall suddenly sobbed loudly, and Harry's heart tiwsted. The curly-haired boy pulled Niall closer to his body and held him tight. ”... is t-that... I-I …. a part of me... believe him...”

Harry couldn't take it; he couldn't take that Niall cared so much about what Zayn thought about him. Of course he would murder Zayn if it really turned out that he was using Niall, but then again it would only heighten his chances with Niall. All that aside, he really hoped Zayn had finished what he started with Jerry once they had left. Harry was sure he would beat him if he ever saw his face. 

”A-and i-if it's true...” Niall croaked and his fingers were twisting in the back of Harry's white t-shirt. ”... then I might just die inside.”

Harry's heart broke, and he didn't know how it was possible that it hurt both because Niall seemingly really cared about Zayn and the pain in Niall's voice when he said that. He kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back in comforting circles. However, he couldn't get himself to assure Niall that everyting with Zayn would be alright, because he didn't believe it or maybe he didn't want to believe it.

”Leave him,” He said before he could stop himself, and he felt Niall stiffen. He had promised to let Niall makes his own decision, but his decision was doing _this_ to him. ”I am saying that, because being with him is hurting you , Ni,” He tried to explain. ”It's because of him that the jerks at school are giving you so much negative attention, you miss your classes because of him, and he can't even tell you or show you he care about you.”

The silence that followed was defeaning, and Harry would've thought Niall had fallen asleep if it hadn't been for his uneven inhales and the grip on the back of his shirt.

”Niall...” Harry whispered nervously. ”.... I am just saying it because I care about you... you mean a lot to me.”

”... I know....” Niall whispered, but it was obvious he wasn't going to reply to Harry's earlier talk. Harry sighed and stroked his hair once, before pulling the blanket over them. ”Try to get some sleep, yea?”

Niall nodded against his chest, his golden locks tickling Harry's chin. Harry closed his arms around his small form and kissed him softly between his blond locks. He buried his nose in the blonde's hair and inhaled his shampoo. He didn't know what he would have done if that creep had gotten his way with Niall, and he was thankful he had gotten there before it was too late.

”I love you, Ni...” He whispered softly with his heart beating loudly in his chest. ”I love you too,” Niall replied in a heartbeat, and Harry smiled sadly, knowing Niall didn't mean it the way he wanted him to. 

”Good night.” He said and closed his eyes.

* * *

Not only Harry's words, but Jerry's words along with what everyone was saying about him turned in Niall's head for the rest of the weekend. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he knew what he should do. Except the sex, Niall really couldn't tell any positive outcomes of what he had going on with Zayn. He couldn't deny the fact that his life had dropped since he began sleeping with Zayn and sleeping with Zayn is what lead him to almost losing his friends, the whole school thinking he was a cheap slut and Jerry almost hurting him in ways he couldn't get himself to think about for too long.

Yea, what he should do was crystal clear, then why wasn't he just ending it while he still could? Because it had exceeded the point of no return, _that's_ why. Zayn already had him in his magnetic field, and his pull only became stronger and more addicting for every passing hour.

It sounded ridiculous in Niall's mind, but it was the truth; he felt like he couldn't physically leave Zayn., let alone mentally and emotionally. He had grown attached to their relationship, to the sex... to _Zayn_. And he felt _stupid_ being the only one hurting. He felt _stupid_ beeing the only one seemingly _caring_ , and he was _tired_ – both physically and emotionally – by all of this.

But the thought of letting go still scared him.

He felt pathetic.

The truth was that a part of him was still clinging to the small hope that Zayn cared or _would_ care. He told himself Zayn wouldn't have beaten Jerry half-dead if he didn't care, but then another voice was telling him that Zayn just didn't like sharing his 'playthings' as Louis so bluntly put it. It hurt, because not only did everyone else think Zayn didn't care about him, but even his friends thought so as well. He could almost feel them bracing themselves for his inevitable downfall.

In short, Zayn had forcefully created his own place in Niall's life, and Niall didn't know if he could fill the void if he was to leave.

….

The next time he saw Zayn, he'd expected him to talk about Jerry or at least apologize on his friend's behalf. He didn't really, but then again he was also awfully quiet. Niall hated that he was the one feeling like he had done something wrong.

”They say you don't care about me,” He blurted out when he climbed into the passanger seat of his car. ”They say that I am.... your personal slut.” Niall bit down his lip and cursed himself. He didn't look towards Zayn, but he could see how his fingers tightened around the wheel. 

The silence was unbearable.

Niall wished Zayn would give him some kind of resurrance, that he would say it wasn't truth. That he would tell him that they didn't know about them, and he shouldn't care what people thought. 

”Haven't I told you to stop listening to other people?” Zayn sounded annoyed, and Niall threw a glance towards him. He was looking straight-forward with slightly narrowed eyes. ”If you start taking everything people say so seriosuly, then your life will _suck_.”

It wasn't what Niall wanted to hear, but he liked to believe it was close. He liked to believe that Zayn was telling him it wasn't true indirectly, but it wasn't enough to mute the skeptical voice in his head.

Zayn must have felt his thoughts, because he suddenly sighed. His defined jaw clenched slightly as he swallowed, and he ran a hand through his hair, carefully not to mess it up. 

”What do you expect me to say, Niall?” He finally said, and Niall looked down. ”That what they are saying isn't true? Do you want me to tell you differently? What is it you want?”

Niall didn't speak up, because not only did Zayn sound frustrated, he also sounded annoyed. He didn't want to come off as clingy, because he knew Zayn was the type to take a step back if he felt cornered. 

”I am not that kind of guy,” Zayn said quietly and finally looked at Niall with a crease between his dark brows. ”I am not the kind of guy that knows what to say to make it alright. I am not the kind of guy that _thinks_ too much about anything, and I am not the guy that let himself care too much about things.”

Niall was a little shocked, because this was the most Zayn had spoken to him; like _really_ spoken to him, and there was something in the way that those words came out that sounded so _bitter_ that Niall really just wanted to give him a hug.

”Thinking about everything you do makes things complicated,” Zayn said and looked away. ”I don't like complications.”

”I can't make you... make you feel special,” Zayn said after a long hesitation, and Niall's eyes widened. He wanted to tell him that Zayn really didn't have to say anything to make him feel special. The way he looked at him when they had sex was enough to make Niall feel on top of the world; well, at least until someone reminded him it was temporary. ”I only know how to make you feel good.”

Niall hadn't expected for Zayn to turn towards him and pull him into a passionate kiss. Niall was breathless and wide-eyed when he released him, and Zayn smirked. ”Feel better?” Niall could only nod dumbly.

”I was going to get a new tattoo,” He told him. ”You can come along if you want.”

Niall quickly agreed even though he wanted to give Zayn a talk about how tattoos were going to stay for life, but then he remembered he wasn't Liam.

….  
”Does it hurt?” Niall asked with big eyes as he watched the big man work on the tattoo. Zayn had already known what he wanted; a dragon just above his left hipbone. He was laying back, and he didn't look like he was in the slightest pain. He smirked at Niall. 

”Not really,” He replied, and Niall nodded as he continued to watch the man work on the outline of the tattoo; he was a little more than fascinated. Zayn's mocha colored skin was getting a fierce red, and Niall thought he couldn't wait to touch it and kiss it when they were in bed; he blushed. His blush only deepened when Zayn was watching him amused, and Niall just knew he read his thoughts.

”I can't wait till it's healed,” He said and sent Niall a suggestive wink. Niall had to look away.

Finally the dragon tattoo was done, and Niall must admit the guy had done an excellent job. It looked incredibly hot, and Niall might just have been a little turned on. The sore patch of skin was bandaged, and Zayn carefully pulled on his shirt, before paying and leaving.

They had barely taken two steps out, before Niall stopped up. Zayn halted and whipped around giving him a confused look.

”Why are we stopping?”

Niall's eyes were bright and a smile was slowly creeping onto his face.

”I want one.”

Zayn looked surprised.

”A tattoo?”

”Yes.” Niall knew his mother would _kill_ him, but he was willing to take the risk. He had actually expected Zayn to disagree, but the boy actually laughed.

”You're full of surprises, Niall,” He chuckled, before smirking at him. ”Are you sure?”

”Absolutely.”


	13. Chapter 13

  
Chapter 13

Niall looked down at Zayn who was quirking a brow at him curiously, and he smirked as he leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips; teasingly. Zayn tried to deepen it, but Niall drew back; Zayn growled a little impatiently, and Niall smirked down at him.

There was something different about having Zayn in his own bed, and Niall couldn't wait to take advantage of the fact that his mother was out. He was currently straddling the raven and as he lay underneath bim, he felt in control.

He kissed him this time harder and pushed his tongue past his parted lips. His fingers crawled under Zayn's shirt and brought it up as he went. Zayn sat a little up so Niall could get the shirt off. Once the shirt was discarded, Niall pushed Zayn back down. Zayn looking amused and curiously up at him as the blonde let his eyes roam over his chest. 

Niall brought his lips to Zayn's jaw and covered it in feather kisses trailing down to his neck. He kissed the juncture of Zayn's shoulder and neck softly at first but they turned into more insistent kisses, and Niall could feel Zayn breathe in heavily. He sucked hard on the skin and was pleased by the low groan he recieved. He drew back and smiled satisfied when he saw the skin redden slowly. He looked up at Zayn only to see his eyes darkening, and fuck did he have to give him that look? Not that he was complaining.

He continued down, showering Zayn's collarbone to his chest with wet open-mouthed kisses until he reached his intended target; Zayn's recent tattoo. He closed his mouth around the dragon, and Zayn's fingers were threading through his hair as he groaned when Niall bit gently down. A wonderful thing Niall had discovered was that this was a very sensitive spot of Zayn. 

”I am beginning to think you have an obsession with that tattoo,” Zayn breathed, and Niall chuckled breathlessly as he stopped kissing he tattoo. ”I am not,” He objected as he raised his head, and Zayn wass giving him a look. Niall rolled his eyes. ”Okay, maybe a little.”

Zayn smirked and Niall really had to wipe that smug smirk off his face. He brought their lips together in a none too gently kiss and boldly grabbed the slowly developing bulge in Zayn's pants. He suppressed a laugh when Zayn took a sharp intake of air in surprise. 

” _Niall_.”

Niall's eyes widened because he was suddenly underneath Zayn as the boy switched their position. He gulped a little when he saw how predatory and even a little evil Zayn looked. ”As much as I like you above me, I like you underneath me a lot more,” He said, his voice taken that sultry tone that made Niall's heart grow crazy.

Zayn went down and smashed their lips in a teeth-clashing kiss, his hands roaming up Niall's thigh. His fingers teasingly grazed his growing erection, before taking off his shirt; Niall sat up and raised his arms to help him.

Once they were both shirtless, Zayn pressed down on him, and Niall moaned at the feeling of skin against skin. ”I might be obsessesed with your tattoo,” Zayn admitted as his eyes zoomed into the silhouttes of three small birds across Niall's ribcage; the blank ink a strong contrast against the pale skin. ”I knew that already,” Niall said smugly, but he gasped when Zayn bit harshly down on the sensitive skin. ”It's cute, just like you.”

Niall grinded up against him; a little desperate for friction. Zayn caught on and rolled his hips against Niall's, making their crothes collide and the boys groaned at the delicious friction. 

”Niall sweety! I am back home.”

Niall's eyes grew huge, his heart stopping beating for a moment as they both froze. Their ears perked at the sound of light footsteps coming down the hall towards his room. ” _Shit_ ,” Niall hissed as he bolted upright and grunted painfully when he knocked noses with Zayn. ”Quick! Hide!” He whispered frantically as he struggled to get his shirt on.

Zayn got to his feet and looked around for a place to hide. He was about to go for the closet, but stiffened when a knock came from the door, before the handle was pushed down. Niall was next to him, and he hadn't expected for the blonde to tackle him to the ground. ”Under the bed _now_.” With a little assistance from Niall – well, he kind of kicked Zayn in the side – he slid under the bed just the second the door opened.

Niall spun around to face his mother who was standing in the door with a wide smile. However, she frowned a little when she saw how flushed he was. 

”Mom! What are you doing home so early?” He asked with a shaky smile as he fell back down on the bed, grabbing a pillow and hiding the bulge in his pants with it.

”The party was cancelled,” His mother rolled her eyes with a sigh and smiled at him, before her eyes fell on his shirt. ”Sweetheart, your shirt is inside out,” She informed and frowned. ”Is that even you shirt?”

Niall blanched when he realized it was Zayn's shirt he had on. ”Uh... yeah! I-I bought it recently,” He was actually impressed with how good he became at lying.

”Really?” His mother said and Niall panicked inwardly when she began walking up to him. ”I knew I should buy clothes with you. This one is a little too big for you.” She said, and Niall blushed in embarrassment. ”Mom!” He whined, unintentionally sounding a little childish.

”Oh come on, sweetheart,” His mother chuckled a little. ”You know you're still my little baby.” Okay, Niall was sure this couldn't get more embarrassing and he would bet Zayn was laughing inwardly under the bed. ”Okay. I am just going downstairs. I brought you some sweets. They are in the kitchen,” She said, and Niall groaned inwardly; he wished his mother would stop treating him like he was five. Okay, maybe he didn't have anythign against his mother buying him sweets; he guessed he was still a child by heart. She ruffled up in his hair affectionately and kissed him on the cheek, before finally leaving.

Niall let out a deep sigh of relief as the door closed behind her. He listened to her footsteps, before standing up. ”Okay, you can come out now.” He called and watched as Zayn crawled out from under the bed. He didn't look too happy.

”Do you even clean underneath there?” He grumbled and then suddenly sneezed. Before Niall could stop himself he cooed, because that had actually sounded weirdly cute. Zayn sent him a glare and he smiled sheepishly back. ”Ugh... just so you know, I think you forgot your lunch down there,” Zayn informed sourly. ”From last _month_.”

”Uh, I'm sorry?” Niall scratched the back of his head sheepishly, because he'd never been particularly good at cleaning his room; he usually just shoved everything under his bed. Zayn's phone vibrated in his pants, and Niall watched as the boy took it out.

”Hm... there's this party,” Zayn said. ”Want to go?”

Niall shrugged.

”Sure.”

* * *

After lying to his mother about going to Liam's, Niall left with Zayn. The party was at the beach he would later find out, and he was a little nervous when he spotted Cassandra and Chad; after all, their two friends had fought because of him, but the greeting he got was completely different from what he'd expected.

”Hey man, I heard about Jerry,” Chad said and actually looked apologetic. ”I am sorry about that. He was never really our friend. We just kept him around, because he supplied some good shit.” Niall didn't even want to know what that 'good shit' was. Cotton was of course there too, and the puppy jumped into Niall's arms, licking him like it was trying to give its own aplogy. 

”I hope you don't think we're like that,” Cassandra said and Niall wondered if she ever _didn't_ chew on some gum; didn't her jaw muscles get tired? He smiled and shook his head. ”Good. We might not be the usual bunch, but we ain't no creeps either.”

”Everything good, yeah?” Chad smiled and brought up his fist. ”Brofist?” Niall blinked suprised and awkwardly bumped his fist with Chad's and smiled; he finally felt like Zayn's friends were accepting him. He wished his own friends could do as much for Zayn.

”Let's party then!” Cassandra announced, and so they did.

Niall thought the party was good and he _loved_ every single minute of it. The fact that the salty smell of the ocean and sand plus the sound of the waves mixed with the crazy beat, the noisy people and the alcohol only made it that much better.

He was a little more than tipsy before he knew of it. At some point into the party, he lost sight of Zayn and was hanging at the bar with Chad and Cotton. ”You know how to drink, Niall!” Chad laughed obnoxiously, and Niall noted he was a _very_ loud drunk. ”Are you sure he should be doing that?” Niall nodded towards Cotton who was licking off some spilled beer. ”He'll be fine,” Chad said and patted Cotton affectionately.

A few minutes later Cassandra joined them, but there was still no sight of Zayn. Niall wasn't sure what they were talking about other than they were all being very loud, and Niall realized Chad was as scared by Cassandra as he was; she really wasn't the type to mess with. 

Cassandra was telling him about some other crazy tale when she suddenly trailed off, her eyes wide at something behind Niall. ”What is it?” He frowned. ”Nothing!” Cassandra exclaimed and attempted to divert his attention, but it was already too late. Niall turned around.

The sight that met him made his world come crashing down. His eyes widened and he didn't even notice the glass slip out of his hand and fall to the soft sand, the liqour spilling over. 

There was Zayn making out with some other girl. Niall stared and stared and _stared_ like he was expecting it to be some kind of hallucination that would dissappear the longer he looked at it, but it didn't dissappear, because Zayn still had his tongue down the girl's throat.

His heart _broke_ – he could feel it; the pain – his throat felt knitted together, because he couldn't _breathe_. His sight became blurry, and he realized it was tears. 

”No...” He whispered and ignored Cassandra’s insistent pleas to look away. He felt weak and he stumbled a little. Chad steadied him with a hand around his arm. He took a few shaky steps back, his eyes still glued on the sight that made his world burn up in ashes. He looked on for a few more agonizing seconds, before he turned around and walked away, the tears streaming down his face.

”Niall! Wait up! Where are you going?!” Chad called behind him as he followed him. Niall barely heard him. He didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to _dissappear_. He ignored Cotton who ran next to him and barked for him; probably wanting him to stop. He was close to the road when he stumbled over a rock and fell to his knees. He buried his fingers in the sand as he closed his eyes and a shaky sob escaped his lips. He felt Chad kneel down next to him, placing a cautious hand on his shoulder.

”Oh my god...” Niall croaked. ”Hey. Hey! Niall, _breathe_!” Chad requested frantically, because the blonde wasn't _breathing_ ; all that left his mouth was small painful gasps, and Chad was afraid he was hyperventilating. 

Niall tried, but he couldn't breathe; his lungs wouldn't accept the air. His chest was too tight, and it _hurt_ so much. ”I am so.... stupid,” He whispered. All he could hear in his head was people laughing at him ”...so stupid...” He could hear it crystal clear in his mind; he could hear the _”We told you so.”_

”No you're not,” Chad said and rubbed his back. ”Try to focus on my breathing for a moment, okay?” Niall didn't really want to, but his lungs were protesting at the lack of air. He took in a sharp intake of air and exhaled shakily. 

”There you go,” Chad soothed, and Cotton was licking his hands, looking up at him with big sympathetic eyes. ”Do you want to go home?”

Niall nodded and somehow managed to pull his phone out and punch in the only number his brain would come up with at that moment. It was taken at the first ring.

”Hey, Ni. What's up?”

”Harry...”

”Niall? Are you okay?”

Niall shook his head, but then realized Harry couldn't see him.

”No...”

”Where are you? Are you hurt? Are you alone?” Harry's voice was thick with worry, and Niall wanted to cry because he felt so, so _stupid_ :

”I-I am... at the beach...”

”I'll be there in two.”

When Harry got hold of Louis, because he couldn't drive yet and they found Niall, the blonde was barely coherent. He was sitting in the sand with this weird guy and a puppy sobbing like there was no tommorow. Harry really didn't have to think that much to guess what had happened. He gathered the broken blonde in his arms and sent the dog boy a dirty look, before getting Niall and himself in the car.

Niall curled up in his side, and his sobs broke Harry's heart. ”Please....don't say you told me so,” He croaked between sobs, and Harry didn't ask him about anything. Louis looked at him worriedly, and Harry just shook his head. 

”I'll take care of him,” He said and held Niall a little closer. ”Just drive to my place, Lou.”

Louis hesitated, because he had actually looked forward to kicking Zayn' ass. But he looked at the blonde, and his heart hurt a little; Niall definitely didn't need that now. He nodded with a frown as he began to drive.

…

Zayn couldn't find Niall, and he wasn't where he had left him. He walked up to Cassandra who looked a little more than scary the way she was scowling at him, but he would never really admit that. ”Where's Niall?” He asked and looked around. He had definitely not expected for Cassandra to splash her drink right onto his face; it was some strong shit, because it burned his eyes and he hissed lightly in pain.

He was about to ask what the fuck that was, but before he even got the chance, he recieved a burning slap to his cheek. The force behind it had been so strong that his face jerked to the side. He stood like that for a moment with a stinging cheek and dripping features, trying to digest the fact that Cassandra had just slapped him after soaking his face in liqour. He finally turned to look at her with flashing eyes.

”What the _fuck_ woman!?” He snarled and lightly touched his sore, wet cheek. 

”Don't ask me what that was for you dumb shit,” She snarled as she glared him down with her purple eyes. ”Where do you _think_ Niall is?!” She hissed. ”He saw you sucking faces with that skank. You do the math.”

Zayn eyes widened just the slightest and he wetted his dry lips. 

”And?” 

Cassandra raised her hand to slap him again, but Zayn grabbed her wrist tightly. ”Don't push it,” He snarled, and she growled at him.

”Why do you have to fuck yourself over all the freaking time?” She said frustrated, and Zayn wanted to say that she didn't know _him_ ; she had no right to ask such questions. ”Are you that stupid? Don't you see he's what you _need_? Zayn, Niall is _different_.”

She looked him up and down in disgust.

”You should start treating him different.”

”Don't tell me what I need,” Zayn said through gritted teeth.

”What is is you're trying to prove?” She crossed her arms and studied him with narrowed eyes. ”That you don't need anyone?” She took a step closer until their faces were inches apart. ”Guess what; you aren't fooling _anyone_.

”Watch your mouth, Cass,” Zayn hissed, because he knew where she was going with this, and he'd already warned her from going there. She shook her head and pushed him away. ”You're a fucking hopeless twat, Zayn. One day you'll realize that love is necessary in life. Good luck ever getting Niall back.” She gave him one last glare, before strutting away.

Zayn's hand dropped to his sides, and he swallowed a little. ”Damn it,” He mumbled under his breath. ”What's wrong sexy?” The girl he'd been making out with appeared next to him and as he looked at her, this bad feeling coiled up inside of him. ”Fuck off,” He snarled as he walked away.

Guilt.

There it was, but he hadn't done anything _wrong_. He had just wanted to see if she was a good kisser, and she had been the one rubbing all over _him_ ; besides, she wasn't even that good of a kisser and he'd left her in favor of kissing Niall instead. No, he didn't see what he had done wrong or maybe he just refused to. _”Good luck ever getting Niall back”_ Zayn frowned, because why would he have to get Niall _back_ , it wasn't like Niall was going to _leave_ him... right? 

Doubt.

Zayn got in his car and drove. He pulled up at the sidewalk and looked up at Niall's room. It was dark, and he wondered if Niall had gone to sleep. He got out and swiftly climbed up the tree. He pulled the door of the balcony aside and looked right into Niall's dark and _empty_ room. 

Fear.

”Niall...” The name slipped out of his mouth as he walked a little into the room. He pulled his phone out and called Niall's number. He could feel the frustration and the _desperation_ built up inside of him as the phone rang and rang and _rang_ but never got picked up. 

Worry.

”Damn it.”

* * *

Niall stopped crying at some point and everything he said was thick with tears and his accent and a little slurry because he was drunk. Harry didn't get half of it, but he gathered that Niall had seen Zayn kiss another girl. He should have stayed back and kicked Zayn's ass, because he'd _hurt_ Niall, reduced him to _this_.

They were sitting on the edge of Harry's bed and they were alone in the two-story house when Niall had said the words;

”I want to forget.”

Harry looked at him, and his heart ached a little because Niall's eyes were swollen and bloodshot, and he looked so broken it hurt. He was so close, and Harry could feel the hotness of his breath and feel the liqour on it.

”Help me forget.”

Harry took a deep inhale of air, because Niall was so close and his eyes were so pleading, and his lips were centimeters from Harry's. His green eyes flickered down, and they looked so soft and so inviting and he shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. _He's drunk, he's hurt, and he doesn't know what he's saying_ the rational side of him screamed, but a mucher stronger side said _”kiss him, isn't it what you want?”_.

Harry couldn't stop himself, because his body was leaning closer on its own accord. Niall was watching him, and a part of Harry wanted him to push him away. He didn't; he just sat there and watched him with an unreadable expression and when Harry was close enough for them to feel each other's breath on their lips, his blue eyes fluttered close; an invitation.

Harry kissed him, and he actually _sighed_ , because Niall's lips were so warm and soft and better than any imagination he'd had. The kiss was so soft at first, barely there, but then Niall was pressing closer and Harry happily deepened the kiss. He brought a hand up and cradled the back of Niall's neck, playing with the soft hair there.

At first he was content with the simple kiss, but then he wasn't; he wanted more. He cautiously slid his tongue out and licked a little at Niall's bottom-lip. Niall opened his mouth for him without hesitation, and Harry's tongue entered his mouth. He met Niall's tongue, and he thought this was better than any other kiss he'd shared, because Niall tasted so _right_.

Harry really hadn't intended for it to go as far as it did. He just found himself pushing Niall gently back on the bed and crawling on top of him. Niall's fingers were in his hair as he kissed him deeper. He kissed him for a long time, and just the kiss was making the blood pool in his crotch.

At some point he'd started to kiss his neck, and Niall was letting out the cutest small moans when he gently licked the soft skin. His fingers were trailing up Niall's hips, and everything felt a little too overwhelming; especially the _heat_. 

Niall was tugging on his shirt.

Harry wanted to say _no_ , but his body kept telling him _yes_. He wanted to stop himself, but Niall's lips were getting him so out of breath. He was shirtless, and Niall's fingers were trailing up his chest; Harry's heartbeat was so fast to the point where it hurt.

When Niall was shirtless, Harry really hit the point of no return, because his body took full control. He didn't comment on the tattoo on Niall's ribcage, because it actually looked so freaking _hot_. He might have paid it a little more attention to it than he should.

Niall was grinding up against him, and Harry's brain melted, because he could feel the evidence of Niall's arousal. It didn't take long, before they were grinding their bulges against each other, moaning into each other's mouths. 

”Take it off.”

Harry should probably have fought against his own desires, but he didn't. He undid Niall's pants with shaky fingers and slid them off of him. Harry's mouth trailed all the way from Niall's mouth to the soft dark hair leading down to his erection. Harry couldn't even think straight anymore, because when he mouthed Niall's bulge over his boxers; Niall threw his head back and did something Harry only dared to dream of, he moaned his name.

Harry might as well have been as drunk as Niall from there on; drunk on love, desire and want. 

It came so natural to Harry; he might not have done it with a guy before, but that hadn't stopped him from doing some research. He had lube and condoms, and Niall welcomed his fingers so well, and he was driving him crazy with the sounds he was making.

”You're gorgeous.” Harry couldn't breathe, because there couldn't be any sight more beautiful than Niall lying naked underneath him. The thought of Zayn seeing the blonde in such a breath-taking and beautiful sight felt so _wrong_. Those thoughts left his mind when Niall tugged him down and kissed him and said _please_.

Harry felt like he'd been locked out of heaven, because Niall felt so _amazing_ around him. Harry drank in his cries and moans, and he didn't know how he was still alive. Niall's eyes were fluttering, and his bangs were sticky and he was so beautiful, Harry couldn't take his eyes off of him. He kissed him on the mouth when he had entered him fully and whispered how much he loved him against his mouth.

Niall's came undone underneath him with gasps and moans, and Harry didn't last much longer. They were sweaty and panting, and Harry pulled Niall as close as he could, kissing his temple breathlessly. He whispered a last ”I love you” before Niall's eyes fluttered close.

The next morning when Harry woke up, Niall was gone.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes  
>  Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of _
> 
> _One more night - Maroon 5_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
>  But that's alright because I like the way it hurts  
> Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
> But that's alright because I love the way you lie  
> I love the way you lie x
> 
>  
> 
> "Love The Way You Lie"  
> (Eminemfeat. Rihanna)

Chapter 14

Niall stared into his own image in the mirror, and he'd never hated what he saw more than he did now. He didn't know when his life had turned into this. When had he turned into this hopelessly, pathetic and _worthless_ person? Had Zayn really sucked out every little self-worth he once had? The name made his heart ache, and it was almost as bad as thinking about Harry.

Harry.

He'd slept with his own friend. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, and his fingers tightened around the sink. When he'd woken up this morning naked next to an equally naked Harry, he'd felt like the lowest person to walk on this earth. He had looked at Harry's sleeping face which looked so young and innocent, and the guilt had been clawing at his insides. It had definitely not gotten better when Harry had mumbled his name in his sleep. Had it been any other situation, Niall would have found it cute and even teased Harry, but this was different; one didn’t simply dream about their best friend after sleeping with them. After the fact that he’d used his friend to obtain a fleeting moment of pleasure to forget about Zayn, it hadn’t taken him long to leave; the last thing he wanted was for Harry to wake up, and then he would’ve to face the consequences of his actions.  
He was still unable to comprehend how it had gotten that far. He was disgusted by himself; he’d literally _begged_ Harry for it, and he guessed the term 'slut' applied to him for once. He didn’t understand why Harry hadn’t stopped him; sure they were best friends, but there was a limit to what best friend did for each other. He didn’t want to think about it and all he was sure of was that things were never going to be the same between them.

He sniffed as his nose was beginning to run, and he realized he was crying. He bit down his lips harshly until the skin broke like he was trying to punish himself; punish himself for ever getting attached to Zayn and for destroying everything he and Harry had.

It had been long time coming and now that it had happened, he realized he’d known it would all along. From a technical point of view, Zayn had done nothing wrong; he never told Niall they were exclusive, and he’d made it pretty clear he was perfectly content with how things were between them. But it was much more complicated than that, because Niall knew Zayn had known he wanted more than just the sex. He had known it, but pretended he wasn’t the reason Niall was hurting; pretended he didn’t know Niall was slowly drowning.

And now he might finally have hit rock-bottom.

When it came down to it, the blame was on him. He’d known Zayn was bad news from the moment he woke up after their first hook-up, yet he had agreed to this kind of relationship. He had, had the chance to break it off when his friends found out, but he had been too afraid.

If he could only turn back time…

But he couldn’t, and everything that had happened the last month could never be changed; especially his regretful hook-up with Harry. He couldn't believe it had only been a month ago when his life had been so simple and easy. A month before Zayn brought his world crashing down on top of him. A month ago since Niall could talk openly with his friends.

He had fought his friends and ignored their warnings about Zayn. He’d acted like he could keep up this kind of relationship, but in the end he’d been wrong; he’d grown attached to the point where he couldn't even breathe if Zayn took a second glance at some other than him. He had been wrong and everyone else had been right; he hadn’t been more than a toy to play with or Zayn; he had played with Niall and used him up and wrenched him dry like a dishrag until he finally discarded him like a broken toy.

“A broken toy…” Niall repeated loudly as he stared into his teary eyes. “That’s a good definition.” He fell to his knees and muffled his sobs with his hand.

* * *

Harry's blank eyes stared at the phone in his hand. He'd been sitting like that for an hour now, begging for the phone to ring, but it never did. His hand was shaking slightly as he was trying to control himself. 

”Come on... Niall,” Harry begged quietly. ”Please... at least take my calls.”

Harry had actually looked forward to waking up next to Niall. He had imagined waking up to Niall's uncontrollable messy blond hair sprawled over the pillow in that adorable way it always did, and he imagined _kissing_ him good morning and holding him close, asking him what he wanted for breakfast.

But all he got was a cold empty bed with only Niall's scent still lingering on his pillow.

He took a shaky inhale of air, before calling Niall's phone for the nth time. He waited, but he got the same result and was sent to the voice-mail. He hung up before the click, because he didn’t know what to say.

He frustrated wiped away the tear that escaped his eyes, because this couldn't be happening.

”I screwed up.”

…..

Harry's hand fumbled inside of his pocket, and he finally managed to get out the key from his tight jeans. He stuck it in the lock and turned it, wrenching the door open. He walked into the small apartment and strode through the hall. He opened his mouth to call out as he reached the living room, but stiffened in the door.

His eyes widened at the scene before him. Sometimes people asked you if you ever believed a certain thing could happen – in most cases something crazy – and you would laugh and shake your head. If someone ever asked Harry if he would find Louis and Hannah snogging on a couch, he would have laughed.

But he wasn’t laughing now.

He was just staring shocked at his two friends, his jaw on the ground and his eyes wide. He couldn’t really get himself to believe that, that was _Hannah_ and _Louis_ exchanging saliva on Louis’ couch. Hannah’s long dark hair was slung over one shoulder, and Louis was cradling her chin. It took a moment for Harry to realize they were too lost in the kiss to notice him. He wetted his lips and cleared his throat awkwardly.

Maybe if Harry had been in any other situation, he would have found it hilarious the way they jumped away from each other like they had been burnt and their heads snapped towards him so fast, it was a miracle it didn’t snap off their necks. Hannah’s reaction was very predictable, and she looked like she might actually _die_ ; Harry was sure all the blood in her body had transferred to her face. Louis was wide-eyed as he got to his feet and stared at Harry.

”Harry! Where did you come from!?” He exclaimed and glanced nervously at Hannah that seemingly had frozen in her position.

”I've been standing here for a while,” Harry mumbled and ran a hand through his hair feeling extremely awkward. He glanced between Louis and Hannah. ”Uh... when did you guys... eh..” He gestured awkwardly between them with his hand and he found his own reaction strange; normally he would have been teasing them to death, but now he just felt awkward.

Louis had by now composed himself and had a sheepish smile on his lips while Hannah was fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Those two were so different from each other and quite frankly, Harry wasn’t sure what they had going on; Louis was too damn loud to be with someone as quiet and shy as Hannah.

”Uh...a while?” It sounded more like question than an answer.

”What, so you were hiding this for a _while_?” Harry’s voice was annoyed and he felt _betrayed_ ; _again_. First Niall was hooking up with Zayn behind their back and now Louis and Hannah? What would the next be? Liam telling them Danielle had an abortion? What had become of their silent agreement of telling each other everything and anything? 

Louis looked surprised by his outburst, and Harry could feel himself getting angry.

“Haz, we were never hiding it,” He defended and looked at him with a small frown. “Danielle and Liam know.”

”Why didn't you tell _me_?” Harry felt more hurt than he probably should, but he’d always thought he and Louis didn’t keep any secrets from each other; he was the only one who knew about Niall – though he had a strong suspicion Hannah knew as well – he had trusted him, but the feeling seemingly wasn’t mutual.

“Harry,” Louis sighed and glanced at Hannah who just looked a little afraid, but she always looked like that. “It wasn’t a secret and you would have noticed, but you were too caught up on Niall and Niall didn’t notice either because all he saw was Zayn.”

”I wasn't,” Harry contradicted even though he knew it was true. He knew he never gave Louis a chance to tell him anything, because every time they were together, he was talking about Niall. It didn’t stop him from feeling hurt and betrayed, though. Hannah, Louis, Danielle and Liam were all happily in a relationship while he and Niall were going through _hell_. He might be jealous, but he would never admit it out loud.

“Sure Haz,” Louis smiled at him. “Why don’t you come and I’ll make you some tea, then you can tell us how Niall is doing.”

It was like a switch had been turned off, and Harry's features contorted in pain and hurt. Louis' eyes widened in shock at the abrupt change, and he reached out for him. Harry stepped back before he could touch him. He hated the familiar burn in his eyes, and he sniffed strongly to keep the tears back.

Hannah had gotten to her feet and was looking at him with big worried eyes. Louis eyes softened and he gently touched his shoulder. Harry shrugged off his touch.

“Like you even care,” He snapped and Louis and Hannah looked taken aback. “You’re just here sucking faces when you’re supposed to be our friends.” He felt guilty when Louis gave him a hurt look and Hannah looked down. Harry knew he was being unfair, but right now he didn’t _care_.

He didn’t give Hannah and Louis time to say anything as he turned on his heels and stalked off. “Harry! Harry, goddamn it!” Louis caught up to him and grabbed him by the arm, forcefully halting him. “You know I care about you, Haz! I’ve been there for you all along and I am here for you _now_. “ Louis looked at him with burning eyes, and all Harry could think about how his blue was different from Niall’s.

 

The tears cascaded down his cheeks. 

”I slept with him.”

* * *

”Niall sweety... you haven't gotten up from under you blanket all day.” The mattress dipped a little as his mother took a seat at his head. Niall was facing away and trying very hard not to crumble under all the self-loathing and heartbroken thoughts going through his mind. ”Are you sure it isn't more than a headache? You rarely get bedridden unless it's something serious.”

He felt his mother's hand delicately run through his hair, and he found some comfort in the gesture. ”I...I'll be fine mom,” He whispered, even though he knew it was a lie; he'd never feel whole again. His mother was silent, but continued to caress his hair; Niall let her, even though he just wanted to be left alone.

”Do you want me to cook you anything?” His mother asked. ”What about your favorite meal? Or you could have pancakes even though it's noon; I'll sprinkle on some chocolate syrup and fresh sliced strawberries, just as you like it; how about that?”

Niall managed a weak smile, because he could never be more grateful for his mother. However, he felt like he would throw up anything he ate. ”Thanks mom.... but I am full,” He said softly; yeah, he was definitely full with guilt, hurt and pain. He felt the hand in his hair stop, and he knew his mother was alarmed; in any other situation; he would've jumped at the mentioning of his favorite meal or his mother’s special pancakes. She knew it was serious now.

”Sweetheart, will you look at me for a sec?”

”Would you just leave mom?” there was a slight snap in his voice, and Niall immediately felt guilty. He worked himself up in a sitting position and turned to face his mother who was frowning a little.

”Niall, tell me what's wrong,” She said as she studied him, and he kind of hated how mothers had an uncanny ability to know every time something was wrong. ”I am you mother. You can tell me.”

”No... I can't,” it kind of slipped out before he could stop it, and he knew he'd just made himself sound more suspicious than before. His mother was looking at him, and he could just feel how she was jumping to all kind of conclusions.

”Did you get a girl pregnant?” She asked with a straight-face, and Niall's eyes widened.

”What? No!”

”Are you doing drugs?”

”No,” Niall was quick to say, because smoking weed once couldn't be counted as doing drugs right? He had a feeling his mother was seeing right through him.

”Is it related to a girl or drugs?” His mother pressed, and her questions were quickly unnerving Niall.

”No! There's no girl! No drugs! Please mom, would you stop asking questions!?”

”Then what is it, Niall? You don’t want me to believe you look like this for no reason?” His mother's eyes were now stern, and Niall was losing his calm. ”I am your mother, and I am just trying to help you. It won't go away if you hide-”

Niall hit breaking point, because he couldn't take it anymore. If the guilt with Harry wasn't enough, he felt guilty for not being honest with his mother. He felt guilty for all the nights he sneaked out without her knowing; he felt guilty for all the lies he'd told her; he felt so damn guilty, so he blurted everything out in an almost angry outburst.

”It's not a girl! It's a _boy_ , okay!? I slept with a boy who doesn’t give a shit about me!” He yelled, but he didn't even care what he was saying anymore. ”All those times I told you I was going to Liam's to hang out or going to Hannah's to study were all lies! I have been sneaking out almost every night the last month! And I am so sorry mom, but I fucked up! I fucked _really_ up! And I've lost Harry _forever_!”

And with his mortified and shocked mother as audience, Niall crumbled into a fits of uncontrollable tears.

* * *

”I-I.... I could have stopped myself but I didn't. I let it happen,” Harry's hand clenched and unclenched around the mug of tea; it had already turned cold. He had a feeling his last statement wasn’t fully true, because how could he resist Niall? ”And now everything is _ruined_. How am I better than Zayn now?”

”Don't even begin to compare yourself to Zayn,” Louis frowned and rubbed his back. ”You're a much better person than he'll ever be, and Niall is just too blind to see that.”

”I-I think...” Hannah said quietly and looked at Harry. ”H-he's feeling as b-badly about this as you. N-Niall really cares about y-you Harry. He probably t-takes the b-blame.”

”He doesn't care about me the way I want,” Harry croaked. ”He doesn't even take my phone calls. What does that mean?” He looked hopelessly from Louis and Hannah with bloodshot eyes.

Hannah and Louis exchanged looks.

”It means he isn't ready to talk yet,” Louis said.

”He n-needs time,” Hannah added.

”After all he just realized what a waste of time Zayn is, and he needs time to come over that first,” Louis smiled a little at Harry and ruffled gently up in his curls. ”Everything will be alright. You've been friends since forever; you'll work things out.”

”I shouldn't have slept with him,” Harry whispered. 

”Probably not,” Louis said quietly and sighed. ”Ah shit, Haz... I don't know what to say to make it better.”

”Nothing will make it better,” Harry stared blankly into the air. ”Nothing but Niall” He whispered.

Hannah and Louis sent each other hopeless and worried looks.

* * *

”We'll talk properly tomorrow when you feel a little better okay?” His mother rubbed his arm, and Niall sniveled and released his hold around her waist a little. ”You aren't going to punish me?” He asked surprised and chanced a look at her.

”I think the consequences of your actions are punishment enough,” His mother said. Niall looked a little suspicious, because at least she could ground him or something. He had been quite surprised by his mother's calm reaction and had expected her to freak out. He definitely hadn't intended to more or less confess that he apparently liked a boy - not a girl – and he definitely hadn't expected for his mother to accept that. He felt a little too lucky for it to be true. ”I am not happy about knowing all this, Niall, but I guess we all make mistakes. Some worse than others,” She sighed and kissed his temple. ”It doesn't mean we aren't going to talk, so get some sleep for now, okay?”

He nodded and released her as she stood up. She patted his hair once, before leaving. Niall stared after her, and he knew she was disappointed in him. He'd always been the good kid who never got into trouble, but he'd managed to get into more trouble in one month than he had his whole life combined. He sighed as he fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He knew he wasn't going to tell his mother every little detail of his and Zayn's disastrous relationship; he was sure she wouldn't fancy just how many times he'd slept with Zayn. He had yet to tell her about the weed and the tattoo, but he intended to keep that a secret until all this was over.

 

Niall didn't fall asleep. His brain kept him up with thoughts of Zayn and Harry, and he couldn't think about anything else. He was very aware of all the phone calls from Harry and _Liam_ ; he guessed the word had gone around. The disappointment Liam was probably feeling in him was only another thing to add to the growing list of things he hated about himself. He might have end up crying more than once.

He had definitely not expected for the sound of his balcony door sliding open a little past 11. His eyes widened and he bolted upright. His head snapped towards the balcony, and his breath hitched in his throat.

”Z-Zayn...” He stared at the boy who let himself in, before sliding the door closed behind him. And there he stood in the middle of his room and looking at him cautiously like he hadn't broken his heart into pieces less than 24 hours ago. Just the sight of his stupid perfect face made Niall's heart hurt.

”Hey...” for the first time Zayn looked less confident and nervous and awkward as he stood there looking at Niall. The image of Zayn's tongue down that girl's throat flashed before Niall's mind, and the anger quickly bubbled up inside of him.

” _Out_ ,” He snapped and his voice was trembling a little as he fisted his sheets tightly and stared coldly at Zayn. Zayn blinked a little with his eyes, but didn’t budge.

Niall snapped. 

He got to his feet and stalked up to Zayn and roughly shoved him towards the door. Zayn's back hit the glass door, and he didn't do anything but stare blankly at Niall. Niall hated he couldn’t read his expression when his own always had been an open book.

”I said _get out,_ ” Niall demanded, and he could feel the tears building up in his eyes; he didn't want to give Zayn the satisfaction of seeing him cry because of him. He reached over to slide open the door so he could push Zayn out and lock it like he should've done long ago. However, he hadn't expected for Zayn to grab his wrist, and he had definitely not expected for Zayn to kiss him. Niall froze for a second, before exploding.

He jerked away from Zayn's lips, and his eyes were flashing as he looked at Zayn. ”You ass!” He spluttered angrily. ”Who do you think you are! Do you think you can just come here and kiss me and then everything will be the same? How cheap do you think I am Zayn!?” His voice was increasing for every word, and he cursed when the tears escaped his eyes.

”Niall,” Zayn begun and looked guilty for a second, but Niall couldn't even take to hear his voice. He opened the door and turned to Zayn. ”Out.... get out of my life, Zayn,” He whispered hoarsely, his voice thick with pain and hurt. Zayn looked like he wanted to say something, but then they heard his mother calling and her footsteps.

Zayn's jaw clenched and he gave Niall one last unreadable look, before leaving. When his mother came in, she found him on his knees, silently crying.

* * *

The weekend ended too fast for Niall, and his mother made it very clear that no, they couldn't leave the country. He knew he was being a coward, but he didn't want to face his problems; in other words Zayn and Harry. He was pretty sure it was over for Zayn and him, but that didn’t mean he could bear seeing his pretty face in school. Then there was Harry who he’d heartlessly ignored any call from the whole week, because he didn’t know what to say. Of course there were his friends, and he was sure they were going to resent him for using Harry. Niall had realized that his problems seemed to increase for every passing day, but no matter how much he liked to; he couldn’t run from them and he had to face them sooner or later.

Niall was very paranoid as he walked down the hall; he was just waiting for someone to come and laugh in his face. He just waited for people to whisper behind his back that they had known it would happen all along and that they weren’t surprised. His head was bowed low as he walked towards his locker, very careful not to meet anyone’s eyes.

His heart almost leapt out of chest when he closed his locker only to come face to face with Harry. He stared wide-eyed into Harry’s green eyes as unnecessary images from their hook-up entered his mind and of course he had to blush.

”Uh... Harry...” He swallowed heavily, and Harry was frowning at him. There was something in Harry’s eyes that made him want to run back home and never face the world again.

”Niall...” He trailed off, and Niall wondered if he’d always looked as exhausted as he did; he wanted to give him a hug, but that would just be too awkward.”....why didn't you take my calls?” 

The hurt and confusion in Harry’s eyes made Niall want to bury himself alive.

”I am sorry Harry,” He said softly and looked guiltily at the younger boy. ”I… I should’ve taken the phone, but I guess I was kind of overwhelmed by everything; not that’s any excuse.”

Harry nodded slowly and then they stood there staring at each other awkwardly.

“Are you ready to talk now?” Harry looked at him intently, and Niall squirmed under his burning gaze.

“Here’s not the right place, Harry,” He said and was very happy he didn’t have to talk to Harry right at the moment; he still didn’t feel ready, but he needed to do it.

“Then where?” Harry pressed, and Niall wetted his lips.

“My place tonight?” He suggested even though he really didn’t want to. Harry took no notice or he chose to ignore it.

“7’o’clock?” He asked, and Niall just nodded.

“Sure.” He smiled a little, and when Harry looked like he was about to say something but then Niall caught sight of Liam walking towards them and he cut Harry off.. “See you then!” He turned on his heels and darted down the next corner; he could feel both Liam and Harry’s eyes burning into his back.  
He leaned against the cold wall with a shaky inhale of air, trying to ignore the strange glances he received; he probably looked weird. He wondered for how long he could drag the inevitable out and sighed deeply.

He turned to walk to his first period, but of course things could only get worse when your name was Niall Horan. 

Zayn decided to pop up in front of him seemingly from thin air and nearly giving Niall a heart attack; the blonde wondered how much more his poor heart could take before it would fail. He would have yelled at Zayn, but they were surrounded by gossip-hungry teenage monsters, and of course Zayn always gathered so much attention without doing anything.

Niall stared at Zayn’s resolute expression, and he so didn’t want to do this. “Leave me alone,” He said coldly and turned to walk away; or he tried. Zayn grabbed his wrist, and before Niall could even react, the boy was dragging him down the hall.

”What the fuck! Let go! Hey!” He yelled loudly, not caring that pretty much everyone was staring at them. He struggled to yank his wrist out of Zayn’s hand, but the guy was having a death grip on him. Zayn ignored his loud protests and forcefully dragging him all the way up to the roof.

“Okay, what the fuck is your deal, Niall?” Zayn said as he released him and turned to look at him. Niall stared at him, incredulous at Zayn, unable to believe his _nerve_. He was actually standing there and looking at Niall like he was the one who was something wrong with; like he hadn’t hurt him. 

“My deal? _my_ deal?” Niall repeated still too disbelieving to actually be angry properly. When Zayn just gave him an even look did he lose it. “You’re unbelievable you self-righteous asshole!” Niall spluttered furiously and poked a finger harshly into Zayn’s chest. “What the fuck do you think my deal is!?”

“You seem to be forgetting something here,” Zayn growled and yanked away the finger Niall was still poking into his chest. “We aren’t together.”

That struck Niall deeply, and he deflated, the anger being swept away by hurt. Zayn actually for once looked like he regretted what he said as breathed heavily through his mouth and looked a little away from Niall’s pained expression.

“You’re right, it’s just me overreacting,” Niall said quietly, his voice laced with bitterness. Zayn looked up at him and swallowed a little; Niall blankly watched his Adam apple bob in his throat.

“What is it you _want_ from me, Niall?” He said and looked frustrated.

“ You’re the one who dragged me up here against my will,” Niall reminded him, and he didn’t even understand why he didn’t leave already; just looking at Zayn hurt him deeply. “What is it _you_ want from me, Zayn?” Why couldn’t he just leave him alone and find some other poor soul to fuck with? Niall would be so disappointed if he actually thought Zayn thought they could just continue their sexual relationship, because Niall didn’t want more; he’d learnt his lesson.

“Things were fine before you decided to complicate them,” Zayn said with a frown, and Niall was so close to hitting him. Zayn seemed intend on turning the whole thing around on him, like he was the one who’d done something wrong, and Zayn was innocent.

“You’re right,” Niall threw his hands to the side and looked defeated at Zayn. “Why not put the fault on me? After all I am the one to blame; I am the one who wanted more. I am the one who wanted… who wanted to be with you.” He whispered the last part, but Zayn heard.

Zayn’s eyes widened and Niall could finally see some kind of emotion; shock. Niall didn’t understand how Zayn could look so shocked and caught off guard. Wasn’t it obvious by now?

“Be with me?” Zayn was staring at him in disbelief. “Why would you want to be with _me_?”

Niall didn’t know what he expected him to answer to that.

“I already told you I am not that kind of guy,” Zayn sounded frustrated. “I am not the kind of guy you want to be with, Niall. I don’t know what it is to ‘be together’” Zayn looked like the word had been foreign in his mouth.

“Why would you want to be with me?” Zayn actually looked genuinely confused, and Niall realized Zayn hadn’t figured it out yet. Here he thought he was oblivious.

”You want to know why, Zayn?” Niall could feel the familiar sting in his eyes, and it matched the sting in his heart. He wetted his lips and swallowed a little. 

Zayn was staring at him and under the sun, his amber eyes had a golden luscious glow to them, and Niall thought they were so beautiful.

”…because I was stupid enough to fall in love with you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I can't tell you what it really is  
>  I can only tell you what it feels like  
> And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe  
> I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight  
> As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight_
> 
> \- EMINEM LYRICS  
> "Love The Way You Lie"  
> (feat. Rihanna)

Chapter 15

Niall blinked back the tears, his eyes a little wide in surprise at his sudden confession, but it was nothing compared to Zayn’s reaction. He literally took a step back, his eyes wide with shock. Niall sniffed to keep his nose from running and shrugged a little, like he had nothing to lose.

“….Love...” Zayn’s eyes bored into his, and the way he stood like that with his hands hovering a little in front of him, it was like he was pushing Niall away physically. “…in love,” He repeated dumbfounded, and he wanted to ask _how_ , because Niall didn’t know him – not really – how could he possibly fall in love with someone he _didn’t_ know?

“I said it,” Niall’s voice was weak as he threw his hands a little to the side in defeat. “This little game you had on Zayn. You played well and you won. I fell for you even without you trying,” He looked down and wiped away a tear. “Now I am the only one hurting; the only feeling like a fool.”

Somewhere inside of Zayn hurt a little when Niall looked up at him with teary eyes, and he swallowed when a tear escaped and trailed down his cheek. He wanted to wipe it away, but it probably wasn’t a good idea right now.

“You used me up and threw me away,” Niall’s fingers were fiddling a little with the hem of his shirt; he did that a lot, Zayn noted. “What can I say? There isn’t much to say other than I definitely can’t do this anymore. I’m done, Zayn.”

Then he looked at Zayn with a broken look and shook his head a little, a small sad smile etching onto his lips. Zayn wanted to say something, maybe at least give him an explanation, but the words was stuck there in his throat, suffocating him. He’d never been good with words if you didn’t count in when he was seducing and deceiving someone, but those didn’t really matter when he was talking to Niall. Niall deserved more; more than he could give him. He turned the muddled words in his head, trying to make sense of them, arrange them so they came out the right way, but Niall was already turning away; walking out.

“Wait,” He breathed out heavily, and Niall hesitated in his steps but stopped up without turning to face him. Zayn studied his back for a moment, before sighing. “When I slept with you the first, I never meant to come back to you…but then I saw you in the library looking so goddamn naïve and… I couldn’t help it…” Zayn recalled the image of Niall so persistently trying to ignore him and how freaking cute it had been when he’d snapped. “It kept me entertained, watching you get embarrassed so easily,” Zayn knew he got a little kick out of every time Niall blushed, but that was then and then there was now. “And you’re right about the game… it’s always been a game to me, to see how long it would take before I got bored.”

“I never meant for this to stretch out for this long. It wasn’t supposed to happen, Niall… I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t, okay?” Zayn wetted his lips, and finally Niall turned to face him; his face was slightly scrunched up in confusion, and his eyes were a little red.

“What wasn’t supposed to happen?” He asked, his voice a little hoarse. “What is it you couldn’t?”

“I wasn’t supposed to keep coming back to you,” Zayn admitted and swallowed a little. It was the first time he admitted it not only to Niall, but to himself as well. It had been there all along; the frustration of not being able to walk away from Niall, and now from not being able to let Niall walk away. He’d been with so many before whom he’d walked away from without problems, but then Niall came along and ruined everything. “I couldn’t let you go.”

Niall studied him silently like he was trying to figure him out, and Zayn could taste the uncertainty rolling off of him in small waves; hitting him square in the face. He wasn’t sure what he wanted Niall to say, but neither was he sure what he _would_ say.

“What is it you’re trying to say, Zayn?” He finally spoke when Zayn was beginning to feel restless. Niall looked at him with weary blue eyes, his mouth pressed in a thin line as he tucked his hand under his arms, and his unruly mop of blond hair was swaying a little in the light spring breeze – Zayn subconsciously wondered how he’d look with brown hair; maybe a little older. As he stood there like that it was like he was trying to protect himself physically; he looked so small and delicate.

“I’m saying that you were… _are_ different,” Zayn said and let the weight of the words seep into Niall; words that had always been on the tip of his tongue, words Cassandra had yelled into his face, words he had hated to say out loud, like it would make it more true. 

Niall’s eyes were wide with surprise, and his hands dropped to his side. He stared at Zayn for a moment, before looking down, shaking his head. Zayn frowned.

“Not different enough apparently,” He looked up at him, and his eyes were glazed over with hurt. Zayn felt like Niall was waiting for him to tell him something, but he didn’t have anything _more_ to tell; he definitely couldn’t say _it_ back to him, because it wouldn’t be true.

“I don’t know how to commit,” Zayn said and tried to control his impatience; he wasn’t sure why he was getting impatient. “I don’t know how it works.” The thought of staying with one person and only one person didn’t sit well with Zayn, and maybe it scared him a little. Yet, hadn’t he spent the last month almost exclusively with Niall?

“What is there not to get?” Niall looked at him with a frown. “It isn’t rocket science, Zayn; to be with someone. How do you know if you can’t do it, if you haven’t tried?” Niall’s eyes were dry now, but his cheeks were still slightly moist “This works both ways… you have to try too.”

“I guess…” Zayn trailed off lamely and his hand kind of moved on its own accord because it was suddenly drying the tears stains on Niall’s cheek. He’d expected Niall to jerk away from his touch, but was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t, he just looked into his eyes. “Do you want to try?”

Both Niall and Zayn seemed equally shocked at that, especially Zayn who’d spoken it. He hadn’t even meant for it to come out, but then he’d looked into Niall’s dulled eyes and he thought it was his job to make the sparkle as they used to; it was his fault after all. It must have been the wrong thing to say, because Niall’s eyes were teary again, and Zayn was thinking “holy shit, what did I say wrong?”

But then Niall was smiling a little, and Zayn didn’t know when he’d moved so close. His arms were wrapped around his middle, his blond head pressed against his neck, and Zayn wasn’t sure how he felt other than a little confused.

In a lack of another reaction, he returned the unexpected hug; awkwardly wrapping his arms around Niall’s smaller body. As Niall was pressed against him, sniveling against his neck, Zayn couldn’t help but notice how different this felt, and he couldn’t help but feel the promise this hug made; he wasn’t sure he could keep it. His jaw clenched a little, and he could feel the familiar clawing from his insides, but then he could hear Niall’s heartbeat, smell the familiar shampoo in his hair and he calmed a little down.

But then the door up to the roof opened, and Zayn looked into a pair of shocked green eyes. Niall released him a little and craned his neck to get a look. Upon seeing Harry, Niall released him entirely and a small strangled sound escaped the back of his throat. 

“Harry.”

The curly-haired boy looked at Niall; his mouth drawn in a thin line, his eyes a little vacant and he shook his head. He was gone seconds after appearing, and Zayn could feel the clawing again. It only increased when Niall turned to look at him with wide, guilty eyes, and Zayn didn’t like it.

“What… what happened between you two?” He breathed out as Niall’s eyes ducked from his piercing look. The blonde was standing there and looked seconds away from trying to escape the whole thing, and something inside of Zayn set off.

He grabbed Niall’s arms tightly and forced him to look at him.

“How far?” He hissed through gritted teeth, because he could feel it and he saw it in Harry’s eyes and in Niall’s. The doubt was coiling in his stomach, and he could feel it building to something much darker. Niall was quivering before him, his eyes wide and the tears are trailing down his cheeks.

“I-I …” His eyes snaps back from guilty and turn into almost accusing. “It wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t… if you didn’t…” He trailed off, almost like defeated, and his eyes were big.

“You slept with him.” The mental image of Niall underneath someone other than him made something inside of him twist, and Zayn couldn’t believe he’d felt guilty for kissing a girl when Niall had slept with his friend; was he even his friend?

And just like that, all the progress they just made was ruined. 

“You’re such a little hypocrite, aren’t you?”

Niall’s mouth fell open in protest, but Zayn couldn’t hear him anymore. The red was in his eyes and spreading through his veins and he felt so _betrayed_. He was halfway down the stairs when Niall realized what he was doing.

“Zayn! Stop! Don’t!!”

Niall’s cries fell on deaf ear, because Zayn didn’t stop. The students who were roaming the hall immediately felt the deathly vibes rolling off Zayn, and they cleared out of his path. He rounded a corner and Harry was standing with his back to him with two of his friends – Louis and Liam – facing him. They saw him first, and Harry was pulled behind them protectively as they faced Zayn with narrowed eyes at the same time as Niall caught up to him.

“Don’t you even think about it,” Louis sneered as he kept himself between Zayn and Harry. Niall’s hand was clutching Zayn’s arm tightly, Harry’s eyes were flickering between them with a blank expression, Liam had a hand pressed against Louis’ chest as to hold him back and they were suddenly surrounded by curious students.

Niall tried to tug Zayn a little back to reduce the distance between him and Louis, fearing one of them might snap first, but Zayn didn’t budge. 

“Zayn, please,” Niall begged desperately, his wide eyes flickering between him and Harry. His heart tightened at the empty expression in Harry’s eyes, and he knew he was deeply hurt; no way was he letting Zayn hurt him physically.

“Let’s go to class, the bell will ring any second,” it wasn’t really sure who Liam was talking to, but no one was really listening to him.

“Niall,” Louis sneered without taking his eyes from Zayn. “What do you think you’re doing with him?” Niall looked at Louis, and the older lad gave him a look that clearly said “are you stupid? What side are you on here?”

“What’s going on here?” Suddenly Chad and Cassandra had shoved their ways through the sea of students and was standing next to Zayn, their eyes surveying the situation. Cotton jumped down from where it had been perched on top of Chad’s head and barred its teeth at Liam who was closest with a growl. Liam’s eyes widened a little and he subconsciously took a safety step back.

“I don’t know,” Louis spat sarcastically. “Why don’t you ask your friend?”

Chad and Cassandra threw a glance at Zayn who was standing there tense, rigid and glaring dangerously at Louis. They then exchanged a quick glance, and like they had a silent conversation through eyes alone they stepped closer.

“Come on man,” Chad said to Zayn. “Let’s leave.”

“Don’t waste your time on these losers,” Cassandra added.

“Who are you calling losers?” Louis growled, and Liam looked offended while Harry was just standing there without any movement or emotions.

“ _You_. Got a problem?” Cassandra stared Louis down as she popped her gum, and Louis looked furious.

So there they were surrounded by hushed whispers – the gossip and rumors flying – from half the student population ; Zayn trying not to lash out, Louis on the same page, Harry hurt, Liam and Chad trying to diffuse the situation, Cassandra – and seemingly Cotton – making it worse… and then there was Niall.

…Niall who didn’t understand how his life had come to this point. When had his life turned into a sope opera?

The tension was suffocating, and when Niall thought it might just snap did a teacher arrive on the scene; the blonde wanted to sob in relief.

“What is this commotion about? Why aren’t anyone going to their classes?” The teacher looked around at the students filling the hallways, and they quickly scattered. Meanwhile Zayn threw one glance at the teacher, before giving Harry one last look before grabbing Niall by the wrist and dragging him off leaving their friends to stare after them; their emotions varying from worried, protective, curious, angered and heartbroken.

“Zayn? Zayn, where are we going?” Niall asked bewildered behind him; a tint of fear in his voice. Zayn ignored him and continued to drag him off; his ears deaf to Niall’s increasing protests. Even though Niall was protesting he wasn’t struggling against his hold, and Zayn thought he didn’t even have a right to speak at this point.

Zayn opened the door for Niall and sent him a look that clearly told him to get in. Zayn watched as Niall’s eyes were big with uncertainty, fear and confusion, but in the end he climbed in and Zayn had to hold himself back from slamming the door harshly closed after him. 

“Zayn?” Niall stared at him as he climbed in and pulled out of the parking lot. Zayn didn’t reply or look at him but just kept driving, and in the end Niall felt silent; nervously squirming in his seat.

Zayn finally reached his destination, and he glanced at Niall who by now was sitting there with wide eyes.

“Is… is this where you live?” As Zayn turned to pull through the gates and stared up at the mansion towering at the end of the long driveway, he wrinkled his nose.”…Yeah,” He replied curtly, and while he was looking at the place with pure disgust, Niall was looking at it in admiration; he always seemed to see what was on the surface, so naïve. “This place is sick!” He turned to look at him with curious eyes. “So your family is super rich; is your father CEO of some successful oil business or something?” Zayn didn’t understand why Niall was so excited, and he’d seemingly forgotten about what had happened less than 10 minutes ago; his fingers tightened around the wheel.

He pulled up in front of the house and killed the engine.

“… kind of,” He replied cryptically and avoided Niall’s curious blue eyes. His father might in fact be the CEO of a chain of – as Niall put it – ‘successful’ business, but there was much more to it than that. The only reason he had Niall here was because he knew his family members weren’t there at this time; or any time really.

He ushered Niall through the door, down the large marble covered hall and up the stairs, ignoring the greeting by the maids bustling around until he reached his room. He didn’t give Niall time to look around his room, before he had him pressed up against the door. 

“ _Zayn_ ,” Niall gasped against his mouth and for a second tried to push him away, but Zayn wouldn’t let him. As he went straight to business licking into Niall’s mouth, he couldn’t hold back the mental images of Harry doing the same and his touches became more rough; he wasn’t sure if he was punishing Niall or not, but he didn’t care either. “Ah!” Niall gasped his head falling onto his shoulder as Zayn bit down his lip, breaking the soft skin. “You actually let him touch you,” He growled as he stopped his actions for a second to glare into Niall’s slightly glazed eyes. Niall was breathless and he opened his mouth, but Zayn really didn’t fancy hearing anything he had to say. He roughly fisted Niall’s soft hair and tugged roughly making the blonde’s head fall back with a gasp, and he mercilessly attacked the pale column of skin on Niall’s neck.

When Niall and Zayn had sex it was never gentle, but this was on a whole other level of roughness; because Zayn was angry. His touches were rough as they grabbed everywhere on Niall’s body, leaving bruises, but Niall didn’t protest, just took what he gave; his gaps and moans for some reason only fuelled Zayn’s anger. All he could think about was Harry touching him, making him whimper and moan like this.

“Ah! Zayn!” Zayn had more or less ripped Niall’s clothes off and lifted him up with a firm grip on his thighs, guiding him to his bed. He dumped him down on the bed and didn’t give him any time to catch his breath before he ravished his mouth. Usually there would be approximately 75% foreplay, but Zayn didn’t have patience for that now. He had Niall stripped down in seconds, and the blonde was already rock hard.

“Ahhhh!” Niall threw his head back, his fingers twisting into the covers and his mouth falling open when Zayn thrust a finger into his hole without warning and whimpered when he closed a hand around his throbbing cock. “Only I know where to touch you,” Zayn growled into his ear and to prove his point, his finger rammed against his prostrate in first go, and Niall gasped before moaning loudly. Zayn quickly added two more fingers in one go, and Niall let out a pained whimper. However, Zayn soon got moans and cries out of him as he moved his fingers in quick, rough jabs.

“Ahhh…. Zayn… I… ugh,” Niall writhed as he panted harshly, and Zayn felt his cock thicken in his hands; pre-come was oozing from the tip and staining his hand, and he knew Niall was close already. “Don’t you dare come,” He ordered and Niall looked at him with wide horrified eyes. “P-please… ah… I can’t…” 

“No.” Zayn swiftly stripped of his clothes and aligned himself with Niall’s entrance. “Not without my permission.” His fingers dug into his thighs as he spread him a little wider and drove into him, making him cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. He usually waited a little until Niall adjusted, but he didn’t this time. He braced his hands on either side of Niall’s head as he pounded into him reducing the blonde to a incoherent mess.

“Tell me,” He growled into his ear. “Did he touch you like I did?” Niall didn’t reply, seemingly too far gone to even comprehend his question. “Where did he touch you Niall? Here? Or Here?” His fingers prodded his soft skin, roughly tweaking his nipples, scratching his way down his body and scattering fierce marks with his touches and kisses. Niall wasn’t replying other than intelligible sounds and crying out his name. “I said _tell_ me,” He snapped impatiently and slammed right into the smaller boy’s prostrate. Niall’s eyes popped wide open and a strangled cry fell from his reddened, bruised lips. 

“No! Zayn, no! He didn’t! Ah!” Niall cried out and desperately grabbed Zayn’s shoulders, digging his nails into them and almost drawing blood. “P-please! Just let me come,” He begged and whimpered pitifully, his head falling back. “Only me,” Zayn hissed against his neck where he was biting down at. Niall’s fingers twisted in his hair and he growled when the blonde lifted his head. “Only you.” He whispered; his voice raspy and breathless. Zayn smashed their lips together and stroked his cock once, and that was all it took for Niall to fall apart.

Zayn milked him through his heights while holding his own impending climax back. The blonde trembled, gasped and moaned as he came hard before falling back on the bed, completely boneless and exhausted. Zayn didn’t last for much longer and biting another mark into the skin of Niall’s neck, he came.

They collapsed against each other in a messy and sweaty heap of limbs.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with 'em  
>  You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em  
> Got that warm fuzzy feeling  
> Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em_
> 
> EMINEM LYRICS  
> "Love The Way You Lie"  
> (feat. Rihanna)

Chapter 16  
“Zayn, from now on you can’t put marks where it’s visible,” Niall looked into the mirror as he tried to hide the big, purple bruises with his collar; seriously, Zayn had gone overboard this time and it had taken him ages to reduce them just the slightest.

“Why not?” Zayn said from where he was lazily sprawled on the bed, smoking a cigarette. “Isn’t that the whole point of being together?” Zayn waved his hand a little in the air in a gesture. 

Niall bit down his lip to stop the ear-splitting grin threatening to take over his face.

“Yeah,” He said and smiled at Zayn’s reflection in the mirror. “But my mom will see it, and she doesn’t know we’re together…” Niall studied Zayn’s expression. “yet.”

Zayn didn’t say anything, and his expression didn’t change either as he continued to blow out smoke.”Are you going to show me around?” Niall asked as he turned to face Zayn, his blue eyes flickering over the boy’s room for the nth time. Niall had been surprised when he’d finally calmed down enough to take a shower and look around the boy’s room. The blonde didn’t know what he’d expected but the room was pretty normal and very neat and clean in comparison to Niall’s; he wasn’t sure if Zayn actually tidied it up or the maids did. 

“Aren’t we going back to school?” 

“Yeah, but there’s no point showing up in the middle of first period, so we might as well make it back for second module,” Niall said as he walked up to the large shelf covered half in books, half in movies and games. He ran his fingers across the books first, curious to see what Zayn read – he was skeptic that the boy read at all – and was surprised to see it was all business and management books. Did that mean..

“Are you planning on taking over your family’s company, Zayn?” Niall asked; Zayn had briefly told him about his family’s business cooperation, but he hadn’t mentioned wanting to take over. With his back to Zayn, the blonde didn’t see how Zayn’s brow twitched the slightest and his eyes narrowed for a second.

“Not if I can help it.”

Niall frowned as he randomly selected a book to flip through.

“Then why do you have all these books here?”

“My father’s doing,” Zayn finished the cigarette and snubbed it out on the ashtray resting on the nightstand next to his bed. Niall was half-listening as his interest was claimed by the long line of games Zayn owned. He squealed like a little girl when his eyes fell on a particular one, startling Zayn a little.

“ _Zayn_ oh my god, _shit_!” Niall’s fingers were literally shaking, his eyes wide and his mouth watering. “ _Shit_ , this can’t be… it _is_!” He turned around to face Zayn clutching a game to his chest, and Zayn was just looking amused at him.

“Where did you get this from!? It hasn’t been released yet!!!” Niall exclaimed as he pointed frantically at the game, not caring if he looked like a freaking retard and judging by Zayn’s laughter, he was entertaining him.

“I got my connections,” Zayn smirked as he gracefully climbed to his feet and strolled over to Niall. “This is amazing!!”Niall was seconds away from jumping up and down like a crazed fangirl. “I know, but you’re crushing it,” Zayn realized it was a bad idea to try and take the game out of Niall’s clutching grip when the boy slapped his hand away.

“I don’t care what you say, but you’re lending this to me!” Niall raised the game a little over his head, his eyes sparkling, and he reminded Zayn of a Disney character; so irresistibly cute. Zayn chuckled as he circled his arms around the smaller boy’s waist and kissed his earlobe; he was disappointed when Niall was too lost in fanboying over the game to react. “Wait till Harry hears this, he’s going to be so excited!”

Zayn’s features scrunched up in displeasure, his arms tightening around Niall’s waist. “Who said he could play it?” He grumbled, and Niall stiffened for a short second, before loosening Zayn’s grip on him and turning to face him. “Zayn, I think we put this behind us?” Niall frowned a little.”Harry’s my best friend, and at some point you two have to get along.”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything, Niall,” Zayn said. “I don’t want to ‘get along’ with that curly-haired little shit.”

“ _Zayn_ ,” Niall warned, because he definitely didn’t enjoy Zayn talking about Harry that way; especially when it made him guilty for reason he couldn’t pinpoint. Harry’s hurt green eyes flashed before his eyes and he swallowed a little. He reminded himself that he and Harry had grown up together and known each other for too long for a stupid, little hook-up to end their friendship; never mind his stupid brain wouldn’t stop relentlessly bombarding him with unnecessary and inappropriate images of his younger friend. 

“Just so you know,” Zayn smiled almost evilly. “I might just hit him if I happen to run into him.” before Niall could say anything he’d sauntered back to his bed, tugged on his shirt and grabbed his car keys. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Niall had actually looked forward to being shown around the mansion, but then he got a glimpse of the clock on the wall, and he knew they had to get going if they wanted to make it to second period. Oh well, that would wait for another time, and Niall grabbed his bag and carefully placed the game inside like it was made of fragile glass before following Zayn out.

For some reason Zayn decided to come to an abrupt halt right in front of the door, resulting in Niall knocking into his back. “Zayn, wha-“ Niall began puzzled but before he had a chance, Zayn began pushing him back into the room. 

“Little brother!” A deep, clear voice came from somewhere down the hall, and Zayn stopped pushing Niall into his room, growling some other profanity under his breath. Niall was just really confused, and his curious blue eyes followed what Zayn was staring at.

A young man was walking from down the hall towards them slowly with a jovial smile on his lips, and Niall felt embarrassed when he did a double-take; but he couldn’t help it, because this guy, seemingly Zayn’s brother – and he so shouldn’t be thinking this – was _hot_. Niall estimated him to be in his middle twenties; he had black-brown hair with side-swept bangs falling over his dark eyes, and he had just the tiniest bit resemblance to Zayn, like the high cheekbones. He was wearing black dress-pants and a white button-down shirt; Niall assumed he’d just returned from work or something.

“Hi, little brother,” He stopped up in front of them and smiled from Zayn to Niall. “What brings you home at this hour of the day?”

“I could ask the same thing, Nathan,” Zayn replied with his own smile, and Nathan just shrugged a little before his dark eyes focused on Niall, and the blonde suddenly felt extremely nervous when he realized it was the first time Zayn and he met a family member; Niall wanted to make a good impression since he and Zayn were together now, but having sex with Zayn in his room when they were supposed to be at school was probably not the best first impression. He so hoped Nathan just had arrived and he might just die if the man had heard them shagging, because Niall hadn’t been particularly quiet; the marks hidden by his collar suddenly felt burning against his skin.

“I see you’ve brought a new friend,” Nathan smiled at Niall, and Niall smiled back; Nathan seemed nice, and Niall was relieved he wasn’t as stuck-up as Hannah’s brother. Niall kind of hoped that Zayn would introduce him as his boyfriend – just the thought made butterflies bat against his stomach – but he was kind of disappointed when Zayn just stood there and stared at Nathan.

“I’m Niall. Niall Horan,” Niall offered when Zayn didn’t make any movement, and Nathan eyes brightened up as he offered him his hand. “Nice to meet you, Niall! And I see you’re Irish!” Niall grinned a little as he took Nathan’s larger hand, and the man had a firm handshake. “Zayn rarely brings his friends home, and you look like a nice chap, Niall.”

“Thanks!” Niall beamed, and felt happy; Nathan was nice, and maybe he wouldn’t even mind him and Zayn being together.

“If you don’t mind, _brother_ ,” Zayn smiled, his hand coming up and resting between Niall’s shoulder blades. “We’re leaving for school now.”

“Please, little brother, why don’t you stay a little longer?” Nathan insisted as he threw a quick glance at the expensive looking watch on his wrist. “It’s lunch time, and I am sure Rosalinda can make us some sandwiches. What do you say, Niall?” 

As if on cue, Niall’s stomach decided to answer that question for him, and the blonde flushed a deep crimson at the obnoxious sound it made. He was sure he could die of embarrassment as Nathan chuckled heartily.

“I think I got an answer,” He said and smiled at an embarrassed Niall. “Uh… I am sorry… I skipped breakfast,” Niall mumbled and looked down; his thoughts had been too pre-occupied with Zayn and Harry for him to think about getting some food in his system, and he had completely forgotten about it before his stomach decided to remind him so politely.

“We’ll grab something on the way,” Zayn said. “We don’t have time sit down.” 

“No, we can’t have Niall leave on an empty stomach. That would be impolite!” Nathan exclaimed, and he had suddenly placed a friendly hand on Niall shoulder. “Come on, little brother.” He called behind him as he led Niall down the stairs.

The Malik’s family’s kitchen was just as impressive as Hannah’s family’s; it was all black marble counters and silver untensils and Niall had to control himself when he saw the large fridge towering in a corner; he couldn’t help but fantasize about the food hidden inside.

Nathan took a seat at the counter, so Niall dumped down across from him with Zayn right next to him. Niall found out Rosalinde was one of the maids; a lovely chubby women with a bright smile and thick east European accent; and she made the _greatest_ sandwiches. Niall lost himself in them and completely forgot to make a good impression when his teeth dug into them. 

In the few minutes it took for Niall to be finished, Nathan made friendly small talks while Zayn was eerily quiet; only grunting when Nathan asked him something. Niall had barely swallowed the last bite, before Zayn was ushering him out.

“Wait for me in my car, yea? I just forgot something upstairs,” He said as he threw his keys to Niall, and the blonde nodded. “See you, Nathan,” Niall extended his hand, guessing that was the way to say goodbye, but he was surprised when Nathan pulled him into a quick hug. “It was nice to meet you, Niall. you’re welcome in the Malik household any time you please.” Niall’s features broke out in a grin and thanking Nathan, he walked out to wait for Zayn, an almost unnoticeable skip in his steps.

 

As soon as Zayn heard the front door opening did he turn to face his so called brother with a dark features, his eyes glaring death at the older man. Nathan had returned to his seat and popped open a bottle of wine, serving himself, ignoring the killer vibes exuding from his younger brother. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Zayn sneered as he tried to control himself from smashing that stupid, over-prized bottle over his brother’s head. It only fuelled his building anger when Nathan smiled innocently at him. “Whatever are you talking about, _little brother_ ,” He stressed the last two words mockingly, knowing it got on Zayn’s nerves, and Zayn growled. He might fool impossibly naïve people like Niall with his ‘friendly’ behavior, but he wasn’t fooling Zayn. 

“Let’s drop the act,” Zayn growled as he took a step closer to where Nathan sat. “What are you playing at?” Nathan never put up an act like that without having some kind of ulterior motive, and this time, it was probably more than to piss Zayn off.

The air around Nathan shifted as his face smoothed out, and he regarded Zayn coolly.

“You seem to actually _care_ about him, Zayn,” He said slowly and maliciously. “I would have expected more of you, little brother.”

Zayn’s nostrils flared, and he knew Nathan was enjoying the moment; that bastard.

“It makes me want to know him better,” Nathan smiled evilly, knowing he was pushing all the right buttons. “See for myself what it is that has turned my stupid little brother into a worried little idiot.”

Zayn had closed the distance between them in seconds and he snarled into Nathan’s face; his brother merely smiled amused back at him, not intimidated at all.

“I swear to god, if you-“

“You’ll _what_ , little brother?” Nathan was on his feet, and Zayn cursed mentally when he towered a good few inches over him; the raven would never admit he felt the slightest bit threatened.”Don’t think you can actually threaten _me_ of all people,” Nathan laughed humorlessly. “If anything, this is good blackmail material.”

Zayn’s eyes widened a fraction, and he grudgingly took a step back. He glared at his brother who was looking down at him and Zayn _hated_ the superior aura rolling off of him in waves.

“I wonder what father would say.” Zayn stiffened for a second, but of course Nathan picked up on it, and he smiled cruelly. “He already sees you as such a disappointment, Zayn. I wonder how he would react knowing you’re skipping school to fuck some other _boy_.”

“Are you sure you want to tell him that?” Zayn hissed through gritted teeth. “That would be a very stupid move of yours, Nathan.”

Nathan picked up on what he was implying, and Zayn smirked when his smug features shifted, but it was only for a small second. Nathan collected himself and smiled sickly-sweetly at him.

“Who do you think he would believe, little brother?” Nathan questioned, and that wiped the smirk off of Zayn’s face. “Me or you?”

“Fuck you,” Zayn spat, and Nathan smiled. “I love you too, little brother,” He said as he took the wine glass and sauntered past Zayn’s rigid and tense frame. He even had the nerve to ruffle up in his hair and merely chuckled at the insult thrown his way as he walked away. But of course he had to throw in some last words;

“It seems like we Maliks have the same taste, eh, little brother?”

….

“Hey… Louis?” Niall smiled nervously as he approached the older boy who was standing at his locker, loading books off to his second period. His stomach dropped when the older boy turned to look at him with mock incredulity. “Oh, look who decided to talk to me,” He snorted sarcastically, and Niall bit down his lip slightly. 

“Why wouldn’t I talk to you?” Niall asked even though he had a pretty good idea of what Louis meant. “Don’t ask me stupid questions” Louis pointedly ignored Niall’s hurt look. 

Niall knew Louis was furious because he was with Zayn again when he’d witnessed firsthand how it broke Niall when Zayn kissed that girl. 

“Have you seen Harry?” Niall asked, and he jumped slightly when Louis slammed the locker closed and turned to glare at him; Niall gulped, because he had a strong feeling Louis was holding himself back from hitting him. He hadn’t expected for Louis to drag him off to a secluded area just behind the school. Niall looked warily at Louis features, and he was obviously very upset.

“Why the fuck are you back with Zayn!?” He said and stared at him. “It hasn’t even been _two_ days since we picked you up, bawling your eyes out!” he was gesturing wildly with his arms, a thing he always seemed to do, and Niall realized how it looked for them. they didn’t know that Zayn had agreed to try a _real_ relationship with him; all they saw was him back with Zayn after breaking down Friday night.

He opened his mouth to explain but Louis wouldn’t let him get a word in.

“He _fucked_ some other chick, Nial!!”

“He only kiss-“

“That’s what you _saw_ ,” Louis cut him off, and the seed of doubt was planted in Niall. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that bastard went home with her! And then you go back to him after _using_ Harry. What is _wrong_ with you?”

Louis’ words might as well have been a punch to his stomach, because he felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs. He should’ve known Louis knew about it; he was close enough to Harry to know, and all the guilt just doubled. He took a sharp intake of air.

“L-Lou…I-I am…” He trailed off miserably, because he didn’t have any excuse for sleeping with Harry; he’d been drunk, but he’d known what he’d been doing. The alcohol combined with heartbreak had been enough for him to care less about what he did; all he had wanted was to forget about Zayn. He realized Louis had every right to be furious. “…I-I am so,so sorry.”

“That really doesn’t help much, and I shouldn’t be the one you’re telling that,” Louis said. “And maybe it’s just the tiniest bit too late. Why didn’t you take his calls, Niall? It’s _Harry_ for Christ’s sake! You should know better!” Louis was on the verge of yelling, and Niall was just standing there with big eyes, not knowing what to do of himself. Yes, he should’ve known better; yes, it was _Harry_ , and he didn’t want to believe it was too late.

“Louis, that’s enough.”

They both turned around to see Liam standing there with a disapproving frown directed at Louis. However, Louis stopped at nothing and when he was upset, he was upset.

“Why do I have to stop, Liam!?” He snarled. “Just _look_ at him!” He made an exaggerated wave towards Niall. “Don’t you see what is happening here? He doesn’t hang out with us anymore! He’s _always_ with Zayn! And when Zayn breaks his heart then _we_ are the ones there for him, but then he goes back _immediately_! and now Harry is hurt and it’s affecting _everyone_.”

“ _Louis_ ,” Liam was now standing next to Niall, and Niall though he didn’t even deserve Liam’s support. 

Louis ignored Liam’s warning tone.

“Just because Zayn puts his prick inside of you doesn’t mean he cares about you.” Louis’ eyes widened in shock at his own words, and when he saw Niall’s expression he looked like he wanted to grab them and shove them back his throat, but the harm was done.

Liam looked absolutely horrified and gave Louis a look of disbelief. 

Niall was just staring at Louis, his eyes blank with tears, his lower lip shaking almost unnoticeably. 

“Niall… I didn’t mean-“

“…He cares about me, Louis,” Niall’s voice was slightly shaken but brave. “I know he does, and I care about him… a lot.”

Niall looked down and tried to keep the tears from falling.

“…I love him.”

He didn’t wait for neither Louis nor Liam’s reaction as he turned on his heels and walked away.

Liam turned and glared at Louis who cowered under his burning gaze.

“Great job, Louis,” Liam said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

“You saw how broken Harry was, Liam,” Louis defended himself, even though he knew he’d taken it too far. “You’re not the one staying up with him; watching him cry his eyes out because Niall is too blind to see what is right under his nose.”

“I _know_ ,” Liam said. “But are you forgetting this is _Niall_? You shouldn’t favor Harry over Niall. He doesn’t know about Harry and we don’t know why he’s back with Zayn but that doesn’t mean we should jump to conclusions. You had no right to yell at him like that, don’t you think you’re pushing him away?”

“He’s the one who pushed _us_ away, Liam,” Louis argued. “If anything, you’re the one who’re taking sides right now.”

Liam looked offended.

“I am not taking sides! And neither should you! Harry and Niall are both our friends.”

“Whatever.”

Liam stared after Louis as the older boy grumpily walked away, and he sighed deeply. He had a feeling that things had gotten a little out of hand, and he was afraid that something – be it their friendship, Harry or Niall – might reach a point of unfixable.

It scared him.

…

His fear was justified later that day at lunch when he only found the girls sitting at their usual tables with no traces of Louis, Harry or Niall. 

“Seems like things have gotten pretty serious,” Danielle said with a frown.  
“I should’ve done something before all of this happened,” Liam worried his lip as he dumped down next to his girlfriend and she pecked him quickly on the lips. “Where is Louis, Hannah?” He asked the dark-haired girl, and she shook her head with a small sad frown. “H-he’s with Harry.”

“And they are where?” 

“I-I am not s-sure.”

“We have to do something, before it’s too late.” Liam said as his eyes flickered around in hope to catch a glimpse of his friends.

“If it isn’t too late already.” Danielle said quietly.

* * *

Niall didn’t know what to do of himself. He had used the last hour on calling Harry’s phone, and the younger boy wouldn’t take it. It scared Niall witless, because he hadn’t seen him since Zayn dragged him off in the morning and Harry _never_ ignored his calls; he realized how Harry must’ve felt when he’d ignored his calls.

Niall felt like every time things seemed to get better, something always happened to ruin it all. He couldn’t deny he understood why Louis was reacting like he did, but then again, he thought this should be a matter between Harry and him. 

He fell back on his bed and sighed heavily as he pushed the recall button for the nth time that evening. He hadn’t expected for Harry to actually take it and was a little startled when the boy’s familiar voice sounded in his ears.

“Hey Niall.”

Niall bolted upright and clutched the phone in his hand.  
“Harry!” He said a little louder than necessary.

“Sorry I didn’t take the phone. I was a little busy.”

“Uh… it’s totally fine,” Niall scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling extremely awkward. “Were you coming over later?”

There was a brief silence, but it was too long for Niall.

“I have a surprise to you!” He exclaimed when he suddenly remembered the game in his backpack. He had been so excited to play it immediately after getting back home from school, but then the fight with Louis had happened and all he could think about was talking with Harry.

“Uh… really?” Harry sounded curious, and Niall nodded energetically, before realizing Harry couldn’t see him. “Yes! And you’ll _love_ it! Hurry over, yea?”

“It better be good.” Niall could hear the smile in Harry’s voice, and he could feel the relief seep up in him; he could feel the awkwardness slowly disperse.

“Trust me, Styles,” Niall grinned. “It’s better than good.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Back in my head we were kissing  
>  I thought things were going alright  
> With a sign on my back saying 'kick me'  
> Reality ruined my life_
> 
> "I Would"  
> (ONE DIRECTION LYRICS)

Chapter 17

“Hello, Harry,” Mrs. Horan smiled jovially at the young curly-haired boy as she gave him space to enter the house. Harry returned the smile as Mrs. Horan closed the door behind him.

“Hi Mrs. Horan, you look so beautiful today!” Harry smiled cheekily. “Not that you don’t look beautiful every time I see you.”

“Harry, you’re such a charmer!” Mrs. Horan laughed heartily and smacked Harry gently on the arm. “How is your mother, darling?” She said as they walked further into the house.

“She’s fine, and she told me to say hi,” Harry said as he glanced up at the second floor towards Niall room. Mrs. Horan saw his gaze and smiled.

“Niall is in his room,” She said as she walked into the kitchen. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“Maybe!” Harry called over his shoulder as he was half-way up the stairs. He walked down the hall until he reached Niall’s room and without knocking – not like he ever knocked – he swung open the door. 

“Harry!” Niall looked up from his desk that looked like a notebook had exploded on it; papers were scattered on it and a ‘few’ balled up ones were lying randomly around the trashcan; the blonde had seemingly missed it, which really wasn’t a surprise since Niall had poor aim. 

“I thought you’d never come!” Niall smiled that brilliant smile of his, and Harry’s heart thudded in his chest. He hadn’t expected for the blonde to abandon his work and come over, engulfing him in a tight hug. Harry more or less melted in the blonde’s arms as his familiar scent wafted under his nose, and he instinctively closed his arms around him, burying his nose in his golden locks. He sighed deeply; he’d missed the warmth and the feeling of Niall’s body so close to his. He tried very hard not to think about 3 nights ago, but his brain didn’t really cooperate.

“Wait to you see what I have!” Niall said with an excited grin as he pulled away, and Harry reluctantly released him. His green eyes followed him curiously as the blonde more or less bounced to the side of his bed. He kneeled down and began digging through the bag. He finally got whatever he needed, and before Harry could even get a glimpse, the blonde had hid it behind his back. He walked up in front of him with an ear-splitting grin.

“Guess what I have,” Niall said in a sing-song voice, and Harry couldn’t help the smile tugging on his lips. It was just the way Niall’s eyes were sparkling and the way his smile seemed to brighten up the whole room; cliché but that’s what Harry felt. 

“I give up already,” He said and chuckled when Niall pouted childishly. However, his next words made his face fall. 

“Okay, so, I was over at Zayn’s place, and I was looking at his game collection when my eyes fell on this!” 

Niall held up the game excitedly, completely missing the pain flashing in Harry’s eyes as he continued to rant about how excited he was to play it. “Let’s play it on the flat screen in the…” Niall had finally torn his eyes from the game to look properly at Harry, and the look the younger boy was sending him made the rest of the sentence die in his throat. 

“H-Harry?” He stuttered out as his hand dropped to his side and he stared wide-eyed at the boy before him. Harry’s jaw was clenching and unclenching in that way it did when he was trying really hard not to cry, and his pretty green eyes were red with the effort of holding the tears glistening in his eyes from falling; Niall’s heart twisted, and he dropped the game to the floor, moving forward without thinking.

“I-I am so, so sorry Harry,” He touched his arm cautiously, and the younger boy just stared at him impassively. Niall wasn’t even sure if he was apologizing for the hook-up anymore, but the way Harry was looking at him made him want to shoot himself; had he said something wrong? 

“…Sorry for what?” Harry bit out through gritted teeth, and Niall swallowed a little and looked away; he couldn’t take the look in Harry’s teary eyes. “I am not sure,” He confessed and felt incredibly stupid as he scratched the back of his head. “I guess… for taking advantage of you… I-I didn’t mean to, and god Harry, it was a mistake. It should’ve never happened.”

“Mistake? _Advantage_?” Harry’s hands were balled up in fists, and his voice was laced with incredulity and disbelief. “Aren’t you forgetting something here, Niall?”

Niall gathered the guts to raise his eyes to meet Harry’s. Now he felt even more confused than ever, because he didn’t understand the obvious hurt Harry was feeling; Niall could practically feel it to his core.

“Did it ever occur to you that I knew what I was doing?” Harry questioned. “Don’t you even want to know _why_ I did it?” 

Niall opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn’t sure of _what_. Of course he had been thinking about why Harry would let things go that far when he had been in a better state of mind than Niall. He hadn’t come up with anything other than Harry probably had felt sorry for him, but then again, that didn’t sound right.

“I… I just assumed you pitied me, which would be perfectly understandable…” Niall trailed off, because Harry looked very upset. He stared at him with blazing eyes like he couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Is that what you think about me, Niall?” He said quietly, his voice a mixture of hurt and anger. “That I would _pity_ you? Really?”

Niall studied Harry for a moment, and his blue eyes saddened, because when Harry was hurting, he was hurting. He touched his arm lightly and it kind of stung when Harry shied away from his touch. He even stepped a few steps back, putting a distance between them.

“Why are you so hurt, Harry?” He whispered and stared into Harry’s moist eyes. He could feel the guilt that had been coiling up in his stomach since the weekend increasing.

Harry shook his head and sighed like Niall was a lost cause; which he probably was since he couldn’t even understand Harry as he used to.

“…because you’re so _blind_ , that’s _why_ ” Harry said, his voice shaking slightly, and Niall was afraid he might break out in tears any second; he wanted to prevent that, but something told him it was inevitable. He looked confused at him, wishing he would just tell him what he was obviously hiding. “… and it might have been a mistake, but only because you went back to him just like that,” He huffed as he gestured with his hand before looking at Niall. “… you’re back with him, right?” 

There was this hope in Harry’s voice, and Niall knew he wanted him to deny it even though it was obvious. Louis might be the one that had the strongest opinion against his relationship with Zayn, but now Niall realized it was Harry who it affected the most. But _why_? he could chose to believe it was because Harry had been the one who’d been there all along every time Zayn hurt him, but he knew it was so much more than that. A thought nagged him in the back of his mind.

“Harry you have to understand… technically he did nothing wrong-“

“Nothing wrong!?” Harry exclaimed and Niall was a little startled by the outburst. “Are you fucking kidding me? You were crying your eyes out, you were barely coherent for Christ’s sake! How didn’t he do anything wrong?”

It was easy to see where Harry was coming from, and he could _understand_ why Harry was reacting like this. Of course, Harry had been there all along and when Jerry – the name made Niall’s insides crawl – had molested him in that toilet stall, and he’d been crying in Harry’s arms, it hadn’t really been just because of Jerry. He’d only been partly the reason; the reason he’d cried was because he’d thought Zayn really didn’t care about him the way he did. But now he knew; he knew Zayn cared about him even though he had problems showing that. He wouldn’t have agreed to a relationship if he didn’t want more than just the sex, right? He needed Harry to understand that;

“He agreed to a relationship; we’re together.” 

Niall hadn’t expected the reaction he got, and he wished he could catch his words and shove them back his throat. It was the look of Harry’s eyes; so beyond hurt to the point of _broken_. It was like Niall’s words had been a slap, scratch that, a _stab_ because Harry looked like Niall had hit him. Niall’s chest felt uncomfortably tight when Harry clenched his jaw tightly and looked away, sniffing furiously; obviously trying to hold back his tears.

Niall had moved before he realized it and was no standing before the younger boy. Harry’s brown curls were falling over his eyes, and his face was tilted to the floor making it impossible for Niall to see his expression.

“Hey…hey, Harry,” Niall said softly and took a chance cupping Harry’s cheek gently and turning him to face him. Harry didn’t fight against and turned to face Niall. The blonde’s heart dropped when he saw the empty look in Harry’s eyes, and he bit down his lip when a tear trailed escaped. He gently wiped it off with his thumb and Harry made no movement, just stared at him. “Tell me,” Niall pleaded softly. “Please.. tell me what it _really_ is?”

Harry was silent for one long moment as he stared into Niall’s eyes, and Niall stared back giving him a small encouraging smile. He brushed away Harry’s wild curls from his face before dropping his hand. “It’s fine, it’ll be fine.”

Harry scoffed softly, before wetting his dry lips. Niall hadn’t expected his next words.

“Would Zayn tell you he loves you?”

Niall froze, his eyes widened impossibly as he stared at Harry in shock. Harry’s eyes flickered over his face searchingly. Niall wasn’t so sure he wanted to know what the implication of those words were, but right now they were so obvious; they were staring him in the face, and he felt a little lightheaded.

“I would,” Harry’s voice was so quiet, it was barely above a whisper, and Niall forgot to breathe for a second or maybe a minute. “I love you, Niall.” Niall took a sharp intake of air through his nose and so many thoughts crashed down on him at once that he could barely think a straight thought. What more was, Harry was _looking_ at him, and for the first time he realized how _different_ it was, and - _shit_ \- this couldn’t be happening.

Harry didn’t just confess to him.

Yes, he did, and he was staring at him still. Niall swallowed in a vain attempt to loosen his throat that suddenly felt so tied up and dry. He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know how to react. The more he thought about it, the more obvious did it come.

“H-How long…” he managed to choke out – when had his voice become so hoarse? – and a dreading feeling filled his interior. He found himself chanting a silent prayer inside of him, because Harry couldn’t possibly have kept it a secret for that long.

Harry’s smile was sad, and Niall felt like he deserved to be pushed off a building. He stiffened when Harry gently brushed a bang out of his eyes, and the action seemed to have shocked Harry a little as he immediately withdrew his hand.

“Honestly… I don’t know,” Harry’s brows creased a little as he looked a bit thoughtful. “It just kind of _happened_ ,” he shrugged a little, and Niall had problems breathing. “But I guess I first realized it when we spent New Year’s Eve together.”

And just like that flashes and images of memories from a few months ago streamed through Niall’s mind. When New Year’s Eve had arrived, Niall had been so unlucky to get down with a cold. He’d been quite miserable, because he couldn’t take part of the celebrations and he had to stay home. He didn’t have the energy to trudge along to the New Year’s party and the countdown. He’d been curled up in front of the TV with his mother and his tissues as company. Then Harry had showed up just like that with snowflakes in his curls, bright green eyes and a wide smile. _”It wouldn’t be the same without you. I much rather hang out with you here than with a bunch of drunk people.”_ Niall literally snapped after air, because how could he have been so fucking _blind_? It had been so obvious all along; how Harry had grown closer to him after sacrificing a fun night out with their friends and all those girls Niall knew had a crush on Harry in favor of watching Niall blow his nose in tissues. All those cuddles, all those playful kisses – Niall’s thoughts staggered, because he remembered Harry had actually kissed him before.

He’d kissed him when the clock struck 12 and they entered the New Year. He’d kissed him even though Niall was snotty, coughing and sick and just not that attractive to kiss. It had been quick peck and Niall hadn’t thought much about it, because Harry had laughed it off.

“Shit.”

Harry looked confused, and Niall just wanted to _cry_ , because if Harry had loved him all along that meant he’d been hurting all along as well. He felt like someone was squeezing his heart as he realized to what degree his and Zayn’s relationship had been affecting him.

“You… you should have told me,” Niall whispered and stared solemnly into Harry’s moist eyes. He wished Harry would have told him, and no wonder Louis had been so furious with him. All their friends had probably known all along, and he didn’t understand why no one had bothered to inform him.

“Would things look different if I did?” Harry’s eyes were soft and he looked so small and sad that it broke Niall’s heart. Whether things would be different or not, Niall couldn’t tell, because Harry was still his _friend_. He was _Harry_ ; the little kid with tousled brown hair whom Niall had comforted after finding him wailing because some kid had stolen his lunch. He’d shared his lunch with him and an unbreakable friendship had been forged ever since.

Niall really hoped it was unbreakable. 

“I-I don’t know…” Niall whispered and felt it wasn’t a good enough answer. However, he didn’t know what else to say; Harry had the potential to get about anyone he wanted, because on top of his looks he had the personality; charming, funny and sweet. But right now, it just wasn’t what Niall’s heart was beating for. “I can’t… Harry… I just can’t…” He trailed off and wished Harry would have mercy on him even though he didn’t deserve it.

He was surprised when Harry didn’t look angry or frustrated; he just looked a bit hurt, but he smiled. He pulled his lips into a thin line and sniffed, blinking the tears away. He then proceeded to ruffle up in his hair and flipped it and when he looked at Niall; his eyes were burning with something that unsettled Niall a little.

“Don’t worry,” Harry smiled assuring. “I don’t expect anything from you, right now…” Niall would maybe be a little relieved if the ‘right now’ wasn’t in that sentence. “I don’t know how many times you need him to hurt you before you realize he isn’t right for you.” Niall’s jaw clenched a little, but he didn’t say anything. Harry was frowning a little, but there was nothing malicious about his words, just pure concern. “He’s never going to give you what you deserve, Niall.” Harry said, and Niall wished his friends would have a little more faith in Zayn; he might have a really fucked up reputation, but didn’t everyone deserve a second chance? “He can’t,” Harry continued, and Niall realized Harry would never, ever accept Zayn; he wished he would though. “Not the way I can.” Harry’s hand was suddenly running through Niall’s hair, and he stiffened but Harry made no movement to remove the hand that was now playing with hair at the nape of his neck. “I know he’s going to hurt you sooner than later,” Harry gazed into his eyes, and Niall just stood there shocked; Harry had just straight out doomed his relationship with Zayn before it even began.

“And you know who’s going to be there? I am… not just because I have feelings for you, but because you’re my friend as well.”

“ _Harry_.” Niall whispered urgently, because even though he meant well, his words kind of hurt in ways he didn’t want to think about.

“Sorry,” Harry muttered, but it was obvious he didn’t mean it. “I’ll back off for a while,” He said, and Niall wasn’t sure he understood what he meant. 

“But I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.” Harry smiled as his hand dropped down from neck and brushed down his arm; Niall shivered lightly. Harry stopped up to stare at him, and Niall wanted to look away, the only problem; he couldn’t. He looked into Harry’s eyes that were so many different shades of green. He hadn’t expected for Harry to lean closer or to tilt his head… or for his lips to be on his.

He kissed him.

Fuck.

Niall didn’t even have time to react, before there was a knock on the door. Harry released him and stepped back just in time as the door opened and Niall’s smiling mother entered. 

“Hello boys!” She smiled completely oblivious to Niall’s still-shocked expression. “Dinner is ready! You’re eating along, right Harry?” 

It was beyond Niall how Harry could smile like that after everything that had just happened. It was like it hadn’t happened at all.

“I wish I could, Mrs.Horan!” He ran a hand hapharzadly through his curls. “I wouldn’t want to miss your delicious cooking for anything, but my mother is expecting me back for dinner.”

“What a shame,” His mother said. “Greet your mother from me, darling.” She clapped Harry gently on the cheek and he grinned and nodded.

He turned to look at Niall who was still standing and staring like he’d been hit by a light bolt; he might as well have, because _Harry kissed him_. “See you, Ni!” Harry ruffled up in his hair and Niall flinched. He regretted it instantly when a hurt look flashed through the younger boy’s eyes. “I…uh.. see you Harry,” he said lamely, and Harry smiled before nodding towards his mother and leaving.

Niall stared after him.

“He’s such a lovely boy, isn’t he, sweety?” His mother gave him a knowing look that made him gape at her. In times like these, he wished his mother didn’t know his sexuality.

“ _Mom!_ ”

She chuckled. 

“Fine! Fine!” She lifted her hands in defeat. “Come down for dinner, it’s your favorite.” She said, before she left as well.

Niall heaved a deep sigh as he fell back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was tempted to think what had happened the last half hour had been a dream, but his life was never that easy. He still had troubled believing that Harry actually had confessed to him, and he took a shuddering intake when he realized he knew how he was feeling right now. He swallowed. He bolted upright when another realization dawned on him.

Harry had kissed him; did that mean he’d _cheated_ on Zayn? No, Harry had kissed _him_ , and he’d taken him by surprise. It hadn’t been a mutual kiss. He still felt Zayn deserved to know, but he knew where it would end. The last thing he wanted was Harry to be even more hurt than he already was. But he couldn’t keep it from Zayn, since they were together shouldn’t they be honest with each other?

Niall made a quick decision and found his phone, hitting the call button when he found the desired number. It took long for Zayn to take it and for every ring, Niall grew anxious and paranoid.

Finally he took it.

“Hey.” His deep voice sounded from the other end.

“Uh… hey, Zayn,” Niall played with the hem of his shirt, suddenly feeling extremely nervous when he realized it was the first time they talked over phone. “… Can you come over later?” Niall really had to get himself together; why did it feel like such a big deal to ask Zayn to come over? Oh yeah, because Zayn usually invited himself over. This was different.

“… I can’t,” Zayn said on the other end. “I am kind of busy.” Niall probably shouldn’t feel as disappointed as he did, and he probably shouldn’t feel doubtful; what was Zayn doing? He shook his head and tried to remind himself he trusted him. there was one problem though; he didn’t. as much as Niall _wanted_ to trust him, he just _couldn’t_. When Zayn had kissed that girl, all kind of trust had been broken; at least on Niall’s part. He tried to push away the insecure thoughts that Zayn was with somebody else.

“Missing me so soon?” Zayn teased from the other end, and Niall felt some kind of relief. He blushed when he thought about earlier today, and his butt still hurt as fuck. “Hmm… maybe,” He teased back and smiled. “Do I see you tomorrow?”

“Probably,” Zayn said. “See you later.” Niall didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye before Zayn hung up. Niall stared at his phone for a second before sighing deeply. “See you later,” He muttered to no one in particular and fell back on the bed with another sigh.

His life only seemed to get more and more complicated.

* * *

Zayn shoved the phone back into his expensive, tailor-suited dress-pants. He wrinkled his nose as he hooked a finger under the tie he was wearing and tried to loosen it a little; he couldn’t believe he was actually wearing a freaking suit. He glanced down at himself in distaste and to satisfy himself, he loosened the tie and buttoned down the two top buttons of the white dress shirt, but not before making sure his father wasn’t looking. He sighed satisfied when he didn’t feel like he’d just been pulled out of a business deal.

“Was that Niall, little brother?” 

Nathan’s sudden voice startled him a little, but he was quick to cover it up. He glanced coolly at his brother who was standing next to him, spotting just as an expensive suit as him. He had combed his hair back from his face and with the way he had a wineglass in one hand, he looked so damn smug and superior that Zayn wanted to hit him; that probably would be suicide in a place like this.

He pointedly ignored Nathan’s question as his eyes swept over the interior of the hotel the ‘party’ was being held. The floor was a royal red carpet and several large, Persian rugs were placed at different areas to create a diamond shape around the room. Comfortable brown leather chairs formed small circular areas, each with a rounded coffee table and an expensive looking lamp.

The furniture was all either made of wood, glass, leather or what appeared to be marble and suade, and the colors gave off an earthy, yet celestial air. It was an incredible mix that left most people feeling stunned upon entry; well everyone except Zayn. Everything Zayn could think about was asking himself what he was doing here. Then he would remember; he had more or less been forced to attend this stupid ‘party’, because his father had come up with some other brilliant plan for the company. Zayn didn’t even feel guilty that he had no idea whatsoever what that plan was all about; he’d been dozing off when his father had been presenting it in front of a bunch of important and powerful businessmen. 

“Ignoring me is not very nice, little brother,” Nathan mocked a reprimand voice, and Zayn sighed inwardly; he grabbed a drink from a passing waiter. He knew he needed some alcohol in his system to get through this night, and it seemed Nathan had found it more entertaining to annoy him instead of chatting business with all these seemingly influential, rich and powerful people; Zayn couldn’t stand the lies hanging thick in this room. He just wanted to leave so badly, and he wondered if his father would notice if he slipped out. 

It was just his luck when a married couple came up to them. The man was short and chubby and Zayn thought the expensive attire did nothing to make up for his lack in looks meanwhile the woman was completely opposite; long legs protruded from her expensive black dress and her dyed red hair was falling over one shoulder. Zayn studied them briefly, and he wrinkled his nose; that marriage was just another lie in a sea of deceit. “Well, if it isn’t the famous Malik brothers,” The man said and chuckled as he offered them his hand. Zayn really, really didn’t want to take his sweaty, chubby hand but he found himself taking it anyway; he gave it a quick shake before retreating it and he had to use some serious self-control not to wipe them in his pants in front of the man.

“Hello, you must be Mr. Worthington,” Nathan gave him a small smile as he shook his hand firmly and nodded towards the lady hanging off of his arm. “And this must be your lovely wife.” The woman gave Nathan a bashful smile as she extended her slender hand, holding onto his brother’s hand for a little longer than necessary. “My name is Gloria,” She said in a thick accent and the way she smiled to Nathan made Zayn _sick_.

He almost wanted to tell this Mr. Something to take his wife and run for the hills, but then he remembered he didn’t care. Nathan could do whatever he wanted, and Zayn knew he would, because he got away with _every_ goddamn thing he did. He was sure it would come back and bite him in the ass one day, because seriously, what was the power of those men worth if they couldn’t keep their wives from running into younger men’s – aka Nathan’s – arms? Not much, that was for sure.

To Zayn’s immense annoyance, they kept talking to them, or more like with Nathan but they kept looking at him like he would reply to their stupid questions; he knew he was being rude by just staring at them, but he couldn’t really care less. He was so close to turning away and leaving, but then the chubby asshole had to ask a question directed at him.

“I am sure Zayn is planning to work in the family business when he’s done with school.”

Zayn tensed, but it was barely noticeable and he stared stiffly at the man. The question was more towards Nathan, but the man was staring back at him, expecting some kind of reply. A “It’s none of your fucking business” was on the tip of Zayn’s tongue, but Nathan interfered. He placed a hand around his shoulder and looked coolly at the businessman.

“Well, yes of course,” He smiled down at Zayn, and Zayn returned it with a dangerous glare. “Zayn has a brilliant mind, and none other is suited for the job better than him.” Zayn smiled a fake smile that clearly told Nathan to sleep with an eye open tonight, but he was relieved when the couple rounded off the ‘conversation’ and left. 

He shrugged off Nathan’s hand with a growl and downed his drink in one go, placing the empty glass in a nearby table. “I’m out,” He huffed as he turned to walk away. “But, little brother, father has a closing speech and he’ll expect you to be there,” Nathan called after him, and Zayn grudgingly stopped up. “Fuck off, Nathan,” He sneered when Nathan came up and closed a hand around his shoulder, but his brother of course ignored him.

“Look around you, little brother,” He said as gestured towards all the finely dressed up people. “Those so called ‘powerful’ people could as well be dirt under our shoes, like _ants_ before our power. They might be something outside there,” Nathan gestured towards the entrance, and Zayn sent it a longing look, wishing he could transport out. “But they’re _nothing_ before the Malik Family.”

“Shit, you’re more conceited than I thought,” Zayn spat in disgust and tried to get out of Nathan’s grip, but he wouldn’t let go; Zayn was sure he would hit him square in the face if he didn’t let go soon.

“I am not,” Nathan’s dark eyes glinted as he smiled at him. “I just know what I am worth, and I know what _you’re_ worth, little brother.” Zayn glared at him, because he didn’t like where this was heading in the least. “Look at those lovely ladies over there.” Nathan nodded towards their right, and Zayn reluctantly followed his gaze. A group of young girls – daughters of powerful business men – were sitting a little away, and when they saw them looking, they giggled and sent them flirting gazes. “That one in the red dress has been eyeing you for quite some time, little brother,” Nathan said as he sent a charming smile towards the girls, making them blush. Zayn found who Nathan was referring to; she had her platinum blond hair set up in a loose bun and the red dress was hugging her in all the right places without looking slutty. She saw him looking and her red colored lips curved up in a smile. 

Zayn had actually slipped for a second as he smirked back at the girl – she was good looking – but then she played with her a loose blond lock, and the blond reminded him of Niall. 

“Why would you waste time on that blond kid when you can have so much better?” 

Zayn’s face snapped towards Nathan with narrowed eyes as he it finally dawned on him what Nathan was trying to do. “You’re such an asshole, you bastard,” Zayn snarled as elbowed Nathan in the side, hard enough for Nathan to release him and subtle enough for no one to notice. Once he was free, he turned on his heels and left, ignoring Nathan’s calls; he knew he was going to get it from his father later tonight, but he just had to come up with an excuse.

* * *

Niall really, really wished he hadn’t told his mother that he kind of liked girls maybe even a little more than boys. Now, she wouldn’t stop talking about all the wonderful boys of her friends’ that were all the same age as him. He tried to explain to her that just because he was into boys didn’t mean that everyone else was, and that’s how Harry sneaked into the conversation.

“I think he could be gay as well.”

Niall choked on the juice he’d been drinking and it sprayed all over the neatly set table. “Niall!” His mother chided in disapproval. He stared at his mother and he had a nagging suspicion that she actually wanted him to be with Harry.

Things seemed to only get more ridiculous.

“I am not hungry anymore,” He excused himself from the table and made a quick escape to his room. The last thing he wanted was to discuss possible boyfriends with his mother when he already had one. He wanted to introduce Zayn to his mother, but something told him said boy would be reluctant. He walked in on his phone ringing, and he raced over, anticipation building up inside of him; he was kind of disappointed when he saw it was an unknown number and not Zayn’s.

“Hello?” Niall said questioningly.

“Sup, Niall!” A too familiar voice boomed out from the other end quickly followed by a bark.

“Chad?” Niall raised a brow wondering where the boy had his number from, and more importantly; what he wanted.

“You guessed right!” Chad chirped. “Can you invite us in? Cotton and I are standing outside your door.” Niall’s eyes widened in surprise and he darted over to the window, peeking down and true enough; Chad was standing there and waving to him with a wide grin with Cotton perched on top of his head. “Do I even want to know how you know where I live?” Niall asked into the phone and Chad laughed. “Probably not, but you want to know why I am here.” Niall rolled his eyes a little; seriously, Chad was nice and everything, but he was weird sometimes; especially when he showed up on his doorstep unannounced. There had already happened so many things today, and Niall didn’t how much more he could handle on top of it all. 

“Why?” 

“I want to talk about Zayn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It feels like I’m constantly playing  
>  A game that I’m destined to lose  
> 'Cause I can’t compete with your boyfriend  
> He’s got 27 tattoos_
> 
> "I Would"  
> (ONE DIRECTION LYRICS)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Zayn and Harry were like the moon and the sun._
> 
> _Niall’s moon and sun, because he was convinced he couldn’t live without either of them._

Chapter 18

Niall really didn’t need for anyone else to tell him why he shouldn’t be with Zayn. Pretty much everyone had made it clear that they didn’t believe their relationship would last – well, until now it was only Harry (the name left his stomach in knots) but he was sure all his friends would take the younger boy’s side – and the least he needed was for even Zayn’s friend to doom his relationship with Zayn.

It was safe to say that when he led Chad into his room, he felt kind of defensive, wary and expecting the worst. His mother hadn’t looked very impressed by the late visit, and as she hadn’t looked impressed as she had gazed at Chad’s feral appearance and the puppy he had along. Niall had told her that Chad was his classmate – which he technically was – and that he wanted help with biology.

His mother had looked skeptic – Niall didn’t blame her, he really had never been that kid people went to for help – but had left them alone.

Now Niall was sitting on his bed petting Cotton who was contently curled up between his legs while Chad had claimed his office chair and had now used five minutes spinning around in it. It had now reached the point where Niall was beginning to believe the boy had forgotten why he came in the first place.

Niall cleared his throat a little awkwardly and Chad halted the chair and turned to look at him questioningly; this guy couldn’t be for real.

“So…” He trailed off as he stopped petting Cotton and looked at Chad expectantly. “You wanted to talk about Zayn.”

“Oh, that’s true,” Chad grinned and Niall couldn’t help but notice his slightly pointy canines. “Zayn…where should I begin?” Chad tapped his chin, his eyes focused on the ceiling in a thoughtful manner.

Niall began to get a little impatient.

“What about the start?” He said sarcastically, but he couldn’t help it. Harry’s confession less than an hour ago was still turning in his head, and he couldn’t push the image of hurt, green eyes out of his mind. 

“Patience, Niall,” Chad chided softly as he leaned forward in the chair and studied Niall closely. “So… where did you guys go this morning?”

“Uh… he took me to his place…” Niall trailed off and struggled to keep the blush that threatened to take over down. He had expected Chad to laugh knowingly, but he looked surprisingly _shocked_.

“Huh?” His dark brown eyes were a little wide as he stared at Niall in disbelief.

“He took me to his place?” Niall repeated confused at Chad’s reaction.

Chad looked taken aback as he fell back in the chair. “That… was unexpected,” He mumbled as he blew out a puff of air ruffling his dark bangs.

Niall just stared at Chad feeling even more confused, but then he remembered Nathan’s words about Zayn never bringing anyone home. He hadn’t thought too much about that, because he’d just thought it was something siblings and parents said. However, it shouldn’t come as a surprise; the more he thought about it, he realized Zayn had only brought him to his home in a moment of anger. He could feel disappointment spread inside of him at the thought that had been the first and last time.

“Did you meet any of his family?” Chad’s curious question snapped him out of his thoughts, and he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Mmm… I met his brother, Nathan, he’s super nice,” Niall’s smile fell when Chad’s expression once again turned shocked. He was a little startled when Chad jumped to his feet so fast that the chair did a whole 360° 

“What!? You didn’t just put Nathan and nice in the same sentence, did you?!” His chestnut brown eyes looked a little wild and crazy, and Cotton jumped down, barking at him, probably asking what Niall was wondering; why was he going mental?

“Yes. Yes I did,” Niall replied calmly as he stared at Chad.

“So what? He was actually _nice_ to you?” Chad made an expression like that would be utterly bullshit, and Niall realized he was missing something.

Chad paled a little when he saw Niall’s confused expression.

“This can’t be good,” He mumbled as he ran a hand haphazardly through his hair, tapping a finger against the crone of his head. “Definitely not good,” he repeated as he fell heavily back on the chair and went into a thoughtful expression even Cotton insistent licking off his hands couldn’t interrupt.

Niall was beginning to feel frustrated; what was it that didn’t add up here?

“Chad…”

“He wasn’t into males last I checked,” Chad blurted out before he grimaced. “That sounded so wrong.” He gave Cotton some halfhearted attention and straightened in the chair. “But it wouldn’t surprise me if it was all for the sake to annoy the fuck out of Zayn.”

Niall’s eyes grew wide.

Chad turned to look at him.

“He didn’t uh…” Chad worried his lip as he gestured with his hand and Niall just stared at him forcing him to continue his sentence. “…try something with you, did he?”

“ _What?!_ ” Niall exclaimed extremely shocked and incredulous at what Chad was implying. “ _No_!” Why would Nathan try anything like that with him? What the fuck was wrong with Chad?

“Sorry,” Chad raised his hands a little in defense and frowned. “It’s just… Nathan is not _nice_ ”

“He was to me,” Niall interrupted, his hands tucked under his arms and for some reason he felt like he was incredibly thick. Chad properly knew Nathan better than he did, but Niall had problems imagining Nathan any other way than the way he already did – nice, polite and … hot. (he probably shouldn’t say that last impression out loud.)

“Yea, but that was probably an act. That guy being nice?” Chad lifted his chin a little as he scoffed. “He’s the biggest arrogant asshole I’ve ever met, and I thought Zayn had it bad sometimes, but compared to his brother, Zayn might as well be a freaking saint.”

“I…I don’t understand,” Niall mumbled and felt stupid. “Why would he put up an act?” That he was disappointed would be an understatement; here he thought he could get along with Zayn’s family.

“There’s really only one explanation; to annoy Zayn,” Chad informed, and Niall frowned confused so he explained; “Zayn and Nathan don’t really share the ideal ‘brother-bond”. It’s simple really; they hate each other’s guts.”

“Hate?” Niall’s eyes were wide as he tried to recall the meeting with Nathan, trying to remember anything that indicated that they didn’t like each other. He came up with nothing. “It can’t be that serious, I mean I would guess they quarrel and disagree but don’t all siblings do that?” Niall said; he might not have any siblings himself, but all his friends had and he’d seen his share of sibling quarrels. Like when Harry and his sister, Gemma, – she’d left for college a few years ago – would fight over the smallest things. He stiffened a little when he caught himself thinking about Harry, but then frowned; why was thinking about Harry suddenly such a big deal?

“Not the way the Malik brothers do,” Chad was spinning around in the chair again making Cotton bark in delight. Niall was getting annoyed. “What do you mean?” 

Chad stopped the chair and gazed seriously into Niall’s eyes.

“There’s something you need to know about Zayn, Nathan and the Malik family in general.”

Niall could feel himself tense and he _knew_ he wasn’t going to like any of what Chad had to say. His brain was already running rampage with all kind of absurd worst-case scenerios.

“I am just going to tell you what I know,” Chad made himself comfortable in the chair giving Niall the impression that this was going to take a long time. With that thought, Niall put a few pillows between himself and the headboard before sinking into them. He brought his knees to his chest and gazed impatiently at Chad over his knees.

“I guess you already know the Malik family is filthily rich,” Chad said and Niall gave a curt nod. “Well, Zayn’s family owns of a chain of successful business cooperation all ranging from electronics, clothes to hotels and other shits I don’t care about. Anyway, Zayn’s father is kind of…” Chad searched for the words. “…authorative, controlling, _scary_ , distant, cold, did I mention scary?” 

Niall was a little more than shocked at the brutal characterizations of Zayn’s father, and he couldn’t help but believe Chad was exaggerating; the thought that he wasn’t made Niall nervous to the core of his bone.

Chad continued unperturbedly. 

“So with the Maliks sitting on so much wealth and power, it would only be understandable that it got to their heads,” Chad said and played a little with sleepy Cotton. “Zayn was brought up being told that emotions were trivial and a burden, _a weakness_ and a ‘true’ Malik doesn’t showcase his emotions; do you have a feeling of where Zayn is coming from?”

Niall was just staring with wide eyes, trying to let the information sink slowly in. Chad continued;

“I am just saying that, Zayn doesn’t love you.” Niall’s heart dropped, his jaw clenching tightly. “At least not yet,” Chad looked almost apologetic, but Niall thought it was leaning towards pity. “I mean… it will take time, but he’s on the right path; however, that path is going to be bumpy, _very_ bumpy and _long_.”

“You talk like you know everything,” Niall mumbled quietly as he tried to keep the emotions simmering beneath the surface out of his voice. He stared blankly at Chad, and the boy sighed a little.

“Yeah, we’ve been friends for some time,” Chad scratched Cotton’s ear, and the puppy was already deep asleep. “I wouldn’t talk about something I don’t know.”

Niall didn’t say anything, just brought his knees closer and rested his chin on it.

“Look, Niall,” Chad smiled a little. “I am just saying that you would be his first real relationship, which also means it won’t be smooth; at _all_. Knowing Zayn, he’s probably going to fuck up more than once before he gets it right.”

“Besides, he would never introduce you to his father,” Chad said. “It’s not that his father is homophobic; I am not even sure if he actually is,” Chad looked thoughtful for a moment. “The point is that Zayn is supposed to continue the legacy and preferably with a daughter of some equally filthy rich dude.”

Niall swallowed slowly around the lump that was growing in his throat.

“Just say what you’re trying to say,” He whispered hoarsely, and Chad looked a little guilty.

“I like you, Niall; you’re a nice guy,” Chad said choosing his words carefully. “I guess what I am trying to say is that you should think about what I said and make your decision before you find yourself too deep in to pull out. No matter how this ends, I’ll be on Zayn’s side.”

A tense silence followed as Chad allowed Niall to fully comprehend the weight of his words. There wasn’t really much to comprehend and it was quite simple actually; if he wanted things to work between him and Zayn he had to accept the fact that he’d never meet his family and the chances that Zayn would end up hurting him were high; almost certain.

“His mother,” Niall blurted out and blinked confused. “Where is his mother?”

Chad’s expression shifted, and Niall’s heart sank.

“Don’t tell me she’s…”

Chad caught on and his eyes widened.

“No! she’s alive and breathing!” Chad hurried to say before worrying his lips. “Zayn doesn’t talk about her. All I know is she left the Malik family a while back; a _long_ while back. You’ll have to ask Zayn the details, I know nothing.”

They went quiet again.

“I really don’t know anything about him,” Niall muttered crestfallen and looked down.

Chad got to his feet, cradling the sleeping puppy in his arms. He walked up to Niall’s door and looked back at Niall.

“Stick around and he might open up to you.”

* * *

Niall didn’t sleep much that night and two persons were dominating his thoughts depriving him of his needed sleep; Zayn and Harry obviously. He felt like things had gotten a little out of control, out of his control and he didn’t know how to straighten out the complicated knot that he called his life.

Whattodo? Whatto _do_? Was all going through his mind the whole night, and he thought about the Malik family, about Zayn and about Nathan; about their _father_. Niall was scared, scared of why Nathan was acting nice if he wasn’t according to Chad; scared if - _when_ , something inside of him screamed – Zayn would end up hurting him; scared that his father would be just another person to come between them. He thought long and hard about him and Zayn; thought about if they would ever work out or if he really was just stubborn and delusional like everybody else seemed to think. Was his desire to work things out with Zayn just out of pure stubbornness to prove everyone wrong? Or had it been to justify his sleeping with Zayn?

Niall wished he hadn’t thought that, because when the thought first crossed his mind, it was stuck there.

He thought about Harry, his curls, his once bright eyes dulled with hurt, eyes he wouldn’t be able to look into without feeling guilty, he thought about their friendship and if it would ever be the same. He thought about the last couple of months with Harry and how everything they did had meant more to him. He thought about his words and turned them in his head for a while. 

 

He fell asleep at some point, but at least he had decided upon something.

….

Early next morning, Niall climbed into the passenger seat of a car. He sighed as he sunk into the seat.

“You look… _exhausted_.”

He turned to look at Liam who was frowning worried at him, and he nodded slowly.

“I know.” Niall took off the cap he had on and scratched the crone of his head for a moment, collecting his thoughts. Liam sat patiently next to him, and Niall turned to face him with a serious gaze. “I need someone to talk to… and I guess you’re the only one not hating my guts completely.”

“Nobody hates you, Ni,” Liam was quick to assure and smiled warmly. “But talk and I’ll be all ears.”

So Niall talked; he told Liam everything; Zayn, Harry, the Malik family, _everything_. He entrusted his thoughts to Liam in a way he hadn’t for a long time, and Liam didn’t interrupt him once even when his talk turned into a rant. He just did what Niall always had loved about him; he _listened_. 

Niall ended up shedding a few tears at the end, and Liam quietly handed him a tissue.

“So,” Niall sniffed as he finally finished what pretty much felt like his life-story. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Li. I guess what I am asking for is your advice.” He turned to look at Liam with big eyes, and Liam looked thoughtful.

Niall knew that at this point Liam’s opinion mattered to him a whole lot, and Liam knew that as well.

Finally after what felt like ages Liam turned to look at him, and Niall was ready to drink up every word that left his mouth like it was pure gold; he was that desperate and lost.

“Well, Niall; here’s what I think.”

* * *

Niall was standing at his locker later that morning with Liam patiently waiting for him so they could head to their first period class. They had used quite some time talking so when they had arrived, the halls were already swarming with students, and once again, Niall found himself in the center of attention.

However, he really, really didn’t care anymore and the gossip flying by could as well be air for his ears. He finally got what he needed for the first few periods and closed the locker. He and Liam turned around to walk, but Niall halted in his steps when a familiar face walked down the hall.

Harry.

Niall already felt awkward even though Harry hadn’t even noticed him yet. He had his nose buried in his phone, texting away as he effortlessly maneuvered his way through the sea of students; he must have radar built inside of him or something. 

Niall looked as Harry came closer and closer, still not noticing them. He looked at Harry’s wild curls falling over his eyes, he looked at the white v-neck tee Niall knew Harry had an endless supply off, he looked at Harry’s jeans that always seemed to be painfully tight; it would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, but Harry seemed to work it.

Niall wasn’t looking anymore, but noticing the attention Harry always got; there was already more than a few girls eyeing him, but he was too consumed in his phone to notice. 

The attention Harry got was in a different ‘genre’ than the one Zayn got; Harry had an open and friendly attitude that made people flock around him, a cheeky and charming personality that made the girls swoon over him, he was that one guy everyone wanted to be friends with and had always been – Niall had just never put much thoughts in it, he’d taken it for granted, because he’d had what everyone wanted; Harry’s friendship and now… his affection.

Zayn was different; what attracted people to him was based on the dark mysterious atmosphere around him, his model worth looks, his popularity and maybe even his family’s money. Girls wanted to be with him just for the sake of having reached that status, guys wanted to be _him_ for the same reasons; people didn’t flock around him, but admired him from a distance because he was ‘unreachable’. Niall wanted more than the popular and mysterious guy people knew, he wanted to go deeper.

 

Zayn and Harry were like the moon and the sun.

Niall’s moon and sun, because he was convinced he couldn’t live without either of them.

 

Harry was a couple of meters away when he finally noticed them, and Niall remembered what Liam had said; “Whatever Harry does, then you should probably just go with it. If he avoids you, then he probably needs some time and it’s best if you leave him alone for some time.”

Niall was ready for Harry to walk straight past him, but he was surprised when Harry smiled. “Hey Niall! Hey Liam!” He waved as he came over and Niall was more shocked when Harry gave them both a quick hug. “Catch you guys later in lunch!” He called over his shoulder and he was gone.

“What…” Niall whispered as he stared after him. Harry was acting like nothing ever happened between them, and Niall was a little worried that he couldn’t decide whether it was bad or good.

“That probably his way to deal with things,” Liam said and tugged him along as they walked to their class. “Things are going to be alright.”

Niall wanted to believe Liam, but he wasn’t so sure. They rounded a corner and ran into Zayn; Zayn who Niall hadn’t expected who’d begin kissing him right in front of everyone. He had leaned down and captured his lips in a hot kiss, before Niall’s brain even had a chance to catch up leaving Liam to stand there rather awkwardly.

“Wait for me after school,” He breathed into his ear and then he was gone faster than he appeared the rumors and gossips flying in his wake.

“Uh, I guess that’s a start?” Liam coughed awkwardly in his hand and smiled gently at shocked and breathless Niall. “Let’s go to class.”

….  
The rest of the day went smoothly – save the rumors and gossip circling around Zayn and Niall – but then again, Niall hadn’t seen Zayn or Harry… or Louis. He met the girls though, Hannah and Danielle, who were all but supportive.

Third period ended and they reached lunch. Niall was quivering with nervosity as he walked between Hannah and Liam and there was a tint of anticipation; anticipation of seeing Zayn so he could kiss him back properly, anticipation of seeing Harry smile at him and tell him everything was cool, anticipation that Louis had cooled down and didn’t hate his guts.

Niall didn’t see Zayn at lunch, but both Harry and Louis were eerily _normal_ ; Niall should be happy, but he couldn’t help but feel something was wrong. Louis gave him a quick apology and a halfhearted congrats on his relationship with Zayn – Niall found himself glancing at Harry for any reaction, but the boy was busy multitasking between eating his sandwich, texting his phone and laughing at something Danielle said – yup, there was definitely something wrong in this picture.

It was a little too perfect to be real, but Niall was too exhausted – too relieved to have his friends back – to think more about the tension simmering beneath, deciding to take things as they came (another piece of advice from Liam)

When the last period of the day ended, Niall couldn’t wait to see Zayn, and he’d already planned to take the raven with him home. He met up with Zayn in the parking lot and they ended up making out for a while in the car, before Niall pulled away.

“My mother isn’t coming home until evening,” He whispered suggestively against Zayn’s lips as he ran his hand through his dark, silky locks. Zayn smirked and kissed him deeply, before finally starting the engine.

 

A few minutes later they stumbled into Niall’s room with their lips attached and their hands groping everywhere on each other’s bodies. 

Clothes were shed before they even reached the bed, and they were both only in their boxers as Niall fell back on his soft comforter, letting Zayn crawl on top of him. Zayn dived down; reconnecting their lips and Niall’s moan hit the back of his throat.

They kissed and touched both too familiar with each others’ body yet having this awesome sensations like it was their first time. At some points, Niall would find his thoughts drifting off to Chad’s words and even Liam’s words, but that didn’t last long when Zayn was stroking and fondling his growing erection.

Niall found himself pushing them both onto their knees and kissing Zayn slowly and deeply on the mouth, he took out the boy’s cock, stroking it in his hands a few times, before he bent over and took Zayn in his mouth; relishing in the groan and praises he received. “You’re getting better,” Zayn breathed as he massaged his scalp. Niall sucked Zayn’s cock until it was swelling and leaking – his lips wet and red – before Zayn pushed him back down attacking every little patch of skin he could reach with Niall reminding him “no visible marks.”

“Did I tell you I love your tattoo?” Zayn breathed and Niall chuckled as Zayn kissed and sucked his tattoo like he was trying to extract the ink from the pale skin. It seemed he and Harry shared… his thoughts staggered to halt as Niall felt shock and panic spread through him; did he just, no, he _didn’t_ just think of Harry while having Zayn on top of him.

Zayn quickly reduced Niall’s panicking thoughts into a muddled mess when he kissed him passionately on the mouth. His fingers curling under the waistband of his boxers, before pulling them down and Niall groaned when the air hit his throbbing and burning cock. 

In a couple of minutes, Zayn was stretching him and opening him up, his longer fingers deep inside of Niall. “I still don’t understand…” Zayn groaned into his ear. “…how you always manage to be so freaking tight, it doesn’t make sense.” He curled his fingers and Niall cried out in ecstasy. “Zayn, inside of me, _now_ ,” He demanded, his fingers twisting in Zayn’s hair.

“I love it when you’re demanding,” Zayn chuckled as his fingers left him with a pop and he situated himself with Niall’s entrance and pushed in until he was buried to the hilt. Niall gulped in air, his head falling back and his eyes screwing shut.

After letting him adjust for a moment, Zayn began moving in deep, slow thrust reducing Niall’s vocabulary to cries of his name. “I love my name on your lips.” Niall pulled him down for a wet kiss in reply, ending up crying into Zayn’s open mouth when he hit his prostrate. “Oh fuck, Niall…” Zayn kissed his neck. “I just can’t get enough of you.” At those words, Niall could feel himself being pushed closer to the edge.

Their bodies, slick with sweat, rocked against each other and as Niall reached his heights, he found himself whispering _”I love you”_ into Zayn’s ear, and Zayn actually _stiffened_. Niall’s eyes widened, thinking that he’d maybe pushed a little too far, but then Zayn bit down his neck and came as well.

They collapsed against each other sweat and panting. Niall a little overwhelmed at the words he’d blurted out, and he was sure it had been the worst possible moment to say he loved Zayn. He ignored the ache in his chest that Zayn didn’t say it back, reminding himself of what Chad said. 

If Zayn really had grown up in a family that didn’t express affection then it was only expected that it would be a challenge for him as well. Niall liked to believe it would come some day, a day when he least expected it, Zayn would say these three ‘little’ words back.

He was shocked out of his thoughts when Zayn suddenly said he had to go, and before Niall could stop himself he’d grabbed Zayn’s wrist. Zayn looked back at him with a raised brow.

He couldn’t be for real. If he left now, then they would be back to where they began; where Zayn would sleep with him only to leave him again. He wanted to spend time with Zayn other than just having sex with him since they were together now after all.

“Come on, take a shower and let’s play that game I borrowed from you yesterday,” Niall said the first thing that dropped on his mind and his eyes glanced at the game resting on the shelf of his desk. He was sure Harry didn’t want to play it with him… like _ever_ , but here was Zayn and Niall could learn just how good he was at video games.

Zayn looked rather reluctant, but Niall coaxed him with soft kisses and touches. 

Niall was ecstatic when he got Zayn down in the living room and dumped down next to him on the couch. He couldn’t help but feel giddy at _finally_ spending time with Zayn as he started the game. 

Niall learned that Zayn was at least as competitive as Louis when it came to winning. He won the first couple of rounds much to Niall’s displeasure, but he loudly stated it was only because Zayn had the advantage of trying it before him.

“Whatever makes you happy, blondie,” Zayn said with a smug smirk.

“Just you wait and see,” Niall huffed as he put in extra effort in beating Zayn, and to his great delight, he won the next round. “Yes! Take that! I won!” Niall jumped up from the couch and proceed to make a silly happy-dance around the living room; never mind the score still stood in Zayn’s favor.

He turned to look at Zayn who was watching him amused, but then he saw the glint in Zayn’s eyes and he stopped up. His eyes widened as a thought hit him.

“Wait!” He exclaimed, his eyes narrowing. “You didn’t let me win, did you?”

The laughter in Zayn’s eyes was enough of an answer.

“You asshole!” Niall cried, because that was a blow to his pride. He grabbed a pillow from the couch and smacked Zayn right in his pretty face with it, and the baffled face Zayn wore was so worth it. He gulped when Zayn’s eyes darkened. 

“You little…” Niall’s eyes widened when Zayn lifted the pillow and he grunted when he was smacked with it in the side of his head. He didn’t even get time to come over it, before Zayn suddenly tackled him to the ground, straddling his waist and pinning him down. He swallowed heavily when Zayn looked down at him, looking rather evil.

“You know what, Niall,” Zayn said and grabbed the pillow. “I could suffocate you under this pillow and nobody would know.”

“Wouldn’t you miss me then?” Niall feigned an innocent expression and batted his eyelashes mockingly. Zayn’s eyebrow shot in the air as he studied him. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He teased as he leaned down and brushed their lips against each other. Niall huffed annoyed when he tried to deepen the kiss and Zayn leaned away.

Niall frowned as he looked up at Zayn wondering why his expression suddenly shifted to attentive, but then he heard the sound of a car pulling up; his mother had seemingly grown an annoying tendency to arrive early when she was the least needed.

“Let me introduce you to her,” Niall rushed to say, but Zayn was already halfway out the living room. “Zayn, please?” He begged as he caught up to him and grabbed his arm. Zayn turned and looked at him with an unreadable expression.

Niall had a theory; he thought that the main reason Zayn didn’t want to meet his mother was because he probably thought Niall would expect to meet his parents in return. That might had been right yesterday, but Chad’s words had obviously changed his mind. He couldn’t meet Zayn’s father and no matter how disappointed and hurt it made him feel, he was trying to accept it and live with that fact; he still didn’t know how to live with the fact that Zayn’s father would never approve of him, but he was working on it.

“She’ll love you,” Niall tried to coax, but he knew it was futile. Zayn had obviously made his decision.

“I think I’ll pass,” He replied nonchalantly and tugged his arm out of Niall’s grip. Niall sighed and reminded himself not to push too far, knowing Zayn would take a step back, and that’s the last Niall needed when he felt he’d made such progress with him today. “Okay, maybe another time,” Niall said hopefully and followed Zayn to the back entrance in the kicthen.

He grabbed Zayn’s collar and pulled him in for a deep kiss, before letting him go. “See you, love,” He whispered against his lips, and Zayn looked back at him for a split-second before walking out just as the front door opened.

“Niall, sweetheart! I’m home!”

Niall didn’t really hear his mother, because his thoughts were floating elsewhere.

* * *

Harry wasn’t sure how he’d ended up in a filthy and smoky bar in a run-down part of the city that was so fucked up that they didn’t care about underage drinking. Then he remembered and with a bitter expression took a large gulp of his drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He sighed deeply and slumped in his chair taking a defeated position; he felt more than defeated. 

Heaven forbid that anyone saw him here. He’d made sure to get as far away from home as possible, but you never knew who decided to run into you when you least needed it. 

He opened his eyes and chanced a gaze around.

A middle aged red-haired woman sitting at a table near him waved at him. She smiled hideously, revealing a set of appalling teeth, and cooed to him. "How much for a night?" She asked slyly. Disgusted, Harry turned away from her and was grateful when he heard the sounds of her drunken steps leaving the bar.

He closed his eyes again and brought the bottle back to his lips. He heard the seat in front of him creak. “Not interested,” He said tonelessly, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Excuse my curiosity, but aren’t you too young to be drinking your problems away?” The politeness and sincerity sounded so out of place in this place and made Harry crack open an eye.

Before him sat a young man, around his early twenties, and he looked too… _superior_ for a place like this. Harry straightened a bit up and boldly eyed the man with his eyes; he was ridiculously attractive.

“What do you care?” Harry asked with a huff.

The man smiled.

“As I said; pure curiosity.”

“Well, mate,” Harry grimaced as he leaned over the table and narrowed his eyes at the man. “It’s really none of your business.”

“You’re right,” The man looked apologetic. “You looked quite depressed, that’s all. I just thought you needed someone to talk to,” He said as he raised a hand and called for another bottle.

Harry huffed again.

“And who are you to think that?” He asked sarcastically as he took another gulp of his drink, silently reminding himself not to get too drunk.

“Oh, should I introduce myself?” 

Harry looked down at the man’s outstretched hand and tried to figure out if he was being serious. He slowly looked up at the man’s smiling, expectant face.

“I’m Nathan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hey you, come over and let me embrace you  
>  I know that I'm causing you pain too  
> But remember if you need to cry  
> I'm here to wipe your eyes_
> 
> "Wipe Your Eyes"
> 
> (MAROON 5 LYRICS)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When did we cross the line?  
>  How could we forget?  
> Why do we let the pressure get into our heads?  
> Your broken heart requires all of my attention  
> 'cause something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you_
> 
> "Wipe Your Eyes"  
> MAROON 5 LYRICS

Chapter 19

One of the most terrifying things in school is to be called to the principle office in the middle of a class. When Niall was peacefully conducting an experiment with Liam in the chemistry lab, he hadn’t expected to be called out by the secretary.

“Niall Horan, you’re needed in the principle office,” The small lady said from the door into the class. Niall fought down a blush when the whole class turned worried eyes on him, and he sent Liam and Hannah a worried look.

“It’s probably nothing serious,” Liam muttered to him and Niall forced a smile as he ignored the whispers and followed the secretary to the principle’s office.

Niall could feel his palms become clammy as he trailed after the secretary down the hall, her heels clicking loudly against the floor, and he wondered what he had done to be called in; he never got called in.

“You can walk in,” She said as she waved him towards the door with the looming sign saying “Principle’s office.” Niall took a shaky breath and nodded towards the secretary, before opening the door with slightly trembling hands.

Niall nearly got a heart attack when he walked into the semi-dark room (the curtains were drawn over the window making it hard for the sun to enlighten the room) and his eyes immediately felt on the woman sitting across the desk from his principle; his mother.

He was screwed; no doubt.

“Mr. Fitcher… mom,” He squeaked nervously as he walked further into the office, and glanced at his mother and the man sitting behind the desk whom were both looking at him. 

“Niall, please, take a seat next to your mother,” Mr. Fitcher waved towards the uncomfortable looking chair next to his mother, and Niall swallowed as he slowly sank down in it. He fiddled with his fingers and peeked at the principle under his eyelashes; Mr. Ficther was a big man with ever-present stubbles, cropped hair in a suit that looked like he’d slept in it. Niall glanced at his mother who had a stiff smile on her lips; he was sure he wasn’t going to see the light ever again.

“Niall,” Mr.Fitcher said and Niall’s lifted his eyes to meet his weary ones. “Do you have an idea of why you’ve been called in?”

Niall glanced at his mother.

“No, Mr. Fitcher.”

“Very well, you’ve been called in, because of your absence which has reached an unacceptable level,” Mr. Fitcher was glancing at a paper over his thick-rimmed glasses, before he stared at Niall. “It has also come to my attention that you’re halting behind in most of your classes.”

Niall was stiff and rigid; this was just what he needed in his messed up life. He could feel his mother frown at him, and he didn’t look forward to going home later today.

“If you continue like this, then I am afraid you won’t pass this year,” Mr. Fitcher said his expression dead-serious, and Niall blanched at the thought of not making it to his senior class.

“But what we can we do to avoid that?” His mother said next to him, her knuckles white around her purse. 

“Well,” Mr. Fitcher interlaced his hands over the papers he’d been looking through. “Niall will need to put great effort into his studies in order to avoid failing and if he stop missing classes then his absence level will decrease.”

His mother nodded.

“I would advise he gets a tutor and we have a study center here at the school in the evening; it would benefit him a lot if he stayed after school and took advantage of that,” Mr. Fitcher drawled, and he really didn’t sound like he could care less about Niall’s future.

Niall bit down his lip. One; he didn’t like they talked like he wasn’t sitting right there, two; if he stayed after school than that meant he’d had less time to spend with Zayn and his friends (well, not really like he spent some ‘real’ time with either of them) he glanced at his mother and his heart dropped, because he could see she’d made her decision.

“Then he’ll stay after school,” She said and sent him a stern look when he opened his mouth to protest making him slump in the chair defeated. “And for the tutor, do you have any suggestions for any tutors that could help him?”

Mr. Fitcher looked through the papers again, and Niall wanted to snatch them and burn them.

“From what I see, it’s the Math class he’s lacking in the most,” Mr. Ficther muttered as he tapped his index finger against the paper. “He needs a math tutor, I’ll try to find one that has the time and the patience. “ The _patience_? what is that supposed to mean, Niall thought.

“Math,” His mother looked thoughtful, and Niall had a feeling he wasn’t going to like it. She turned to look at him. “Niall, isn’t Harry really good at Math?”

Niall’s stomach clenched.

“Yeah, but he’s a sophomore, we don’t-“ Niall rushed to say, but was cut off by the principle.

“Harry Styles from 11th grade?” He asked curiously.

“Yes, that’s him,” his mother replied.

“If I remember right then he was a part of the Math Club last year?” Mr. Fitcher inquired and turned his tired eyes on Niall. Niall squirmed in his seat, because this wasn’t heading anywhere pleasant.

“Y-Yea?” He squeaked.

“If he has the time and is willing, then he would be an excellent choice,” Mr. Fitcher was practically beaming, and Niall wasn’t surprised; geniuses like Harry were the students principals and teachers worshipped. “They finished the whole High School curriculum last year, so I am sure he wouldn’t have problems helping you, Niall.”

Niall nodded stiffly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Harry to be his tutor, and he would probably be tons better than any other random person who didn’t have the patience – now, Niall realized what Mr. Fichter had meant – to get Math through Niall’s thick skull. However, it had now been a whole week since Harry confessed and he was still acting normal; that was when they were with their friends. Niall was afraid that if they got alone, then the tension simmering under the surface would finally burst and the facades crack. He wasn’t ready for that.

“Then you’ll ask him, Niall,” His mother smiled at him, and Niall couldn’t help but think she had an ulterior motive. 

He forced a smile.

“Sure, mom.”

They were finally released from the office, and Niall attempted to escape with a quick goodbye, but his mother wouldn’t let him off so easily.

“I don’t know where you have been when you were supposed to be in school, Niall,” She said with a frown and Niall found interest in his white Supras. “But right now, I don’t think I want to know. I hope you take your principle’s warning seriously as well as your studies.”

“Mom… can we not do this here,” Niall muttered.

“Fine,” She sighed. “But we’ll talk _after_ you’ve stayed after school to do your homework.”

Niall groaned.

“Yeah yeah… see you mom.”

His mother ruffled up in his hair, before she walked away.

He didn’t have a good feeling about this.

* * *

Niall got the opportunity to ask Harry when they reached lunch time, and he saw Harry standing at his locker, flipping through a book. Niall pressed his books closer to his chest and inhaled deeply.

He thought it was ridiculous he was nervous as he slowly weaved his way through the students towards Harry. When had he last been nervous talking to Harry – _never_. It was Harry, the same Harry he’d known for years, but he knew that wasn’t true; something had inevitably changed with Harry’s confession. Niall knew Harry felt it as well.

He stopped behind him and gathered his thoughts for a moment. He stared at the back of Harry’s curly head, and his eyes trailed down to the skin on the nape of his neck. Niall smiled and decided to surprise him, but barely got to lift a finger before some other girl popped up in front of Harry.

“Hey, Harry,” She drawled, and Niall stared at her; she quite frankly looked cheap in the two-size too small shirt and mini-skirt. 

“Hey, Emilie,” Harry replied curtly without lifting his gaze from whatever book he’d been so focused on.

Emilie didn’t look pleased with the minimal attention, and Niall guessed she was used to boys throwing themselves at her feet. 

“What are you doing tonight?” She asked, her red painted lips stretching into a smile as she leaned forward giving a better look of her cleavage and flipping her thick brown hair over her shoulder. Her attempts were very futile, because Harry didn’t even spare her a glance.

“Doing homework,” was Harry’s reply, and Niall couldn’t help but snort amused at Emilie’s disgruntled expression; she was clearly not the type to get rejected. 

Niall gulped, because he’d gained the attention of both Emilie and Harry who’d turned to look at him. He shrank a little when Emilie’s eyes flashed angrily at him.

“What do you want?” She sneered, her eyes glaring down at him scornfully. “Why aren’t you doing your job of being Zayn’s slut?” Niall’s face drained of all color, and Emilie smiled maliciously. “Everyone knows how cheap you are.”

Both Niall and Emilie jumped startled when Harry slammed his locker closed.

“Take that back,” Harry sneered as he turned to Emilie, his features contorted in fury. Niall felt a shiver travel down his spine at the darkness in Harry’s eyes.

Emilie looked bewildered and frightened.

“Harry babes, what are you-” She was cut off when the slender hand she’d placed on Harry’s arm was ripped off by said boy.

“What make you and everyone else think you can talk to Niall like that and get away with it?” He growled, his voice thick with building up fury and anger. “ Now take it _back_ and apologize.”

Emilie was pale even under the layers of make-up, and her eyes were wide. Niall’s eyes were also wide, surprised by Harry’s strong reaction.

“Ouch! You’re hurting me!” She whimpered. Harry’s hand was tightly closed around her wrist, and Niall realized he had to intervene. He placed a hand cautiously on Harry’s shoulder.

“Let it go, Harry,” He said softly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters,” Harry hissed, but let go of her nonetheless. “People like you make me sick,” He spat at the mortified girl who hurried to scurry away as soon as she was free.

“Hey, come on; I am used to it,” Niall rubbed Harry’s tense shoulder, and the younger boy relaxed a little under his touch.

“You _shouldn’t_ be used to it,” Harry frowned at him. “You don’t deserve it, and it makes me so _angry_ when I hear shit like that.” Harry aggravated ran a hand through his hair and down his face. “You’re worth more than they could ever understand.”

Niall’s hand stilled at Harry’s word, and Harry turned to look at him. He’s eyes that had been hard and cold a second ago were now so soft and tender that Niall forgot to breathe for a second.

Niall shot his gaze down when he realized he was staring.

“Uh… I wanted to ask you something,” He muttered and glanced at Harry. Harry tilted his head to the side and cocked a brow curiously.

“’Sup?”

“…it’s… uh,” Niall scratched the back of his head, wondering why he sounded like a fool. “I am kind of screwed in my Math class and I was wondering…”

“… If I could help you out?” Harry finished his sentence, and Niall nodded curtly. “Sure, Ni,” He smiled. “I’ll work out a schedule when is your next test?”

“Next week,” Niall grimaced. “It’s on statistics, oh joy.”

Harry clapped him on the shoulder.

“I am confident I can help you get an A,” Harry stated as he tugged Niall along, an arm around his shoulder. Niall snorted. “Sorry Harry, but that’s kind of impossible. I think I would be happy with a C plus.”

“If you don’t get an A, then I’ll buy you lunch for a month, how about that?”

Niall looked surprised at Harry, before laughing.

“Then I hope you get yourself a job, because your allowance won’t do,” He nudged Harry in the side, and the boy grinned.

“Just trust me.”

* * *

Once it reached the end of the school day, Niall thought he could call it a good day; save the fact he’d been called into the principle’s office, and that he had to stay back at school. However, everything was fine, because _finally_ things seemed to get back to normal with him and Harry; he couldn’t have felt more relieved.

He was on his way to the library where the study center was held when he ran into said boy.

“Hey, Ni! Want to walk home with me?” Harry beamed at him.

“I can’t,” Niall sighed dramatically. “I have to go to the study center if I don’t want to repeat my junior year.”

“Oh, sucks,” Harry said and looked a bit disappointed. “But I see you later tonight then.”

“Yup, tonight.” They had agreed for Harry to start his tutoring as soon as possible if Niall wanted to ace that math test next week.

Niall parted with Harry and went to the library. The study center was at a corner in the library, and Niall looked around at the tables with students doing their homework while sipping to cups of steaming coffees while teachers loomed over them, trying to be to as much help as possible.

Niall found an empty table and decided to begin on that English hand-in he had to finish to Monday. He had just begun and was busy reading through the criteria when someone dumped down in the chair next to him. Cologne and smoke wafted under his nose, and his gaze snapped up.

“Zayn.” He looked into the boy’s amber eyes and found himself once again in awe of his thick, long inky eyelashes, and the boy’s lips curved up in a smirk. “What are you doing here?”

“Saw you come down here, wondered what you were up to,” Zayn muttered nonchalantly as his fingers came up to play with Niall’s hair. He leaned closer, but Niall moved away. 

“What is it?” He asked with a displeased frown, and Niall glanced around nervously. “There are _teachers_ here, Zayn, and I came here to study,” Niall whispered. “I got into trouble for skipping class.”

“Really?” Zayn lifted a surprised brow.

“Yea,” Niall’s eyes squinted suspiciously. “Didn’t you? I am sure you’ve been skipping a lot more than me.”

“Nope,” Zayn popped the ‘p’ and shrugged carelessly. Niall stared at him. He had a suspicion that Zayn had worked out some kind of deal with the teachers; they turned a blind eyes towards what he did, and he didn’t disrupt their classes. Niall had gathered that from the only class he had with Zayn where the boy would sit and doze in the middle of the class and their usually strict teacher would pointedly pretend like he didn’t see him.

“Niall,” Zayn was suddenly breathing into his ear, and Niall shivered. “Why don’t you come with me to my car, and we won’t worry about any teacher seeing us.”

Niall blushed madly and pushed Zayn away.

“Zayn,” He said evenly and turned to his homework. “Go away.”

“That’s mean,” Zayn mocked a hurt voice, and Niall rolled his eyes. “Alright, if you don’t want to go that far then we can always go around that bookshelf,” Zayn whispered seductively in his ear, and Niall could feel his body heat up.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Niall hissed in a warning, because if Zayn kept this up then he might just give in – as much as he didn’t like to admit that, a man got to have his dignity. “I have to do this or I’ll be in serious trouble for the exams. Look, why don’t you study with me? Then we can leave together.”

“I don’t want to,” Zayn huffed as he leaned away and sounded childish. “This is boring.”

“I have to do this,” Niall turned his attention back on the homework.

“Fine,” Zayn gave in. “I can wait.” He plugged his earphones in and rested his arms on the desk, burying his face in them.

Niall rolled his eyes, reminding himself to find out what Zayn’s grades were. If his father was as strict as Chad made him out to be, then he was probably the kind of parent that grilled their kids for not getting perfect grades. How Zayn would ever get perfect grades was beyond Niall.

Niall shook his head and got back to his homework. He was halfway through when Zayn decided to stare at him from under his long eyelashes, and Niall admit it was _very_ distracting. He could feel Zayn’s eyes burn into him, and he began to feel fidgety. Finally he gave in and turned to look at him.

He wished he hadn’t though.

Zayn was giving him this sexy look where his eyes were half-mast, and his gaze intense. “Niall…” He more or less purred as he lazily lifted a hand and rested it heavily against Niall’s neck. “…please, let’s leave?” Niall blushed madly and his pulse raced wildly; he kind of hated the affect Zayn had on him. His hand felt scorching against his skin.

Zayn sighed impatiently and straightened up in his chair, and Niall’s eyes automatically flickered down to his lips. “Niall-“ 

“Fine,” Niall resigned as he leaned in and pecked Zayn quickly on the lips, before packing his things up. He told himself he’d done a decent amount of work; at least for his standards. His heart jumped in his chest when Zayn took his hand and interlaced their fingers, before tugging him off.

This was the first time they held hand in public, or scratch that, it was the first time _ever_. Niall had to control himself before he began skipping and embarrassed himself and Zayn. His smile was so blinding that he didn’t even notice the jealous or disgusted looks thrown their way.

…

“Ah..you don’t have to drive me home,” Niall frowned at the phone in his hands after reading the text from his mother. 

Zayn glanced at him questioningly.

“My mom told me to grab something to eat somewhere,” Niall sighed as he shoved the phone back in his pocket. “She has a late night shift at the hospital.”

Zayn hummed.

“I am starving,” Niall rubbed his stomach. “Mind driving me to Nandos?”

“Sure,” Zayn gave him a mischievous smile as he took a left turn towards the shops and restaurants. “What do I get in return?” The way he asked it sounded incredibly dirty, and Niall smacked his arm.

“Why do you have to be so horny all the time?” He rolled his eyes and tilted his face towards the window, watching the trees and houses fly by.

“You aren’t making it easy,” Zayn smirked. “It’s entirely your fault.”

Niall gasped.

“I’m not!” He objected. “I am being all innocent and minding my own business when you jump me out of nowhere.” 

“Exactly.”

A couple of minutes later they reached Nandos, and Niall realized he didn’t want to eat alone; well, it hadn’t stopped him in the past, but here was Zayn and it was a perfect opportunity to spend time with him. Niall had braced himself for Zayn putting up a struggle, but surprisingly enough, he agreed rather quickly.

Niall was the one to take Zayn’s semi-cold hand this time. Zayn tensed, but only for a split-second before he relaxed, making Niall question if it had actually happened. They went to the counter t order, and the predatory gleam in the cashier’s eyes made Niall a little nervous. Niall quickly listed his order off which was in big contrast to Zayn’s order.

“How come you’re so skinny when you eat that lot,” Zayn mused as they slid into their seats. “It’s my secret,” Niall grinned, and Zayn smirked. He leaned over the table separating them so their faces was close, and Niall found himself short of breath just by looking into Zayn’s radiant eyes. “You know…” He said in a sexy, hushed voice. “…I guess it’s all the sex.”

Well, he certainly knew how to make Niall’s face burn with embarrassment. “ _Zayn_ ,” He hissed horrified and glanced quickly around; he didn’t need people to hear that. Zayn’s lips pulled up in a smirk, and Niall couldn’t help but kiss them. He was a little more than shocked when Zayn quickly pulled away like he’d been burnt.

Shocked and flabbergasted beyond belief, Niall sunk back down in his chair, staring wide-eyed at Zayn. Zayn looked guilty as he swallowed and as he glanced quickly around, an indescribable amount of hurt spread through Niall, wrapping itself around his beating heart and clenching painfully.

“Niall-”

“Save it,” Niall snapped quietly and lowered his gaze to his hands in his lap; they were clenching and unclenching. He just discovered one painful piece of information he could’ve done without; Zayn didn’t want to be seen with him. The thought made his chest and his eyes sting.

He heard Zayn’s chair scrape against the floor, and his whole body went ice-cold as he for a second thought Zayn was leaving. But then Zayn was sliding down the seat next to him, and for the first time, Niall found his presence suffocating.

“Hey, Niall,” Zayn grabbed his chin and forced him to face him. Niall snarled and slapped away his hand. “You probably shouldn’t touch me,” Niall said quietly, his teary eyes flashing. “Somebody might see us.”

Zayn frowned.

“I don’t care about anybody,” He said. “You know that.”

“Oh, really,” Niall scoffed. He sniffed furiously to get control of the tears threatening to fall. “Sure you wouldn’t mind your dad walking in here, right?”

Zayn was clearly taken aback as he leaned a bit away. A shadow fell over his face for a second, and Niall felt a sliver of fear.

“I do what I want to do, not what my father wants,” Zayn hissed through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowed. “I thought you would have realized that by now.”

Niall looked confused for a second, but before he could think a thought, Zayn pressed his lips against his. Niall eyes were wide when Zayn pulled away. His breath was hitting his face in hot puffs, and Niall tried to concentrate on his next words.

“There was once I did everything expected of me,” Zayn grimaced distastefully. “But then I grew up to realize this was _my_ life and not my fathers.”

….

Hot tongues battled for a moment longer, before blue eyes caught sight of the time. “Mmm…Zayn,” He grabbed Zayn’s shoulder and pushed him up so he could pull himself up in a sitting position. Zayn made a displeased sound at the kissing being cut short, and Niall rolled his eyes. 

“I have to go,” He said as he zipped up his pants and straightened his hair, trying to look a bit presentable. “Zayn for god’s sake,” He sighed as the raven began kissing down the length of his neck. He once against pushed Zayn away, harder this time.

“Why are you in a hurry,” Zayn said and frowned disgruntled.

“Because I’m late and Harry is properly already waiting impatiently for me in my room,” Niall said absentmindedly as he huffed frustrated, realizing he’d buttoned up his shirt wrongly. 

“ _What_?” Zayn growled and first when Niall looked up to meet his burning glare, did he realize what he said and how wrong it had sounded.

“He’s my _tutor_! He’s helping me with math,” Niall explained quickly when Zayn’s glare grew a tad intimidating.

Zayn’s nose wrinkled, and his eyes narrowed.

“Oh, really?”

Niall pressed himself against the door, because Zayn was suddenly hovering over him. “ _Yes_ ,” He insisted. “He’s my _friend_ , remember?”

“Your friend,” Zayn repeated dryly with an unconvinced expression. Niall could practically _feel_ the “friends don’t fuck each other” on the tip of Zayn’s tongue, but to his immense relief, Zayn didn’t say anything. It didn’t stop him from staring him down, however, and Niall grew a little nervous because Zayn’s hair was sexily messed up and a bit darkness still lingered in his eyes.

“Aww, are you jealous?” He cooed teasingly and daringly pinched Zayn’s cheek. His hand was slapped away with a snarl.

“Whatever,” Zayn grumbled as he gave Niall a little more space.

“Are you sure?” Niall pestered, because opportunities to tease Zayn didn’t come up often, and he might as well take full advantage of the situation when it presented itself to him. 

“Niall, drop it.”

“Why,” Niall kissed Zayn’s cheek softly, knowing he properly was digging his own grave. “I think you’re cute when you’re jealous.”

Zayn’s made an almost horrified expression.

“Niall,” He said. “Don’t call me _cute_.”

Both Niall’s brow shot high in the air, before an evil smile crept onto his lips. Zayn groaned, realizing his mistake.

“Cute,” Niall taunted. “You’re cute, Zayn. Super cute. I should call you _cute-pie_ from now on and-”

“Do you fancy your own death, Horan?” Zayn glowered dangerously at him, and Niall realized he was pushing his luck.

He laughed nervously.

“Whatever,” He pecked Zayn quickly on the lips and crawled out of the backseat of the car, followed by Zayn.

“How do I look?” Niall asked the question and once again realized how that sounded; he really had a way with words, huh. Zayn’s eyes narrowed, and Niall was quick to explain. After all, the least he needed was for his mother or Harry to know he’d just had sex.

“Don’t worry,” Zayn breathed into his ear. “You rock the “just fucked” look brilliantly; I hope your friend remembers you’re off-limits…for his own good.”

Niall blushed several impressing shades of red, and pushed Zayn away. He sent a smirking Zayn a halfhearted glare, before making his way to his home.

 

His mother was already home and reading some other magazine in the living room. “Hey mom!” He shouted as he raced past her in hopes she didn’t look closer at him. “Hey sweety! Harry is here!” She informed him as he walked up the stairs.

He decided it was safest to take a quick shower, before walking into his room where Harry was; he properly smelled far-away of sex. He rushed the shower, not wanting to make Harry wait more than necessary, but realized he didn’t have any clean clothes. He shrugged carelessly as he wrapped a towel around his waist and wandered to his room; half-naked and dripping wet.

He found Harry in his room sitting at his desk and scribbling something down on a notebook. He looked up as Niall walked in, and the smile tugging on his lips fell when he saw Niall’s state of undress. Niall, oblivious as always, didn’t notice how Harry’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

“Hey Harry!” He grinned as he walked over and gave the frozen younger boy a quick hug; completely forgetting the fact that he was nude, minus the small towel. “Sorry I am late. Let me get dressed then you can transfer some of your great wisdom to me by means of osmosis,” He joked lightly as he walked up to his closet.

Niall didn’t once notice or feel Harry’s lingering gaze, not until he found his clothes and almost dropped the towel, before remembering his audience. He turned his gaze on Harry and hadn’t expected the boy to be staring at him with a look that made Niall’s heart skip a beat.

He opened his mouth to say something, but it went weirdly dry when Harry’s dark green eyes lifted from where he had been staring at his tattoo to meet his eyes. For a second, Niall panicked as he realized that his tattoo was on full display, but then he remembered Harry had seen it before; he swallowed, he could have done without that memory.

Then Harry got this cheeky glint he always got when he was about to say something dirty and Niall prayed to the higher powers he wouldn’t. His prayers weren’t heard.

“What’re you waiting for, Niall?” He said with a smirk, but then he realized their situation and his face fell for a second. His eyes were big “…Sorry,” He whispered while Niall tried to fight down a blush.

And there was what Niall had feared all day; awkwardness, it hung heavy in the air as Harry quickly turned away to bury his nose in a book.

Niall swallowed heavily as he for a second contemplated to dress somewhere else, which he found ridiculous; how many times had he dressed in front of Harry and Harry likewise? Niall really wished things would just turn back in time. Deciding it would only be more awkward if he walked out; he quickly pulled on his clothes where he was.

He stared at Harry’s back once he was fully clothed, and as he watched him scribble something down a little too intensely, he felt _nervous_. He shook it off – or more like tried to in vain – and slowly walked up to Harry. He slid down in the chair next to him, and Harry didn’t lift his gaze.

“So…” He said lamely to somehow diffuse the awkward atmosphere. “Where do we start?”

“I’ve worked out a schedule,” Harry begun, before proceeding to explain what he expected them to review before the exam in a strictly business manner so unlike him. Niall had trouble concentrating on anything he said even when he proceeded to explain the first chapter on their list to him. Harry was warm and smelled fresh, and Niall hated how tense he was every time their fingers brushed. 

“Harry,” He interrupted in the middle of Harry trying to explain something about cumulative frequency or another – he wasn’t really listening – and stared at Harry until the boy was forced to meet his gaze. “…you…don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” He said quietly and bit slightly down his lip; he couldn’t deny it would hurt if that was the case here.

Harry looked into his eyes surprised, before shaking his head making his curls fly around. 

“I want to,” He smiled, dimples denting his cheeks. “I’m more than happy to help you out.”

Niall studied him. Harry’s green eyes were filled with genuine honesty, and his smile made Niall’s lips tug upwards. “Thanks, Harry,” He said sincerely and couldn’t help but poke Harry’s dimples; he’d been wanting to do it the whole night. Harry playfully swatted his hand away and ruffled up in his damp hair. “Don’t think about it.”

Niall was relieved when the awkwardness and tension was breached and he could concentrate on Harry’s slow, husky voice. It went astonishing well, and Harry made everything look so simple that Niall felt stupid for not getting it the first time. They spent an hour with Harry explaining and giving Niall exercises to solve, before they decided to take a short break.

“I am so proud of you!” Harry exclaimed when he corrected Niall’s exercises and most of them were right. “You did a brilliant job.”

Niall felt himself blush and couldn’t help but bask in Harry’s compliment. 

“You’re brilliant, Harry,” He said and nudged the younger boy. “I can always count on you; you’re the best.”

Harry beamed at him, and his eyes twinkled, his cheeks denting with an ear-splitting smile, and he actually looked so fucking adorable, Niall couldn’t help but hug him. Harry enthusiastically returned the hug, rubbing his nose into the crook of Niall’s neck affectionately.

“I need to pee,” He said as he pulled away. “We’ll continue when I get back.”

Niall nodded and watched Harry walk out. He looked over the sheet with his exercises and couldn’t help but grin; it had been a long time he’d gotten so many questions right in math. Harry really was his hero; he’d saved him from failing epically.

Niall’s attention was claimed when Harry’s phone began buzzing and vibrating from where it was resting on the desk. Not wanting to listen to the annoying song Harry had as a ringtone, Niall reached for the phone. He looked at the display and almost choked on his own breath.

The name flashing on the screen sent Niall’s stomach turning. 

“…Nathan…” He whispered shocked as he stared at the name in hope he was reading it wrong; a wishful thought. He shook his head fervently, realizing he was jumping to conclusions. There was no way it was Nathan, Zayn’s older brother, right? The world was big and the name Nathan was quite popular. It would be absurd to be Zayn’s older brother, because why would he call _Harry_? Niall almost had himself convinced, but there was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The phone didn’t stop ringing, and Niall could feel his hear t beat loudly in his ear. He took a shuddering inhale of air, before taking it.

He brought it to his ear, his hand shaking slightly and a silent prayer repeating in his mind like a mantra.

“Hello?”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Harry…please…” He whispered and felt embarrassed when he grew a little more emotional than what was necessary. He just couldn’t take it anymore; all this between him and Harry was wearing him thin and just when he thought things were okay. He closed his eyes and took a deep inhale; Harry’s scent invading his nostrils, and he could feel the tears pressing against his closed eyelids. “I…I just want things to be normal between us.” Niall thought he could feel Harry’s rampant heartbeat, but then he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t just his own loud heartbeat._
> 
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
>  _“I don’t.”_

Chapter 20

“Hello?” 

There was a slight waver in Niall’s voice, and his heart was beating loudly in his chest. There was a small pause on the other end, and this only attributed to Niall’s suspicion. He found himself wishing that no one replied, but the luck wasn’t on his side.

“Harry?” A smooth, deep, _familiar_ voice said on the other end, and Niall closed his eyes, his stomach churning. He tried to tell himself that his brain was playing a trick on him, and that many people had similar voices over the phone. However, the more he kept telling himself, the more did he realize he knew that it indeed was…

“Nathan,” Niall breathed out heavily and his hand tightened around the phone when there was a little too long pause on the other end; there was something terribly wrong with this picture – Harry and Nathan knowing each other – and all kind of scenarios flew through Niall’s mind; he swallowed. “Why are you calling, Harry?” Niall was surprised by the snap in his voice, and he could feel a wave of protectiveness wash over him; all that was going through his mind at the moment were Chad’s words. 

“…is it Niall?” Nathan finally spoke, and his voice was filled with genuine surprise. Niall wetted his lips, and once again swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“…Yes,” Niall replied after a brief pause.

“Oh! I thought you sounded familiar!” The familiar warmth and friendliness in Nathan’s voice confused Niall. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while.” Niall was really confused now and wasn’t sure how to act.

“Uh, I am fine,” He replied, his guards still up. “How do you know Harry?” He tried to ask as casually as he could, but the suspicion sneaked into his voice. 

“We met a week back,” Nathan replied, and Niall could hear the smile in his friendly tone with his next words. “He’s a nice kid.” 

“He’s underage,” Niall blurted out before he could stop himself, and his eyes widened as he slammed a hand against his mouth. What was he doing? He just right-out implied that Nathan and Harry had something together, but why _else_ would Nathan call Harry?

“I know,” Nathan sounded a little confused on the other end. “But… what does that has to do with anything?” 

The way Nathan asked that last question made Niall feel _guilty_ for reason he wasn’t so sure of; maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was judging Nathan based on Chad’s words only, but then again, Chad knew Nathan better than him. The boy had been Zayn’s friends for God knows how long, so he probably knew better, but what if Chad actually just wanted to scare Niall away? Niall’s confusing train of thoughts was cut short by Nathan’s voice.

“I assume he isn’t there to take the phone,” Nathan said. “It would be much appreciated if you could tell him I called. See you, Niall.”

 

“See you,” Niall said automatically, and before he could ask anything, the line went dead. That left Niall sitting there and staring at Harry’s phone with wide eyes while the same question repeated in his mind; What _exactly_ was going on here? Harry certainly had a _lot_ of explaining to do. 

As if on cue, the door opened as Harry entered the room. Niall’s eyes snapped up and the blonde stared at him. Harry had been wearing a smile when he entered the room; however, the smile fell a little when their eyes met. The younger boy’s gaze quickly flickered between the phone in Niall’s hand and Niall’s eyes, and Niall could just see how he was putting two and two together. 

“Niall?” He smiled a bit nervously, but Niall was already on his feet and he more or less shoved the phone into Harry’s face. 

“Can you explain to me why Nathan, Zayn’s _brother_ is calling you, Harry?” Niall asked and tried to control the panic building up inside of him. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew him? That you ‘met’ him – I am not even sure I want to know what that means – a _week_ ago?!” Niall’s control slipped, and he was already freaking out. “Harry, I thought-”

“ _Niall_ ,” A pair of warm hands on his cheeks cut his rant off, and he stared mutely into Harry’s eyes. “Calm _down_ ,” The younger boy said slowly and insistently, and Niall did just that. He took a deep inhale, and then realized their position; if anyone was to walk in on them now, they would get misleading ideas. Niall gently removed Harry’s hands by his wrist and took a discrete step backward. Harry watched him warily as he crossed his arms, his hand still tightly closed around the younger boy’s phone.

“I’ve calmed down,” Niall said, his tone a bit clipped as he stared at Harry. “Now, explain.”

Harry looked at him for one long moment, his gaze blank making Niall frustrated that he couldn’t read him. Then he let out a deep sigh that made his chest heave and flipped his curls out of his face, before facing Niall with a frown.

“It isn’t what it looks like,” Harry began.

“And what does it look like?” Niall interrupted him, his chest tight with anxiousness. He silently told himself that Harry wasn’t that stupid.

“Niall,” Harry said slowly. “You’re asking me why I didn’t tell you, but isn’t it obvious, already?”

Niall eyes widened a fraction, and he swallowed.

Harry studied him for a second.

“I haven’t told you, because we don’t _talk_ , anymore,” Harry said, his voice quiet and a sad look crossed his features, before he looked away for a moment. Niall’s chest grew tighter, this time with guilt and his crossed arms dropped uselessly to his side. Harry was right; Niall didn’t have any right to know what was going on in the younger boy’s life when he more or less hadn’t been part of it for the last week.

Niall realized he missed Harry; he missed him _terribly._ This sudden lack of communication between them hadn’t started after Harry confessed, but the rift between them had steadily been growing ever since Niall first hooked up with Zayn; keeping a secret from Harry for the first time. And for the first time, Niall could feel that rift between them and he was beginning to get scared that he could never get on the other side of it; like things would never be the same between him and Harry. That thought pained him deeply, and he could only begin to imagine how Harry felt.

“I am sorry,” He said weakly in lack of what else to say, and Harry gaze flickered back to his. They stared mutely at another for a moment, and Niall could feel the awkwardness creep into the atmosphere.

“It’s…fine,” Harry muttered as he looked away and scratched the crone of his head. Niall could clearly hear that he was lying, it was _not_ okay; how could it ever be?

“No,” Niall said quietly and stepped closer to Harry. Harry met his gaze, an almost unnoticeable frown between his eyebrows. Niall gazed back into his eyes with solemn blue ones. “It’s not alright that we don’t talk together anymore, Harry,” He said and pinned Harry’s eyes to his own, not allowing him to look away. “And I now realize that it’s been my fault all along-“ 

“Niall-“

“I should never have kept Zayn’s and my relationship a secret,” Niall continued and watched as Harry’s jaw clenched just the slightest. “I should have been honest with you, like I used to be. It would have saved us both so much trouble. That’s why I can’t expect you to tell me anything about what’s going on between you and Nathan.” Niall took a deep intake of air, before focusing on Harry’s expression again; Harry was just looking at him quietly, his features thoughtful. “If you don’t want to tell me,” Niall spoke softly. “Then I understand.” Niall couldn’t however deny that if Harry actually decided not to tell him, then he wouldn’t be able to close an eye before he found some answers to satisfy the growing swirl of dread in the pit of his stomach.

Harry’s lips twitched up in a small smile.

“It’s nothing serious, really,” He said and gestured for his phone in Niall’s hand. Niall gave it to him rather reluctantly. Harry threw a quick glance at it, before shoving in his pocket and looking back at Niall. The blonde couldn’t help but stare at the outline of the phone in Harry’s pants restlessly, almost wanting to confiscate it. He knew he was being silly; he couldn’t stop Harry from doing whatever he wanted to do. Even if it was talking to Nathan for god knows what reasons.

“We just talk,” Harry said curtly and carelessly shrugged his shoulders, and Niall was frustrated; frustrated, because he knew Harry wasn’t telling him more. Another one million questions were flying through Niall’s mind, because what the fuck did was “we just talk” supposed to mean? Why would Harry talk with Nathan? Why would _Nathan_ talk to Harry? Wasn’t he busy working in his family’s super successful company? No matter how Niall turned it, it still looked wrong.

“You shouldn’t be talking to him,” He said, before he could stop himself. Harry looked at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion

“Why?” He asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. Niall wetted his dry lips as he contemplated what to say, because in all honesty, he didn’t have a legible reason. All he had were Chad’s words, and he knew that wouldn’t be enough; even when he, himself, was unsure of Nathan’s true identity. He squirmed a little under Harry’s burning gaze.

“… Because,” He began lamely, already sounding inconvincible. “… I don’t think he’s a good person.” Niall wanted to face palm at his own at his weak and stupid reasoning. He had expected Harry to smile and shake his head so the curls would fly around his head, but he would have expected his next words.

“That never stopped you, did it?” He said quietly, but Niall heard. He stared at Harry shocked, not quite sure how to interpret his words, even though he had a pretty good idea; Harry was literally saying to him that he shouldn’t be talking about getting involved with bad or good persons. It hurt.

Harry’s seemed to regret his words as the guilt flooded his eyes, and he opened his mouth, probably to apologize.

“I just want you to be careful, okay?” Niall said, before he could talk, a tint of snap in his voice.

Harry didn’t say anything for a moment, just studied Niall with worried eyes like he would break into tear any moment. Niall tried very hard not to glare back.

“Are you worried about me?”

If Niall didn’t know better, he would have thought that Harry consciously was trying to hurt him. Niall didn’t know that things had come to the point where Harry doubted him; doubted that he would care about him, worry that he made the wrong decisions.

“Why would u ask me that?” Niall frowned. “Of course I worry about you. Harry, I care about you… a lot. You know that, right?” the last bit came out with a slight waver in Niall’s voice.

“Sure, Ni,” Harry said, his eyes downcast, and Niall couldn’t get himself to believe him. “I know,” He added as an afterthought, his face still tilted downwards, and things were beginning to get weird; what was happening here?

Niall was so hurt and frustrated by Harry’s words and behavior that he didn’t know what he was doing, before he’d found himself stepping into Harry’s personal space. Harry’s gaze shot up, his green eyes wide when they met Niall’s blue only inches away.

“Do you trust me, Harry?” He whispered softly, and he was close enough for Harry to feel the warmth of his breath on his face. Harry’s eyes were still wide and he stared into Niall’s for a second longer than necessary, before nodding

“Of course,” He replied.

Niall gazed searchingly into Harry’s eyes, trying to find any tint of dishonesty. 

“Then,” Niall continued when all he found was honesty and then a glimpse of something he couldn’t read. “Do you trust me when I tell you to stop seeing him?”

Niall gauged Harry’s reaction and his heart dropped when something shifted in Harry’s features, and he took a step back; putting distance between them in more ways than one.

“I don’t mean to offend you, Niall,” He began, and Niall didn’t even want to hear what he had to say. “But I could be asking you the same thing.”

Niall was stunned into silence.

“Niall…” Harry sighed softly, before looking almost sympathetically at him. “You don’t realize that you’re in no position to tell me what to do. I know what I am doing, so don’t worry about me,” He said, before throwing a quick glance at his wristwatch. “I think it’s getting late,” He smiled at the blonde who was still staring at him mutely.

Niall did nothing as Harry brushed past him to pack his stuff; didn’t even turn around to watch him. Harry appeared in front of him again after a few seconds and handed him a slip of paper. Niall stared at it for a moment, before taking it.

“It’s the schedule,” He said, a dimple denting his cheek as he smiled; “See you tomorrow.”

He turned around to walk away, and Niall snapped out of it. He couldn’t let Harry leave like this; he just couldn’t. He grabbed the boy by the wrist and spun him around; ignoring his surprised exclamation, he hugged him tightly around the neck. In any other situation, Niall would have found the strangled sound that escaped Harry amusing. He didn’t let go even when Harry was stiff and rigid in his arms.

“Harry…please…” He whispered and felt embarrassed when he grew a little more emotional than what was necessary. He just couldn’t take it anymore; all this between him and Harry was wearing him thin and just when he thought things were okay. He closed his eyes and took a deep inhale; Harry’s scent invading his nostrils, and he could feel the tears pressing against his closed eyelids. “I…I just want things to be normal between us.” Niall thought he could feel Harry’s rampant heartbeat, but then he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t just his own loud heartbeat.

He wished Harry would have hugged him back; given him those warm hugs that only he could give, hugs that Niall first now realized he’d missed. He wished Harry would assure him that everything would be fine; that he would laugh, let Niall pull his curls and stay for dinner.

He didn’t.

He simply untangled Niall’s almost desperate hold on him and without even sparing Niall a glance, he headed for the door. He stopped up at the door, his hand closed around the handle, and Niall waited with baited breath.

“I don’t.” 

With those words he left Niall with an aching chest and guilty conscience.

* * *

“Really, Niall! Are you even trying!? I could win against you high and drunk!” Chad declared when he won over Niall in the videogame they were playing for the nth time without any effort. “I don’t even want to play with you anymore,” Chad said as he snapped the console out of the blonde’s hand. “I am going to play alone.”

Niall sighed deeply as he settled back in the couch and sent a fleeting glance towards Cassandra’s small kitchen where he could hear said girl and Zayn sharing frantic whispers; it sounded serious, and he was curious. However, he knew better than invade their privacy; they obviously didn’t want him to hear whatever was about. He would just have to count on Zayn telling him about it later; as if.

“Look! This is how to play!” Chad hollered triumphantly as he unlocked a new level, and Niall sent the screen an uninterested glance. He couldn’t get himself to concentrate on anything with the knowledge of Harry and Nathan, and now whatever Zayn and Cassandra were upset about.

“That isn’t what I mean-“His keen ears picked up Zayn’s voice say, but the boy was cut off by Cassandra. Niall tried to hear what she was saying, but all he could make out was unintelligible words. The blonde glanced at Chad, but the shaggy brunette was absorbed in his game and didn’t seem bothered by whatever his friends were so secretly about. Niall let out another sigh and began playing with Cotton to ease some of his restlessness.

A few minutes later Zayn emerged from the kitchen, and as Niall looked up meeting his gaze, the raven motioned for him that they were leaving; finally. Niall had waited for this moment the past two hours and he quickly got to his feet.

“Hey! Are you leaving so soon!?” Chad exclaimed as he paused the game and looked up at them. “Yeah,” Zayn replied curtly, his hand coming up and touching Niall’s arm lightly as the blonde walked up to him. “See you around.”

“Yeah, sure!” Chad waved absentmindedly to them as he resumed his game.

“Let’s go,” Zayn said to Niall in a hushed tone, and as Niall followed him down the hall, he couldn’t avoid noticing Cassandra standing in the doorway of the kitchen, scowling grimly at Zayn. 

“Uh, see you, Cass,” Niall waved nervously towards the furious looking redhead. 

“See you, Niall,” She replied without removing her piercing purple eyes from burning into the back of Zayn’s head. Said boy pointedly ignored her as he pulled on his shoes and walked out of the door with Niall trailing after him.

“What was that all about?” Niall asked as soon as they climbed into the car. His blue eyes flickered over Zayn’s features and worried to see the slightly unsettled look in his amber eyes. Zayn blinked and the look was gone when he turned to look at Niall.

“Nothing,” He said as he leaned closer and kissed Niall softly on the lips. “That’s just Cass on her period,” He said with a lopsided smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Niall wondered when, if ever, Zayn would trust him enough to tell him his problems. He just nodded even though he didn’t believe him the slightlest.

There was something else on his mind, which seemed much more important at the moment.

“Zayn,” Niall said as he pulled away from the kiss and gazed seriously into the boy’s eyes. Zayn frowned a little as he looked back. “I have to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth.”

Zayn leaned a little away and gazed at him curiously, before nodding slowly. Niall’s gaze flickered over his pretty face, wondering if he actually would tell him the truth and the frustrating part was that Niall might not be able to tell.

“Who is Nathan really?”

Zayn was clearly taken aback by the question as his eyes widened for a fraction, a look of surprise sweeping over his features; but it was only for a second, before he’d composed himself. He scrutinized Niall with his gaze for a moment, like he was trying to figure out where this was heading.

“What do you mean?” He asked finally. Niall shifted in his seat so he could face Zayn properly and attempt to read every almost non-existent flicker of his eyes.

“Is Nathan really as nice and friendly as he appears to be?” Niall asked casually. He wasn’t sure if Zayn knew about his and Chad’s talk, but if he didn’t then Niall didn’t want to be the one to inform him. he didn’t know about Zayn, but he wouldn’t have fancied his friends talking about him and his family to Zayn.

Zayn frowned as he stared at Niall.

“Why are you asking me this, Niall?” He inquired, his eyes narrowing for a second. Niall attempted a smile, but failed. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair.

“I need to know.”

“Why,” Zayn shot back, and Niall realized they were a long way from Zayn opening up about his family. But if Nathan was as bad as Chad portrayed him to be, then why would Zayn even bother to ‘protect’ him? Niall decided to just say it.

“Apparently, your brother and Harry are… talking,” Niall said the last bit unsurely as he didn’t know how to explain it a ‘relationship’ he wasn’t sure of.

This got a stronger reaction from Zayn.

“ _What_ ,” He hissed as his eyes narrowed. Niall looked at him; he looked incredulous.

“Yeah,” Niall said. “Hard to believe, huh?”

“What the fuck do you mean by ‘talking’?” Zayn questioned, his voice just the tiniest bit suspicious; this only fed the ever growing dread of swirl Niall felt since last night. “Have you met him?” Zayn suddenly asked, his eyes intense, and Niall quickly shook his head.

“I took Harry’s phone,” Niall explained. “Nathan was on the other end.”

Zayn’s look urged him on, so he continued.

“He was just casual,” Niall told him. “He wanted to speak to Harry and he told me they met a week back. Before I even got a chance to ask him anything he told me to tell Harry he called. All I got from Harry was “it’s not serious” and “we just talked.”” Niall felt a little lighter after telling that, because he’d been burning with it; hadn’t been able to sleep because of it. He’d wanted to tell Liam and Louis, but he wanted to know more himself more. If there was reason for alarm, then he’d inform the rest of his friends, because apparently Harry didn’t take him seriously; he ignored the sting in his heart.

Zayn straightened up in his seat and stared straight-forward, his gaze a bit distant. Niall watched him for a few moments, before speaking up.

“What do you think, Zayn?” He asked. “He’s your brother. What does he want from, Harry?”

Zayn didn’t reply or meet Niall’s eyes for another few moments. When he did, he looked downright bored, which didn’t set well with Niall at all.

“Honestly,” Zayn began. “I couldn’t care less about what my brother is doing, especially not with that curly-haired kid.”

Niall looked at him flabbergasted and shocked. Zayn just returned his gaze evenly, and then he even had the nerve to lean in to kiss him. Niall grabbed Zayn’s shoulder tightly and held him away. Zayn let out a displeased growl.

“What did you just say?” He asked in disbelief, and Zayn frowned.

“I don’t care about either of them,” He repeated without missing a bit and his hand sneaked up Niall’s thigh; the blonde would’ve none of it though and grabbed the hand in his in a crushing grip. Zayn hissed lightly in pain.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Niall hissed, his eyes narrowed. “Is your brother what he appeared to be or is he really “an arrogant asshole”?” Niall asked, quoting Chad’s words. He even felt a bit guilty saying that, but he needed to know like he needed to breathe. Zayn tried to pull back his hand, but Niall refused to release it even though he knew Zayn was properly loosing feeling in it.

Zayn met his narrowed eyes with an annoyed expression.

“No,” He hissed through gritted teeth. “He’s not ‘an arrogant asshole’,” He said and Niall wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not, but Zayn’s next words quickly settled that. “He’s _the_ biggest arrogant, cunning and manipulative piece of crap to walk on this earth, and _yes_ , that day he was putting up an act to spite me. Now, would you let fucking go of my hand?”

Niall didn’t let go, because Zayn’s words made him freeze to the core of his bone and Zayn had to forcefully rip his hands out of Niall’s death grip. Niall watched shocked as Zayn massaged his sore hand while muttering profanities under his breath, seemingly not perturbed by what had just come out of his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Niall whispered, finally snapping out of it, and Zayn just sent him an annoyed look. “But…but _why_?” Niall asked, feeling at an utter loss.

“How slow are you? Didn’t I just tell you?” Zayn snapped, and Niall sent him a hurt look. Zayn merely rolled his eyes as he exhaled deeply, before turning his eyes back on Niall.

“Look,” he said. “I don’t want to talk about my brother, okay?”

Niall didn’t reply, just stared blankly at Zayn. He didn’t shake off Zayn’s hand when he cupped his cheek. “I much rather be kissing you,” Zayn said with a sexy smirk, but Niall turned his head away when he tried to kiss him.

“Damn it, Niall,” Zayn hissed frustrated. “Do I have to pay for a kiss now, or what?”

For some reason, that comment hurt a lot more than it should and Niall struggled to fight back the tears that suddenly gathered in his eyes. He was grateful that he was facing away from Zayn, and he could feel the boy had realized his mistake. 

“Niall-“

“Zayn,” Niall cut him off, only a slight waver in his voice. “You might not care about Harry, but I care about him.” He turned to look at him, his eyes burning with determination. 

“Either you tell your brother to back off or I’ll do it.” Niall didn’t even wait to see Zayn’s reaction, before he jumped out of the car and stalked off; not fully absorbing they’d just had their first ‘fight’ as a couple. 

Niall just felt unusually protective of Harry.

* * *

That same evening, Zayn pulled up in front of the Malik Household. He wasn’t in a good mood as he stepped out of the car and walked into the mansion, a permanent scowl across his features. He ignored the maids greeting as he stalked through the big hall, heading for his room. However, he halted to a stop in front of the living room upon seeing who was occupying it.

Nathan was lounging on one of the cushions, one arm thrown across the back lean, and a glass of wine in one hand. He was watching the news on the large flat screen in front of him. Zayn stared holes into the back of his head like he was expecting to develop sudden super powers and burn an actual hole through his brother’s big head.

“Come and join me, little brother.” 

Zayn startled a little, before scowling; did the bastard have eyes in the back of his head? He wouldn’t be surprised if he’d sold his soul to the devil to gain the uncanny ability of locating Zayn wherever he were; be it right behind him or in the other end of town.

Zayn hesitated for a one long moment, having an internal struggle within himself, before he finally decided upon something; something he was practically forced to do.

“You have to walk in order to enter the room,” His brother commented smugly. “Except if you have teleportation abilities that you’ve failed to tell me about.”

Zayn insulted Nathan under his breath, before sauntering into the room. He gracefully took a seat as far away from his brother as possible and threw the screen a quick glance.

“Little brother.”

Zayn’s eyes flickered towards Nathan. The man was looking at him with a smile as he poured some wine into an empty glass resting on a small table next to him, before offering it to him.

“Have some wine,” He said, a playful glint in his eyes. “Then you might loosen a little up.”

Zayn eyed the glass of wine with a wrinkled nose, before meeting his brother’s eyes.

“I am perfectly fine as I am,” He said.

Nathan shrugged as he placed the rejected glass back on the table and resumed sipping to his like the arrogant snob he was. Zayn stared him, his eyes scrutinizing.

“It’s not polite to stare, little brother,” Nathan smirked. “Where are your manners?”

Zayn chose to ignore the last comment.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He growled, unable to restrain himself anymore.

“Whatever are you talking about, dear little brother,” Nathan asked mockingly, and Zayn had to remember that emptying the bottle of wine in his brothers face probably wasn’t a good idea.

“You know what I am talking about,” Zayn stated. “What do you think you’re doing with underage kids? Is pedophilia now yet another one of your creepy professions?” He spat.

Nathan finally looked at him; his gaze amused.

“You don’t ever cease to amaze me with your crude choice of words, Zayn,” He chuckled a little, and Zayn glared. “Pedophilia, do you really think that low of me?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Zayn sneered, because really, Nathan had done so much worse things and this would be one of his milder crimes. 

“I’m hurt, little brother,” Nathan faked heartbreak as his unoccupied hand hovered over his chest, and Zayn’s minimal patience had run out. The younger boy got to his feet and stalked over until he was right in front of Nathan, blocking the older man’s view of the television. He glared down at him, his eyes narrowed and Nathan merely smiled up at him, curiously waiting for his next move.

“I don’t want to be a part of your little game, Nathan,” Zayn said slowly, voice dangerously low. “I am asking you for the last time; what are you doing with Harry Styles?”

Nathan’s features flickered to dark and evil as a smirk crept onto his lips. He returned Zayn’s glare evenly and tilted his head a little back, arrogantly.

“What do you care about Harry Styles?” He shot back, and Zayn growled.

“I think we both know why I am asking you this, Nathan,” Zayn snarled.

“That might be true,” There was laughter in Nathan’s dark eyes. “But I think you’re making the wrong move here, little brother.” Nathan gracefully climbed to his feet, forcing Zayn to take a step back. 

“What?” Zayn hissed.

Nathan balanced the two glass of wines in one hand and grabbed the bottle in the other before regarding his younger brother who was still glaring death at him; if only looks could kill. 

“In order to keep what you hold dear,” Nathan said slowly, staring into Zayn’s eyes to convey the message. “You’ll have to make sacrifices.”

With those words he spun on his heels and sauntered out, leaving behind a furious Zayn. Zayn glared after his brother’s retreating back as he let the weight of the words dawn on him. His brother suddenly stopped up at the doorway and looked over his shoulder, and Zayn swore he saw a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“Do you know what you have to sacrifice yet, little brother?”

* * *

A balcony door was slid open and a thin body slipped aside. Amber eyes flickered over the mess of a room until they landed on the small blonde sitting cross-legged at a desk with a thick book in his lap, half-dozing. He looked up at the sound with sleepy blue eyes and upon seeing who it was, he was suddenly wide-awake.

“Zayn.” 

Niall closed the book and placed it on his desk, before getting on his feet and looking at Zayn with curious eyes. Zayn stared back at him, unmoving, his eyes flickering over Niall’s small form as the same thoughts circulated in his head; he wondered how Niall did, how it was so easy for him what was so difficult for Zayn. 

“Are you alright?” Niall’s blue eyes reflected concern, and Zayn closed his eyes for a split-second. When he opened them again, he’d taken his decision.  
“I’m okay.”

Niall smiled and came up to him, his hand grazing his hand and his eyes up close; he was a few inches shorter. Zayn tilted his head a little and closed the distance between them; pleased when Niall didn’t pull away and content when he returned the kiss. Niall’s hands were warm – they always were – as one slid up, cupping his neck and the other closed around his shoulder. Zayn’s arms came up, one hand wrapping around his thin waist, the other on the small on the small of his back, pulling him closer.

Zayn’s fingers were slowly sneaking up the back of Niall’s shirt and had just grazed the skin there when Niall broke the kiss, much to Zayn’s discontent. He looked into Niall’s eyes and could already read the question on the tip of his tongue.

“Did you talk to him?” He asked softly, his gaze piercing.

Zayn was silent for a brief moment.

“Yes.”

Niall’s hands slid down Zayn’s body, loosely closing around his forearms.

“And,” He urged on.

“It’s just like you said,” Zayn said.

Niall lifted a brow.

“Just like I said?” He echoed.

“Nothing serious,” Zayn replied and tried to silence Niall with another kiss but instead of lips all he got was a pair of fingers pressing against his bottom lip, holding him still. Niall was frowning at him.

“Why are they talking?”

“They properly just met somewhere and just hit off,” Zayn said with a straight face. “I repeat; nothing serious.”

Niall looked unconvinced.

“But you said your brother was-”

“You’re the only one making a big deal of this,” Zayn cut him off, his patience running out. “Just take it for what it is; _nothing serious_.” 

Niall stared at him, before sighing and suddenly bringing their foreheads together. 

“Your brother better not hurt Harry, Zayn.”

Zayn wanted to repeat that he didn’t give a care in the world if that was to happen, but he’d learned his lesson. Besides, Zayn wondered just what Niall _thought_ he could do if it was to happen. Niall had no idea what Nathan was capable of.

“Come,” Niall suddenly smirked at him as walked backwards and dumped down on the bed. His fingers curled under the hem of his shirt and in one fluid movement he took it off. Zayn let his eyes rake appreciatively over Niall’s naked upper body, resting on the tattoo. 

“My mother is sleeping,” Niall said in a hushed tone and bit his bottom lip. “Do you think we can keep it down?”

Zayn smirked as he walked over and crawled on top of Niall, pushing the smaller boy onto his back. He locked eyes with darkening blue.

“We’ll never know before we try.”

* * *

Niall’s next tutoring session with Harry after the first one was a couple of nights later. Niall was dutifully sitting at his desk with the homework Harry had assigned him done and just waiting for the curly-haired boy to appear. 

Only that he didn’t.

Niall was forced to realize that Harry was coming after he didn’t appear 35 minutes after their scheduled time. Harry had always been spot-on when they had to meet, be it after school, before school or when they were hanging out. 

Niall was afraid that Harry was a little more upset by their little argument the other night, but nothing they boy had done and said today in school had indicated that. Niall decided it was wiser to just call the boy instead of come up with reasons why he hadn’t shown up.

This proved to be futile, because Niall was sent straight to the voice-mail, and that’s when Niall’s worry was sparked. Ever since finding out about Harry and Nathan, Niall felt like his protectiveness of the younger boy had magnified several degrees. He’d found himself wanting to peek over Harry’s shoulder whenever he was texting on his phone the past couple of days and it had taken some serious restraint not to do so.

He sighed as he clapped his math book together and decided to just see if he could find Harry tomorrow in school. It had been an otherwise good day; an _unusually_ good day. Niall smiled when he remembered just why it had been such a good day.

When Niall had woken up this morning, he had certainly not been prepared to wake up next to Zayn; he’d been beyond shocked to be honest. When they had sex last night, Niall had been out like a light, and he’d just assumed that Zayn would find his way out as he always did. He hadn’t thought he would wake up next to Zayn with wild morning hair, looking like a grumpy kitten as he complained about Niall’s alarm clock giving him a headache from hell. 

When the fact that Zayn had actually stayed after sex _and_ in Niall’s bed had seeped in, Niall had been beyond ecstatic. because this could only be counted as a step forward in the right direction. He’d tried to contain his giddiness, afraid to scare Zayn away, but he hadn’t been able to refrain himself from kissing a half-asleep, _naked_ – did he mention drop-dead gorgeous – Zayn senseless.

Niall was actually sure they would have ended up having morning sex if his mother hadn’t so politely interrupted by knocking on the door and telling him he should get up from school. The higher powers must have been with him, because she didn’t enter the room. Luckily enough, she was leaving early for work, giving Zayn the opportunity to take a quick shower while Niall made them breakfast.

Indeed it had been a pleasant morning followed by a bearable day in school, but his luck seemed to come to an end; Harry was apparently not so eager to be his tutor anymore.

…  
The next morning Niall failed in locating Harry and later found out from his classmates that he hadn’t showed up. This made the alarm bells in Niall’s mind ring and his mind began to draw all kind of conclusion; maybe Harry had been attacked on his way last night and was now lying in some alley and bleeding to death – if he wasn’t dead already. 

Niall tried to find Louis and ask him, but then he remembered that Louis as well as Danielle were on a study break since they were seniors, their exams closer than the rest of the school. Their usual table at lunch felt so empty with just him, Liam and Hannah sitting there. He asked Liam and Hannah about Harry but neither knew where he was, and his phone was still not getting picked up.

Niall was beginning to get extremely worried, maybe even more than he should, but he could just feel it in his gut; something was _wrong_. The feeling only increased in the course of the day to the point where Niall ended up skipping last class of the day. He knew it probably was a really bad idea, but he just _had_ to make sure Harry wasn’t dying in an alley.

He arrived at Harry’s home with his backpack slung over his shoulder, and he’d even stopped by the store and bought Harry’s favorite chocolate budding; he was planning on stealing a little from it of course. Out of habit, he entered through the back, knowing it always was open. He threw his backpack on the kitchen counter and grabbed a pair of spoons and the chocolate budding before heading for Harry’s room.

He climbed the stairs and walked towards Harry’s room. He found the door ajar and was about to push it open, but he froze mid-action when a low moan emitted from the room. Niall’s eyes widened, questioning himself if he’d really just heard that; was Harry skipping school to fool around with some girl? Seriously?

Niall swallowed as he peeked through the crack, his heart beating loudly in his chest and upon getting a look inside, it almost stopped beating. 

Niall stifled a mortified gasp behind his hand; his eyes threatening to pop out of his eyes. 

Harry.

Nathan.

Harry and Nathan.

On Harry’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Don’t you dare hurt him,” Niall said, and Nathan stared at him with an unreadable expression for a moment, unsettling Niall, and then he suddenly laughed._ \- Excerpt from next chapter


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_”It’s nothing serious.”_

That’s what they all told Niall, but they’d all be lying; Harry and Zayn. He felt betrayed, because what he saw looked a ‘little’ more than nothing serious.

Nathan and Harry sharing saliva couldn’t be defined as ‘nothing serious’ last he checked.

Nathan was sitting at the edge of Harry’s bed and Harry was sitting, still having his covers pooled around his waist. Nathan’s hand was resting on Harry’s waist, Harry’s navy boxers were peeking out the top of the boy’s pants; Niall stared at Nathan’s thumb that was stroking an uncovered patch of skin. 

He didn’t intend on staring on for as long as he did, but he simply couldn’t move. First when Nathan’s hand slipped under Harry’s shirt, did he realize he had to stop this before it went to places he couldn’t stand thinking about.

He loudly pushed open the door and watched as Harry and Nathan released each other, turning wide eyes on him. When Niall met Harry’s eyes, the younger boy paled his eyes wide in something akin to horror; Niall returned it with a blank gaze. His eyes flickered over to Nathan who’d gotten to his feet and looked eerily composed.

“Oh, Niall,” He said and smiled. “We didn’t hear you come in.”

Niall stared at Nathan; really _stared_ at him, and he found himself considering to hit him, because what the fuck did he think he was _doing_?!

“I know,” Niall said, surprised by his own cold tone, but how was he supposed to react? He stared at Nathan not caring that he was being rude, and Nathan just looked back at him, amusement dancing in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, Niall could see Harry’s eyes flickering between them nervously.

“Niall,” The younger boy said hoarsely and was about to climb off the bed, but then suddenly winced, his hand flying up and clutching his head; his face scrunching up in pain. Niall’s eyes widened in worry and he quickly moved up to Harry’s other, unoccupied side.

“Harry?” He said, tentatively touching the younger boy’s shoulder. 

“Don’t make sudden movements,” Nathan said and then his hand was on Harry’s other shoulder. Niall found himself glaring at it.

“You should leave,” Harry said softly, and Niall wasn’t sure who he meant; if he meant him, then there was no way he was leaving him alone with Nathan. He was very pleased when Harry cracked a weary green eye open and looked directly at Nathan.

Nathan straightened up and smiled jovially, confusing Niall.

“Of course,” He said. “I hope you get better. See you, Harry.” He said, and Niall’s eyes immediately scrutinized the younger boy. Close up, Niall noticed that Harry looked smaller and paler than usual, his eyes a little bloodshot. The blonde immediately knew that Harry was suffering from his annually migraine attacks. Niall even remember the first time Harry got a severe headache back in 5th grade, and he’d collapsed on their way home from school, scaring Niall witless. The thought that Nathan was taking advantage of Harry in such a vulnerable state made his blood boil; granted he had no way of telling if that was the actual case.

“Nice to see you again, Niall,” Nathan nodded towards him warmly, and Niall just stared at him.

“I’ll walk you out,” He forced a stiff smile and was about to follow Nathan when Harry grabbed his arm. He looked down at the younger boy; he frowned upon seeing how tired he looked.

“Niall-“Harry begun, but Niall cut him off.

“It’s fine. I’ll be right back,” Niall smiled and tugged his arm out of Harry’s grasp before following Nathan out.

Niall followed Nathan out of the entrance door and closed it behind him, before facing Nathan. Nathan was standing in front of the doorsteps, the smile still plastered on his lips as he looked at Niall. Niall studied him for a second and it was weird seeing him at Harry’s doorstep. Especially because he was wearing casual attire; a simple shirt and jeans, but he somehow still managed to look superior and unarguably hot. Niall fought down a blush at where his thoughts had taken him, and he seriously needed to stop thinking Zayn’s brother was attractive.

“Niall,” Nathan said. “I haven’t seen you around for a while. You’re still together with my little brother, correct?”

“…Yeah,” Niall replied. “I am.” And the reason he hadn’t been around could probably easily be explained now. If Nathan really was as Zayn said, then Niall could better understand that the boy didn’t want to bring him home. 

“You should drop by more often,” Nathan said, and Niall looked warily at him. “I would love to know you better since you’re the first one my brother is serious about.”

“Uh…thanks,” Niall smiled a little shyly as a warm feeling spread inside of him; if Nathan said that Zayn hadn’t been serious about anyone but him then that must mean something, right? he completely forgot to keep his guards up, feeling very pleased by Nathan’s words. Maybe Nathan wasn’t as bad as Zayn and Chad made him up to be.

Nathan smiled.

“Well, I’ll be going now,” Nathan said as he turned around. “Take care of Harry. I think his headache is rather serious.”

Upon the mentioning of Harry, Niall snapped out of it. “Nathan, wait,” He said as he stepped down the steps and stopped in front of Nathan. Nathan halted in his steps and spun fully around to face Niall. He quirked a curious brow.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, trying not to sound too rude or suspicious. 

“Well, visiting Harry, of course,” Nathan replied in a matter-of-fact tone, and Niall felt nervous under his dark gaze.

“That’s not what I meant,” Niall said and forced himself to keep eye-contact with Nathan. 

“Then what?” Nathan blinked slowly and actually looked genuinely confused at what Niall was trying to say, and Niall couldn’t help but have a sneaking suspicion that he was just acting.

The sun was hanging high on the sky and beating down on them; it was a nice day, but Niall suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable with Nathan standing so close and so taller than his small frame. However, he manned up, because he needed to say this, because apparently Zayn had failed to get his message across. 

“Nathan,” Niall said slowly and clearly, his gaze firm. “Leave Harry alone.”

Nathan looked surprised at him.

“I am not sure I am following-”

“I don’t know what you’re doing Nathan,” Niall didn’t know where he’d got the balls to cut the older man off, but he guessed he might continue before he lost his guts. “I don’t know you, but I know Harry.”

“Don’t you dare hurt him,” Niall said, and Nathan stared at him with an unreadable expression for a moment unsettling Niall, and then he suddenly laughed.

Niall stiffened in surprise, his eyes widening as he stared at Nathan who was trying to stifle his laughter behind his hand, reminding Niall of a little school boy. The blonde flushed in embarrassment, because seriously, he didn’t recall saying anything that would trigger a laughter. Nathan composed himself in a few seconds and his eyes seemed a little darker, his smile a little predatory as he regarded him.

“Niall, Niall, Niall,” Nathan clicked mockingly with his tongue as he took a step forward and Niall instinctively took a step backward, but the doorstep hit his ankle. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as Nathan hovered threateningly over him, and the sudden dangerous atmosphere he exuded scared Niall in ways he couldn’t express in words.

“You have no idea how _cute_ you are when you’re trying to threaten me,” Nathan’s voice had taken this dark quality that made a shiver run down Niall’s spine and he stared up at him, speechless at the sudden transformation. “I just can’t take you seriously,” Nathan taunted, and Niall’s jaw clenched tightly.

“Let me tell you a little something, Niall,” Nathan said with a gleeful smile. “I am not the one hurting Harry, but guess who is?”

Niall’s chest tightened, because he knew the answer even before Nathan suddenly was breathing it into his ear.

“That’s right; _you_ are.”

A sudden wave of anger surged through Niall and he pushed Nathan out of his personal space.

“That’s none of your business,” He hissed as he glared up at the older man. Nathan laughed humorlessly and his laugh made Niall freeze to his bone.

“Perhaps, perhaps not,” Nathan said. “But I don’t think you realize to what extent he actually is hurt. Here’s a funny fact; when someone is hurt enough, they’re so vulnerable…” His voice dropped down to a whisper making his words that more eerie. “…so fragile, that the smallest mistake will break them… just like _glass_.”

Niall blanched, his insides going cold, because it wasn’t hard to decipher what Nathan was saying. His hands balled up in tight fist as he stared at the man that looked like he enjoyed himself; Niall couldn’t believe he was the same person from a couple of minutes ago. He was completely different.

“Please,” Niall resigned his pride, because this was about _Harry_ and Niall was dead scared where this would end if someone didn’t stop Nathan. “What do you _want_ , Nathan?”

Nathan tilted his head a little to the side, a small smile resting on his lips and his hair falling a little over his dark eyes.

“How far are you willing to go to protect the people you hold dear, Niall?” Nathan asked, and Niall swallowed. 

“Very far,” Niall’s voice was barely above a whisper but the smirk stretching across Nathan’s pretty features told him he heard. Niall wasn’t sure what Nathan wanted, but something told him this was just one big game for him; playing with people’s emotions, just like Zayn used to and it had him questioning what was wrong with the Malik brothers. 

“I thought so,” Nathan said and then he suddenly bluntly eyed Niall up and down, the glint in his eyes making Niall freeze as realization hit him like a light bolt; _he can’t be serious_. As soon as Niall thought that, Nathan looked into his eyes. “I think you’ll figure out what to do… and what _not_ to do.”

With that, Nathan turned around and sauntered away, leaving Niall on the doorstep with wide eyes, a beating heart; leaving him to digest what he’d just implied.

…

Niall never ended up talking properly with Harry about Nathan, because when Niall finally snapped out of his shock and went back into the house, he found the younger boy throwing his guts content out in the toilet. So, Niall had used the rest of the afternoon fretting over Harry and doing his best taking care of him. He called Harry’s mother who apparently didn’t have a clue that her youngest child was sick, and she called in early from work. 

By the time she arrived, Niall had successfully helped Harry falling asleep after giving him his meds against severe headache. Niall knew he wasn’t going to get any information from Harry as long as the younger boy didn’t feel well, and he decided to leave Harry in his mother’s care.

…..

Later that night, Niall should probably have called Zayn and informed him that one; he knew he’d lied to him, two; his brother was scaring him. But there were many things Niall should, but never did. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep it from Zayn, but he had a feeling that Zayn really _couldn’t_ do anything against his brother and if anything, he’d make things worse.

Regarding Nathan’s motive, Niall was beyond confused, because Nathan was obviously not genuine regarding Harry, and how serious Harry was about Nathan was yet to be known; Niall really hoped it wasn’t anything serious, because that would just turn bad into worse. Nathan had more or less aid he was going to hurt Harry, and that made Niall stay up very late at night trying to figure out what Nathan would get out of it. All he ended up with was more questions and a searing pain in his temples. He knew the first move was to talk to Harry, but he also knew that Harry wasn’t going to tell him much which was frustrating really. Niall felt like he had nowhere to go. 

His sleep that night was rather restless.

….

When Niall woke up for school the next morning, he more or less felt like a zombie. In fact, he went to a school daze and was so tired that he almost literally fell asleep with his head in his locker. He probably would have if Harry suddenly hadn’t popped up next to him, and Niall was relieved to see that he looked a lot healthier than yesterday.

“Harry,” He studied the boy droopy eyed, before smiling and hugging him around the middle. “You look fine,” he mumbled into the expanse of Harry’s chest, and Harry smelled so nice, he just wanted to fall asleep right there, standing upright in the middle of the hall.

“Uh, Thanks,” Harry said and Niall felt his hand stroke his hair, he hummed in content and Harry chuckled. “You don’t look too good though, everything alright?” Harry asked concerned without stopping massaging Niall’s scalp.

“Tired,” Niall sighed as he tried to find the will-power to let go of Harry. “…been thinking about you all night.” Niall was too goddamn tired to hear how that came out and too goddamn tired to notice how Harry tensed slightly.

“What?” Harry breathed out, and Niall pulled a little away without entirely letting go. He frowned at Harry.

“I’m worried about you, Harry,” He said quietly and glanced quickly around to make sure no one was listening. “You _lied_ to me and so did Zayn. I’m hurt.”

Harry looked confused for a second so Niall elaborated.

“Nothing serious?” The blonde asked incredulously. “Having his tongue down your throat and his hands all over you looked pretty serious to me, Harry,” He said dryly, and Harry had the decency to blush.

“Niall,” He said. “Let’s not do this here, please?”

“It’s not like you’re going to tell me elsewhere,” Niall retorted and sighed rather dramatically as he released Harry’s middle but his hand still clutching Harry’s shirt, because he somehow knew the younger boy would bolt at the smallest opportunity. “You’re pushing me away. I don’t like it.”

“I am not pushing you away,” Harry sighed as well as his hand closed around Niall’s wrist in a vain attempt of loosening the boy’s hold on him; Niall stubbornly held on. “There’s just certain things I don’t want to talk about.”

“He’s _evil_ ,” Niall insisted as he stared at Harry. “Like _villain_ -evil.” The blonde huffed annoyed when Harry looked more amused than alarmed. “He more or less told me he was going to hurt you,” Niall continued even though he had a feeling there was more depth to Nathan’s words. “Do you even believe in anything coming out my mouth?”

Harry almost did an eye-roll which only made Niall the more frustrated, and he felt like _no one_ was taking him seriously; neither Zayn nor Harry or Nathan for that matter. 

“I got this, Niall,” Harry looked intently into his eyes, and Niall grimaced. “Do you believe me?”

“I believe you think you can handle it,” Niall replied blankly and Harry sighed. “But you can’t.” 

Harry opened his mouth probably to argue, but then his eyes settled on something behind Niall and his mouth shut closed, his green eyes hardening. Niall already knew what he was going to see before he turned around.

“Zayn,” Niall turned around to face said boy who was standing behind him and returning Harry’s glare with a rather bored expression.

“Niall,” He looked at Niall, and the smaller boy glared at him.

“How could you,” He sneered and poked him roughly in the chest. Zayn blinked bewildered and brushed off Niall’s finger petulantly. “What are you talking about?” He asked with narrowed eyes, and Niall considered hitting him. “You told me it was nothing serious,” He said and he could see the flicker in Zayn’s eyes. “You _knew_ , didn’t you?”

Zayn was about to say something, but Harry beat him to it.

“Wait, what?” He exclaimed, his green eyes flickering between Zayn and Niall, before settling on the blonde. “You _told_ him?”

Niall crossed his arms and turned the glare on Harry instead.

“What the fuck had you expected, Harry?” He snapped. “You wouldn’t tell me anything and apparently, Zayn is no freaking better.” His boiling blue eyes turned back on Zayn who had the nerve to roll his eyes and look away indignantly; this only increased Niall’s bubbling fury, because he had been eye-rolled at enough for one freaking morning. 

“But-” Harry was ruthlessly cut off by Niall.

“You know what, Harry?” Niall sneered, the tone in his voice shocking Harry. “Do whatever the fuck you want with Nathan, because I don’t _care_ , anymore. I warned you. You are a big boy; you can make your own decisions.” Niall was very satisfied with Harry’s wide eyes and open mouth.

Zayn failed in suppressing a snort, and Niall’s wrath was quickly turned on him.

“Shut the fuck up, Zayn,” He growled, and Zayn actually looked baffled. “I am _never_ coming to you for anything, because you just proved what fucking great help you are,” the sarcasm dripping from Niall’s voice was so thick that Zayn for once was left speechless.

Niall’s blue eyes were in storm as they flickered between Harry and Zayn, challenging them to make a sound and both of them got busy looking elsewhere but the fuming blonde.

“Taking me serious, yet?” Niall snarled as he grabbed his books and slammed the locker closed so the resulting bang made a few by-passing student startle. He waited for neither Zayn’s nor Harry’s reply as he stormed off leaving Zayn and Harry wondering what the fuck just happened.

The two boys stared after Niall’s retreating form, both feeling sorry for whoever crossed Niall’s path that morning. 

“That was…incredibly hot,” Zayn said his thoughts out loud as he stared longingly after Niall even though he’d already disappeared around a corner. He felt Harry’s glare burn into his temple and he turned to face him. “What? I know you were thinking the same,” He stated dryly.

Harry flipped the curls out of his face and regarded Zayn coolly, a smirk slowly spreading across his lips.

“That’s true,” He said, and Zayn’s eyes narrowed. “Is that a problem?” He added provocatively. 

“Yeah,” Zayn growled and took a threatening step forward. “It makes me want to hit you square in the face.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Harry sneered back, not stepping back.

The two of them entered a heated glaring contest, neither of them willing to back down and the sparks of tension was flying between them. 

“I don’t really care about what you have going on with my bastard of a brother,” Zayn snarled. “But it’s really beginning to get on my nerves. I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were _that_ stupid.”  
Harry flared at the insult, and he might have hit Zayn if Liam didn’t appear next to them. The boy quickly surveyed the situation, before without a word dragging Harry off forcefully despite the younger boy’s protests.

“What are you doing, Harry?” Liam frowned at the younger boy as soon as they were safe distance away from Zayn, and the younger boy jerked his arm out of Liam’s grip with a huff.

“He started,” He defended himself and grumbled when he realized how childishly that had sounded. Liam rolled his eyes and pushed Harry towards his class. “I am glad you’re feeling better, but please don’t engage in a fight with Zayn. It’ll cause too much trouble. Now be a good boy and go to your class.”

Harry didn’t even have time to object before Liam had pushed him directly into his class and turned on his heels, walking away. 

Liam reached his own class just before the bell rang and slid down in his usually seat next to Niall. It took two seconds to feel the rather dark and grumpy atmosphere the usually bright boy emitted. Liam gave him one look and was wise enough not to ask what was wrong.

…

Niall’s mood didn’t get any better with the course of the day, and he pointedly ignored both Harry’s and Zayn’s advances. Niall finally realized that his life had basically revolved around those two for the past weeks, and every little sleepless night was because of at least one of them; and he was _sick_ and _tired_ of thinking about them when they didn’t care enough about him to tell him the true, when they found him irrelevant enough to lie straight to his face. 

He was hurt, he was angry and he felt betrayed. 

He didn’t know how much longer he could wait for Zayn opening up and trusting him, because personally, Niall thought he’d done nothing to deserve all this secrecy and distrust from Zayn. He didn’t understand why Zayn hadn’t told him about his brother straight-away, why he didn’t just tell him about his family, because that was this was supposed to be about. Could they really be in a relationship if Niall was the only one making an effort?

And Harry; all Niall wanted was to keep him safe, but no, Harry didn’t want to listen. Niall thought that Harry was being unfair when he was using Zayn and his relationship against him, because in Niall’s mind it wasn’t the _same_. Either way, Niall knew he didn’t mean a word he said to Harry, because no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn’t be able to ignore Nathan’s words; he _couldn’t_. 

In the end, he decided that he didn’t necessarily need any of them. 

He would just have to take matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feisty niall is hot niall :3


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Niall might be in need of Harry more than he was ready to admit. The math test was less than three days away and as much as Niall was reluctant to admit, he needed Harry’s help in order to have a remote chance to pass since he was hopeless at the topic the test was on.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend like he didn’t need Harry’s help when he appeared at his place later the same evening. Niall made a big deal of scowling and huffing at the younger boy, but much to the blonde’s frustration, Harry pointedly ignored his attempts at showing him how much he hated him; it seemed they both knew that could never happen.

“You know, Ni,” Harry sighed when 15 minutes passed with Harry asking if he understood and Niall grunting in reply even though he was too busy being annoyed with Harry to understand a word coming out of his mouth. “I am doing this for your benefit, could you like forget to be angry with me for just a couple of hours?”

Niall just crossed his arms and huffed, very much aware that he was behaving like a kindergarten kid.

“You don’t want to fail the test let alone the exam, right?” Harry inquired, and Niall pouted a little. He spluttered surprised when Harry suddenly poked his cheek with a long finger and he slapped the younger boy’s hand away with a growl. Harry muffled a snicker behind his hand, and Niall jabbed a finger into his dimple rather roughly and smirked evilly when Harry’s snicker turned into a yelp of pain. Then Harry suddenly pulled in Niall’s hair. “Damn it, Harry!” Niall exclaimed and immediately retailed by pulling one of Harry’s pretty curls. “Ouch! That actually hurts!” Harry cried and when Niall didn’t let go, he shoved him away. Harry obviously wasn’t aware of his own strength because he sent Niall toppling off the chair, and Niall felt damned if he went down alone so he quickly grabbed Harry’s shirt and took him with him in the fall.

“Fuck you, Harry!”

“Damn it, Niall!”

They entered a childish brawl on the floor where both of them tried not to hurt each other too much while both of them were getting increasingly annoyed by the other. It didn’t occur to them that they were acting like a couple of preteen girls instead of settling their issues like mature people.

Somehow the brawl turned into a tickle fight when Harry’s accidently brushed one of Niall’s tickle spots, and the smaller boy involuntary let out a surprised giggle. Niall gulped when he saw the evil glint in Harry’s eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare, Styles!” His warning fell on deaf ears, because seconds later he had to fend off the younger boy. Before long, the hysterical laughter filling the air could as well be taken for someone being tortured to death which Niall felt like. 

In the fight that ensured Harry gained a few painful jabs to his ribs and jaw when Niall struggled against him. Niall refused to beg for mercy, and in the end, they stopped up when they were both completely drained off energy. Their legs had somehow gotten locked together and the more they tried to get free of each other, the worse it became.

“Look what you’ve done…”

“It’s your fault…”

They both turned to glare at each other at the same time, but then they released how close they were; they suddenly became very aware of their position. A poor couple of inches separated their faces and almost every little millimeter of their bodies were touching. 

They stared at each other, neither of them daring to breathe let alone move.

Niall’s eyes were a bit big as they stared into Harry’s also slightly big eyes, and he was so close, Niall could make out every shade of green in his eyes and every individual curl falling over his face. He could see the almost unnoticeable birthmark at the corner of his left eye. He could _hear_ and _feel_ Harry’s heart going crazy and it took a second for him to realize that his own heartbeat matched Harry’s. The heat radiating off Harry’s body and the warmth of his breath that hit Niall’s face in puffs could as well be scorching fire. Harry wasn’t moving, his eyes not flickering away from his, and Niall wasn’t sure if he was even blinking; if neither of them were blinking to be honest. 

In that weird moment, Niall’s thoughts went to places they hadn’t before and he swore his eyes moved at their own accord when they flickered down to Harry’s lips. Harry drew in a sharp intake of air, and Niall’s eyes snapped up to meet his. The breath caught in Niall’s throat at the way Harry was looking at him, and when Harry’s eyes slowly moved from his eyes down to his lips, Niall knew he was going to kiss him.

The scary part was that Niall didn’t even flinch when Harry leaned closer.

“Hi boys! I’ve brought you some cake!” His mother’s voice suddenly chirped as the door was swung open and both boys nearly had a heart attack. They got busy struggling to get to their feet, but they just ended up falling over each other again – Niall blamed Harry’s long, flailing limbs – and much to their horror, they ended in a much more misleading position; Niall more or less on top of Harry, and Niall didn’t as much notice Harry’s hand on his thigh as he noticed his own hand bracing himself against the boy’s chest. He could feel Harry’s heartbeat like never before, and the irregular, heavy thuds of the boy’s heart worried him in more ways than one. He dared a glance at Harry’s face only to find his features frozen into ones of shock.

“Boys?” 

Niall gulped as he heard his mother step further into the room.

“Oh dear lord!” She exclaimed in shock, and Niall didn’t even want to see her expression. “I-I didn’t mean to interrupt! I’ll just place the cake here and…” Niall flushed crimson and tried to push himself off of Harry, he almost succeeded but of course he was so clumsy to ram elbow directly into the younger boy’s stomach. The following moan of pain the younger boy emitted really didn’t help their situation.

“Wait! Mom!” Niall cried as he finally got to his feet and faced his mother who’d been almost tripping over her own feet at the rush she’d been in at getting out of the door. She stopped up unsurely and gazed at her younger son with wide eyes and Harry who was still on the floor, trying to gain the breath Niall had knocked out of him.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Niall’s breathless voice and disheveled state due to their little fight on the floor properly screamed a whole other statement. Niall groaned in embarrassment when his mother raised an unconvinced brow. 

“Oh dear, it’s okay,” She said sweetly as she slowly inched her way closer to the door. “I’m not that surprised. By all means, continue. Just clean up after yourselves.”

“Mom!” Niall screamed mortified, his face coloring to all shades of red, but his mother merely sent him a knowing look before closing the door behind her, leaving Niall to deal with this extremely awkward situation. Niall was tempted to escape it himself.

He inhaled deeply, before slowly turning and looking down at Harry who was still taking greedily intakes of air. Niall swallowed.

“Uh…are you okay?” He asked nervously.

“Yeah, sure. Everything is dandy except the 100 or so jabs you so generously gave me,” Harry muttered sarcastically as he worked himself up in a sitting position and tried to regulate his breathing. “I think have a bruised rip.”

“Suck it up you drama queen,” Niall rolled his eyes and offered Harry his hand. Harry took it with a second hesitation, and his hand was alarmingly warm as Niall pulled him to his feet. 

“So...” Harry didn’t meet Niall’s gaze as he ran a hand haphazardly through his curls, gazing towards the forgotten math notes on the desk. “Should we get back to actual work?”

Niall didn’t know how Harry did it; how he acted like nothing extremely weird had just happened, but he was _very_ grateful, because he didn’t want to ever think about it. He decided to follow Harry’s example.

“Why not, sure,” Niall shrugged nonchalantly and walked over, dumping down on his chair. “Please teach me your ways of wisdom master,” He mocked a solemn voice, and Harry rolled his eyes but grinned.

“It’s a challenge,” He teased as he came over as well. “But I shall take it upon me.” Niall punched him on the arm, and felt a little bad when the younger boy winced.

“It’s kind of…awkward doing this when your mother think we are doing something else,” Harry said lightly, and Niall flamed a bright red when that triggered some rather inappropriate images; the worst part properly being that Niall didn’t have to use much imagination.

He coughed in his hand cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Uh…let’s just begin,” He said hoarsely. “We’ve wasted enough time.”

“Sure, Nialler,” Harry smiled, but Niall could have sworn he saw a teasing glint in his green eyes.

* * *

Niall had expected Zayn’s visit later that night, so he’d been wide awake when Zayn as usually slipped in through his own personal entrance; the balcony. He was facing away from the balcony and feigned sleep, curious as to what Zayn would do. He could feel Zayn’s eyes on him and the feeling spread a pricking warmth through his body.

Zayn’s footsteps were light as he walked up to the bed. The bed dipped under his weight as he got on it, and Niall was a little surprised when he cautiously slipped under the blanket with him. Then Zayn’s familiar scent invaded his senses as the boy boldly brought his body flush up against Niall’s and his arm around his waist. Niall’s breath hitched when he felt Zayn’s breath ghost over his earlobe.

“You suck at feigning sleep, Niall,” Zayn whispered rather smugly, and Niall rolled his eyes. The guy really was too much.

“And what exactly do you think you’re doing, Zayn?” Niall kept his voice annoyed as he struggled not to react to the butterfly kisses Zayn was covering his earlobe with.

“What, you’re still mad at me?” Zayn asked.

“What do you think, Zayn?” Niall huffed sarcastically and shook off the older boy’s lips.

Zayn stopped kissing him and grew eerily quiet. 

Niall sighed.

“Zayn.”

“What now?” Niall was offended by the slight snap in Zayn’s voice and he wriggled out of the boy’s arms. He sat upright, forcing Zayn to do the same and faced him with a frown.

“When you lied to me,” Niall said softly, staring into Zayn’s face that was half in darkness, partly illuminated by the street light seeping through the window. “It just makes me wonder what else you lie about.” He needed Zayn to understand that it just put their relationship under more strain than it already was; it was simply not helping in building more trust.

“I had a reason to lie,” Zayn defended, and Niall wondered if he would ever admit his faults.

“Oh yeah?” Niall retorted skeptically.

“ Don’t you get it?” Zayn looked annoyed and frustrated when Niall just stared blankly. “It was to protect you, Niall.”

Niall’s eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected reply, and the fact that Zayn actually straight-out said he wanted to protect him was overshadowed by the ever-present swirl of dread in the pit of his stomach.

“Protect me?” Niall repeated anxiously. “From _what_?”

Zayn suddenly looked like he’d said more than he’d planned and his lips closed in a thin line. He took a sharp intake of air through his nose and looked a little away, his eyes squinting slightly at nothing in particular. 

“ _Zayn_ ,” Niall whispered and urgently grabbed the boy’s arm, forcing him to look at him. “ Protect me from _what_?”

Zayn hesitated for a second.

“Nathan obviously,” He said, and Niall’s brows shot high up under his hairline.

“…but Zayn,” He began confused. “ I am not the one in danger of your brother, _Harry_ is… right?” He trailed off when unsurely when Zayn scoffed.

“Harry?” He chuckled humorlessly. “Harry is nothing but a bait.”

Niall’s insides went cold.

“A-A bit,” He stuttered out, eyes wide. “A bait…for _me_?” He stared at Zayn begging him to tell him it was just a sick joke or something, because he couldn’t be serious. Zayn looked at him, and his eyes said what he didn’t say out loud.

Niall took a shaky intake of air, and he wasn’t sure if the temperature in the room had dropped; a shiver ran up his spin and he subconsciously scooted closer to Zayn.

“But…but why?” He whispered. “I never did anything to him… why would he… and what…” Niall trailed off and looked towards Zayn for answers with big, scared eyes. 

“He wants you because you’re with me,” Zayn said quietly and Niall’s chest felt heavy; like this relationship didn’t have enough problems of its own without adding a psychopathic brother to the mix. “He doesn’t care about Harry or you,” Zayn was looking off in the distant, and Niall had a feeling he wasn’t really talking to him. “In the end, it’s just to spite me because that’s what he does best… that bastard.” Zayn’s hands were tightly balled up in fist, and his features hard. 

A sudden realization dawned on Niall, and he instinctively clutched Zayn’s balled hand as a new roll of fear washed over him.

“… That’s what he meant,” He choked out, and Zayn stared questioningly at him

“When he told me that-”

“Told you _when_ ,” Zayn interrupted him, and Niall realized he hadn’t told Zayn about his encounter with Nathan at Harry’s place.

“He was at Harry’s,” He explained quickly. “Harry was sick and he was visiting him. I-I.. I walked him out. He implied he would hurt Harry… “break” him just “like glass”,” Niall swallowed heavily. “… and I asked what he wanted, he just said I would know what to do…and what not to do.” 

“For fuck’s sake, Niall!” Zayn exclaimed suddenly, startling the living daylight out of Niall. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me!?” He growled clutching Niall’s arms, and Niall didn’t even have the chance to get a word in. “Did he try anything?” Zayn’s eyes quickly swept over Niall’s body. “Fuck, I am going to _kill_ -”

“Hey, hey, HEY!” Niall grabbed Zayn’s wrist tightly before he could move. Zayn growled and tried to tug his wrist out of Niall’s grip, but Niall stubbornly held on. In a desperate attempt to calm him down, Niall grabbed Zayn’s face between his hands and kissed him deeply on the lips. Zayn stilled in surprise, and Niall broke the kiss slowly, staring into Zayn’s slightly wide eyes. “Come on, love,” He whispered soothingly, stroking Zayn’s sharp cheek. “Calm down….take a deep breath,” Niall instructed and was pleased when Zayn slowly complied, his chest heaving as he took deep intakes of air. A couple of minutes passed with Zayn and Niall inhaling and exhaling in synch, their eyes never breaking contact. When Niall was sure Zayn wouldn’t bolt and hurt his brother and hurt himself in the process, he kissed him chastely on the lips again; softly, comfortingly.

“He didn’t do anything to me,” Niall whispered with a small assuring smile.

Zayn’s eyes were painted with uncertainty, and he shook his head, a few strands of hair that had escaped his hairdo brushing between his eyes.

“Yet,” He whispered hoarsely, and Niall swallowed a little.

“I thought I was scared before,” He muttered as he scooted closer to Zayn until they were hips to hips. “But I’m dead scared now.” He wasn’t just scared for himself, but scared for Harry…scared for Zayn; they were all just puppets in Nathan’s sick game. 

All the information and revelations felt a little too heavy, and Niall sought for comfort in Zayn; he crawled into his lap, burying his nose in the crook of the boy’s neck and hugged the boy’s middle. Zayn didn’t say anything, but his fingers playing with Niall’s hair and the other hand on Niall’s hip was all the comfort the blonde could ask for.

They were like that for a while and even though everything else going through Niall’s mind, it didn’t escape Niall’s notice that this was the first time Zayn held him consciously and not just right after sex. A smile tugged on his lips, but it quickly fell when he thought about their predicament.

“What do we do, Zayn?” Niall breathed against the boy’s neck.

“Just stay out of it, and I’ll take care of it,” Zayn said, and Niall’s face jerked up in surprise to stare at Zayn.’

“Tell me, Zayn,” Niall said. “If this was Cassandra getting involved with Nathan would you watch from the sidelines?”

“It’s not the same,” Zayn argued. “I know Nathan, you don’t.”

“I think I know enough,” Niall said. “And I don’t want him anywhere near Harry.”

“That’s really not up to you,” Zayn replied dryly. “Át this point, the best you can do is stay out of it.”

“I am not staying out of it, how do you expect-”

“Niall,” Zayn growled. “Just leave it to me, okay?”

Niall returned Zayn’s stare evenly, but in the end, he knew this was getting them nowhere. Niall understood that Zayn wanted to keep him safe, and the thought actually filled him with a bubbling warmth… _but_ Niall had a feeling Zayn wasn’t so concerned about Harry. then Niall just had to make sure Harry didn’t go anywhere near Nathan; but how? he would have to find out soon.

“Fine,” Niall lied and with a sigh got out of Zayn’s lap and climbed under the covers. He saw Zayn look towards the balcony, and his eyes widened as he read his thoughts. 

“Stay,” He said softly, and when Zayn looked at him, Niall gave him a full-blown puppy look. Zayn raised a brow amused, before rolling his eyes. Without a word, he shed his clothes, unintentionally giving Niall a rather sexy show. Clad in nothing but boxers, Zayn climbed under the covers with Niall.

“What?” Zayn inquired when Niall looked at him adoringly. Niall blushed bashfully and pressed himself up against Zayn. “I don’t know,” Niall whispered. “You’re just so… _you_ ,” Niall whispered and hadn’t intended to get as worked up as he was getting. Zayn shifted and Niall felt the rough brush of his stubbles against his cheekbone. He breathed in heavily when Zayn’s calloused hand trailed up his naked legs, teasingly played with the hem of his boxer shorts. Zayn’s touches were barely there, but Niall could feel himself twitch to life in his lower regions and a suppressed moan escaped his lips when Zayn stroked his butt. Then Zayn’s touches ceased and the displeased whine at the tip of Niall’s tongue was cut off by Zayn flickering his nose.

“Go to sleep, Blondie,” Zayn breathed and then he did something that shocked Niall, he faced the other way.

“ _What_ ,” Niall bolted upright in the bed and stared at Zayn’s unmoving form; or what he thought was Zayn, because this couldn’t possibly be him. Did Zayn just turn down an opportunity to have a sex with him? Niall stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Zayn.

Zayn finally turned to look up at him.

“What?” He asked nonchalantly, and Niall became alarmed as he eyed Zayn.

“Are you okay?” He breathed, and Zayn raised a brow.

“I’m perfectly fine, why?” He asked with a bored yawn, and Niall thought he had all reason to begin panicking. One; Zayn had maybe hit his head before coming over or maybe he was possessed or two; he wasn’t interested in sex with Niall which was just that much worse than anything else.

“Because…don’t you want me?” Niall asked in a small voice, wide-eyed and scared of Zayn’s reply. His heart was beating painfully in his chest as Zayn studied him with his eyes, and Niall thought he might hit breaking-point if he didn’t begin talking. 

Then suddenly a smirk spread across Zayn’s face and a glint of mischief sparkled in his amber eyes. Before Niall could process any thoughts, he found himself on his back with Zayn hovering over him.

“Fuck, Niall,” Zayn chuckled. “You should’ve seen how adorable you just looked.”

Niall suddenly realized he’d been playing him and he smacked Zayn hard across the head.

“Ouch!”

“Fuck you,” Niall snarled.

“Oh come on,” Zayn smirked as he leaned down and licked a long line along Niall’s neck . “You should’ve known; haven’t I told you how tempting and irresistible you are no matter what you do?”

Niall raised his hand to hit Zayn again, but Zayn grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head. Then he suddenly rummaged through the pocket of his jacket which conveniently was strewn across the nightstand. Niall only saw a glimpse of the scarf then he blinked and found his wrists tied to the bedposts above his head. 

It took a full five seconds for Niall to realize his situation.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Zayn!” He exclaimed as he struggled to get out of his bounds, but it proved futile. He intended to kick Zayn in the face, but of course Zayn was a step ahead and straddled his waist.

“Well, what can I say,” Zayn smirked. “I don’t really like being hit, Niall.”

“When I get free, I am going to kill you,” Niall growled, and Zayn’s smirk only increased. Niall gulped when he suddenly got a predatory gleam in his eyes as he brought his face inches from Niall’s.

“When I am done with you, Niall, then you won’t even have the ability to think straight.” Niall’s eyes widened and his treacherous body reacted eagerly to the hidden promise in Zayn’s words. Zayn trailed a finger down his face and licked his lips, before biting his bottom lip, looking sexier than what Niall was willing to admit out loud.

“You asked me if I didn’t want you,” Zayn’s eyes were dark and intense as they looked into Niall’s wide blue. “Well, Niall… right now, there’s nothing in this world I want more than hear you try to muffle your screams of my name while I do all kinds of things to your incredibly tempting body.”

“Shit,” Niall whispered as Zayn’s words made his body temperature jump and the life grow in his boxers. He knew he was completely at Zayn’s mercy with his hand tied to the bedposts, and he had a sneaking suspicion Zayn had planned this beforehand. 

“All mine,” Zayn hissed possessively before kissing Niall fiercely on the lips. “You’re all mine.”

As Zayn proceeded to touch and kiss every little inch of Niall’s body, the blonde struggled to keep his voice down. They had both discovered from the previous night that doing it while knowing that Niall’s mother was sound asleep just a few doors down only heightened the excitement and pleasure of it all. Niall couldn’t really do much of anything with his hands tied other than taking whatever Zayn gave him.

However, at some point when Zayn needed to remove his shirt, and Niall more or less begged him to release him, he did so. Niall immediately took advantage of his newfound freedom and worshipped every inch of Zayn’s perfect body and face with his hands. Somewhere along the way of the licking, kissing and touching, Niall ended up on top of Zayn where he proceeded to blow the boy. Zayn had to stop him so he didn’t come, and as he picked Niall up laid him down only to flip him over again, they ended up doing it doggy-style. 

Niall’s pretty butt high in the air, the fingered and reddened hole twitching eagerly to be filled by Zayn’s throbbing and pulsing cock; when Zayn pushed through the ring of muscles he bit harshly down his lips not to make any too loud sounds while Niall buried his face in his pillow, stuffing his mouth with the fabric in order not to scream out loud in pleasure at the painful stretch. 

They rocked forth and back together, Niall meeting Zayn’s thrust with a roll of his hips. They edged closer to completion, Niall finally being thrown off the cliff with Zayn’s dirty mouth, and Zayn followed straight after when Niall’s walls clinched around him.

They collapsed on each other in a messy, dirty and panting mess. After lying in the messy evidence of their deed for a while, Niall used his last energy on finding some towels so they could clean up and fresh covers to change the ruined ones. Niall snuggled up to Zayn both of them stark-naked, too tired to pull on their boxers. Niall’s eyes dropped as a wave of fatigue hit him, and he instinctively whispered the three ‘little’ words.

“I love you, Zayn.”

A pause and then,

“I know.” 

And Niall was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do when we come for you.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Niall sprinted down the pavement, took a left turn and ran until he reached a two-story house. Without knocking, he barged through the front door which was creaked open. 

“Niall!?”

Niall screeched to such a sudden halt that he almost tripped over his feet and he looked wide-eyed into the kitchen where Harry’s mother, Ann, had been putting the grocery away and looked at him with worried eyes. He couldn’t blame her; he properly looked like a maniac the way he was panting, his hair windblown and his eyes big.

“Hi! Is Harry in his room?” He asked breathlessly, and Ann had barely nodded before he was racing up the stairs, leaving the woman shaking her head with a fond smile.

Niall threw the door to Harry’s room open, so Harry who’d been rummaging through the drawer almost had a heart attack when the door slammed loudly against the wall. The younger boy looked up with big eyes, and all he managed to see was a blur before he was unceremoniously tackled to the ground. He grunted painfully when he hit the ground another weight crashing on top of him.

“HARRYYYYYY!” 

Harry blinked wildly with his eyes, before they finally focused on Niall’s beaming face. Niall was so beyond excited that he didn’t realize Harry’s half-naked state; the boy was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, and Niall was straddling his waist.

“N-Niall…what are you doing?” Harry breathed a little scared.

“Look, Harry! Look!” Niall shoved a piece of paper into Harry’s face barely able to contain his excitement. He waited with baited breath as Harry took the piece of paper and looked properly at it. Harry’s confused expression was quickly swept over by an ear-splitting grin, his green eyes brightening up.

“You got an A in your math test!! Niall!! You did it!” Harry’s arm came up, circled around Niall’s neck and brought him down, engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug. Niall laughed in delight and Harry laughed along not minding that Niall’s loud laughter was ringing in his ear. “I am so proud of you!”

“It’s all you!! You’re a life saver, Harry! Thank you so much!” Niall affectionately ruffled up in Harry’s curls before rubbing his nose against Harry’s neck. “I can’t believe it! My math teacher couldn’t believe it! Shit, Harry! I got an A! I got a motherfucking A!” Niall suddenly jumped to his feet and ran over, fingering Harry’s stereo.

Harry worked himself up in a sitting position, his pulse a little quicker than usual as he watched Niall with a loving smile. He winced a little when an upbeat son boomed out from the small speakers. Niall spun around and faced him, the smile on his face couldn’t have been bigger and the butterflies batted violently against Harry’s stomach.

“This deserves our victory dance!” Niall declared as he grabbed Harry by the arm and hauled him to his feet. “Do you remember our victory dance?” Niall looked hopefully at Harry who smirked. “Of course, Ni,” He said. “I could never forget anything we have together.” Niall grinned. “Awesome!”

They had made that victory dance back in middle school when they were in 6th grade, and Harry’s team – he’d been part of the football team – won the school tournament, and basically consisted of Niall and Harry looking a little retarded.

They had barely finished before Niall was hugging Harry around the middle, squeezing him tightly enough for the younger boy to have problems breathing. However, he didn’t complain and just returned the hug. “Harry…” Niall muttered panting a bit as his lack of sleep last night – because of the math test results – finally caught up to him and he closed his eyes, inhaling Harry’s scent. “I know that it’s been a little rough between us…” Niall opened his eyes and smiled. “But I also know that I can always count on you by the end of the day.” 

“Awww, are we getting like really sentimental now?” Harry teased, ruining the moment and Niall groaned as he pulled away and slapped Harry across his naked chest; and froze when his brain _finally_ registered the fact that Harry was almost fully naked. Niall’s eyes instinctively swept over Harry’s tall, lanky form. The second he realized he was checking his friend out did he blush a bright red, his eyes widening in horror and snapping up to meet Harry’s; his breath caught in his throat when he saw Harry looking rather amused at him, a lopsided smile tugging at his lips.

“Uh-eh…I… see you tomorrow!” Niall’s first reaction was to escape this extremely embarrassing situation as he spun on his heels, but he never got far. He nearly choked on his own spittle when Harry’s arms suddenly wrapped around his waist tightly, holding him in place. Then Niall felt Harry’s naked chest press against his back and the boy’s chin resting against his shoulder and _fuck_ , what was Niall’s body doing!!?

“Don’t leave so soon,” Harry breathed into his ear, and Niall went stiff and rigid. “This call for… _celebration_.” For as long as Niall could remember, Harry always had this ability to make anything he said, no matter how innocent it was, sound incredibly…dirty. In any other situation Niall would have rolled his eyes and smacked him on the head, but now… now he just gulped while his heart threatened to burst out of his rips. He didn’t understand why he was acting this way, and why he couldn’t move and what was Harry’s mouth doing against his neck? 

“No! No!” Niall exclaimed in panic as he jerked out of Harry’s hold, because _no_ , this was not right. “I can’t do it, Harry!” He turned around to face the boy and was shocked to see him biting his lip, obviously trying to muffle his laughter.

“What?” He asked with suppressed laughter. “You can’t come to the festival downtown?”

Niall stilled, his jaw hitting the ground.

“I was supposed to go with Louis,” Harry continued lightly. “But the poor kid is stressing over his exams so he ditched me. It would be great celebration, no?” Harry blinked innocently with his eyes, but Niall could see that cheeky twinkle in his eyes; the blonde considered crawling into a hole and die, because apparently, he was the only one going mental here.

“Uh… sure…” Niall trailed off lamely and scratched the back of his head.

“Sweet,” Harry muttered and walked up to his closet. “I was about to change clothes, before you came in.”

Niall glanced at Harry only to see him pulling out a pair of boxers, and his eyes widened slightly. “I’ll wait downstairs,” He called as he inched towards the door and before Harry could reply, he was out.

As Niall walked down the stairs and towards the kitchen to greet Harry’s mother, he felt a little overwhelmed. He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and plastered a smile on his lips as he eyes fell on Ann sitting at the counter and sipping on a cup of tea, her eyes skimming a news magazine in her hand.

“Hi,” Niall chirped as he sat down across the woman.

Ann looked up at him and smiled.

“Hello, Niall,” She said as she placed away the new magazine. “Can I get you a drink?”

 

Niall waved dismissingly with his hand before Ann got on her feet.

“Thanks, but I’m good,” He smiled. Ann nodded and made herself comfortable before engaging in a small-chat with Niall and that went on for a few minutes before Ann suddenly turned serious.

“Niall,” She said. “I am worried about Harry.”

Niall’s smile faltered a little as his concern was perked and he leaned a little forward.

“Is something wrong?” He asked a bit anxiously.

Harry’s mother sighed a little as she placed away the empty mug and rubbed her temple.

“I don’t think he’s okay,” She finally said, and Niall’s stomach clenched. “He’s been a little off lately… I know when he’s hiding something. And I think he’s been hiding something for a while now.”

Niall regarded her silently, and he knew the worry visible in her eyes reflected the one in his own.

“I hate to put you in this position Niall,” She said, and Niall swallowed a little. “But I think Harry has been hanging with the wrong crowd lately… since you’re his close friend I thought you would know.” She gazed at him scrutinizing, and Niall wetted his lips a little.

“I…” Niall trailed off, not knowing what he wanted to say, what _could_ he say, anyway? That her son was perfectly fine other than the fact that he was socializing with a psychopath, doing god knows with him and that it might more or less be Niall’s fault from the very beginning? He didn’t think so. 

He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, not wanting to lie, but telling the truth was out of the question. He couldn’t betray Harry by outing him, and he wished Harry’s mother hadn’t put him in this position.

“Sorry, Niall,” She apologized profusely. “It’s wrong of me to ask you this. I am just extremely worried about him and I think my job has got me a little too busy for him lately.”

“Don’t worry,” Niall tried to soothe her and smiled. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get himself into too much trouble. I’ll look after him,” He promised, because that’s what friends did, right? Look out after one another and even though Niall still hadn’t figured out how to keep Harry from Nathan, he would make sure he didn’t get hurt.

“Thanks, Niall,” Ann said and looked relieved.

Niall was about to say something, but then the sound of Harry coming down the stairs reached his ear. He got to his feet as Harry popped up in the doorway and mouthed a “sure thing” to the woman. 

“Come on, Ni!” Harry called. “Be back later, mom!”

“Have fun, boys!”

….

The festival at the park downtown was amazing, and the weather was wonderful. 

The atmosphere was too obnoxious, but Niall loved every bit of it.

Little kids running everywhere, yelling and screaming, the sound of music around every corner, the inability to walk through the street without smelling something being fried, and of course the first thing Niall insisted they did was get something to eat.

Harry insisted to pay as congrats for Niall’s grade, but Niall would have none of that; after a long while arguing, Niall managed to convince Harry that it would be all on him today.

There were so many things to do and so many things to see, and Niall and Harry both had a great time together without all the tension that seemed to surround them lately; well almost without. Even though Niall couldn’t feel it, he knew it was there, hiding and simmering under the surface. The thing was that it wasn’t even the bad kind of tension, the kind of tension you could cut with a knife – though it seemed it could reach that point soon – no, it was a tension that appeared every time Harry and Niall found themselves in rather awkward situations; like when Niall’s mother had walked in on them, or just a couple of hours ago in Harry’s room. Niall didn’t want to think too much about it; he thought his psyche couldn’t handle much more stress right now. First of all, he would focus on getting Harry away from Nathan and what better way was there than spending time with him? Then at least he knew he wasn’t with Nathan.

“Who’re you texting?” Niall asked nonchalantly as he popped up next to Harry, and the younger carelessly slipped the phone back into his tight jeans.

“Oh, just a girl,” Harry said lightly as he stole one of Niall’s roasted almonds and popped it in his mouth.

“Oh, yeah?” Niall said sarcastically because he’d _seen_ Nathan’s name flashing on the screen, and his hand tightened a little around the small paper bag of roasted almonds.

Harry eyed him warily, before suddenly flipping the subject.

“Hey, look! They have air-hockey over there!” He flashed him a dimply smile. “I bet I could beat you easily, Ni.” And before Niall could protest Harry walked off, and he groaned, deciding to drop the subject and followed the boy.

Another hour went by and the sun was slowly dropping lower, the air getting crispier. Niall and Harry sat at a bench at the lake when Niall just couldn’t tame his curiosity and he asked the question that’d been circling in his mind for what felt like forever. He just blurted it out;

“Did you sleep with him?”

Harry choked on the coke he’d been drinking so it sprayed out of his nose, and Niall got busy clapping him concerned on the back. Harry heaved after air and once he got control of his airways he turned to look at Niall with wide eyes.

“ _What_ did you just ask me?” He spluttered.

“I asked you if you’ve slept with Nathan,” Niall deadpanned, but then blushed at his own boldness. 

“Fuck, Niall,” Harry groaned as he looked away, running a hand through his curls. He turned to look at Niall, studying him with his eyes and Niall waited with baited breath; he could feel how tense he was, and he was afraid that if the answer was positive, he might just snap. 

“No,” Harry finally said.

“Really?” Niall pestered. Harry had lied to him about his and Nathan’s relationship before – Niall really hoped it wasn’t a relationship – and Niall didn’t know if he would do it again.

“Yeah, don’t you believe me?” Harry asked with a frown, and Niall shrugged a little.

“Nah, it’s just…” Niall trailed off and squinted his eyes a little trying to figure out a better way to say it. “…I am relived.” He relaxed a little against the bench and exhaled.

“Obviously,” Harry muttered and took a sip of his coke. “Just to clarify; I haven’t sleep with anyone since…” Harry trailed off as he realized that he’d been heading to a taboo topic; he paled and Niall stiffened.

A sudden tension crashed down on them, and Niall felt like he couldn’t breathe. He chanced a glance at Harry who was staring off-space with wide eyes and blanched features. Niall opened his mouth, but nothing came out; he felt like someone suddenly had rubbed sandpaper against his throat. He tried to do the next best thing but as soon as he reached out for Harry, he knew it was a bad idea. His fingertips had barely graced the younger boy’s arm, before Harry flinched, and Niall’s heart sank.

“Harry-”

“It’s fine,” Harry forced a smile as he got to his feet. “It’s getting late, let’s leave.” Without even sparing Niall a glance, he walked away, leaving Niall to be swallowed up by his guilty conscience. He’d been delusional when he thought things would just miraculously turn back as they used to be; like the fact that he’d hurt Harry would just vanish if he stopped thinking about it, if they didn’t talk about it. However, talking about it couldn’t possibly make anything better in Niall’s opinion and last time they attempted to talk about it didn’t end very well.

As Niall slowly got to his feet and stared after Harry’s retreating form, it got him thinking about Nathan’s words of _who_ was really hurting Harry here. Maybe Nathan was capable of physically hurting Harry, but Niall was afraid to think that it would be nothing compared to the way Niall must be hurting him. 

He just wanted to run up behind Harry and hug him and never let go again. Niall always forgot that Harry was younger than him; that when Harry got hurt, he did stupid stuff. Niall’s breath staggered in his throat as he realized that he should’ve known; known that Harry was smarter than associating with people like Nathan even if he put up an act. 

Harry was just more hurt than Niall had ever been willing to realize.

* * *

“When did you start smoking?” Niall asked from where he was perched on top of Zayn’s car and looked over at Zayn through his shades. Said boy was standing a little away from the car, and with his leather jacket, a printed tee that so charmingly said “fuck you”, tight jeans stuck in military boots and smoking a cigarette, he lived up to his bad boy image.

Zayn took a suck of the cigarette and blew out the smoke, watching it for a moment before glancing at Niall. “I dunno,” He muttered and carelessly shrugged. “I think it was in the beginning of my fresh men year.”

“Ever thought of stopping?” Niall asked nonchalantly, but took of his shades to study Zayn more closely. Zayn shrugged a little again and absentmindedly kicked to a rock. “Yeah,” He finally said. “I’ve thought about it.”

“Ever tried?” Niall ran a hand through his hair, messing it more up than it already was. He looked towards Zayn who was still lazily smoking on the cigarette and taking his time to answer. When Niall first met Zayn, he’d thought he looked incredibly hot smoking – he probably still did to some extent – but now all he saw was all the negative side-effects smoking had, and Zayn damaging his health consciously had Niall worried.

“Nope,” Zayn retorted as he finished the cigarette and stomped a little on it. “’I’m probably not going to stop before I leave this place,” He muttered as he looked over Delevan. They were currently on a high slope and had a perfect view of their town; it laid beneath them bathed in the late evening sun. Niall frowned a little at the tint of resentment in Zayn’s voice.

“You mean leave for college?” He asked and when something shifted in Zayn’s expression, Niall would never know if it had been a trick of the sun or he’d really seen it, cause like everything else with Zayn, it was gone the next second.

Zayn didn’t reply; just hummed. He came over and sat down next to Niall on the hood of the car and stared at the town. Niall watched him silently for a moment feeling like he would interrupt some deep thoughts of Zayn’s. Zayn seemed to be in a lot of deep thoughts, and the only problem was properly that Niall never knew what he was thinking. 

“Where do you want go after high school, Zayn?” Niall asked curiously, his voice quiet as to not startle the older boy too much. Niall could see Zayn come back to reality and he sighed softly as he laid down on his back and stared at the sky. 

“Just…away,” Zayn muttered softly, and Niall studied him. The way Zayn said it was like he didn’t just want to leave for college; he wanted to leave this part of his life behind; maybe leave his super-rich, arrogant family for good. Niall felt a tug in his chest and he laid down next to Zayn. Zayn had closed his eyes, and Niall looked up at the sun had bathed it in an orange glow.

“Zayn,” He was whispering for some unknown reason, and Zayn hummed next to him. “I’ve been wondering, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but,” Niall looked at Zayn and said boy slowly opened his eyes before turning his head to look at Niall. This left their faces inches apart, their noses almost touching and they were breathing in each other’s air. Niall looked into Zayn’s eyes that were glowing amber, and he thought the saying “eyes are mirrors into one’s soul” couldn’t be more of a lie when it came to Zayn. Zayn had the ability to completely hide his emotions when he saw it fit, and the fact that Niall didn’t know what he was feeling or thinking half of the time was disheartening for the blonde. 

“What happened in your family?” He whispered and gauged Zayn’s reaction but Zayn just stared at him, unmoving and unblinking. “What happened between Nathan and you?” Niall had been thinking about it for some time; speculating what could possibly cause such a relationship between siblings and Chad’s ‘explanation’ of ‘they just hate each other’s guts’ didn’t really satisfy him. He felt there was something deeper.

Zayn didn’t reply, and Niall thought it was better than a lie; never mind it hurt a little. He smiled bravely and stroked Zayn’s cheek. “You don’t have to,” He said quietly, and Zayn could see the relief in Zayn’s eyes. The dark-haired boy leaned closer and the angle is bit awkward, but Zayn captured Niall’s lips in a soft kiss. 

“I’m starving,” He breathed when he broke the kiss. “Want to get something to eat?”

Niall smiled.

“Sure.”

…..

They went to a café downtown and ordered a meal, and Niall was pleasant that he was spending more and more time with Zayn. Everything went fine, perfect actually but just as everything in Niall’s life lately, it had to come to an end. 

They were just walking out of the bar and Niall was laughing at what, he wasn’t sure of when Zayn suddenly stopped up, grabbing his wrist tightly, resulting in Niall coming to a halt as well. “Zayn?” Niall asked puzzled and looked at the boy only to see him staring at something in front of him with tense features. Niall automatically followed his gaze only to see a group of three boys standing a few meters from them and judging from their matching jackets, they were a part of a gang or something. They were also staring at Zayn with anything but friendly eyes, the one in the middle giving him a particular nasty look. Niall suddenly got this very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Zayn, what-”

“This way,” Zayn cut him off and turned around, tugging Niall with him. They had barely taken two steps when another couple of boys in the same grey and black jackets appeared around the corner in front of them, blocking their way.

That’s when Niall began to get scared.

“Zayn, what’s going on?!” Niall whispered as he glanced from the boys in front of them to the boys behind them before staring frantically at Zayn. The boy looked eerily calm.

“Go back into the café and wait for me,” He said quietly without taking his eyes off the boys who were glaring death at him.

“What!? No way!” Niall hissed back.

“Niall,” Zayn turned to look at him, his eyes dead serious, but Niall refused. 

“Hey! Pretty boy!” One of the boys behind them shouted the one in the middle and began to advance on them and judging by the way the others followed, he could be the leader.

Zayn turned fully around to face them and pushed Niall a little behind him before sending the blonde a look that clearly told him to leave, but Niall didn’t flinch. The three boys stopped up a mere half meter from them, and Niall could feel his heart rate pick up as the tension weighed heavily down on them. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the two behind them had moved closer too, and Niall felt trapped; his old claustrophobic fears seeping back into his system.

“Do you need anything?” Zayn asked his voice cold and his eyes likewise. The one in the middle – the leader from what Niall had concluded – had semi-long brown hair that fell over his eyes; eyes that flashed dangerously at Zayn’s question.

“Oh, I don’t know,” He sneered sarcastically, his nose flaring and Niall could see he was seconds away from snapping. 

“Maybe I just want to beat you into a bloody plump for sleeping with my _girlfriend_ , you little fucker!”

And Niall felt like the world dropped under his feet.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

 _Sleeping with my girlfriend_ , echoed in Niall’s mind and he felt like those words were a train that hit him full-speed; he felt dizzy and felt like the only thing holding him up were Zayn’s tight grip around his wrist; a grip that created a knot of nausea in the pit of his stomach. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zayn growled, and Niall already felt like throwing up. His shock-widened eyes had frozen on the back of Zayn’s head. “Now get the fuck out of my way.”

“Oh yeah?” The leader spat as he took another threatening step forward, but Zayn didn’t budge and returned his glare evenly. “Does the name Spencer in Daisy ring a bell?”

 _Spencer, Spencer, Spencer_ ; the image of a faceless girl with a name entered Niall’s mind. A girl Zayn had _slept_ with, and Niall had to remember to breathe in and out; it proved harder than he thought.

“We’re leaving,” Zayn said curtly and attempted to walk away; keyword, attempted. “You’re going nowhere,” The leader, Guy #1, sneered and one of the guys who’d been standing next to him, Guy#2 stepped in front of them. 

And after that; things happened too fast for Niall to even react.

Zayn growled and punched Guy #2 right on the jaw and the guy cried out in pain, stumbling on his feet. Niall had barely let out of a gasp of shock before Zayn had pushed him out of the way. The push was so unexpected that Niall almost fell flat on his face, but he regained balance and spun around just in time to see another guy charging towards Zayn. He aimed a punch at Zayn, but Zayn dodged it the last minute; he grabbed the guy’s arm and brought him closer, kneeing him in the stomach. The guy doubled over and the next split-second one of the guy’s who’d been standing behind them had grabbed Zayn by the arm. Zayn hissed and turned to hit, but he didn’t see the punch coming from his blind side; Niall did.

“Zayn!” Niall cried but it was too late, the punch landed on Zayn’s temple, and Zayn staggered on his feet. Before he could regain balance, two of the guys had grabbed him by the arm, holding him still and immobile. The leader moved up in front of Zayn and closed a hand around his throat.

“Did you really think you could get away with it?” His voice dripped venom and his fury was further fuelled by Zayn’s bored expression.

“Maybe,” Zayn said slowly. “You should find yourself a girlfriend that isn’t a fucking skank.” He smirked provocatively and the guy looked seconds away from exploding. “Fucker,” He growled and then brought a knee up, burying it in Zayn’s stomach.

As Zayn doubled over with a gasp, Niall finally snapped out of his paralyzed state. 

“No! Stop it!” Niall shouted and ran towards Zayn and the guys holding him. Zayn’s gaze snapped up to meet Niall’s and he sent him another look that told him to get away, but how could Niall leave Zayn to the mercy of those scary guys? He was only a step away when one of the guys suddenly grabbed him by the middle and easily moved him away. 

“Stay out of it, kid,” The guy sneered into his ear.

“HEY! Let go! Damn it!” Niall flailed against the guy’s hold, but he was at least twice as big as Niall; his attempts were futile. He looked frantically towards Zayn and his stomach clenched when he saw the scene that unfolded before him; the leader was kicking Zayn in the guts – every kick making Zayn double a little over and Niall to wince – and Zayn had no way of defending himself when he was being hold up by the other two guys.

They were beginning to gather people’s attentions who stopped up and watched from a safe distance, not sure what to do. Meanwhile the leader drove a fist into Zayn’s jaw making the boy wince and without warning, the two guys holding him up released him, and Zayn had no time of bracing himself before he hit the cold concrete. Zayn grunted at the impact and he could taste his own blood in his mouth. The leader leaned over him, his gaze malicious and Zayn hand discreetly closed around a random rock. The leader leaned down and clutched Zayn’s collar, bringing Zayn’s face up and raised his balled hand. Before he could land the punch, Zayn raised the hand with the rock and smashed the rock directly into the guy’s face. A sickening crunch sound filled the air followed by an agonized howl. The leader released Zayn as both his hands flew up to hover over his nose where the blood was gushing. “You asshole!” Zayn got to his knees but wasn’t fast enough to dodge the kick and as it hit the side of his face. The side of his lip burst and he hissed as he fell on all four.

“Help! someone! Damn it!” Niall cried hysterically, because _why_ was no one doing anything!? “Let go!” He hissed and rammed an elbow into the guy’s ribcage. The guy let out a strangled sound as his hold around Niall loosened, and Niall jerked out of his arms. He didn’t get far though, because the guy recovered quickly. “You little shit!” He growled and grabbed the back of Niall’s collar, almost choking the blonde. Before Niall knew what was happening the guy more or less threw him to the side. Niall stumbled and lost balance. He fell and hit head on the sharp corner of a table outside the café, and a sharp pain lanced through his skull before he collapsed on the cold concrete. 

Niall whimpered as he lifted his head and let out a small pained sound when a sharp pain erupted from his left temple and his vision blurred a little. He felt a sudden wave of dizziness crash on him and he clenched his eyes quietly shut; he could hear the commotion around him getting noisier and he risked a glanced towards Zayn’s general direction. A crowd of people were now surrounding them and some on them were shouting at the gang members, from what they could make out, they were threatening to call the police. Niall heart dropped when he saw Zayn on his knees bent forward, his forehead against the concrete and an arm clutching his stomach. The gang members were trying to get to him, but a group of middle-aged men were standing between them and Niall knew that a minute more and another fight might erupt.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!” Niall heard him, before he saw him. Chad’s wild brown locks appeared between the crowd as he shoved his way through and his eyes wide as he saw Zayn. He dropped down next to him, and Niall couldn’t really hear if they were talking, but Chad suddenly looked up and glared dangerously at the gang members; he even barred his teeth revealing his abnormally pointy canines. He got to his feet and then he was talking in his phone with wild gestures.

Niall fought to get up on his knees but the simple action made his brain wobble in his head and it took him a few seconds to feel the fluid trailing down the side of his head and dripping down from his temple. He looked down as a drop hit the ground and it was bright red; blood. His hand flew up and gingerly touched the side of his head. He winced slightly when he felt the sticky, wet blood under his fingertips oozing from a wound a little above his temple. Suddenly a little white thing appeared at his feet and he looked down to see Cotton barking at him in concern.

“The police are coming! You boys better not start more trouble!” Some random person shouted, and the gang members finally realized that they couldn’t beat the living out of Zayn today. Niall saw them say something towards Zayn and Chad. Chad replied with a menacing expression, but Zayn was still bent over, his shoulders heaving. Relief flooded Niall when the gang members left and disappeared around a corner. Niall looked back at Zayn and Chad only to see Chad looking directly at him, his eyes wide with alarm, and Niall stared blankly back. Chad looked like he was about to come over, but then everyone’s attention were claimed by the sound of a car screeching to a halt almost knocking into the crowd. Cassandra emerged from the driver seat and she quickly surveyed the situation, her eyes immediately finding Zayn and Chad.

“Get in the fucking car,” She barked out the order and Chad got busy helping Zayn on his feet and half-carrying, half-dragging him towards the passenger seat. “What are you looking at?!” She yelled as looked around with flashing eyes at the people surrounding them. “The show is over! Leave!” Her eyes fell on Niall who was still on his knees, bleeding and watching with an impassive expression.

“Fuck, Niall!” She rushed over to him and studied him worriedly. “Don’t worry. The wound isn’t too bad. You’ll be alright, come on.” Niall didn’t say anything, because he felt _numb_ and he allowed Cassandra to haul him to his feet and drag him towards the car.

She helped him into passenger seat, and Niall could see and feel Zayn next to him, but he couldn’t get himself to look at him. He just stared straightforward as the numbness in his chest spread through his body.

“Ok, what the fuck happened back there!?” Cassandra exclaimed as soon as she started the car and threw a glance at Zayn through the rear-view mirror. The boy’s face was a little dirty, his lip bruised, another bruise was forming on his cheekbone, but judging from his slightly wheezy breaths Cassandra knew most of the damage wasn’t visible. “From what I could gather, those motherfuckers weren’t even from town!” Chad hissed, his eyes narrowed.

“Shit, Zayn! What the fuck did you do _now_!?” Cassandra snarled and chanced another glance at Zayn, but Zayn was busy staring at Niall while said blonde boy was staring stiffly in front of him. 

“Keep your eyes on the road, Cass,” Zayn muttered without taking his eyes off of the blonde. Chad turned in his seat and looked worriedly at Niall. “Shit, Niall!” He exclaimed when he saw the small wound and the drying trail of blood. “Are you okay, man!?”

Niall didn’t even look at him or make any indication that he even heard the question; he just continued staring at nothing, worrying the other three in the car.

Zayn finally made a move as he scooted closer to Niall and lifted his hand.”Niall-” Zayn was about to cradle Niall’s chin and turn his face toward him so he could inspect his wound, but Niall stopped him.

“Don’t. touch. me.” Niall said quietly, stressing each word but still not looking at Zayn, and Zayn’s hand dropped.

“Just listen-” Zayn tried again, but Niall cut him off.

“Don’t. talk.” He said, his tone oddly flat and Zayn swallowed but complied nonetheless. Chad and Cassandra threw each other worried looks, but didn’t say anything.

The rest of the drive was eerily quiet and tense.

….

“There you go,” Cassandra patted Niall on the shoulder and studied her work briefly; she’d patched Niall’s wound up. She looked at the boy who was just staring at nothing like he’d been doing the past 20 minutes. She could hear Zayn and Chad talking in low voices except when Chad would curse loudly. “Hey, Niall,” She said as gently as she could. “You’ve been quiet for some time and it’s kind of scary.”

Niall barely heard her, just gave her a quick glance before looking away. He heard the sound of footsteps approaching and his whole body tensed. Zayn and Chad appeared in the doorway, both of them looking at him. He met Zayn’s worried eyes with a blank one, and he hated the concern seeping up in him when he saw the bruises on Zayn’s naked chest. He looked away.

“Cassandra,” He talked and his voice was a little hoarse. “Drive me home,” He said as he got to his feet, and Cassandra stood up as well a bit warily. Niall avoided Zayn’s intense gaze as he walked towards the door opening, his heart arching in his chest and he tried to walk around Zayn.

“Niall, please don’t leave yet,” Zayn’s voice was barely above a whisper and when he grabbed Niall’s hand, it was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Niall snapped.

With a snarl, he tugged his hand out of Zayn’s grip and shoved him away from his roughly. Zayn grunted in pain as Niall had pushed his bruises, but Niall really didn’t care. He could feel the red anger spreading through his veins and settling his eyes in a storm.

“I hate you,” He spat, only a slight waver in his voice. Zayn looked taken aback, and Niall just wanted to hit him. Cassandra and Chad were quick to slip out of the room, both not favoring to get caught in the crossfire.

“You aren’t even giving me a chance to explain!” Zayn hissed, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Explain!?” Niall echoed incredulously. “Explain _what_ , Zayn!? What the fuck is there to explain! Or by explaining do you mean telling another of your lies!? Just leave me alone!!”

“I didn’t sleep with her while I was with you!” Zayn exclaimed frustrated as he moved forward, and Niall took a step back. He stared at him unable to believe him, but then another thought hit him. “It was before we were together,” Zayn said, in a more controlled voice.

“Tell me, Zayn,” Niall whispered, his voice shaking slightly. “You slept with her before we were ‘together’, you say. does that mean you slept with her while you slept with me??” Niall already knew the answer, but a silent prayer was still chanting in his head. Zayn’s silence gave him away, and it was like a stab to Niall’s heart.

“It was in the beginning, Niall, I had only slept with you a few times-” Zayn rushed to say, but Niall had heard enough.

“How is that supposed to make me feel better?!” Niall cried, and Zayn’s mouth clapped together. “It just makes it that much worse. So you slept with me one night and the other night you went to another girl!!?” Niall felt his dignity slipping through his fingers and the burning sting of tears in his eyes. “Do you even realize how that makes me feel!? How fucking _worthless_ that makes me feel right now!? I was never enough for you from the beginning!” Niall’s vision blurred with the tears, and he could feel the heartache and the heartbreak, because this couldn’t be happening; the image of Zayn leaving him after they had sex to fuck another girl made Niall lose his breath and his insides twist. He was sobbing now, and Zayn was frozen on the spot.

“Niall, babe,” Zayn whispered as he took a cautious step forward, afraid that if rose his voice, Niall would crumble. He touched Niall’s shaking shoulder slightly, but Niall shied away from his touch. “Would you just listen to me,” Zayn’s attempts were futile, because Niall was too hurt to listen anymore.

“No, Zayn! No!” He cried as he furiously wiped away the tears only for new ones to replace them, and he gasped a little after air. “I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t,” He shook his head fervently and sniveled. “I knew something like this was going to happen but I am stupid and I am delusional and I believe in things that aren’t even there,” he looked at Zayn through the tears. “I am too invested in this,” He gestured between them as he trailed off and another muffled sob escaped his lips. “… I can‘t even call it a relationship… I am the only one trying to make it work here. You aren’t even trying Zayn.”

“I want this too,” Zayn said quietly and ran a hand through his hair as he looked away, unable to see Niall crying like that. 

“No, no you don’t, Zayn,” Niall croaked. “You’re just hurting me. Being with you is hurting me. I gave you everything, Zayn. I gave you everything I had, but you never gave anything back. I sacrificed so much… I almost lost my friends…Harry… I believed in this, in you, but you just misused it. Took advantage of it,” Niall closed his arms around himself and looked away bitterly.

Zayn in a loss of what to do tried to reach for Niall again, but he got the same result as before. Niall moved away from him, shaking his head from side to side, the tears still pouring down his cheeks. “Please don’t touch me,” He whispered brokenly. “I can’t stand your touch anymore…this…” Niall gestured between them and took a shaky inhale of air. “…whatever it was,” He continued and forced himself to meet Zayn’s eyes. 

“It’s over.” 

Zayn froze in shock, and Niall spun on his heels and stormed off. Zayn snapped out of it.

“Niall! wait!”

Niall disappeared out of the door and Zayn would have followed him if Cassandra suddenly didn’t block his way. She shook her head and glared sternly at him.

“Let him go, Zayn,” She said quietly and walked up to him clapping him on the shoulder. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

* * *

An obnoxious roar from the dark, cloudy sky informed Niall that it was going to rain, and he wasn’t sure where he was. He brought his thin cardigan closer around him and shuddered when another gust of wind passed him. Another roar of thunder ripped through the air, and Niall looked up to see an ominous grey cloud rolling over the sky. He swallowed a little and looked around the unfamiliar surroundings. He wasn’t sure if he was in Cassandra’s neighborhood anymore.

He felt an ounce of relief when he saw the bus stop down the street; he could take shelter there and if he was lucky, he could take the bus. He walked over there, but ended up running the last bit when a drop of rain hit the crone of his head. Just as he got under the bus stop, the rain poured down. It glimmered as it hit the pavement at the small shelter of the bus stop, beating against the asphalt street with curiosity and loud splashes. Niall shivered again and tripped a little as his eyes looked around again; there was no soul, of course because of the horrid weather. He walked up to the bus directions plastered across the wall of the bus stop. It took him a few minutes to make sense of it, but once he did, he deflated a little in defeat; the nearest bus that would take him anywhere recognizable wouldn’t be here for another 3 quarters. 

Niall sighed as he collapsed on the bench and stared blankly out in the rain. He tried to even out his shaky breaths caused by the mile long running. His face felt dry and stiff with the tears stains on his cheek, and judging by the irritability in his eyes, he could imagine they were bloodshed. He tried to push away any thoughts of the emptiness he felt, knowing it would be enough to make him break out in a fresh stream of tears. 

Niall didn’t understand why here was so deserted; it wasn’t even that late. Only a couple of cars zoomed by the small bus stop, the sound of their tires flicking rain up from the soaked street and splashes from the wheels flying through puddles at dangerously high speeds.

Niall’s headache was beginning to match the ache in his chest and he gingerly touched the patched up wound. He winced, the smallest touch causing the developing pain in the side of his head to increase. He caught himself wondering if Zayn was okay, considering he’d been beaten up by these guys, but then a sour bitterness would consume him and he would pull his lips into a thin line, sniffing frantically, trying to hold back the tears.

He had been sitting there a few minutes when he contemplated to call his friends, maybe even his mom to pick him up. He decided against, though, because that would just require him explaining why he looked like he did; broken. 

Another few minutes passed by, and Niall was beginning to shake in the thin clothes he was wearing. Obnoxious voices reached his ear through the noise of the rain, and his blue eyes snapped up in the general direction. He saw a couple of men running towards the bus stop shelter while the rain mercilessly beat down on them. They reached the bus stop shelter panting and wheezing for air. They were dripping wet, and Niall eyed their worn out clothes and the bottles of alcohol in their hands warily; they didn’t look like good news.

“Oh what motherfucking crappy weather!” One of them slurred; he had a cap on and the dirty bangs peeking from underneath were plastered to his forehead. The other man grimaced to reveal a set of horrid teeth, and Niall looked away repulsed. “I told ya’ it was goin’ to rain!” The other guy barked and staggered a little on his feet. They hadn’t noticed Niall yet, but the blonde felt it was only a matter of time.

Niall knew he had to leave before that happened only he had a couple of problems; it was raining like there was no tomorrow and he didn’t know where he was. He discreetly threw a glance at the digital clock on his phone all the way casting nervous glances towards the drunken men who’d went into bickering. He swallowed around the lump in his throat upon discovering there was still 30 minutes to the bus arrived, and he worried his lips while his brain tried to come up with a solution. He jumped startled when the men began to cackle at nothing in particular while taking large swigs of the bottles in their hands, ungracefully spilling over themselves and on the ground. 

Niall didn’t know if they felt the burn of his stare or they just decided to look in his general direction, but one of them suddenly looked directly at him with unfocused eyes. He blinked a little and stared at Niall like he thought he was a fragment of his imagination; Niall didn’t even dare to bat an eyelash, praying that he just looked away.

“Oh mate! Look! A little boy,” He pointed at Niall and grinned as he almost lost balance. “What is a little boy doing here alone!?” He asked loudly as his other companion also turned to stare at Niall, and the blonde gulped as he considered his next move. They couldn’t possibly do any harm with how drop-dead-drunk they were, but Niall’s heart was still beating loudly in his chest. He climbed to his feet, deciding that he favored getting wet rather than sharing this shelter with those men.

“Hey! Hey kid! Don’t leave!” Niall looked up to see one of them coming towards him with a wide smile, his eyes half-crescents. His face was dirty and he had a rough, scrubby look. “Oh, you’re a pretty one! Pretty blue eyes! And pretty blonde hair!” He slurred and when he reached a grubby hand towards Niall, the blonde stepped out in the rain. He shuddered violently as the rain poured down on him and drenched him in seconds. 

“Oi! What are you doing kid! You are getting wet!”

“That sound so dirty, mate!”

Niall looked back at them only to see those cackling like madmen, and he shuddered in disgust. Niall was shaking like a leaf in the rain as he looked up and down the street, not knowing which way to go. He was almost tempted to just wait here in the rain where those sorry excuses of men couldn’t reach him and wait for the bus.

Suddenly the bright lights of a car briefly lit up each rain drop passing in front of them before they impacted the ground. Niall looked up with big hopeful eyes as the car came down the street towards him, and Niall would be willing to beg for a lift at this point. He didn’t expect the car to slow down, slowly rolling to a stop a few meters past him. Niall stared at it, not daring to move. The window of the passenger seat rolled down, and Niall froze to his bones.

“Niall?” Dark eyes under dark-brown perfectly side swept bangs. “What are you doing?” He had to shout to raise his voice above the rain as he squinted his eyes at the small blonde who looked a drowning puppy. “Get in!”

Niall closed his eyes and slowly counted to three. When he opened them, he was still staring into the same eyes, and he thought the chance of this being a coincidence was very small.

His jaw clenched.

“Nathan,” He bit out through gritted teeth, and the fake concern in Nathan’s eyes were swept away by a cold darkness, a smug smirk slowly tugging at his lips.

“Climb in,” He said. “Then we can work out a deal.”

* * *

“When the fuck did you two gits go to Daisy?!” Cassandra crossed her arms and glared at Chad and Zayn. “Zayn, were you really stupid enough to fuck a gang leader’s girlfriend?”

Zayn rubbed his forehead and sighed.

“I slept with a girl when I was there,” He muttered. “But I don’t fucking recall her mentioning having a boyfriend.”

Cass huffed frustrated and glared at Zayn while Chad rolled his eyes.

“That’s not the point, man!” He said. “Why did you go sleeping with someone else when you were already sleeping with Niall!?”

Zayn swallowed a little and looked away from his friend’s judgmental gazes.

“It was in the beginning okay?” He growled and crossed his arms. “I just did because I could…it was a fucking _month_ ago. Why did he suddenly decide he wanted to beat me up after a fucking month?” Zayn frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“A month ago?” Cassandra pushed herself down from the windowsill, her expression thoughtful. “Wait… this actually looks weird,” She said and gazed between the two boys. “So, let me get this right; this guy comes all the way from Daisy to Delevan because he wants to beat you up for sleeping with his girlfriend a whole month ago?” She stared incredulously at Zayn who nodded slowly, but he also looked quite skeptic.

“Zayn,” Cassandra stopped up in front of the boy and gazed seriously at him. “Did you tell that chick where you were from?”

Zayn eyes widened a fraction.

“…No,” He said. “I didn’t.”

“Wait, what!?” Chad exclaimed confused and looked between Cassandra and Zayn who were sharing a look. “Then how did they know exactly where to find you?!”

Zayn’s jaw clenched tightly, his eyes hardening, and Cassandra licked her lips a little nervously.

“Zayn. Do you think….?” She trailed off and gazed towards Zayn.

Zayn’s hands clenched tightly into fists, his whole body tensing and his eyes darkening.

“ _Nathan_ ,” He growled, and Chad’s eyes widened in shock.

“What?!” He exclaimed.

“That bastard,” Zayn sneered as he got to his feet and looked like he needed something to punch. “He must have told them where I lived.”

Cassandra sighed, not entirely surprised.

“But…why would he do that?” Chad asked bewildered, always a little slower than the other two.

“Why not?” Cassandra scoffed and looked sympathetically at Zayn. “Maybe even paid them to royally fuck you up and luckily enough, they didn’t hurt Niall even thought it was obvious he was with you.”

“That’s true,” Chad mulled. “The guys from Daisy ruthless, they would have hurt Niall because he was with you, but they didn’t…because…”

“Because my bastard of my brother told them not to,” Zayn spat out.

“I still don’t get it,” Chad frowned. “Like…he’s evil, but come on, Nathan doesn’t do anything without a purpose.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Cassandra inquired getting impatient. “To break Niall and Zayn up obviously.” She looked at Zayn who was staring outside the window, his fists clenching and unclenching, and she knew he was trying to keep himself from snapping.

“So…he can get to Niall or what?” Chad asked; his eyes wide.

“Well, he would obviously be an easier prey now; hurt, vulnerable … and alone outside…” Cassandra trailed off, her eyes widening in horror and her gaze snapped towards Zayn who was mirroring her expression.

“Fuck, Niall,” Zayn hissed as he got busy tugging on a shirt

“We have to find him!” Cassandra exclaimed as she also rushed to find her jacket and shoes, Chad right behind her. “It’s raining outside, and I only have one umbrella,” She said. Zayn tugged on his boots and grabbed his jacket from the racks. “Who the fuck cares about rain?!” Zayn hissed as he flung open the door.

“It’s better if we split up,” Cassandra said as she locked the door behind her. “He can’t have gotten far.”

* * *

“You know, I never got to tell you where and how I met your little curly friend,” Nathan conversed lightly like Niall wasn’t sitting a few centimeters from him and shaking like a leaf not entirely from the cold either. He didn’t seem to care about Niall being dripping wet and properly ruining his expensive leather interior; Niall guessed he could change the whole car with a finger snap. 

“He was in bar on a drinking spree, all alone,” Nathan said and smirked when he got Niall’s full attention. He turned to look at Niall who was looking at him with wide blue eyes, and he could imagine the thoughts going through his mind. “You have one guess, Niall; why was little Harry getting drunk in a seedy bar in the wrong part of town where anyone could take advantage?” He gazed at the blonde boy and enjoyed how the color left Niall’s features and his shoulders tensed. “What would be so big, so painful that he resorted to alcohol to soothe his pain never mind only for a few moments?”

“Let me help you,” Nathan said sadistically enjoying the evident guilt in Niall’s blue eyes. “It’s the pain of getting rejected by your own best friend,” Nathan smiled when Niall took a shaky inhale of air. “The pain when your best friend chose someone who doesn’t love him the way he can.”

“Shut up,” Niall bit out.

“The poor boy is so lost and broken, that it’s too easy to use him,” Nathan chuckled, and Niall stared at him. “Don’t you dare,” Niall whispered, and Nathan idly wondered if he realized there was nothing intimidating about his soaked, small form and big blue eyes; if anything, he was just really, really, tempting. No wonder his little brother kept him around for so long. 

“I think you know what I am capable of, Niall,” Nathan said as he turned to look properly at Niall. Niall subconsciously scooted a little away even though he was already pressed against the other side of the car. Nathan found it endearing how he was trying to look calm and unaffected when Nathan could clearly see through him; he was scared, guilty, hurt and just too easy to manipulate. 

“You wanted to break up Zayn and I,” Niall suddenly spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. He stared stiffly out of the mirror and on the rain pouring down. “You got what you wanted,” Niall whispered. “So leave Harry alone.”

“You don’t get it, Niall,” Nathan said in a misleading warm voice. “That’s not the only thing I want,” He said in a hushed tone and watched as Niall’s breath hitched and his blue eyes widened a little. “It’s really all up to you,” He said and unable to keep his hands off, he reached over boldly placing a hand on Niall’s thigh; the younger boy froze at the contact. Nathan could just imagine how his heart was thudding in his chest and the fear was travelling through his body; it only made it that much better. 

“Here’s the thing, Niall,” Nathan said slowly and found it a challenge to keep his hand from moving further up the younger boy’s thigh. “I could you drive you home now, and you could forget that we ever talked.” He moved a little closer, and Niall was stiff and rigid. “Or we could work out a little deal and you won’t have to worry about your pretty little friend.” 

Nathan could see the thoughts racing through Niall’s eyes while he was breathing in deep, slow intakes. His whole body was still tense, and he did nothing to shake of Nathan’s hand. Nathan knew he only needed to push a little further.

“Did I mention I was meeting him later?” Nathan fought down a smirk when Niall’s eyes snapped towards him. He looked back as Niall stared at him for a second and a stream of different emotions flew through those pretty blue eyes, before they settled on blank; and Niall knew he’d hit home. Niall slowly looked down at Nathan’s hand on his thigh before lifting his gaze to meet his, and Nathan was pleasantly impressed by how void of emotions his eyes were. 

Then he uttered that one word that Nathan had been waiting for.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, niall baby, no.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Niall knew this wasn’t the best of his decision; probably his worst. His hair was dripping wet and his clothes had absorbed all the rain water; now clinging uncomfortably to his body. He stared at Nathan through his wet bangs, and Nathan sent him a smile, tilting his head a little and raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow. 

“Come here,” He said and patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Don’t be shy.”

Niall gritted his teeth together and tried not to appear as scared as he felt; the numbness that had been spreading through him the last hour helped greatly. He felt a little more than senseless. He walked up to the bed – not too slow, not too fast – and forced himself to keep eye contact with Nathan whose dark eyes were piercing into his blank ones. 

He reached the bed and sat down a few small inches from Nathan. The creak of the bed as Nathan shifted sounded awfully loud in Niall’s ears, almost enough to drown out his heart which was beating in loud, fast thuds; almost painful. “You’re freezing,” Nathan’s voice was close to his ear, and Niall fought down a shiver when he felt Nathan’s hand sneak around his waist, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. “Let me help you warm up.” Niall stared stiffly in front of him and had every intention of just sitting like that impassively, but Nathan had other plans.

Nathan cradled his chin and forced him to face him; this left their faces inches apart. Close up, Niall could see that Nathan’s eyes weren’t an ebony black like he’d thought in the beginning, but just a very, very dark shade of brown; the pupils were almost unnoticeable, but they were there. “You have such a lovely pair of blue eyes,” Nathan said, his breath was warm as it fanned over Niall’s face; Niall just stared back emotionlessly. Nathan leaned closer, and Niall tried to tame the knot of nausea growing inside of him. Nathan’s nose brushed Niall’s, and Niall’s breath staggered a little. “Almost as lovely as Harry’s green,” He said with a sinister glint in his eyes, and this got a reaction out of Niall.

The blonde grabbed Nathan’s shoulder tightly, holding him at bay. “How do I know you won’t hurt him?” He whispered hoarsely, Nathan’s face so close making him uncomfortable. “You’ll just have to trust me,” He replied and Niall just managed to take in a sharp intake of air, before Nathan closed the distance between them.

As Nathan’s lips moved against Niall’s, Niall tried not to think too much about what happened; better yet, not think of it at all. He knew the moment he began thinking that he was actually in a room, kissing Zayn’s older brother, he would probably crumble under a wave of self-loath. 

As Nathan touched up his thigh, curled his finger around his waist and brought him closer, and when he licked his lips asking for entrance, Niall kept thinking that this was for Harry and Harry alone; he would do anything to protect the younger boy, even _this_. Niall fingers were shaking slightly as he hesitantly opened his mouth, and Nathan’s tongue slipped in. Nathan licked into his mouth slowly, experimentally at first but once he’d done one full mapping of every crevice, his kiss turned deeper, rougher. Niall gasped a little into his mouth when Nathan unexpectedly fisted a hand in his hair, tilting his head a little back and shoving his tongue deeper into Niall’s mouth.

 _This is for Harry, it’s the least you can do_ ,” Niall chanted that sentence inside his mind, trying to convince himself, trying to hold back the wave looming over his head, threatening to reduce him to nothing. It felt wrong; for every little touch, Niall felt his already damaged dignity dropping lower.

Nathan pushed him onto his back as he broke the kiss, and Niall heaved a little after air. He looked up at Nathan’s handsome face as he looked down at him with those dark eyes; dark eyes raking over Niall’s body, almost calculating. As Nathan’s head dipped down and he trailed Niall’s jaw with kisses, Niall closed his eyes and imagined a time when things were a lot simpler; a time when he hadn’t met Zayn, a time when Harry hadn’t confessed to him, a time where he was carefree. When did thing become this bad? When did he become _this_ person? Nathan was nibbling his neck, and his fingers were under Niall’s shirt, slowly bringing up the material; Niall thought he couldn’t recognize himself anymore.

“Why are you doing this?”

Nathan didn’t reply. He bit down the juncture of Niall’s shoulder and neck, and the blonde whimpered. That would leave a mark, he knew. A mark to remind him of what he’d become. 

“He’s your little brother.”

Where did things go wrong with those two brothers? Niall wondered as he stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling, allowing Nathan touch him like he pleased; his treacherous body reacting to the unwelcomed touches. “You don’t understand, Niall,” Nathan breathed into his ear and nibbled a little at the lobe. Niall shivered. “My lovely little brother is a brat. He’s useless; even though not much is expected of him, he still doesn’t deliver anything. All he does is rebel against our father, and you aren’t really smart, Niall.” Nathan lifted his head and looked down at Niall with a mock sympathy. “You’re just another means of rebellion; nothing more. He’s a selfish little one, isn’t he?” Nathan touched Niall’s patched wound softly and Niall winced. “He has just being dragging you down with him, and he’ll never pull you up. Because by the end of the day, Zayn is still a Malik, and he can’t care about anyone more than himself.”

“You thought you could change him, didn’t you?” Nathan asked, and Niall didn’t reply. “I must say I am impressed that you tried, Niall,” Nathan smiled, and Niall couldn’t help the resentment seeping into his blank gaze. “It takes the right person to change someone, and you aren’t the right person for my little brother; you’re way too weak, Niall.” 

Niall tried to conceal the pain he felt, but he knew Nathan was very aware of the effect his words had on him; Niall felt ashamed. He looked away, and he could feel Nathan smirk above him.

“The only thing you can do is to save your little friend,” Nathan pressed his mouth back against his, and this time, Niall couldn’t hold back the disgust he felt; especially when Nathan’s warm fingers brushed his nipples.

Something set off inside of Niall, and he thought _no_ , he was tired of being this person he’d become; sick of what his life had become. What the fuck was he _doing_ letting this man touch him as he pleased? What guaranteed that this would by any means keep Harry save? There must be another way. 

Niall was really tired of being the broken little boy; he was _done_.

Nathan had brought Niall’s shirt up to his chest and circling an arm around the boy’s thin waist, he pulled him up in a sitting position. “Raise your arms, love,” He said and smirked when Niall shivered and complied hesitantly. Nathan helped Niall out of his shirt and flung it across the room before taking in Niall’s naked upper body. The smaller boy shivered again and looked up at him with big, scared blue eyes and Nathan could feel himself getting turned on; Niall indeed was too tempting for his own good. He was about to push him down again and ravish him until he begged for mercy, but Niall’s hand on his chest stopped him.

“Give me your word you won’t hurt Harry,” He said, his voice a little shaky, and Nathan must admit that he indeed was impressed by Niall’s loyalty to Harry; that’s why emotions were so useless. “You have my word,” Nathan replied and pulled Niall closer to him. Nathan watched intrigued as Niall scrutinized him with his eyes before suddenly circling his arms around his neck and bringing his face close to his. The younger boy played with the hair at the nape of his neck, and Nathan hummed as he enjoyed it. He could hear Niall’s heartbeat loud and clearly, and he couldn’t control himself anymore.

He clashed his lips against Niall’s with force to bruise and loved the moan the younger boy emitted. Pale fingers tangled in his dark hair, and Nathan’s brought his hand down, boldly taking a fistful of Niall’s little firm ass; a thing he’d been dying to do, and he couldn’t wait to make him scream very soon. Niall grinded up against him and Nathan groaned at the friction. He massaged Niall’s butt with one hand, the other one sneaking up to play with the blonde’s pretty, perk nipples. Niall pulled away from the kiss to let out another groan and his head fell against Nathan’s shoulder, exposing a column of inviting, pale skin. Nathan attacked it mercilessly, intent on putting as many marks on that soft, delicious skin as possible. Niall panted against his ear. 

“Nathan.” 

Nathan hummed in reply. 

“Go fuck yourself.”

Nathan had barely time to comprehend Niall’s words, before the smaller boy buried a knee in his groin. Nathan mouth fell open in an uncharacteristic gasp of agony he’d never admit he made, his eyes widening in shock as he collapsed on the bed, his hands instinctively hovering over the throbbing area as he panted harshly. Niall had already jumped down the bed, and Nathan swore under his breath. 

“That…was a …really stupid mistake…” Nathan said in a controlled voice as Niall frantically tugged on his shirt and fled for the door. He looked up to see Nathan still clutching his groin, his eyes clenched shut, and Niall swallowed; he was a dead man.

He needed to find Harry.

….

“Louis,” Niall said breathlessly into the phone, his wide gaze flickering around paranoid around the small café. 

“Niall!” Louis voice boomed from the other end, and Niall jumped a little; he really needed to calm himself down. “I haven’t heard from you in _ages_! Did you find your pot of gold and fly off into the sunset?”

Niall smiled weakly as he felt a tug in his chest; he’d missed Louis a freaking lot. After everything with Harry, things had been a little tense between him and Louis, but he couldn’t be happier to hear his voice right then.

“Listen, Louis,” Niall said, his voice turning serious. “Tell me Harry is with you?”

“Nope,” Louis said, popping the ‘p’, and Niall’s heart sank. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday. Why, isnt he taking his phone?”

“It’s off,” Niall whispered and shakily ran a hand through his hair. “Louis, I think he might be in danger.”

“What?” Louis asked. “What do you mean by _danger_? Did he eat too many tacos again?” Louis joked.

“No,” Niall said. “It’s a long story, but there’s no time. To make it short; He got involved with Zayn’s older brother, and said older brother has promised to hurt him. Louis, he’s dangerous, we need to find Harry, _now_.”

There was a deathly silence on the other end.

“Louis?” Niall called nervously.

“Is this some kind of joke, Niall?” Louis said from the other end, only a tint of humor in his voice.

“It’s _not_ ,” Niall said impatiently. “I’ll call the others to see if he’s with them-”

“Wait!” Louis exclaimed. “What the fuck are you saying, Niall? Are you actually telling me that Harry has something with _Zayn_ ’s brother!? When did this happen? Who the fuck is this brother? And why am I only hearing about this now? I sure hope this is a joke, cause’-”

“Louis,” Niall cut him off sharply, because they really didn’t have time for that right now. They could talk about that once Harry was safe and sound with them. “We don’t have time to waste, we need to find Harry.”

“Fuck, Niall, _fuck_ ,” Louis sounded frantic. “If anything happens to him then I am going to _kill_ this person.”

“I’ll help,” Niall replied darkly. “But listen, get Liam and meet me at the grill, okay?”

“We’ll drop by his place. Maybe he’s just sleeping?” Louis sounded hopeful, and Niall wished he could share that hope. “What will you do in the meantime, Niall?”

“Make a necessary call,” Niall replied and hanging up before Louis could waste more time shooting questions at him. He searched through his contacts and found the desired number and hit the call button. 

The phone was taken at first ring.

“ _Niall_ ,” Zayn said on the other end. “Where the fucks are you? Why didn’t you take your phone? Are you okay?”

Niall had to take a second and ignore the concern in Zayn’s voice.

“I am fine,” He replied and hurried to continue before Zayn could ask more questions. “I need your help.”

“Where are you?” Zayn asked.

“That doesn’t matter,” Niall replied. “I need help finding Harry.”

There was a brief silence on the other end.

“Is he missing or something?” There was a thick of sarcasm in Zayn’s voice, and Niall’s hand around the pone tightened. “Yeah,” He said a bit coldly. “And I think your brother has something to do with that.”

“Niall,” Zayn’s voice was serious. “Have you met my brother?”

Niall wanted to groan in frustration, because obviously Harry’s disappearance meant _nothing_ to Zayn.

“That’s not important right now,” He bit out a little too harshly. “I just need you to find out if Nathan is home. Maybe Harry is with him.”

“If he’s with him then it’s his choice, I can’t do-”

“Zayn, _please_ , listen to me,” Niall was getting desperate. “Nathan is going to hurt, Harry. He doesn’t know, and if you aren’t willing to help him then all I am asking you is to check if they are there. I’ll get there myself then if I have to.”

Before Zayn could retort, Niall hung up the phone.

* * *

Nathan smirked as he looked down at the young boy unconscious on his bed, blissfully unaware of his own predicament. The older Malik brother closed the door behind him and slowly walked up to the bed. The bed creaked under his weight as he sat down. His predatory eyes flickered over Harry’s peaceful face, lingering on the luscious chocolate curls that fell over his face and the slightly parted mouth framed by full, pink lips.

In Nathan’s opinion, Harry was so much more attractive than Niall, and Nathan wondered idly why Harry didn’t find someone else than pining away after that stupid little blond kid; but that just made everything so much more interesting. Nathan didn’t even have to do much research because Harry had more or less poured everything out once he got drunk enough and Nathan had fooled him with pretend concern and comfort, even though he’d sadistically enjoyed seeing Harry so much in pain. 

Niall had thought he’d been a step ahead of Nathan, which Nathan actually found cute; he couldn’t wait until the blonde found out where his precious little friend was. Nathan brushed Harry’s curls out of his face and traced his face with a finger. Harry hummed something unintelligible under his breath and leaned closer to the touch. Nathan decided it was time to wake him up.

He cupped the boy’s cheeks and pressed a kiss against his lips. Harry shifted and groaned a little, before his eyes cracked a bit open. Nathan pulled away and smirked down at him. Harry stared up at him through half-lidded, unfocused eyes. 

“N-Nathan…?” He croaked confused and tried to lift his head only for it to fall back against the pillow. He blinked a little. “…What’s going on?” His eyes flickered around the room before focusing on Nathan. “…my head hurts and…” He once again made an effort to move, but his body felt heavy and he felt unexplainably tired. “Nathan…” His voice was oddly small and when he tried to raise it, he found it a challenge. His eyes found the man hovering over him and looking down at him with an unfamiliar expression.

“Finally awake, princess,” Nathan said mockingly, and Harry grew more confused. He once again threw a look around the room trying to recognize it; it was a suit of some sort, and Harry didn’t remember coming here. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t remember much of anything. What was going on?

A hand against his cheek made him look back up at Nathan, and there was something in his eyes that scared Harry. Harry was about to ask something, but Nathan silenced him with a kiss. Harry was about to respond, but even that simple action required energy he didn’t have; why was he so tired? He tried to lift his arms, but they were dead weight. Nathan licked into his mouth and his hand was playing with his curls.

“What have you done to me?” Harry gasped when Nathan finally released his mouth, and dread filled his every pore when Nathan moved over so he was straddling his waist. “I drugged you,” Nathan said lightly and began unbuttoning his shirt. Harry began to panic. “Why?” He asked confused and used every little ounce of energy to lift his hand and weakly closed it around Nathan’s wrist. “What do you think you are doing?” Harry tried to twist away, but his body simply didn’t respond. “Get the fuck off of me.” 

“You can thank Niall for this predicament,” Nathan said as he finally got all the buttons open, exposing Harry’s naked chest. “Niall? What does Niall have to do with this?” He asked bewildered and hissed when Nathan nibbled his collarbone. “Well, I was about to fuck him,” Nathan talked like he was telling him about the weather, and Harry froze. “But he wouldn’t let me and was even stupid enough to knee me in the groin. Therefore, you have to pay for the consequences. Also, I have to make sure my balls are functioning properly, and you can help me with that, right, Harry?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Harry wanted to exclaim, but if he raised his voice, his head would probably fall off. “I swear to god, if you as much as touched a single hair on his head-”

He was cut off by Nathan’s chuckle.

“You’ll _what_ , Harry?” He taunted. “You are literally in no position to threaten anyone. I am going to take and you’re going to give.” Harry shuddered in disgust when Nathan licked down his collarbone. “You can also count this as your personal punishment.” Nathan grinned wickedly.

“What the fuck are you talking about you, you sick piece of shit?” Harry breathed as he tried to move, but his body wasn’t really willing; he could feel the life twitch back in his fingers, but by the time his body decided to return from the dead, it might be a little too late. “Niall had been right all along…” Harry muttered and felt the regret flood him. “What the fuck was I thinking.”

“That’s the thing,” Nathan lifted his face to smirk at Harry. “You _weren’t_ thinking at all. You were too heartbroken, busy drinking away any memory of Niall and you know what amused me the most?”

Harry glared at him.

“What amused me the most was probably the fact that you thought you were using _me_ to forget a little about Niall, but guess what,” Nathan smirked and Harry got the uncontrollable urge to hit him square in the face. “I was the one using you to get to Niall, and you’ve brought your supposedly love in danger.”

Harry’s breath hitched and his face drained off all color.

“No.”

Nathan’s eyes danced with laughter.

“Yes,” He said. “You screwed up, Harry and look what you’ve gotten yourself into.” Harry recoiled when Nathan touched him, and Nathan scoffed. “Don’t act like you didn’t want this. We did get pretty close last time, didn’t we?”

Harry felt beyond betrayed and helpless as Nathan’s hand moved further south. He closed his eyes and took a shaky inhale of air, and he thought he couldn’t survive this; he already felt like a shadow of what he used to be, and if Nathan did get his way with him, then he didn’t know if he’d ever feel whole again. Just the thought that Nathan had gotten anywhere close to Niall because of him made the guilt claw at his insides; when did he become this stupid?

He felt Nathan’s hand at his belt, and he thought that this was it; and for one moment, he thought that maybe, maybe he didn’t deserve less. Then the touches suddenly disappeared, and Harry cracked his eyes open.

Nathan was standing at the door and talking to someone, Harry tried to shout for help but a pathetic whimper was all that escaped his lips. 

Nathan eyed his brother who was standing in front of the door, and Nathan had to admit his glare was a tad intimidating. He couldn’t help but smirk when he saw his younger brother’s bruised lip and cheekbone. 

“Nathan,” Zayn growled. 

“Hello, little brother,” Nathan replied nonchalantly. “What can I help you with?”

Zayn looked like he might snap, and Nathan had always loved to push his buttons; the kid was too predictable.

“Harry,” He stepped closer to Nathan. “He’s inside there, isn’t he?”

“What makes you think that?” Nathan asked in a bored tone, and he hadn’t expected for Zayn to take another step closer and peek over his shoulder. He watched as the younger boy’s eyes widened and they snapped towards him, full of loathing and disgust.

“What the actual _fuck_ , Nathan!” He exclaimed. “I knew you were low, but I didn’t you were _that_ low! What the fuck do you think you are doing with him!?” 

“That’s really none of your business,” Nathan said as he stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He eyes his brother and wondered what he had to say to make him go away. “Little brother, why do you care about Harry?”

“Let him go your sick bastard,” Zayn growled. 

Nathan sighed dramatically, before he smirked.

“Look, Zayn,” He said. “Don’t you get it?”

Zayn’s just glared heatedly at him.

“Isn’t Harry a threat to your relationship with Niall?” Nathan asked lightly, and smirked inwardly when Zayn looked a little taken aback.

“What?” The younger boy hissed, and Nathan knew he had to play his cards well.

“I am sure you’ve realized it yourself, little brother,” He said. “How protective Niall is of him?”

Zayn’s glare dimmed a little and he frowned.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I am just saying that in the long run, Harry has a much better shot at being with Niall than you have.” Nathan said lightly and allowed that to sink into his little brother’s head; sink in and poison it. He could see the thoughts flowing through Zayn’s head, and Nathan knew he’s planted the seed he wanted; now he just needed it to grow.

“He’s his best friend, has known him for a longer time,” Nathan listed off and Zayn had grown quiet, listening. “And then of course, he loves him in a way that you are incapable of; all the odds are in his favor.” Nathan shrugged. “By the end of the day, Niall will leave you for him…that is, if he hasn’t left you already.” He pretended to look bored to the side when he in truth was watching Zayn out of the corner of his eye, and he saw the flash of emotions in his eyes; he smirked. He knew Niall breaking up with Zayn had affected the younger boy in ways he shouldn’t have allowed himself to; he was such a disgrace to the Malik name.

“You know that I am capable of taking care of Harry,” Nathan said, breaking Zayn out of his thoughts. Zayn’s gaze snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you mean by taking care of?” He asked suspiciously

“I’ll just make sure that he isn’t in your way. I would do that for you, little brother,” Nathan said sweetly, and Zayn wrinkled his nose, glaring at him.

“What makes you think I believe you?” He said and crossed his arms.

Nathan smiled, knowing he had Zayn in his grasp; he just needed the essential push. 

“Because we both know I am telling the truth,” Nathan opened the door behind him, and Zayn made no movement, just stood there and looked troubled and conflicted. “Don’t worry, Niall, I won’t know about this.”

Zayn’s mask slipped and he looked like a lost little puppy. Nathan sent him an assuring smile, before closing the door behind him.

“So, Harry,” He said as he turned to the tempting boy on his bed. “Where were we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nathan is a bastard.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

“No…” Harry weakly raised his hand in a hopeless attempt to stop Zayn from leaving him, but the door closed and Nathan stood there, smirking at him. Harry wanted to sob in despair, but he kept on a straight face; glaring up at the man now approaching him with a predatory gleam in his eyes. 

Nathan returned to his previous position of straddling his waist, and Harry’s jaw clenched as the older man leered down at him. Nathan swooped down and pressed his lips back against Harry’s much to the younger boy’s frustration. Long fingers trailed down Harry’s naked torso, and said boy swallowed in shame when his nipples perked up, hardening under Nathan’s touch. 

In one swift movement his belt was unbuckled and at this, Harry took a sharp intake of air through his mouth. Nathan ruthlessly took advantage and pushed his tongue through Harry’s parted lips. “…Stop…” Harry gasped as soon as Nathan removed his mouth from his, proceeding to trail his jaw with open-mouthed kisses. He could feel Nathan smirk against the skin of his neck as his finger pulled down the zipper of his trunks, and Harry closed his eyes with a heart that threatened to burst out of his ribs.

“Don’t you remember a few nights back where you practically begged me to fuck you, Harry?” Nathan chuckled and peered up at Harry with dark eyes. Harry’s cheeks heated up and he looked away.

Harry had been falling-over-piss drunk one night at that seedy bar, he’d been sick and tired of feeling hopelessly in love with Niall and then Nathan had showed up. Harry had more or less crawled on top of him, and much to his surprise, Nathan had refused an of his advances. 

“I am giving you what you wanted all along.”

“No,” Harry’s heart dropped from his ribs when Nathan felt him over the thin fabric of his boxers, and he closed his eyes; thinking this was it, this is where he lost all dignity and pride. His eyes stung, but he refused to give Nathan the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He felt his hope died along with another part of him.

Nathan smirked when he saw Harry’s dulled green eyes and he began tugging the boy’s tight jeans off him, but stopped up at the sound of the door opening. His eyes darkened with annoyance and he was about to turn around and give his stupid little brother a piece of his mind when something heavy hit him in the side of his head. Dazed, he began to fall, dark spots rapidly decorating his eyesight. “What-” He never finished his sentence as another blow to his head knocked him out and off the bed. 

Zayn looked down at his brother’s unmoving form with a rather livid expression, and the urge to kick him in his pretty face was almost overwhelming. “Piece of shit,” Zayn muttered under his breath as he placed the antic, expensive ceramic pot he’s used to knock Nathan out on the nightstand.

His eyes flickered onto Harry on the bed, and the younger boy was looking at him with big, green eyes; some tears were glistening in the corners. Zayn swallowed a little when he saw his disheveled state and moved quickly over all the while cursing Nathan to hell and back. 

“Hey, you okay?” Zayn knew it was a stupid question the second it left his mouth, and Harry’s snort certainly confirmed that.

“I am fantastic, if you don’t count in the fact that I am drugged and was about to get assaulted,” Harry huffed out sarcastically. “Then I am fucking fantastic.”

Zayn frowned as he uneasily zipped up Harry’s pants to give him a sense of regained dignity, before he began rummaging about the room.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked nervously, feeling incredibly uncomfortable just lying there helplessly and with a naked chest. 

“Searching for antidote,” Zayn replied curtly as he flung open drawer after drawer, and Harry weakly tilted his head to watch him make a mess of what he assumed was Nathan’s room.

“Maybe he has it on him,” Harry suggested, and Zayn stopped up searching through a closet to shoot him a surprised look. Harry would have rolled his eyes if he didn’t feel like the single action would make his brain throb even more. 

Zayn moved up next to his brother’s still form and gazed down at him uneasily, before shaking his head and dropping down on his knees next to him. He knew he was being paranoid, but a part of him feared that Nathan would open his eyes and give him hell for knocking him out. He hurriedly searched through his pockets but found nothing he could use.

“Seems like we just have to wait until it wears off,” Zayn decided as he moved over to hover over Harry. “How much can you move?”

Harry huffed.

“I can barely move a finger.”

“Fine, I’ll help,” it sounded a little forced, but Harry really didn’t care; he just wanted to get out of here, before all his emotions caught up with him. He allowed Zayn to help him onto his feet. “Fuck, you’re heavy,” Zayn said as he ended up half-carrying, half-dragging Harry out of the room. 

Zayn somehow managed to get Harry down the staircase, out of the door and buckled in the front seat of his car. He glanced at the curly-haired boy who looked like he would nod off any moment.

“Hey,” Zayn called as he started the car. “Don’t pass out.”

“Easy for you to say,” Harry muttered his eyes half-lid.

Zayn pulled out on the road, heading towards Cassandra’s place as he hit re-dial on his phone. It was taken on the first ring, and Niall’s worried voice boomed out from the other end.

“He’s with me. He’s fine,” Zayn said and wondered if he could actually describe the drugged, half-sleeping boy next to him as “fine”. “We’ll be at Cass’s.”

* * *

By the time Niall, Louis and Liam barged through the door of Cassandra’s small apartment, Harry had regained most of the sense in his body; at least enough to sit upright without support. 

“Harry?” Niall was the first one to appear in the doorway to the living room where Harry along with Zayn, Chad and Cassandra were. Zayn straightened up at the sight of Niall, staring at him, but Niall’s eyes were focused on Harry.

“Harry!” The blonde boy exclaimed again as he rushed over and engulfed Harry in a tight hug; Liam and Louis appeared right after and followed Niall as they all fretted over their youngest friend. “Are you okay?” “What happened?” “Shit, Haz!” 

Niall released Harry from the bone-crushing hug to look him over with worried eyes unaware of how Zayn was watching him; Cassandra, however, saw the way Zayn was looking at Niall and she sighed inwardly. 

“Niall…” Harry felt a little overwhelmed with having Niall so close and safe, with everything that had happened; he remembered Nathan’s words and a chunk of nausea spread through his insides. “…I…I am so sorry.” He said so softly that only Niall could hear, and Niall smiled weakly at him. “It’s alright…it’s alright,” He assured and massaged his scalp affectionately. “…it’ll be alright.”

“Haz,” Louis gazed at the younger boy who’d by now buried his face in Niall’s shirt, before turning towards Zayn and his friends. “Anyone bothers to tell me what the fuck is going on?!” He didn’t like the looks Zayn shared with his friends and there was a tense silence for a moment. Louis eyes sought Liam who was frowning.

Cassandra sighed.

“Nathan drugged him and tried to have his way with him. Zayn saved him,” She informed in an almost bored tone and inspected her nails. 

Niall, Louis and Liam were shocked into silence, their faces draining of color and their eyes bugging out of their skulls. Their eyes snapped towards Harry who refused to meet their eyes, his face tilted towards the ground and it took them a second to go from shocked to furious.

“What!?” Louis’ voice rung through the room and everybody winced a little. His blue eyes were in storm as they flickered between Zayn, Cassandra and Chad. “Who the fuck is this Nathan guy!?” He cried.

“Zayn’s brother,” Chad informed, and Louis’ stormy eyes snapped towards Zayn. Zayn met his gaze calmly. “You better tell me that freak is behind closed bars at this moment!!” His voice was slightly shaking, and he couldn’t believe all this had happened without his notice; when did Harry begin to keep secrets from him?

“Harry…” Liam sat down on the arm lean of the couch where Harry sat and tried to offer some comfort, rubbing his shoulder slightly; however, he retracted his hand when Harry tensed. He exchanged a worried look with Niall.

“No, he’s not,” Zayn replied to Louis’ question, and Louis looked like he might flip so Liam decided to take over. He pressed a hand down on Louis’ shoulder and gave Louis’ a look that told him to calm down. Louis was about to object, because _why_ was everyone calm when Harry had nearly been raped by Zayn’s seemingly psychotic brother!? he shouldn’t be the only one freaking out, but then he threw a glance at Harry who looked painfully small as he was curled into Niall’s side and he remained silent.

“We should report him,” Liam stated matter-of-factly as he looked at Zayn who was looking back at him blankly. “He tried to sexually assault an underage kid; he belongs in jail where he can’t hurt anyone.” He pulled out his phone to dial the police but a snort from Zayn stopped him.

“Please enlighten us on what you find so funny,” Louis snarled as glared at Zayn from across the room. Zayn looked at them for a moment before sighing. 

“Reporting Nathan to the police won’t get him into the jail,” He said, and everyone except his friends stared at him incredulously and he decided to elaborate; “Half of my family are in the law enforcement; lawyers, judges, police officers,” Zayn caught eyes with Niall and held it as he continued. “There’s no way something like this will get Nathan anywhere near the jail.”

Niall frowned, his hold around Harry tightened and he swallowed slightly. He broke eye-contact with Zayn to look down at Harry who by now was staring stiffly into thin air.

“What a load of bullshit!” Louis exclaimed, and Liam could only nod in agreement. “I don’t fucking care who your family is! That son of a bitch is going to jail!” Louis slammed a hand down on the small table in the living room, ignoring Cassandra’s disapproving scowl. 

“Hey man,” Chad sighed. “Zayn is telling the truth. Calling the police will only cause more trouble for your friend than it will help him. Nathan is his father’s golden boy, and he’ll do anything to keep him from the police.” He looked apologetically at them. “Sorry man,” He shrugged. “That’s the world we live in.”

“So what?” Louis hissed. “We are just letting him go or what!?”

“There must be another way,” Niall spoke up for the first time and everyone looked at him. He glanced at Harry before looking straight at Zayn. “I don’t trust him roaming around freely.” He stared into Zayn’s eyes, silently begging him to do something, _anything_ , to keep Nathan away from Harry. Zayn stared back at him and for a moment, everything was silent as the two of them stared at each other. 

“There’s another way to get him to jail,” Zayn revealed as he looked towards Cassandra and Chad. His friends looked confused for a moment before they caught on and their eyes widened. Chad slowly shook his head slowly. “Dude…that’s too..” He shook his head again and looked towards Cassandra for help. For the first time, Cassandra looked extremely nervous and she stared at Zayn. “Really?” She said quietly, and Zayn licked his lips a little before frowning and nodding. Chad swallowed and looked a little pale.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on!?” Louis voiced the question the other’s were thinking after watching Zayn and his friends’ small exchange. Zayn looked at him and shrugged.

“I got this,” He got to his feet. “I’ll take care of Nathan.”

“Why should we trust you?” Louis asked and crossed his arms, eyeing Zayn skeptically. Zayn glared at him. “You really don’t have any other choice,” He replied dryly.

Liam looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Fine,” He said and ignored Louis’ flabbergasted expression. “There’s nothing we can do. Let’s get Harry home. It’s getting late.” His voice, his expression one of finality and Louis gave up on objecting. He huffed in defeat and moved over to help Harry on his feet. “You better do something about your brother,” He told Zayn. “Or else I will.”

Zayn merely rolled his eyes at him, and Louis insulted him under his breath. 

Niall let Liam and Louis support Harry as he lingered in the doorway to the living room. Zayn looked up at him, and Niall bit down his lip a little in frustration. “…be safe,” He said softly, and Zayn looked surprised. Niall smiled a little and turned to walk away, but Zayn got to his feet, stopping him with a quiet; “wait.”

Zayn glanced at Cassandra and Chad and they got the hint, walking out of the room as well. Zayn walked slowly up to Niall, half-expecting him to walk away but Niall didn’t move, just looked at him with a small frown. 

“What is it, Zayn?” He asked warily.

“We need to talk,” Zayn said, his hands automatically moving up to touch Niall’s but stopped himself mid-way, letting it fall to his side awkwardly.

“I know.” Niall said to his surprise as he’d expected him to refuse. Niall looked tired at him. “But not now.”

“Then when?” Zayn asked.

Niall studied him briefly and was about to say something when Louis shouted for him to hurry up. Zayn had to control himself from grabbing Niall and holding him back. The blonde shrugged a little. “I don’t know, Zayn.” He said quietly before turning around and following his friends. He stopped up after taking a couple of steps and tilted his head to the side, sending Zayn a small smile. “…and thanks Zayn.”

And he was gone.

* * *

The silence in Louis’ car was eerie and everyone was clearly upset for more reasons than one. Liam warily watched how Louis’ knuckled clenched on unclenched around the steering wheel while he threw glances in the mirror at Harry and Niall in the backseat.

Harry had been eerily quiet for a long time now, staring out at the heavily pouring rain with unseeing green eyes. Niall was sitting next to him, watching him with growing concern, unaware of how he was gnawing at his lower lip.

“What I don’t understand…” Louis began in a controlled voice, his ocean blue eyes stern as they stared straight-forward. “…why you two didn’t bother to inform us that you’ve gotten yourself into some serious shit; I thought we were friends.” He looked at Harry with his last words, but the younger boy refused to meet Louis’ eyes which were tinted with hurt.

“…m’ sorry,” Niall whispered hoarsely, ripping his eyes from Harry and letting them flicker between Liam and Louis nervously. “…I shouldn’t have kept it to myself. I should’ve told you guys.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat and ducking his head, he rubbed the back of his neck all the while stealing glances from Harry. 

Harry finally turned to meet his gaze, and Niall’s heart dropped at how empty his gaze was. “It’s not Niall’s fault,” He said in a worn voice and rubbed his aching temple. “He tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen…even though…even though I knew, deep down, that he was right.” Harry pulled his lips into a thin line, the shame and guilt shining through his green eyes.

Niall cautiously took his hand in his, squeezing it when Harry stiffened and sending him a faint smile.

“There’s no use talking about what should’ve been done,” Liam spoke gently and clapped Louis’ tense shoulder; the older boy relaxed a little. “All we can do from now on is trusting each other a little more…that’s why we’re friends to begin with, right?” He looked around at the other three boys who all nodded mutely. He smiled. “Keeping secrets from each other hasn’t caused anything but drama and trouble,” He shot Niall a calming look when he looked guilty. “Let the past be the past and let’s concentrate on not repeating our mistakes, but learn from them.”

Everybody nodded along Liam’s words.

“Talking about not keeping secrets,” Liam said in a serious voice, his features suddenly solemn. He swallowed a little, before sighing. “Danielle and I broke up.”

Louis, Harry and Niall’s eyes snapped towards Liam in horrified shock, their mouths falling open. 

“Huh?” Louis repeated dumbfounded. “But you…you’re _LiamandDanielle_! You’ve been together _forever_! What happened? What could possibly break you two up?!”

Liam ran a hand haphazardly through his hair and sighed again.

“She’s leaving for college next year. She got into Cardiff in Wales and-”

“Don’t tell me you broke up because of the long distance…” Louis trailed off when Liam sent him an annoyed look for interrupting him and sank back in his seat.

“Anyway,” Liam said. “Things haven’t really been that great between us lately. I still love her but I don’t think I’ve been in love with her for a while,” Liam squinted his eyes thoughtfully. “She apparently felt the same way, and we decided it was best to break up before she left.”

A small silence followed as the other’s proceeded Liam’s word and Liam just smiled, a little sadly as he stared ahead of him.

“I’m sorry man,” Louis muttered, breaking the silence and moved over, hugging Liam in an awkward angle. Niall and Harry soon followed suit.

“So, anyone else wants to share anything?” Louis asked and looked around the car. 

Niall tensed a little up, his hold around Harry’s hand tightening and he breathed in sharply through his nose before exhaling loudly. 

“I broke up with Zayn.” He said in a fluid sentence, but everyone heard him clearly as the attention was averted on him. It didn’t go unnoticed for Niall how they didn’t look as shocked as with Liam and Danielle’s breakup, and he shouldn’t be surprised, really; he wasn’t. 

He looked away from his friends’ concerned stares, and he could feel them exchanging looks over his head. There was a brief, pregnant silence, before Liam cleared his throat and asked what everyone else was thinking.

“What happened?”

Niall forced a smile as he lifted his head and shook his head slightly.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” He said quietly, his voice hoarse and he swallowed down the emotions blocking his throat. He felt Harry squeeze his hand and turned his eyes on him. Harry was looking at him with a sad frown and he mouthed a “I’m sorry.” Niall nodded and smiled bravely, squeezing Harry’s hand back.

Louis observed their interaction through the rear-mirror before clearing his throat.

“Well, we need some good news to lift the heavy air in here!” He chirped and clapped his hands together, his eyes suddenly shining with glee; and the others watched him warily. “Conveniently enough, I posses some _really_ awesome news!” He shifted in his seat so he was facing Liam and could look at Harry and Niall properly.

Louis held a pause for dramatic effect before declaring in a proud voice;

“I got a conditional offer from my first choice Uni in London!” 

There was a moment of silence before the other’s were matching Louis’ ear-splitting grin and they all moved forward hugging Louis’, clapping him on the shoulder and congratulating him. “That’s so great, Lou! I am proud of you!” Liam exclaimed. “I can’t believe you’re leaving us though!” Niall couldn’t imagine his everyday life without Louis, but he knew that after High School, they all had to go their separate ways.

After talking for another while, Louis drove them home; dropping Liam off who was closest. “Do you want to stay at my place, Haz?” Louis asked the youngest with soft eyes, not feeling entirely comfortable leaving Harry all alone. “He’ll stay with me,” Niall blurted out before he could stop himself and blushed when he received twin stares.

“He is?” Louis asked and eyed Niall with an almost suspicious gaze.

“I am?” Harry repeated and looked at Niall warily.

Niall tried to seem nonchalant as he shrugged. “Only if you want,” He muttered and avoided Louis’ scrutinizing gaze. “You can stay at Lou’s. It’s fine.” 

“No,” Harry shook his head so the curls flew around. “I think Louis need to study for his upcoming exam,” He looked up at Louis as the boy seemed to want to protest. “You don’t want to burn that conditional offer, do you?”

Louis clapped his mouth together as he realized he couldn’t argue with that. He gazed between Harry and Niall warily. 

“Fine…” He muttered hesitatingly. “Take care of him, Horan.” As he gave Niall a stern gaze, Niall couldn’t help but feel the extra weight in Louis’ words. He forced himself to keep Louis’ gaze. 

“Of course.”

….

When they arrived to Niall’s room, Harry didn’t say much and returned to the eerie quiet he’d been previous. Niall watched him warily as he without a word climbed under the covers and buried his face in a pillow with a deep sigh.

Niall climbed in after him, and he wondered if they should talk now or save it for tomorrow morning. He glanced at Harry’s curly head and decided that Harry didn’t seem in the mood to talk so he quickly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

“Are you sure about this, Zayn?” Cassandra repeated the question for the nth time as Zayn arranged an array of different papers into a file. Zayn closed the manila folder and looked up at her. “Don’t worry about me, Cass. Just start worrying if I don’t call you guys back by midnight.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to go with you though?” Chad asked as he followed Zayn with his eyes as the dark-haired boy grabbed his jacket and tugged it on. Zayn shook his head as he carefully shoved the folder into a bag and slung it a little too carelessly over his shoulder. “No, it’s family business; I have to do it alone.”

“This is some serious stuff, Zayn,” Cassandra had suddenly grown a nervous habit of biting her nails as she and Chad followed Zayn to the door. “One wrong move and things might just get nasty.”

“I got this, yeah?” Zayn said as he opened the door and looked back at his friends. Cassandra sighed in defeat as she moved over and hugged Zayn loosely around the neck. “Midnight,” She said into his ear, and Zayn nodded. “Midnight,” He repeated and she released him. Chad moved forward and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

….

The living room of the Malik household was illuminated by candles lined across the wall; their soft glow falling over the furniture and making it cast long, eerie shadows. 

Nathan was sitting in one of the couches with a glass of wine in his hand, his eyes dark and calculating. Zayn wasn’t sitting, but standing in the half-dark room, a manila folder resting on the table separating him and Nathan. 

Zayn’s fingers sprayed over the folder as he kept his eyes on Nathan and with one fluid movement slid the thin folder across the table. It came to a still right in front of Nathan. Said boy gazed at Zayn for a moment before slowly letting his eyes drop to the folder.

Without a word, Nathan opened the folder and looked through his content. His poker-face slipped, his features turning tense, his eyes sharp and his jaw clenched. Zayn watched his reaction closely without making any movement.

The only sound was the occasional roars of thunder from the sky.

Nathan finished looking through the content and he closed it slowly, tapping a finger against it. When he lifted his face to look at Zayn he’d slipped back in his stoic mask. 

“Where do you have this from, little brother?” His usually overconfident, superior voice was heavy and tense. 

“I guess you aren’t as smart as you thought, big brother,” Zayn mocked, and Nathan’s lips pulled up in a strained smile.

“You’re playing with fire, Zayn,” He said in a quiet voice. “You don’t understand what you’re doing.”

“I think I understand perfectly well what I am doing, Nathan,” Zayn replied. “That folder is just a copy. The original one might be on its way to the police station now.”

Nathan’s fake smile fell and he scrutinized Zayn.

“What do you want, Zayn?”

“Here’s what I want, Nathan,” Zayn said, his cold voice matching his chilly eyes. “Our father has been wanting someone to supervise the business in Singapore. I am sure you are an excellent choice.”

Nathan’s eyes flared with fury and for a second, Zayn thought he might lunge at him. However, Nathan composed himself the next second.

“I see,” He growled lowly. “You want me as far away from your little blonde boytoy as possible and to reach that, you’re blackmailing your own flesh and blood.”

Zayn snorted.

“Oh please, Nathan,” He said. “Merely blood isn’t enough to make you family. You’ve never been my family, Nathan. My brother maybe, but never family.”

“You know father would resent you if I got sent to jail,” Nathan said. “Besides, if it wasn’t for me, you’d be working in the business as well. Haven’t you realized that father goes easy on you, because I take all the burden of expectations?”

“That might be true,” Zayn replied calmly. “…but I really don’t care about expectations or this _corrupted_ family business anyway. I am leaving as soon as I am of legal age.”

“You’re breaking up the family, Zayn,” Nathan sneered. “How selfish are you, little brother?”

“Give it a break, Nathan,” Zayn hissed. “You know this hasn’t been a family for a long time now. There’s really nothing to break up.”

“You could have anything,” Nathan said impatiently. “But yet you chose to give everything up for that stupid, blonde brat. The most pathetic part is properly that he already left you, but you can’t admit that you couldn’t give him what he wanted.”

“That might be true,” Zayn said quietly, shocking himself more than he shocked Nathan. “…however, I just realized that he helped me realize how fucked up this family actually is. I can’t ignore what you’re doing anymore, Nathan. It got to stop. Do you hear me?”

“How dare you do this against your own brother?!” Nathan spluttered, but Zayn ignored his angry outburst. “I want you gone by tomorrow morning, Nathan,” He said unwavering. 

“Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

Zayn refused to listen to Nathan further than that and turned on his heels, calmly walking away from his fuming brother. At that, he couldn’t help but feel a weight lift from his chest and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zayn wins this battle but does he win the war?


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The next morning, Niall woke to the gentle rays of the early morning sun peeking through the curtains, a warm arm tightly closed around his middle and Harry’s scent and body heat infiltrating all his senses. Somehow, during the night, he and Harry had ended up in a spooning position with Harry pressed to his back, his arm tightly closed around Niall’s middle , Harry’s legs between his and the younger boy’s nose buried in the crook of his neck, his curls tickling the skin there.

It took a second for Niall to feel something hard poking his butt and another second realizing what it was. Once he did, the blush spread across his neck all the way to the tip of his hair roots; an inaudible, horrified sound escaping the back of his throat.

Niall knew he had to get out of Harry’s arms before said boy woke up and he found himself in the most awkward situation of his short life. His heartbeat seemed to race faster than ever and he could feel his body heating up. He swallowed as he slowly tried to remove Harry’s arm around him. Much to his horror, this only resulting in Harry muttering something under his breath and tightening his hold on him; and Niall really wanted to just cry. Why did he always end in troubling situations?

The worst part of it all was probably that Niall could feel himself growing hotter by the second, and he really just liked to blame it on his boy hormones; how the fuck was he supposed to react with a raging hard-on pressing against his rear?

Niall tried again to move out of Harry’s vice-like grip, but much to his horror he ended up moving back against Harry’s morning wood. A barely audible gasp escaped Niall’s lips and it didn’t get better when Harry let out and almost blissful sigh against his ear, and Niall thought he might just die.

Harry began stirring awake which in turn resulted in a lot of shifting; in other words, a lot of awkward rubbing against a flushed red Niall. Niall decided that it would be safest to feign sleep to slip from the inevitable awkwardness when Harry realized their situation.  
Niall laid still as he felt Harry waking up next to him, and he heard his breath hitch. Niall had to use some serious self-control not to turn around and face the burning gaze he could feel on him; he hoped Harry didn’t take too much notice of his red face. He heard Harry shuffle next to him and then him muttering a soft “shit” under his breath – Niall assumed he’d noticed his ‘small’ problem – before he climbed off the bed and padded out of the room, presumably to the bathroom and Niall could finally exhale heavily in relief.

Only the relief was short-lived when Niall realized the quite uncomfortable tent in his pants. He groaned in embarrassment, burying his heated face in his pillow and cursing into the soft fabric. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten a boner from Harry rubbing against him; how could the situation get worse? He had to get rid of his problem before Harry decided to return, and this lead to Niall wondering how Harry got rid of his problem; the thought of his younger friend jerking off in his bathroom didn’t help on Niall’s current problem.

He really needed to control himself.

 

When Harry finally emerged from the bathroom, Niall had luckily enough gotten control of himself and went into the bathroom, walking past Harry with his eyes glued to the floor in front of him with a quiet meek “good morning”; missing the arched eyebrow Harry shot after him.

It was Saturday morning, fortunately enough, so they didn’t have to worry about going to school. Niall’s mother seemed a little surprise to see Harry had stayed the night, but she seemed more than happy to include him in the breakfast; a little too happy, Niall couldn’t help but notice.

Niall knew it was going to be an awkward and embarrassing breakfast the minute he sat down at the table and noticed how his mother’s gaze flickered between him and Harry giddily. True enough, his mother immediately went into interrogating Harry about his love life after warming up with small, mindless chatter, and both he and Harry almost choked on their eggs. They shot each other a look, making them look more suspicious in Niall’s mother’s eyes, and once Niall realized that, he found his plate very interesting. Harry laughed nervously, explaining that he didn’t have anything going on currently, and Niall might just have imagined he looked a little pale; the blonde knew they had to talk the Nathan issue out, Harry might hid it well but Niall knew he was hurt.

“Then, why don’t you and Niall date?” It was said in such a light and carefree tone, that it took a few seconds for Niall and Harry to sink in. Once it did, Niall was sure the higher powers were after him this morning, because he ended up spraying the milk he’d had in his mouth all over Harry who was struggling to keep the blush creeping up from his neck down. 

“Mom!!!”

Needless to say, it was a really awkward morning all together.

….

“Mom wants me back for dinner,” Harry said from where he was lounged on the couch, and Niall looked up from the book he’d been trying to read. Harry tilted his head and looked at him, before shooting a lock at his phone. “I should be going now.”

Niall marked the page he was at and put the book aside, getting to his feet as Harry did. “I’ll walk you,” He said and followed Harry out in the hall. Harry stopped up to shoot him an incredulous look. “Since when did you walk me home?” He asked, and Niall blushed slightly. 

“Since today,” He replied curtly as he avoided Harry’s scrutinizing gaze as he found he tugged on his shoes. The truth was that for one; Niall felt incredibly uneasy letting Harry out of his eyesight, knowing that Nathan was out there somewhere and maybe plotting against them, for two; they really needed to talk about everything that had happened the last two weeks.

Harry didn’t protest further, just shrugged and walked out, Niall trailing closely behind him. It was a fine afternoon with the sun hanging high in the sky, and Niall and Harry fell in steps as they crossed the sidewalk. They were silent for a couple of moments while Niall tried to find a way to bring the whole issue up. In the end, he just decided to jump head-first into it.

“So…” He began lightly and tried to ignore how Harry tensed almost unnoticeably next to him. “… how are you, Harry?” He asked and tilted his head to the side, looking at Harry with a frown of concern.

Harry was silent for a whole half-minute, just staring at the pavement in front of him, before he finally cleared his throat.

“Honestly… I am not sure,” He said quietly. “… for the most part, I just feel ashamed, stupid and guilty. And Niall, I’m so sorry for not listening to you. I guess that deep down I knew Nathan was bad news, but I turned off my brain and just went with it, bringing myself in danger…and worse… bringing you in danger.” Harry finally lifted his head and looked at Niall. Niall stopped up, forcing Harry to halt as well.

“Hey, everything is okay now,” Niall smiled comfortingly, subconsciously placing a hand on Harry’s arm. “What matters is that we’re alright. Nathan was one, manipulative asshole, and none of us could have known it would end like this. I am just happy you’re safe.”

Harry’s smile was a bit forced and he shook his head a little.

“Niall, there’s something he said that I haven’t been able to forget,” Harry said, his voice a little hoarse, and Niall frowned as he saw the apprehension in his eyes; “What is it?”. “He told me…he told me he tried to have his way with you, and first I thought he was just saying it to get to me….was it true?” Harry looked downright scared, and Niall considered lying to him. However, he was remained of their promise not to keep secrets for each other.

“It was true,” Niall said, and Harry stiffened. Niall sighed a little and looked away. “I was ready to give him what he wanted if he promised to keep away from you,” Niall explained and when he looked up, he was surprised to see Harry looking upset. “Why would you _do_ that, Niall!” He exclaimed, startling Niall a little. “Why would you let that bastard come anywhere near you-”

“Really, Harry?” Niall interrupted him with narrowed eyes. “I did it for _you_ , you idiot.” Harry looked a bit ashamed, and Niall sighed. “At that time, I realized to what lengths I would go for you,” Niall smiled, his hand falling down from Harry’s arm. “I know you’d do the same for me.”

Harry’s features softened as his lips curved up in a smile, dimples denting his cheeks and he moved forward, hugging Niall tightly to his chest.

“I would.” He whispered into Niall’s ear. “Thank you, Niall.”

Niall beamed as he returned the hug, squeezing Harry tightly before releasing him. He clapped Harry on the shoulder and tried not to think too much about how bright the green in Harry’s was shining under the sun.

“I’m here if you want to talk more about it,” Niall offered, and Harry chuckled.

“I know.”

And for a fleeting moment, Niall really just wanted to kiss him.

* * *

The next school week went by in snail pace, and everything felt a little too weird for Niall. He didn’t see Zayn the first day, and he would probably never admit that he looked after him in the hallways and lunch.

It made him incredibly nervous as he had no idea what had went down between him and Nathan. In all honesty, Niall had thought Zayn would come and talk as soon as he could, but the first time he saw him was in the hall an early Tuesday morning.

Niall first instinct was to walk up to him, maybe kiss him but then he was shocked by his own thoughts, reminding himself that they weren’t together anymore.

It was probably the first time it really dawned on Niall that it was over between him and Zayn. 

He looked, or more precisely, stared at him as he stood there at his locker; dark hair, printed tee, tight jeans, headphones hanging around his neck, and Niall fully realized he couldn’t just go up to him as he used to.

Niall felt a dull ache and didn’t even realize he was gnawing at his lip, and he only first realized he was staring at Zayn when said boy looked up and directly at him.

Their eyes met, and Niall felt a familiar sting in his eyes. For a moment, Zayn looked like he wanted to walk up to him, but Niall would never know cause he turned on his heels and fled.

He spent that lunch period on the roof of the school, sitting up against the wall with the tears flowing uncontrollably down his cheeks.

That’s how Harry found him a few minutes later; with his knees brought up to his chest, his face hidden in them, trying not to sob hysterically.

Harry didn’t say anything. He just sat down next to him and quietly began to eat his lunch. 

Niall loved him dearly for that.

Niall didn’t understand fully why the mere sight of Zayn had triggered all those tears. He wasn’t sure why he was crying; because Zayn wasn’t his anymore? Because he couldn’t kiss him anymore? 

He felt a little more than pathetic and the thought that he was the only one crying made him feel worse. He tried to remind himself he’d been the one to break up with Zayn and for what reasons. 

He’d get over him with time.

Once Niall calmed down, Harry wordlessly offered him a slice of his pizza, and Niall smiled weakly, taking the offered slice. They ate in silence just watching the clouds drift by, and Harry’s presence was comforting.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry said quietly, startling the peaceful silence, and Niall pulled his lips into a thin line and exhaled slowly.

“No,” He whispered.

Harry smiled at him.

“That’s okay.”

Niall could feel the tears building up again, and he felt ashamed.

“Hug?” He croaked weakly.

“Of course.”

Niall scooted closer to Harry, more than willingly falling into his inviting arms and sought comfort in his familiar warmth, all the while trying not to think about dark hair and amber eyes.

….

Niall spent the rest of the week focusing on his school work, and for once, he was grateful he only had one class with Zayn. 

He couldn’t deny that he was surprised Zayn didn’t try to approach him since he’d wanted to talk, besides, Niall was curious as to what he’d said to Nathan to keep him away from Harry; according to the younger boy, he hadn’t heard from Nathan, thankfully.

Niall spent a lot of his free-time with Harry where Harry was either tutoring him in Math or they were just hanging out at each other’s places.

Everything almost felt like it was back to normal before he met Zayn; only that it wasn’t. Besides that he seemed to be a little more depressed about his and Zayn’s deteriorated relationship, he felt like something wasn’t quite right between him and Harry either.

It might be wholly on his side, and he probably wasn’t ready to admit out loud, but lately, he felt like he was more aware of Harry than he used. 

He noticed small things about the boy that he hadn’t bothered thinking twice about before, and it was slowly beginning to unnerve him. 

Niall came to the decision to not think too much about how nice Harry smiled, or how pretty his dimples were or for that matter how Harry looked at him from time to time. 

It might have proved to be more of a disadvantage than an advantage, especially when one day, Niall found himself staring at Harry’s lips while the younger boy was trying to explain how to use the calculator to find the binomial distribution. 

Niall wasn’t really listening, his thoughts were drifting as he for a second completely spaced out, trying to remember how it actually felt like to kiss Harry.

“Niall? Niall!”

Harry’s raised voice shocked Niall back to reality and his eyes snapped up to meet Harry’s. He didn’t even have time to panic about his voice as he this time got lost in the green of Harry’s eyes, and Harry had to snap his fingers before his face to get him to snap out of it.

“Huh?” Niall mumbled, a little dumbfounded as he stared at Harry who was raising an eyebrow at him.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked with a sly expression and he looked like he was trying to suppress laughter. “You were kind of staring at me and spacing out.”

Niall blushed a hundred different shades of red as his trains of thoughts returned to him, and Harry muffled a chuckle behind his hand, a cheeky glint in his eyes.

Before Niall could compos himself, Harry was in his personal space, his mouth brushing against Niall’s earlobe. “You know,” he whispered huskily in his ear. “You can tell me what’s on your mind…I would really like to know.”

Niall took a sharp intake of air and let out an embarrassing sound, before pushing himself away from Harry and stumbling to his feet.

“T-toilet…I need to pee,” He stuttered out, his face beet red and tried not to literally run out of the room.

Niall knew that he maybe had to re-evaluate how he felt about Harry, because friends didn’t stare at friend’s lips and get lost in their eyes; Niall felt a little screwed.

After that, things were a little awkward or at least on Niall’s part, because Harry seemed like his usual self which was kind of frustrating for the blonde.

Niall was coming to the point where he was questioning his sanity, because it wouldn’t surprise him if he was going crazy. One minute, he was secretly staring longingly – and quite pathetically – at Zayn during lunch and the other, he would find himself fantasizing about Harry’s lips.

Niall never thought he had much of any self-control, and what happened Friday night when Harry was over at his, he’d like to blame on all the stress of last week and the lack of self-control was also a pretty lame excuse.

They were deciding what movie to watch and somehow they ended up childishly fighting over the remote. 

“Fuck! Go away Styles!” Niall cursed as he shoved Harry away, but the younger boy was persistent. 

“Is this how you treat your guest, Horan?” He said and lunged for the remote, and Niall let out a grunt of pain when Harry’s body collided with his and they ended up falling off the bed. 

“For Christ’s sake, Harry!” Niall rolled around on the floor and pushed himself to a sitting position. Harry also sat upright and reached for the remote in Niall’s hand, and Niall stretched his arm to the side to keep it away from him. “

Come on! Give it!” Harry huffed.

“No way! I’ll decide…” Niall’s words died in his throat when he turned to face Harry and found the boy’s face mere inches from his.

He froze completely, and as Harry also realized their close proximity, Niall could hear his breath hitch a little. 

They sat like that, close and staring at each other for what felt like eternity but was mere seconds. Niall could make every little detail of Harry’s face, distinguish every single curl falling over his eyes, get lost in the different shades of green in his eyes. 

His blue eyes instinctively flickered down to Harry’s slightly parted lips, they were pink and they looked inviting, and Niall was sure his body disconnected from his brain or else he would probably have noticed the wary look in Harry’s eyes.

“Niall, what are you-”

Harry never got the chance to finish his sentence, because Niall silenced his words by pressing their lips together. 

Harry gasped into the kiss, but Niall didn’t take notice or maybe he just ignored it. 

Either way, he pressed deeper into the kiss, his hand coming up and clutching Harry’s shoulder as he tried to savor the feel of Harry’s lips against his.

It took a few moments for Harry to respond as he froze but Niall was persistent as he pressed deeper into the kiss, and finally Harry responded by pressing back. Niall hummed into the kiss, but it turned into a displeased sound when Harry pulled away. 

Harry looked at him, his eyes clouded with confusion, but Niall didn’t think further about it. Harry opened his mouth probably to say something, but Niall didn’t give him the chance as he was kissing him again; this time harder, his tongue licking a long swipe across Harry’s bottom lip, before disappearing into his heated mouth.

Niall wanted to touch Harry in that one, selfish moment of his and his hand sneaked up, taking a handful of curls and tilting Harry’s head to the side to deepen the kiss further. Harry’s hands came down on Niall’s waist, and the blonde hadn’t expected to be shoved away roughly.

Niall looked up at Harry a little breathless and with confused eyes, and his heart sank when he saw the upset expression in Harry’s eyes. “What are you doing, Niall?” He said, his voice wavering slightly as he pushed away from Niall, getting to his feet. He looked down at the still confused blonde. 

“Stop playing.”

Niall blinked, now feeling beyond confused and quickly got to his feet. 

“What?” 

He eyed Harry nervously. The younger boy looked incredibly tense, and Niall didn’t understand.

Harry took inhaled deeply through his nose, his jaw clenching as he narrowed his eyes a little at Niall.

“You can just kiss me like that,” He said and gestured with his hand towards Niall. “Like it means nothing.” The almost hurt look in Harry’s eyes tore at Niall, and he quickly shook his head.

“Harry, I am not sure I understand what are you talking about,” He said quietly and wanted to move closer but the way Harry looked all guarded made him change his mind.

“Why did you kiss me?” Harry looked small and vulnerable as he asked that question, and Niall wanted to kick himself hard. He should have known better than just kiss him out of nowhere; what was wrong with him?

Niall scratched the back of his head, his eyes falling to his shoes. 

“…because…because I wanted to?” It came out more of a question, and the way Harry’s face hardened indicated it wasn’t the right answer. Niall bit down his tongue; crap.

“…Niall,” Harry said slowly. “Don’t ruin everything between us, please.”

Niall’s eyes widened in surprise, and he stared at Harry, trying to figure him out.

“I don’t get it, Harry,” Niall threw his arms to the side in defeat and frowned. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Harry looked almost offended, his lips pulled into a thin line, and Niall was just really lost.

“I don’t want to be your rebound from Zayn,” Harry said, shoving his hands deep in his pocket. “You obviously still care about him, since you still look at him…like you’re regretting it.” 

Niall’s mouth fell open in protest.

“No, I’m not!” He was fast to say, and even he could hear how that sounded like a denial. He could feel his cheeks burn when Harry raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, and he suddenly felt transparent.

“No use lying to yourself, Ni,” Harry sighed deeply and rubbed his temple.

Niall deflated, his shoulders dropping and he stared at his feet, embarrassed.

“Alright,” He admitted. “…but I can’t just get over him just like that, Harry. It’s going to take time.”

Harry scoffed a little and looked bitterly away.

“I know,” He mumbled. “Believe me, I know.”

Niall decided not to look deeper into the implications of Harry’s words, because really, he didn’t need more stuff to think about.

“And I didn’t kiss you just to use you to forget about him,” Niall said and chanced a step forward. Harry didn’t move away, just scrutinized him. “I did it because I wanted to, okay? I really did.”

“Why?” Harry shot back with a frown.

Niall groaned.

“I don’t _know_ ,” He shook his head. “… Harry, I really don’t know…”

Harry licked his lips and bobbed his head slightly before his eyes wandered to the side and an awkward silence settled between them.

Harry sighed and looked back at Niall, looking more relaxed and less hostile. He ran a hand haphazardly through his hair and looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I think it would have been a better idea if I gave you some space…to sort yourself out,” Harry said. “You obviously confused about what you want, and I don’t want to risk repeating the past.”

Niall swallowed when he realized that Harry thought less of him than he’d originally thought; that kind of stung.

“I would never do that to you,” Niall said hoarsely. Harry looked at him with soft eyes and smiled faintly.

“Don’t promise anything, Niall,” He replied, and Niall wasn’t sure where to take his words. 

Harry might be right; he might need some space from both Zayn and him to sort himself out. He didn’t know what he felt for Harry or if his feelings even went deeper than a friend wanting to kiss a little with a friend; he blushed at his own thoughts. 

He definitely didn’t want to hurt Harry more than he’d hurt him, and he was pretty sure everything was done and said between him and Zayn; the guy didn’t even bother to have a last talk with him.

“Space,” Niall mumbled and cleared his throat when Harry looked confused. “You’re right. I need space.”

Harry nodded slowly.

“Okay then,” He said. “We should properly focus on our exams now, anyway.”

Niall swallowed; he didn’t know when school had gotten so low on his priority list, but Harry was right, he really needed to focus on school right now. If he had any wishes passing into his senior year, that is.

“So what? We won’t see each other anymore?” Niall asked, feeling a heavy knot of anxiety in his chest. 

“Sure we will,” Harry assured and smiled. “It’s kind of inevitable, but I’m just saying maybe we shouldn’t hang out so much anymore… and I think it’s better if I find you a new tutor.”

Niall’s throat felt bone-dry, and he felt a little hurt; what did Harry think would happen? That he would attack him or something? Niall was sure he could muster up enough self-control to keep to himself, besides, it felt like Harry was trying to put a little too much distance between them.

“Hey, come on,” Harry sighed. “Don’t give me that face, Niall. I really just think it’s for the best.”

Niall bit down his lip to stop him from saying something he would regret.

“Fine,” He bit out and turned away. “You know your way out.”

Harry didn’t leave, and Niall really just wanted him to so he could throw stuff around in sheer frustration. “I don’t want to walk out with you angry, Niall,” Harry said and walked up behind him. “I’m not,” Niall retorted, even though he was.

Harry sighed heavily behind him, before suddenly locking his arms around his neck and kissing his temple. “I just want things to work out, yeah?” He whispered into his ear, and Niall blushed. “You know, I love you.”

Niall inhaled deeply, and he felt like a fire was starting inside of him. He spun around to face Harry who was looking at him with sincere and cautious eyes.

“Can we start this “no-seeing-each other” tomorrow?” Niall requested hoarsely, and Harry frowned slightly. “Why would it make any difference-” Niall cut him off with a soft press of his lips against his, and he knew he was walking on thin ice.

When he pulled away, Harry looked a little baffled, but not angry. Niall decided to push his luck and tried to kiss him again, but Harry stopped him by pressing a finger against his lips.

“Good night, Niall,” He said and pecked him quickly on the cheek before turning to leave. Niall felt dizzy and overwhelmed by his own actions and emotions and stumbled after Harry.

They were half-down the stairs when the doorbell rang, and Niall’s mother emerged from the kitchen. “I’ll get it,” She said and opened the door.

“Oh, are you a friend of Niall’s?” His mother said and Niall frowned. He couldn’t see who his mother was talking to since she was blocking the view.

“Yeah…something like that,” A smooth, deep voice said, and Niall’s heart stopped beating.

 _No,no,no, bad timing, please no_ He chanted in his head, but then his mother moved away from the door and the person stepped in. 

Niall didn’t have to see Harry’s face to know his expression, besides, he was busy staring at the arriver’s.

He was busy staring at Zayn’s stupid, pretty face who was giving his mother a sweet smile that looked so wrong on his face.

Zayn must have felt his burning gaze, because the next second, he was looking directly at him.

Oh boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy, indeed.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _All along it was a fever  
>  A cold sweat hot-headed believer  
> I threw my hands in the air I said show me something  
> He said, if you dare come a little closer_
> 
> _Round and around and around and around we go  
>  Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know._
> 
> _Not really sure how to feel about it.  
>  Something in the way you move  
> Makes me feel like I can't live without you.  
> It takes me all the way.  
> I want you to staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay._
> 
> RIHANNA LYRICS  
> "Stay"  
> (feat. Mikky Ekko)

Chapter 28

It was no secret that Niall had always wanted to introduce Zayn to his mother when they first got ‘real’ together. He’d always wanted for the most important people in his life to meet each other, had even imagined the scenario; his mother would love him almost as much as Niall loved him, she would be embarrassing, telling Zayn about him and Niall would sigh and groan in protest, Zayn would smile, pretty pearly-white teeth and cast him an amused glance.

This wasn’t the scenario he’d had in mind.

Sitting at the table with his ex – the label left an unpleasant churn in Niall’s stomach – his best friend who he’d shamelessly tried to crawl on top off a few minutes ago and his mother; smiling widely to Zayn, pleased to meet a new ‘friend’ of Niall’s.

Definitely never what he’d had in mind or what he’d imagined would ever happen.

It was no surprise that he was a mess of nerves, fidgeting and squirming at his seat, casting glances towards Harry – who looked too impassive for comfort (Niall’s mother had insisted Harry ate with them even though the boy looked anything but willing to) – and Zayn, who looked too calm and was all polite smiles and nods towards his mother; Niall was just waiting for something to crash and burn.

He knew it was coming.

“I assume you go to school together,” Maura said looking towards Zayn who in turn nodded. 

“Yeah, we are in the same year, though we only have one temporary class together,” Zayn replied and smiled at Maura; Niall was already unnerved with how much he seemed to do that. 

“I see, then how did you become friends?”

Niall’s breath hitched and his eyes snapped towards Zayn, wide and apprehensive. Zayn didn’t look too put out as he shrugged a little and glanced towards Niall, and he could see in Zayn’s eyes, he wasn’t sure how to reply.

“I don’t really remember,” Zayn finally replied, nonchalantly. “I guess we just started talking and then...we became friends.”

Niall’s breath of relief was cut short when Harry snorted.

All eyes snapped towards the youngest at the table, and Niall stared at Harry in shock and with a look that clearly said “What the fuck, Harry.”

Harry rolled his eyes and huffed, looking away and picking at his food with a deep frown. Niall forced the food down his throat and turned to his mother with a sheepish smile.

A few minutes passed by, Niall’s mother making conversation mostly with Zayn, Niall was quiet as the grave and Harry even worse. Niall could feel the tension shimmering under the surface and when Harry finally snapped, Niall saw it coming.

Niall’s mother was in the middle of asking Zayn out about his family, and Niall had actually been curious of what Zayn would say when Harry had loudly pushed himself away from the table and on his feet.

“Harry?” Niall’s mother looked at the younger boy worried. “I forgot my mother wanted me home early. Thanks for the dinner,” Harry mumbled, his eyes downcast before walking out with fast steps.

Niall stomach churned and he quickly got to his feet. “I’ll walk him out,” he said to his mother, a little nervous about leaving her and Zayn alone, but now he had to do something about the catastrophe unfolding.

“Harry, Harry, _Harry_ ,” Niall fruitlessly tried to catch Harry’s attention as the younger boy threw on his jacket with quick, frantic movements before flinging open the door and walking out in the late spring evening.

Niall grabbed his coat and followed the younger boy. Niall had to run a little to catch up to Harry’s long strides. “Hey, Harry, _Harry_!” Niall called anxiously when he caught up to Harry, but Harry didn’t even spare him a glance, just stared stiffly ahead picking up pace.

In the end, Niall had to step in front of him to stop him, but even then, Harry tried to walk around him. “Harry!” Niall exclaimed and grabbed the younger boy tightly around the arm, forcefully stopping him up.

Harry finally stilled and gave Niall a blank stare. Niall studied him nervously, unsure of what to say, because Harry was obviously upset, if his tense frame was any indication to go by.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” He knew it was the wrong thing to say the second Harry’s face contorted in fury, his eyes shooting daggers, and Niall swallowed, taking a step back.

“What’s wrong? what’s _wrong_?” He repeated, his voice dripping with disbelief, and Niall shrank under his burning glare. “I don’t know, Niall. why don’t you tell me?” He spat sarcastically.

It was obvious that Harry was upset by Zayn, but it wasn’t like Niall had invited him or anything; he’d shown up by himself. He gazed cautiously at Harry, afraid the wrong word or move would make him explode.

“Hanging out with you as much as I do, is damaging me more than I was ever willing to admit,” Harry spoke after a few seconds of tense silence. There was a slight waver in his voice and with his words, some of the hardness in his eyes disappeared.

“I can hardly recognize myself anymore,” Harry said and shook his head, looking away and running a hand haphazardly through his soft curls. “And fuck, I am _so_ sick and tired of this…” He looked so frustrated that Niall felt himself shrink further in guilt. “…I just want this to _end_.”

Niall stiffened, his eyes growing wide. He didn’t like those words at all if they meant what he thought they meant, and Harry’s bitter expression confirmed his suspicion.

To some extent, or maybe even to a greater extent, Niall could fully understand where Harry was coming from. The younger boy had stuck around him from day one since he’d been with Zayn even though it was hurting him, and Niall had never let himself think too much about it, knowing guilt would swallow him up whole. Niall could not even begin imagining loving someone so much that you wouldn’t give up on them even though you knew they felt the same for somebody else and the more he thought about it, the more his chest began to hurt. 

“Harry, look at me,” Niall said softly and reached out for the younger boy, not entirely sure what he wanted to say. Harry shook his head, shying away from his touch, his face turning resolute.

“I can’t…I don’t _want_ to do this anymore,” He said, his eyes boring into Niall’s. “Hanging out with you each and every day knowing that I can’t have you is pure torture…it’s unhealthy. And you just makes everything worse by kissing me out of nowhere. I am _done_ , Niall.”

If anything, Harry sounded like he was breaking up with him and since they weren’t together, Niall assumed he was breaking up their friendship. He swallowed hard, and he suddenly felt very scared at the thought of losing Harry.

“What are you saying?” He whispered hoarsely.

Harry didn’t reply, just gave him a look that was worth more than words. He looked down and tried to walk past Niall again, but Niall grabbed him, his hold desperate. “Harry! I might not love you like that, but you’re still my _best friend_ , you can’t just walk away from that,” He begged, but Harry just laughed humorlessly. Niall winced at the lack of warmth and tone in that laugh.

“I wish it was that simple, Niall,” Harry said. “I wish that we could go back to how it used to be, trust me, I’ve been praying to a god that I don’t believe in that these feelings I have for you would just _disappear_. The harder I try, the worse it gets.” 

“…I…I am sorry,” Niall whispered.

“…me too,” Harry replied with a strained smile, before walking away and leaving Niall to stare after him, feeling oddly empty and helpless.

..

It was a crestfallen Niall that returned to the dinner table where Zayn and his mother were in the middle of taking off the table. 

“Niall! Where’d you go? It’s not polite to leave your guests at the dinner table,” His mother chastised him, oblivious to the blonde’s glum atmosphere.

“Whatever,” He grumbled and shot Zayn a glance. The boy was looking at him worriedly, and Niall signaled for him to follow him.

Having Zayn in his room again felt odd and weird, even though it was only a little over a week he’d last been there – it felt a lot longer though – and it definitely felt wrong when Zayn proceeded to neatly take a seat on the chair instead of throwing himself on the bed as he used to. 

Niall walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed, facing Zayn while trying to push the thoughts of Harry to the back of his mind; he couldn’t bear the thought of possibly having lost Harry and calmed himself down by telling himself Harry just needed to sleep on it and everything would be fine by tomorrow morning when Niall called him.

“Your mother is nice,” Zayn said suddenly, ripping Niall out of his worried thoughts. Niall blinked and focused on Zayn who was studying him with his dark eyes; Niall ignored the familiar warmth in his belly.

“Yeah, when she’s not annoying and embarrassing,” Niall replied with a small snort. 

“You should appreciate your mother, Niall,” Zayn said with a wry smile, but there was a serious undertone to his voice, and Niall sat up a little straighter as a thought hit him.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Niall eyed Zayn cautiously. “What happened to your mother?” Niall debated if that was a question you could ask your ex or if it was taking it too far; something told him the latter cause even when they were together, it would be an almost taboo topic.

Zayn didn’t look too surprised by the question and tilted his head to the side, looking thoughtful. “Well, my mother left when I was about 4, so I don’t remember much of her,” Zayn squinted his eyes a little. 

“…Why’d she leave?” Niall asked softly, his curiosity sparked. Zayn inhaled deeply and leaned a little back in the chair.

“I guess she got fed up with the lies and deceits that comes with being in the filthily rich crowd,” Zayn said lightly and shrugged. “She was only a Malik by family, so it’s only understandable she couldn’t t see things the way my father did. There was a period where they fought a lot… a lot of shouting and crashing, until she filed for a divorce. Of course my father got the custody of me and Nathan, but I am not even sure if she ever tried. I’ve never seen her since.”

“Oh,” Was all Niall could say, shocked by this new piece of information. “She doesn’t call you?” He asked, and Zayn shook his head with a small smile. “Nope,” He said and shrugged. “Last I ever saw or heard of her was when she was packing her bags.”

Niall wasn’t sure what to say or if he should even say anything. He couldn’t wrap his mind around that a parent – a _mother_ nonetheless – would just leave and never contact her kids again. Zayn seemed pretty calm about it, but Niall wondered how much of it was an act; if it was Niall, he would felt betrayed and he would be growing up pondering why his mother left him just like that.

“Do you…do you ever wonder how it would be to meet her?” Niall asked quietly, tentatively, and Zayn looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I would lie if I said there weren’t points in my life where I wished I could replace that image of her in my head with a real person, but as I grew up…well, I grew up without her and that little childish dream of her showing up on the doorstep one day….just fainted away…I…” 

Zayn trailed off and his gaze was a little distant. Niall on his part was shocked by how much Zayn suddenly was willing to tell about himself without Niall needing to coax it out of him. He would be wary of this, should be, but he was busy feeling sympathy towards Zayn, because it was one of those rare times when Zayn let his mask slip revealing a more vulnerable side of himself.

Niall was close to moving over and hugging him, but he wasn’t sure if it was the appropriate thing to do – did you hug your ex or not? – so he ended up awkwardly patting Zayn’s knee, snapping Zayn out of whatever deep thoughts he was in.

The dark-haired boy looked down at Niall’s hand on his knee, his eyes a little vacant and he blinked once, twice and when he looked up at Niall, the mask was back in place. Niall drew back his hand and shot him a small smile, and Zayn’s eyes softened a little.

“I…don’t know what to say, Zayn,” Niall shook his head. “I can’t imagine what it must be like not knowing where your mother disappeared off to…where she is… if she’s even death or alive and if…” Niall tried off when Zayn’s face fell a little, and Niall could’ve slapped himself at his inconsiderate words.

Niall should’ve known that the thought probably had crossed Zayn’s mind, that maybe the reason his mother didn’t contact him was because she simple _couldn’t_ – Niall swallowed down and licked his lips out of nervous habit.

“Zayn, I didn’t meant to make you worried, I am sure she’s alright and” Niall was rambling now and he was more than grateful when Zayn cut him off with a brisk shake of his head.

“That wasn’t what I came to talk about,” He said and placed one hand over the other, his gaze turning serious as he regarded Niall, and Niall straightened up a little. The blonde’s throat felt dry as he stared at Zayn in apprehension, not sure if he was going to like what he had to say or not.

“I got rid of Nathan,” Zayn said off-handedly, and Niall blinked in surprise, his brows coming together in confusion and sent Zayn a look that asked him to elaborate what that meant exactly. 

Zayn thought a little before he talked.

“I had some evidence of him partaking in some illegal activities,” Zayn finally said, and Niall could hear how he was choosing his words carefully. Niall stared at him, blue eyes still confused. “Enough evidence to send him straight to jail that is,” Zayn continued. “Zayn, what-” Niall said at the same time as Zayn cut him off with a “but” 

A silence fell over the two of them as apparently they waited for the other to finish their sentence. Niall gestured with his hand, signaling for Zayn to finish while a growing seed of dread dropped in his belly. 

“But?” The blonde prompted.

“But I didn’t,” Zayn had darted his pink tongue out to swipe across his bottom lip and Niall had found himself staring, but Zayn’s words made his eyes snap up to Zayn’s.

“ _What_ ,” Niall exclaimed in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t you!?” Niall didn’t know what on earth Zayn had on Nathan that was bigger than trying to sexually assault Harry and enough to get him into jail, he was damn curious, but no matter what it was, why wouldn’t Zayn take the chance and throw that asshole behind closed bars? 

Zayn looked too calm for Niall’s comfort as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“…because I made sure he left town and with what I had on him, he didn’t really have a choice,” Zayn explained and shrugged a little. “Don’t worry about him. He’s not going to bother you or your friends anymore. I made sure.”

“What…I don’t understand,” Niall shook his head. “What did you have on him Zayn? What did he do? Did he _murder_ someone or what?” Unsurprisingly enough, Niall was almost sure Nathan had the capability to kill someone; he shuddered a little.

“No, he didn’t,” Zayn had an almost amused glint in his eyes. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but maybe you deserve to know; he was using the family’s co-operations to cover up for trafficking illegal drugs. He thought nobody would find out, and his overconfidence eventually became his downfall.”

Niall gaped at Zayn with wide eyes, because this was a _huge_ deal; maybe not as big as killing someone but still. “You should tell the police, Zayn,” Niall said nervously. “He could come back and somehow destroy whatever evidence you have and hurt you.”

The thought of Zayn getting hurt scared Niall witless, because if Nathan was involved in drug trading then what else wasn’t he capable of?

“Don’t worry about Nathan,” Zayn said, his voice confident as he leaned a little back in the chair. “He’s out of the picture now. Trust me.”

“But-”

“I said trust me,” Zayn had suddenly leaned forward so his face was closer to Niall’s, his eyes so dark as they bored intensely into Niall’s. The words of protest died on Niall’s tongue as he lost himself in those familiar eyes, disregarding the thumping of his heart as something else, definitely not how he could pick up Zayn’s scent of smoke, musk and boy. “I know it might be too much to ask after everything,” Zayn said quietly, not breaking eye-contact. “But leave this to me and don’t think about it anymore, yea?”

Despite himself, Niall found himself nodding mutely.

“Fine,” He said, his voice a little hoarse and he cleared his throat as his eyes darted to the side, unable to look into Zayn’s eyes for a second longer.

Zayn muttered something under his breath, and Niall liked to think it was a “thanks.”

The chair creaked a little under Zayn’s weight as he shifted on it, sitting a little more straight and Niall looked back at him.

“Now that we have that cleared out then… let’s talk…” Zayn took a small pause where he locked eyes with Niall. “…about us.”

Niall shifted a little nervously where he sat, straightening a little up and trying to look as calm as Zayn looked even though he could feel the nerves getting to him. He’d been waiting for this part ever since Zayn stepped into the house, and he didn’t know if he even wanted to do this…was there anything left to talk about?

“I don’t have anything more to say…” Niall said truthfully and played a little with his fingers. “You talk.”

There was a beat of silence where Niall stared at Zayn, and Zayn stared back with a tint of uncertainty in his eyes. Then he sighed softly, ran a hand through his perfect, dark hair and sat a little back in the chair, his eyes fleeting to the side.

“You were right… _are_ right,” He said quietly and looked back at Niall. The blonde looked back at him with a confused frown, silently asking him to elaborate on his words.

Then Zayn took a deep intake of air and exhaled as deeply before leaning a little forward in the chair and staring straight into Niall’s eyes, his eyes serious.

“… you’re right about me…us…this,” Zayn said slowly, carefully, gauging Niall’s expression closely. Niall tried to look back calmly even though the knot of dread in his stomach was expanding by every second; he had a very bad feeling about where this was going. “…and I knew it all along… that I didn’t ….I didn’t deserve you,” Zayn said those words with his eyes downcast, and Niall’s eyes grew a little bigger in surprise at the unexpected words; did Zayn really just say that? “…but I was so used to getting what I wanted that I ignored it…I can’t say that I regret anything that happened between us…other than me fucking things up over and over again…but..that’s just who I am. I just want to let you know that…. I am sorry,” He said with a small sigh as he looked at Niall, who by the way didn’t know what to make of this, and all he could currently think about was that it was the first time he heard Zayn apologize for anything. “…for everything. For dragging you into this complicated mess that’s me… my life… my asshole of a brother…. Niall… I am no good at apologies, but you deserve one more than anyone.”

Zayn held a pause while Niall stared at the boy sitting before him having a hard time believing that this was _Zayn_ , because Zayn didn’t talk that long; or that way; or apologize for his behavior. Niall felt dizzy and wary, and he knew this wasn’t going places he would like. 

He speechlessly waited for Zayn to continue.

“… as I said….you are right,” Zayn said and absentmindedly tapped a finger against the arm lean of the chair. Niall just continued to stare because apparently he’d lost his voice.

 

“ … I am no good for you…. I can’t be like Harry…I’m not him,” as Zayn said those words, he looked so uncomfortable and out of place, that Niall wanted to give him one big hug.

“I never wanted you to be like him, Zayn,” Niall quickly said, his voice a little hoarse as he caught eyes with Zayn and smiled softly at him. If he wanted Zayn to be like Harry then he’d go to Harry, no all he wanted… “All I wanted was for us to work out.”

Zayn smiled halfheartedly and shook his head a little.

“Yeah, but apparently we can’t,” Zayn’s gaze was apologetic, and Niall wanted to say that they maybe could keep trying, but he caught himself.

Zayn seemed to hesitate a little with his next words as he licked his lips and his eyes flickered over Niall’s face.

“You’re right. it’s best if we stay apart…move on from each other.”

Something hard and heavy hit Niall in the chest like a tidal wave; shock, pain, hurt? He wasn’t sure other than his breath was caught in his throat and something familiar was warm and stinging in his eyes. He was white-knuckling the bed sheets, but barely noticing, too caught up in remembering how breathing works.

Was Zayn actually doing what he thought he was doing? No doubt about his words, and Niall didn’t even realize he shouldn’t be reacting as he was.

“I just thought properly about it the last week’s time, y’ know?” Zayn rubbed his hands against one another like he was cold and avoided Niall’s eyes as he studied his feet. He took an inhale that made his chest heave and finally looked at Niall who was battling with emotions he weren’t sure of what was. “And I realized how wrong I’ve been all along, and I have no right to hold on to you…so I am letting you go.”

And there they were, the godforsaken tears blurred Niall’s vision and he looked down so fast to hide his face that a couple managed to spill over, rolling down, hot against his cheek. 

“Niall?” Zayn voiced unsurely and worried, the chair creaking as he shifted.

Niall found himself wishing the floor would open up and swallow him so he didn’t have to face this. He shouldn’t be crying and he clenched his eyes shut, taking a shaky breath of air, reminding himself this is what he wanted right? right?

The bed dipped next to him as Zayn carefully sat down next to him, and Niall fought feebly against his semi-cold hand as it wrapped around his chin, forcing his face to meet Zayn’s.

Niall didn’t even bother to control the shameful stream of tears and let them roll down, staining his cheek wet one by one. He stared mutely into Zayn’s worried features, and he hated himself and he hated Zayn and he hated everything.

“Hey…hey what’s wrong?” Zayn’s voice was soft, his touch gentle as he fruitlessly tried to dry the tears away only for new ones to replace them. Niall told himself he hadn’t missed Zayn’s touch, and he _shouldn’tbecrying, shouldn’tbecrying_ , then why won’t the tears stop falling?

Why was he crying?

Niall jerked away from Zayn’s touch and frantically dried his eyes, doubtlessly getting them red and puffy. 

“Niall?” 

“No..no it’s nothing… nothing,” Niall whispered and stared away from Zayn, unable to look at him without feeling like something was tearing at his chest. He scoffed a little bitterly and bit down his lip.

“For some reason I thought…fuck it’s pathetic really…” Niall chanced a glance at Zayn who was just looking back at him with concern. “… I thought you came to beg for another chance… and I thought I didn’t want that… that I wanted _this_ … it is what I should want…and I don’t … I am so stupid…” Niall knew he was rambling and he didn’t care, he really didn’t care about anything right then.

Zayn brushed his bangs away from his eyes, and Niall thought how dare he touch him like that when this was happening and he shouldn’t be this close to him; shouldn’t be so close that Niall could make out his breath, his scent, his warmth.

“Guess I finally realized that I was the only one emotionally invested in this,” Niall shook his head, his cheeks wet, a bitter smile curling up his lips. “… that I was the only one…” Niall didn’t finish his sentence, didn’t think Zayn deserved to hear it again.

“Hey come on…it’s not-” Zayn never finished because Niall cut him off.

“No… no forget it,” Niall croaked, feeling a little more than pathetic. 

There was a moment of silence only broken by Niall sniffing furiously to keep his nose from running, and the bed creaking under Zayn’s weight as he shifted a little.

“Niall… I did,” Zayn’s voice was barely above a whisper, and Niall rose his gaze to look at him. Zayn seemed to hesitate and he ducked his head, breaking eye contact for a moment before he finally looked up.

“I do…” He corrected and he managed a weak smile so unlike him, and Niall realized he didn’t know all Zayn’s colors; never would get the chance to. 

Zayn’s next words could as well have been a punch to his stomach.

“I love you.”

And everything came crashing.

Niall literally snapped after air, trying to get the breath knocked out of him with those words back. Three little words it’s all it took for Niall’s world to flip upside down, and in the midst of all the emotions battling inside of him, all he could think of was _whynow_.

Those three little words were all Niall had ever wanted to hear from Zayn, but right then, he realized it were the last one he _needed_ to hear. They were like salt to the open wound in his heart, and it was like Zayn purposely tried to break the last piece of him.

“And that’s why I can’t keep doing this to you.”

And then Niall was a mess of tears, and Zayn was there, holding him against his chest in a way he shouldn’t, and Niall clung to him in a way he shouldn’t either.

_I love him, he loves me, and this is more fucked up than ever._

Niall gave up on thinking a straight thought and just listened to Zayn’s shushing, concentrated on the feel of his long fingers weaving through his hair; preparing himself for the inevitable.

Letting Zayn go.

“I am sorry,” Zayn’s voice deep and warm, his breath tickling his ear.

Niall clenched his now dry eyes tightly shut and let out a shuddering breath, nodding.

“I am sorry too.”

And then he watched Zayn leave with a last glance at him over his shoulder, and if he only knew he wasn’t leaving alone.

He was leaving with everything Niall had to offer.

Leaving him behind with nothing but a vacant space where his heart used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving  
>  'Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving._


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

The next near-month went by in a blur of studying, caffeine-overdose, pulling all-nighters and of course, nerve-wrecking exams. Niall barely had time mourning the loss of the two closest people in his life. Albeit everything felt incredibly wrong without Zayn and Harry there, he never let himself think about it too much; though the endless nights were he shed a tear or two was his own little secret. 

He hang out a lot more with Liam which was a great convenience since they shared a lot of classes, and Liam was smart; and a great comfort when Niall needed him. Although he didn’t see much to neither Zayn nor Harry, the small glimpses he caught of them here and there were enough to make his heart tug with longing and pain.

By the time the exams ended, everything felt like a distant memory. Niall didn’t go out of his way to talk to either of them, however, it was obvious they were avoiding him like the plague. Niall tried not to think too much of it, until Louis’ graduation forced him and Harry together.

Niall found himself sitting in the seat next to Harry at the ceremony, but he could as well have been thin air for the younger boy. “Hey, Harry,” he whispered as the dean lunged into a longer speech, and Harry barely glanced at him when he replied with a toneless “hey.”

Niall sighed.

“For how long are you going to pretend like I don’t exist?” He asked.

This time Harry sighed.

“I don’t know,” He muttered. “Until it doesn’t hurt just looking at you.”

Niall’s heart panged.

“Harry-“

A lady in front of them turned around with an annoyed expression and hushed them. Harry looked relieved and Niall was anything but; he slumped in his seat and tuned everything out until Louis’ name was called.

Then he pushed his thoughts away and hooted and clapped, the first genuine smile for weeks appearing on his face as Louis got on the stage, looking happier than Niall has ever seen him as he is handed his diploma, his parents flashing pictures like their life depended on it; the whole moment was bittersweet really. It marked the end and the beginning. Niall couldn’t imagine school or Delevan without Louis there.

He silently wondered how Harry was going to cope when he’d be the only one left once he and Liam left; at least now, they had each other. 

The next person Niall bothered to applause extra hard to was Cassandra who stuck out from the crowd like a sore thumb with her newly-colored corn blue hair and jade contacts. Niall heard the familiar hooting of Chad and automatically turned in the general direction. He vaguely caught a glimpse of Chad and Zayn, standing a few rows away, and he had to look away before his emotions got the better of him.

The ceremony ended and they all went to congratulate Louis, and Niall tried to ignore the underlying tension between him and Harry; today was about Louis not him.

The last senior party of the year was absolutely crazy; it was like all the teenagers turned into wild, animalistic creatures that drank like alcohol was the nectar of the gods. Niall asked himself why he had allowed Liam to drag him along as he awkwardly stood in a corner, nursing the same beer he had for the last hour, his gaze flickering around nervously watching everything unfold.

At some point, he decided to find someone, _anyone_ , to hang with, because he was getting a little lonely. He kind of wished he’d stayed in his spot when he walked in on Harry and a random girl eating each other’s faces off. He flustered a bright red in embarrassment and stuttered out an apology. He caught eyes with Harry before he stumbled out, and the empty look there scared him witless.

“Niall! Niaaaaaalll!!” A voice hollered over the loud music and Niall was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. “C-Chad,” Niall exclaimed surprised and tried to untangle the brunette from his being. “I haven’t seen you around! Missed you, man!” Chad said loudly and his eyes were bloodshot and he was swigging from a cup of alcohol in his hand.

Niall pushed him a little out of his space and Chad nearly fell over, if Niall hadn’t caught him last second. He sighed. The guy was completely wasted.

“You should probably sit down, before you hurt yourself,” Niall suggested. Chad shook his head with vigor.

“Nope! It’s a party! Let’s party!”

Before Niall could protest, Chad dragged him to where people were making a fool of themselves; moving their bodies to the music. Niall sighed and gave in.

After dancing themselves sweat, he and Chad collapsed on a couch and Chad laughed loudly. “You know, I wish you were still together with Zayn,” Chad said, a new drink in his hand, and Niall tensed; Chad was too drunk to notice. “He was really improving but now it’s like he’s relapsing into old habits old over again,” Chad slurred. “He won’t talk about you and gets all broody at the mere mention of your name but you know what Niall Horan?”

Chad tries to focus on Niall with hazy eyes.

“I think he really loved you.”

Niall breathed in through his nose and looked away.

“I know,” He whispered, even though he knew Chad couldn’t hear.

“And that’s like reaaally big!” Chad announced. “Like this big!” He said, spreading his arms to demonstrate and in the process, spilling some beer on Niall. “Because Zayn has never been in love and that makes you his first love, right?” Chad laughed. “That’s soooo sweet!”

“I need air,” Niall announced and not waiting for Chad’s response, he got to his feet and fled. Once outside in the warm summer air, Niall dried away a few wayward tears and looked up in the dark night sky, wondering where everything in his life went wrong.

“Heeey, pretty boy.”

Niall looked up to see a guy he vaguely remembered was a senior leering at him, and he straightened up. “Leave me alone,” he bit out; he wasn’t in the mood for this. The guy staggered over to him, obviously completely wasted like everyone else at this party. He leaned against the wall next to Niall and smiled down at him.

“Want to have some fun?” He asked, his fingers running down Niall’s arm, and Niall smacked his hand away. “ _No_ , go away,” He growled but the guy seemingly didn’t take no for an answer and was still in Niall’s personal space.

He curled a hand tightly around Niall’s waist and leaned into him. “Don’t play hard to get,” He said into his ear and Niall scrunched his noise up in disgust when his breath stinking of alcohol hits his nose. “Which part of no don’t you understand,” Niall snapped and pushed him away, but the guy didn’t budge; he was apparently not as drunk as Niall had though.

“Let him go,” A dark voice said behind the guy and both he and Niall turned towards it. Niall’s heart all but stopped when he saw who it was.

“Zayn.”

The guy rolled his eyes and finally released Niall, staggering away with Zayn’s glare burning after him. once he was gone, Zayn turned around and eyed Niall.

“You alright?”

Niall nodded mutely.

“Good.”

“Don’t you know better than stand here alone? This place if filled with horny, drunk guys,” He chided softly, and Niall looked away not sure how to act; it had been weeks since they last talked. “Go back inside.”

Niall wanted to say something; he really did. He wanted to do so many things. He wanted to tell Zayn that he couldn’t do this, that he wanted to be with him, have him by his side, feel him. he wanted to walk up, grab Zayn’s dark hair and kiss him silly, hug him around the neck and never let go.

However, he did none of this and sending Zayn a lingering glance he returned to the party where he proceeded to hunt Liam down so he could take him home. He couldn’t bear seeing at Zayn, seeing what he had lost; what wasn’t his anymore.

 

A couple of weeks into the summer vacation, and Louis’ parents held a party in honor of Louis’ graduating high school; they invited relatives and close friends. It was a pretty laid back party with barbeque in the backyard, and Niall and Louis were chilling at the pool when Louis suddenly turned serious.

“You know, I am leaving in a few weeks,” Louis started and Niall groaned. “don’t remind me, please. We are all going to miss you.”

Louis smiled.

“Yeah, but, I want you to promise me something,” He said and looked Niall in the eyes. Niall looked nervously back, not entirely sure if he wanted to hear.

“Yeah?”

“Take care of Harry, yeah?”

Niall’s eyes automatically sought out the younger curly-headed boy. He was standing at the grill and helping Louis’ mother. Niall’s chest was heavy; he felt like he didn’t know that boy any more. They might as well be strangers.

“I…I’ll try,” Niall muttered, looking back at Louis.

Louis frowned.

“What is up with you two, anyway?” He asked, and Niall shrugged.

“I don’t know,” He replied, honestly.

Louis sighed.

“Did he tell you he is leaving for spain to visit his father next Friday?”

Niall’s eyes widened.

“What? No!” He said and stared at Louis, shocked.

Louis shrugged and kicked his feet in the water. “Well he is, so I would advise for you to work out your issues before he leaves.” He said before diving into the pool, leaving Niall staring.

He glanced back at Harry. Yeah, it was about time they talked.

He got that opportunity later the same day when everyone had went home, and Niall, Harry, Louis and Liam were the only ones left at the backyard, lounging around lazily.

“Liam and I are going to grab some beers,” Louis had said, grabbing Liam and sending Niall a look before nodding towards Harry who was sitting by the pool, texting. Niall nodded understandingly.

Liam and Louis disappeared, and Niall got to his feet cautiously walking over and sitting next to Harry; it wasn’t lost on him how the boy tensed.

“Hey,” He said quietly and Harry look up from his phone, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Hey,” He replied, before resuming his texting.

The silence stretched as Niall tried to figure out where to start, to the point where it was becoming awkward.

“Who are you texting?” He finally asked in lack of better.

Harry shrugged.

“Just a friend,” He muttered, and it was painfully obvious that he didn’t want to talk. Niall didn’t let himself get discouraged however.

He took a deep inhale.

“I heard you are leaving for Spain this Friday.”

 

Harry was silent for a moment.

“Yeah,” He replied curtly, and Niall stared at him. he sighed when Harry ignored him.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

Harry didn’t reply, didn’t look up or stop texting.

“Is this really the way things are going to be between us?” Niall asked, on the verge of desperate. He couldn’t believe that it had become this hard to have a talk with Harry; it was practically one-sided.

Harry still didn’t reply, and Niall was growing frustrated.

“Harry…please, talk to me,” He begged and lightly touched the other’s arm, making him stop texting and finally meet Niall’s gaze. “This is killing me. I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I am sorry for everything that has happened. Please, just tell me what to do to make it alright again?”

Harry’s eyes were a little vacant, once brilliant jade oddly dulled and Niall would do anything to have the sparkle back in them.

“I don’t think anything will ever be alright again,” Harry all but whispered, shaking his head and looking down; thankfully he had placed his phone in his pocket. He stared down at his fingers that were twisting.

Niall wanted to hug him, but had a feeling it wouldn’t be such a good idea.

“It might not seem that way…but I want to believe it can be alright again. I can’t imagine you not being in my life. You’ve always been there, I want you to be there…always.” Niall tried to convey how much Harry meant that he wasn’t just there, that there he never would replaceable.

Harry bit down his lip and was silent. Niall waited patiently. However, his next words took him completely by surprise.

“I might take a year in Spain,” He said in one breath and glanced quickly at Niall, gauging his reaction.

Niall’s mouth fell open and his heart dropped from his chest.

“What?” He exclaimed in shock, and Harry breathed out heavily.

“My father suggested it,” He said. “My mother thought it was a good idea… says she’s been worried about me. She thought I needed a little time away.”

A little? Was a freaking year what his mother classified as little?

“ _No_.” Niall grabbed Harry hard around the wrist, his eyes panicked. Harry winced lightly at the hard grip and met Niall’s eyes.

“I beg you,” Niall’s voice was thick with emotions. “Don’t.”

Harry looked conflicted, his eyes flickering over Niall’s face before he looked away.

“Niall, please don’t-“

“No, please,” Niall begged. “I can’t lose you. You can’t just leave everything behind. _Harry_ , look at me.”

“I can’t,” Harry whispered. “If I look at you, I might cave. I don’t want to.”

Niall then grabbed Harry’s chin and forced his face towards him. For a moment, they didn’t say anything. Just stared at each other.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Harry finally said, hoarsely. “I’ll let you know.”

Niall nodded, dropped his head on Harry’s shoulder and hugged him tightly; never wanting to let him go.

Eventually he had no choice. When Friday arrived, Niall could do nothing but stand to the side and watch Harry load his bag into the trunk of his mother’s car. When Harry smiled and hugged him goodbye, he fought to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

“You coming back, right?” He whispered, and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, I’m coming back.”

 

A few weeks later it was Louis’ turn to pack his bag and leave the town he’d known as home his whole life. When Liam and Niall shed tears, he laughed and told them he wasn’t dead, he was coming back and “stop being girls”, but Niall could see his own eyes were watering as well. Life was moving on and they were all growing up.

Bittersweet. Bittersweet all of it.

The rest of the summer took an interesting turn when Niall, Liam and a few others from the school spend the majority of their time at the beach. Apparently, Zayn, Chad and Cassandra also hung out there a lot and them running into each other from time to time was inevitable. When they did, Zayn would greet him and give him this smile, Niall liked to think meant more; he decided all he wanted from this summer was to be back with Zayn by the end of it.

Things only got more interesting when Cassandra got eyes for Liam and the girl unabashedly flirted with him at every turn, turning the boy into a flustering, stammering mess with her blunt remarks. This forced the two group of friends together and Niall saw more and more to Zayn, and he wasn’t complaining at all; even though seeing Zayn half-naked every other day - with girls and boys ogling him shamelessly with Niall unable to walk up and kiss him telling them “hey he’s mine”- was slowly killing him.

The times Niall liked the best was when they would start a small fire at the beach and stare up at the night sky. Niall would bring his guitar and play while Liam sometimes sang, and Zayn would look at him with this intense gaze that made Niall fall in love all over again.

It was nearing the end of the summer when everything came crashing down.

It was a late night and Niall had just returned from Liam’s and was getting ready to sleep when the glass-door opened. Niall nearly had an heart attack before realizing it was Zayn and the memories were painful.

“Zayn?!” He exclaimed shocked and stared at the boy in his room, standing there like he belonged there all along.

Zayn gave himan apologetic look as he walked further into the room.

“I would have come through the front, but I didn’t want to wake up your mom,” He explained, and Niall nodded slowly before realizing Zayn didn’t look right.

He immediately dropped what he had in his hands and moved forward, stopping up close to Zayn.

“Is everything alright?” He asked concerned, inspecting Zayn’s face.

Zayn looked anxiously at him, and Niall had never seen him look that way; his stomach churned with dread.

“Zayn?”

 

“… Niall. I came to say goodbye,” He said quietly, and Niall blinked. He was silent for a moment, not fully comprehending what he was saying or maybe his brain was just rejecting it.

“Goodbye? What do you mean?” Niall said, his voice oddly flat, his eyes wide.

 

Zayn looked him dead in the eye.

“I am leaving town tonight.”

Niall felt his insides freeze and it was like time itself stopped. He tried to breathe, forced himself to as he stared at Zayn’s unmoving features. He suddenly felt sick.

“W-what?” He whispered, shocked.

“My father is driving me insane. He is constantly on my back,” Zayn said, his eyes hardening a tad. “He keeps insisting I work in the company but I don’t want anything to do with it. He threatened to disown me, and I just can’t do it anymore. I want to…I have to leave.”

Zayn was clearly upset, and Niall was deeply shocked. What kind of parent threatened their own child with disowning them? and Niall understood where Zayn was coming from. He took a deep breath and tried for a moment not to be entirely selfish. 

“How are you planning to do that, Zayn?” He asked worriedly, because after all, Zayn was still young and Niall wasn’t sure he could stand without his parents support just yet.

“I have my trust fund,” Zayn explained. “It’ll be plenty to start over, even though I hate my father money it’s a necessary evil.”

Niall felt the numbness spread inside of him, but he continued bravely.

 

“Where are you planning to go?”

“ I am going to London for now, not exactly sure where I’ll end up,” He said thoughtfully. 

“You can’t move in with Cassandra or something?” Niall asked hopefully, the last bit of hope slowly vanishing.

Zayn smiled wryly at him and shook his head.

“She’s leaving to backpack around Europe and then she’s leaving for uni,” He said, and Niall could feel his heart tightening in his chest until the pain was unbearable.

Was this really happening?

Of course, his first instinct was to beg and cry and cling to Zayn until he stayed. Niall would convince his mother to let Zayn move in if that’s what it took, but he knew Zayn’s mind was set and every attempt would be futile.

“ There’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind, is there?” He asked, his voice loaded with sadness, and he bit down his lip not to break down completely.

Zayn studied him for a moment, his own eyes clouded with the same greyness. He solemnly shook his head.

“I am afraid not.”

Niall took a shaky breath.

“What about me?” He whispered, there was a slight shake in his voice as he added. “What about us?”

The tears pooled up in his blue eyes, and he looked down; ashamed.

He could feel Zayn’s gaze on him; heavy and piercing. He couldn’t look up, didn’t dare look up, knowing it would break him. However, he was forced to when Zayn suddenly took his hands in his.

Niall’s gaze snapped up and met Zayn’s eyes, and he’d never seen them so raw, so open, so full of emotions; it took his breath away. 

“Come with me,” Zayn suddenly said, his eyes pleading. “Let’s start over, together.”

Niall snapped after air shocked. He stared back into Zayn’s begging eyes and he didn’t know if he’d ever been presented with anything more tempting; a new life with Zayn, a new beginning, away from everything. It was so very, very tempting but…

“I can’t,” Niall croaked and his tears fell, hot against his cheek, and Zayn’s face faltered. “I want to, Zayn. I want to,” He whispered, his hand coming up and touching Zayn’s face. “But I can’t leave. Not now… not yet.”

Zayn bit down his lip, closed his eyes tightly and nodded.

“I understand,” He said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Will I see you again?” Niall asked, his heart beating in painful thuds. Zayn looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah,” He said. “One day.”

The tears had free fall now, blurring Niall’s sight and he choked down a sob, his hand intertwined with Zayn’s; he squeezed it tightly.

“I am going to miss you,” He murmured.

“Gonna miss you too,” Zayn replied and then he leaned down and kissed him.

The kiss held everything that entailed a goodbye and they held each other tightly, mouths sealed for a long time, both reluctant to let go. Niall’s hand ran over Zayn’s hair, carding through his locks and memorizing Zayn’s scent.

They finally released each other, forehead resting against each other and breathing in each other’s air. Niall looked into Zayn’s moist eyes, his heart breaking into pieces and he forced himself to let go.

He took a step back and watched Zayn hesitate before he turned around. He walked up to the balcony door, and Niall whispered after him;

“I love you, Zayn.”

Zayn stopped up, standing still for a moment before turning to look at Niall, a single tear trailing down his cheek.

“I love you too.” He whispered. “Always will.”

Zayn moved forward and leaned down, catching Niall’s lips in a last bitter-sweet kiss.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye”

Niall watched him leave out of the balcony door, and he wondered, if he would ever recover.

\------------------------------------time skip: 2 years later -------------------------------------------------------------

“Niall! Weren’t you responsible for the groceries!” Kyle yelled across the kitchen once he found the fridge almost empty.

“Nope! It was Shane’s turn!” Niall yelled back as he grabbed his laptop, glancing at the clock. He passed Shane dosing off in the living room and couldn’t help but kick him up.

“What’s going on?” Shane groaned, and Niall rolled his eyes.

“You forgot to buy groceries _again_!” Niall informed his lazy flatmate. “Good luck getting out of Kyle’s wrath. You know how he gets when the fridge is empty.”

“Oh crap,” Shane muttered and rubbed his forehead.

Niall laughed as he heard Kyle yelling profanities from the kitchen and he escaped to his room from all the commotion.

He jumped onto his bed and turned his laptop on, quickly signing onto Skype. The next second he was invited to an ongoing conversation and the screen split into three parts; Harry’s, Louis’ and Liam’s face looked up at him.

“Niall!! finally! You’re late!” Louis chided and frowned up at him.

Niall smiled.

“Sorry Lou. The train was delayed, long day,” He said and demonstrated by yawning.

“So, how are you holding up in New York?” Harry asked as he ruffled up in his hair.

“Great, the weather is wonderful and the people are nice. Kyle and Shane are both great,” Niall said with a smile that turned into a roll of his eyes when he heard something crash and yell from the living room; yeah, they were great when they weren’t trying to kill each other.

“Oh you’re still living with that fatass and that loser?” Louis asked with a frown.

“Be nice, Louis!” Liam exclaimed appalled and Louis rolled his eyes.

“I wish the weather was great here, the sky is always grey here in Birmingham,” Harry moaned and demonstratively looked outside the window.

“I share your fate, Haz,” Louis said. “It’s the same here in London. By the way, are you coming this weekend?”

Harry nodded, playing with a deck of card.

“Yeah.”

Louis beamed.

“Yay, missed you and you guys too of course,” Louis said. “How is it in Scotland, Liam? Are everyone gingers without souls down there and do the men all wear skirts?”

“Stop stereotyping, Louis,” Liam said. “In fact, here’s pretty nice though I do share the unfortunate weather.”

“So, we are still all going home for the break, yeah?” Harry asked nonchalantly, but he was clearly anxious.

“Definitely,” Niall assured.

“Of course,” Louis added.

“We’ll be there,” Liam said.

“Looking forward to seeing you all again,” Harry said with a dimply smile.

“Enough of that,” Louis said with a mischievous smile. “How is it going in your love lives? Anyone have anything going on?”

Everyone stared blankly back, and Louis groaned.

“Oh my god!” He exclaimed. “It’s like you’ve all become monks or something! Have you lost your game or something?”

They all muttered something under their breath.

They talked back and forth about everything and nothing until they slowly began to leave the chat one by one, and Niall closed the computer with a yawn. He stretched his limbs and looked around at his small room.

It had been a year since he graduated high school. The first year, he had gone to London, sharing a flat with Louis and studying music production. It had been a fun freshmen year and having Louis there with him had definitely been a great thing. Liam got a scholarship in Scotland and left to study business while Harry stayed back in Delevan to finish his senior year.

After Harry had come back from Spain by the end of the Summer vacation, it had been like he’d transformed into a new person and just like that, things fell into places regarding their friendship. Before they knew of it, they were back to how they used to be. When Niall left for uni, they saw each other regularly every other weekend and the breaks; London was only a 10 hour drive from Delevan.

Once Harry graduated, he left for Birmingham to study law and Niall left Louis behind in London to pursue a one-year abroad-studying in New York. Here he had met his new friends and flat mates; Shane and Kyle. Both two weird personalities, but he liked them nonetheless.

Niall didn’t let himself think about it, but he hadn’t seen Zayn since that faithful night when he left town. The first few months were devastating, but the pain steadily decreased from time to time until all there was left was a dull ache and the memories of what used to be.

Niall tried not to, but he would always wonder where in the world he was, if he was happy, if he thought of him like Niall thought of him. In the middle of the senior year, Niall had cracked and decided to find him, but had no such luck.

Wherever he was, he just hoped he was okay, and he hoped he would meet him one day, soon.

Niall worked at the local café as a waiter to make some money to meets his basic needs. As Niall cleaned the table, he smiled when he saw the generous tip and the small slip of paper with a number and “call me ;)” written on it. It was left behind by a rather good-looking guy and Niall considered doing so. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dated anyone since Zayn, but it had never lasted for more than a month.

He moved on to the next table, fishing out his notepad and slipping a pen out from behind his ear.

“Are you ready to order?” He asked and looked up at the same time the customer looked up from the menu.

Their eyes met and Niall’s whole world screeched to a sudden halt.

He stopped moving, stopped breathing; he froze.

The eyes that met his held the same shock, he could imagine reflected his own eyes. Niall blinked rapidly with his eyes, not quite sure if he was seeing right or it just was a fragment of his imagination, because what were the _odds_?

He looked a little different; a little older. His jaw line was dotted with stubbles, his eyes were deep, the same golden amber; his hair fell down his face in a shaggy-hairdo, gone was the quiff. 

“Zayn,” Niall managed to say, his mouth weirdly dry.

And what were the odds he would meet Zayn after two years in a small café in the outskirt of Brooklyn.

Yeah, what were the odds?

It was simply meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> or was it?
> 
> piece of advice: stop here and wait for the sequel. if you continue, it's at your own risk. you've been warned.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you want to cry while reading this then listen to "the one that got away" by katy perry. (the cover by Chester See and Tiffany Alvord is exceptionally wonderful)
> 
>  **confession** : i started out writing a happy ending for them, but then i suddenly wrote an unhappy and i liked the unhappy one better: it felt right to me as a creative writer. if i wrote to make anyone but myself happy, every chapter would turn out forced and fake or i'll get writer's block for weeks for that particular chapter or even paragraph that i'm forcing,  
> sometimes you have to take risks and this unhappy ending was my risk as a writer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _In another life_  
>  I would be your girl  
> We'd keep all our promises  
> Be us against the world
> 
>  
> 
> _In another life_  
>  I would make you stay  
> So I don't have to say  
> You were the one that got away  
> The one that got away
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> KATY PERRY LYRICS  
> "The One That Got Away"

Chapter 30

 

Niall pulls up into the too familiar parking lot and looks up at the large brick building, the words; _“Delevan High School”_ are engraved above the main entrance. He thinks it hasn’t changed the slightest and he hasn’t even been back since he graduated 10 years ago.

 

Just looking up at the building, floods him with memories of his youth. He can almost see himself, Harry, Louis and Liam standing by the entrance, fresh-faced and young, laughing carefreely in the sun at some lame joke Louis told. He feels a pang of nostalgia and closes his eyes for a moment, just to chase the memories and feelings away. He flips open the halford mirror in the car and gives his face a nervous one-over. His hair is no longer blonde but a dark brown, more controlled, not as messy and his eyes are the same blue, maybe not as bright but it is hardly noticeable. He has lost the last bit of the babyfat in his cheek and his face is more defined and sharp. His jaw and chin are smooth; he’s tried to grow a beard for years but has never grown quite enough hair to make a decent one. He thinks he still looks young for his age, 28 years old, people has told him so, and he’s always been looking a couple years younger. But, he is a man now, thus he can’t allow himself to dwell in what used to be’s and worse, what could have been.

 

He doesn’t know how long he uses, just sitting there and staring up at the façade of his old high school until his phone starts ringing in the silence, making him jump startled. He pulls out his phone and looks at the screen. A smile tugs at his lips as a name flashes on the screen and he presses the answer button, bringing it to his ear.

 

“Hello, Harry,” he greets, settling back in his car a little.

 

“Niall,” his childhood best friend’s voice booms out from the other side, Niall can hear the chatter and laughter in the background; his insides squirm. “I thought you’d said you’re coming? Don’t tell me you got cold feet. Everyone’s here and asking for you.”

 

Niall swallows around the lump in his throat and he fingers the buttons of his car, taking his sweet time to reply. 

 

“Is he there?” he hears himself ask, and he swears, it hadn’t been what he wanted to ask but it had been in the back of his mind ever since he received the invitation a couple of months ago. Ever since he got that invitation to the 10-years re-union of his high school graduating class, it had been nagging his mind; _would he be there? and if so, would it mean anything?_

 

There’s a pause on the other end and for a moment, Niall thinks there isn’t anyone on the other side, but then Harry speaks.

 

“Niall,” it is said with somewhat a sigh, somewhat a sympathetic tone and Niall feels himself shrink. “The question is, does it matter? _we_ are here, all your friends and seriously, you have to come now, Orlando and Nikki are together, can you believe that?”

 

Niall releases a soft laugh, he finds it funny, hearing Harry gossiping like that about their old school mates. “No way,” he says, just to amuse him. “I’m serious. You’re on your way, right?” Harry asks, and Niall huffs out a sigh. “I’m already here.”

 

“What? how long you’ve been here?” Harry asks surprised. _half an hour_ , Niall replies mentally but he doesn’t want his friend to find out just how pathetic he is. “Just came,” he lies. “Well, that’s good! Do you want me to get out and get you?”

 

“No! no!” Niall is fast to say. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

 

“Good! I’ll see you then,” Harry says and hangs op. Niall does the same with a deep sigh as he drops his hand from his ear. He looks up at the building and swallows again.

 

*

Niall takes his sweet time walking through the halls of the school, taking the longest way to the hall where the re-union’s first part is held. The halls are dark, and Niall imagines himself, ten years younger, rushing to class, his hair disheveled and books hanging out of his bokbag. He smiles a little sadly. He finds his way to his old locker, and he stops momentarily, just using time running his finger along the freshly-painted metal. He wonders whose books it holds now, what that kid’s history is. he sighs again, leaning his forehead against the cool metal and another series of memories hits him; he and his friends standing against the locker, gossiping like girls about the people that pass them by and a single, vague image of a dark-haired boy kissing him against it flickers through his mind. Niall’s jaw clenches slightly, and he pushes himself away.

 

*

Unable to put it out for any longer - and Harry is persistently calling his phone - he pushes through the double doors of the gymnasium and stills just inside, taking everything in. He recognizes his old classmate immediately and the one’s who he hadn’t had class with, they’ve all changed, some have put on some weight, others have lost some weight and hair, some looks almost the same while others looks a lot older than just 28.

 

His eyes automatically searches for familiar raven hair but it doesn’t reach long before it falls on his friends. Liam, Louis and Harry all see him at the same time, they beam and rush over to him immediately. 

 

“Niall! I thought you drove back to the airport or something!” Harry says, his curls a wild mop on top of his head though slightly more tamed. He pulls Niall in for one good hug and kisses him on both cheeks.

 

“Niall! it’s been months!” Louis says, his eyes crinkling as he push Harry out of the way to give Niall a hug of his own.

 

“Niall, good to see you, mate,” Liam smiles warmly and hugs him as well.

 

“How are you guys?” Niall asks, wide smile on his lips, the current mission at hand forgotten for the moment as he feels a pleasant, vibrant and bubbling happiness at being reunited with his friends.

 

“Good! Good! Now tell me about yourself! How are you doing in Singapore?” Louis says, slinging an arm around his shoulder and leading him deeper into the chatting crowd.

 

*

He isn’t there.

 

Niall discovers that in- between catching up with old classmates. Liam and Danielle found their way back together after they finished college and now, Danielle is expecting their first child, her belly bursting and her face glowing bright. Harry has his beautiful fiancé of three years with him, Ivy Blade, who he is going to marry this spring. Louis has just went through a particularly nasty break-up with his off-and-on girlfriend but he seems pretty sure they’ll be back together by the end of the week (Niall is pretty sure that isn’t healthy, but hey, he shouldn’t be talking, should he?)

 

Chad is there though. He is just as loud and brash as Niall remembers him and he pulls Niall into a crushing hug, blabbering about how much he’s missed seeing his face. Niall waits for him to bring _him_ up, but he doesn’t and it just floats in the air between them as they both tip-toe around it; waiting for the other to say something first. In the end, either of them gets to say anything as Niall is pulled away by Louis.

 

The crowd is just about to get ready to leave for the after-party in some kind of fancy restaurant/bar - or at least those who hasn’t a kid back home to get back to or some other important business - when the double doors swings open.

 

Niall turns around and sees him walk in.

 

And just like that, Niall feels like his heart is in his throat and he feels like he’s seventeen all over again. He’s a tiny bit different from the last time he saw him - three years ago - his hair is cut shorter, he has grown a small beard. By his side, is a beautiful young woman, blond hair and blue eyes. As Niall feels his heart deflate in his chest, he hears the skitters of curious murmurs going through a group of women nearby.

 

Zayn finds him in the crowd immediately, but he’s always been good at finding him, hasn’t he? their eyes meet and the world stills for a moment or maybe just Niall’s world. He ceases to breathe and looks into those eyes, those amber eyes and he just can’t fucking believe that, they still makes him feel the same way it has for a decade now.

 

Niall is the one to break the eye-contact.

 

*

Niall had been planning to take the easy way out and just book a ticket and escape his past. His friends, however, have other other plans and they more or less drag him along to this stupid place. Now he is forced to watch _her_ press up against Zayn’s side, laugh that pretty laugh of hers at something one of the women say. “You’re so lucky, Zayn was completely unreachable back in school,” one of the women gushes and Niall suppresses a snort, turns away and downs his drink.

 

He full on intends on staying here for a little longer then sneaking out once everyone are too busy to watch him and of course, avoid Zayn and _her_ , but fate has never been on his side. he catches them both approaching him and he can do nothing but stand still and tense.

 

“Niall! I thought it was you!” she exclaims once they reach him and he turns around with a stiff smile. “So lovely to see you again!” She says and kisses him and both cheeks.

 

“You too, Perrie,” he says, just as falsely as she. She gives him an almost cynical smile but of course she quickly camouflages it with a sickly sweetly one. She places a hand on Zayn’s arm, and Niall forces himself to look at him.

 

As always, it’s impossible to see what Zayn is thinking, even after all these years.

 

“Niall,” he says, his voice a bit hoarse and he licks his dry lips quickly before averting his eyes.

 

“Zayn,” Niall replies tonelessly. “How have you two been? How is Daisy?” he asks, his heart clincing in his chest, his hand closing tighter around his drink.

 

“Oh, she’s good; healthy and happy!” Perrie replies. “You should come visit us sometime. We would love to have you and I am sure Daisy would be more than pleased to see you again.” he stares at Perrie, all three of them knows that’s one, big lie and she’s saying those things because she fucking _knows_ how much it’s getting at him; he hates that it’s getting at him.

 

He stares at her blankly for a moment and he can just see that sadistic smile beneath all the fake and all the make-up, his eyes flickers to Zayn who is looking to the side, obviously uncomfortable. 

 

“Yeah,” Niall says, voice tense. “I probably should.” _but I never will, but you know that already, don’t you?”_

 

“Great!” she says with fake enthusiasm and flashes a last fake smile before dragging Zayn away. Niall turns around and orders another drink.

 

*

He stares at himself in the restroom mirror, the water he’d splashed on his face is dripping down his chin. He huffs out a sigh and runs a hair through his brown locks. 

 

4 years now.

 

Had it been his fault? Zayn’s? both? For some reason, the whole thing is blurry and vague; everything is dissolved in a cloud of shouting and slamming doors. 

 

Does he regret it?

 

He does. probably will for the rest of his life.

 

The door creaks open and Niall doesn’t look up. Someone enters and when Niall meets Zayn’s eyes in the mirror, he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe. Just stares, and Zayn stares right back. They stand like that for what feels like an eternity but probably is for a few seconds. Zayn looks conflicted, like he isn’t sure if he should talk or walk out. He open his mouth, but Niall doesn’t let him get a word out.

 

He spins around and grabs him by the stupid striped tie he is wearing - probably Perrie’s horrible taste - and Zayn’s eyes widen impossibly as Niall drags him into a stall, throw him up against the opposite wall, locking the stall door behind him.

 

Zayn’s eyes are big and he is breathing heavily as he eyes Niall warily.

 

Niall looks at him for a second, let himself see what he lost, what he let go those years back; just to torture himself a little before he steps forward, closing the distance between them and smashing their lips together with a fervor of someone who’s been starving off something for far too long.

 

Zayn replies immediately. He kisses back with just as much passion, opening his mouth for Niall’s wet tongue and Niall outright moans at the familiar feeling of Zayn’s mouth, remapping every crevice of his mouth. Their kisses are open-mouthed, wet and filthy as fuck but Niall wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

Niall’s fingers are frantic as they push off Zayn’s jacket, popping open the button of his shirt and working on his belt and pants. Zayn groan vibrates in his mouth all the way down to his toes as he works on Niall’s clothes too. They part for air and Zayn mouths at his neck, his collarbone, kissing, licking and leaving lovebites, making Niall throw his head back in pleasure.

 

“Oh god,” Niall growls when Zayn gets a hand down his pants, his hands are large and calloused and so fucking perfect, Niall is sure he’ll come with the first stroke. “This is wrong,” Zayn pants against his ear, even as he is working Niall with his wonderful fingers. He kisses his earlobe, softly, sweetly. “I shouldn’t… _we_ shouldn’t…”

 

“I know,” Niall cuts him off, scraping his teeth down the length of Zayn’s neck, making him shiver, before biting down, leaving a mark; _my Zayn, always mine_ he thinks possessively. “But I want you… so bad.” and it’s more than just a quick shag in the stall but this is all he’ll ever get, so he’ll take it.

 

Niall groans when Zayn switches their position, slamming him up against the door none too gently. Zayn swallows his groan with a heated kiss that leaves Niall breathless and leaking in Zayn’s hand. “God, Niall…” he says. “I wish…I wish…”

 

“No,” Niall whispers, voice raspy. “Don’t. please.” he doesn’t want to think about what could have been. What they both want but never got. It’s too fucking painful. “Please, let’s just pretend…” he begs, tugging in Zayn’s hair. “…let’s just pretend we’re seventeen again and have the world under our feet.”

 

Zayn lets out a shuddering sigh, closing his eyes for a moment.

 

“…but Niall, you know, it’s you…I lo-“

 

“ _No_ ,” Niall cuts him off sharply, because he can’t hear that, not now, not ever. He’ll break into one million unrecognizable pieces and he can’t afford that. not now, not ever.

 

Zayn swallows and nods.

 

“Sorry,” He whispers and kisses Niall on the lips, it’s short, sweet and Niall can taste the apology and the regret and the _Iwish_. The tears stings in his eyes, but he won’t let them fall. 

 

And Zayn tugs his pants down and lifts his leg up.

 

And yeah, maybe they aren’t seventeen anymore, maybe they got their shots but blew them, but they can always pretend and being with Zayn feels right, feels good, makes him feel like a hormone-crazed teenage boy all over again.

 

Zayn makes him feel young, blonde, naïve and …. in love.

 

Maybe they belong together, maybe they don’t

 

But one thing is for sure, fate has other plans and it’ll never be _NiallandZayn_.

 

No matter how much they wish so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, everyone. I did it, I reposted it all despite how lazy I am today. lol. But on a serious note, I will like to give a special shout-out and thank you to the readers who had been there from the beginning, encouraged and motivated me to continue, given me insightful opinions and clever interpretations of each and every chapter. I swear, this story would NEVER turned out the way it did if it wasn't for you; so thank you for staying with me to the last bit. I love this story and it'll always hold a special place in my heart. I think it's the second long-chaptered story I finished. I admit, there has been times when I was writing this story where I was compelled to just give up on it, but you never let me, now, I'm enternally grateful for that.  
> To the new readers who're reading this, thank you for taking time out of your day to read this story and I assume, since you've come this far, that you like it; thank you, thank you, thank you much. 
> 
>  
> 
> Alright, I think I'll cut my sappy end-notes short ;) As many of you may have noticed, this story has been added to a series called 'the one that got away'. Before you get your hopes up, the sequel won't be a story set after the reunion, but it will be a sequel set in Zayn and Niall's college lives in Brooklyn, New York,; the angsty, dramatic, smutty years in brooklyn ;). I have choosen this because I want to write what happened between them and how Perrie came into the picture; you might not want to read it since you already know how it ends, but that doesnt make me want to write it less. I have so much planned for it and maybe, if you're torn about the ending, you should give the sequel a try, it might help you see things in a new way. The sequel will also give a closer insight into Zayn's family as a whole, we'll see more of his father, maybe even catch a glimpse of his mother and of course, nathan is still out there and plotting revenge. All in all, I can't wait to write it.  
> Before you ask, I don't know when exactly the first chapter will be posted. You can subscribe to the series and get an alert sent to your email when I upload it.  
> Also, if there's any specific scenes you want to see in the sequel, then feel free to request it and I'll consider it. (though I won't promise it).
> 
> Anyway, this story has been an emotional rollercoaster for us all. So, why the not ride another one in the sequel? ;)
> 
>  
> 
> PS. I am still not sure what to title the sequel, any ideas? 
> 
>  
> 
> thank you again.
> 
> I love you all to the moon and back. no kidding x
> 
> \- Miraal :3
> 
> PSS. (I don't want to get your hopes up, but there is a chance - keyword: chance - that I'll write a sequel (maybe the college story should be called spin-off? - confused) set after the reunion. see how Niall life is, what he's doing and Zayn's life and maybe - MAYBE - their paths will collide again ;))
> 
>  
> 
> _patience is a virtue - always remember that_
> 
> (and while you wait, check out my other big works; privlege - i'm in the middle of editing and reposting that, it'll also be my main focus - and wrecking ball - i have yet to repost it but I will)
> 
>  
> 
> PSS. I got back into my wattpad account, nevermind the tumblr, it's not my scene.


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